Sunday, 5 July 2015

G-A-Y, Getting Real with Dreams


Gay men and women have come a long way in the equality stakes since I was a schoolboy and young man forced into a cold, dark, closet because gay relationships were a criminal offence here (until 1967). Even so, many gay people around the world remain in that closet because they are growing up in a gay-unfriendly home and/or school and/or work environment.

I am nearly 70 now but well recall dreaming about being openly gay. Making dreams come true, though, is easier said than done; there is nearly always a price to pay. It is invariably a price worth paying, in the longer term at least. In the shorter term, it can take some family members and friends a while to get used to the idea; sadly, of course, some never do.

I often receive emails from gay men and women who seem to think I am living in the Dark Ages and assure me no one has a problem with same sex relationships these days. Where no one has a problem with their relationships, I am very happy for them. Unfortunately, it is not true for everyone. [If 'gays have never had it so good' why is it that many gay men and women continue to marry each other to keep certain family members, so-called 'friends' and religious/community leaders off their backs while pursuing as great a degree of self-fulfillment in sexual relationships as any closet relationship will allow?]

As I have pointed out before, and it is worth repeating, same sex relationships remain a criminal offence in many countries; in some, punishable by death. 

Even where gay relationships are legal, not everyone approves or hesitates to express their contempt, especially when taking certain socio-cultural-religious views into account. While I hope most if not all gay readers will enjoy the blog, it is especially intended to encourage gay boys and girls, men and women to feel  GOOD about themselves where only too often others, even loved ones, remain inclined to despise them for it. (I may have been openly gay for many years now, but recall only too well how that feels.) 

Being gay is not a personal choice, but simply how we are. Our only choice turns on how far we are prepared to admit even to ourselves that we are gay, and what (if anything) we are prepared to do about it. 

No one should be condemned for coming out of the closet; similarly, no one should be condemned  for remaining in it for whatever reason. We all have freedom of choice. Sadly, few of us are always able to choose freely.

Photo by A. B., 2015

G-A-Y, GETTING REAL WITH DREAMS

Moon on still waters,
sky the deepest blue,
no stars to guide me,
only dreams of you…

Moon myths exploring
all shades of sexuality,
calling us out by name,
affirming our humanity

Moon on still waters,
bringing us together,
gay lovers redefining
our happy-ever-after

Moon myths exploring  
human time and space,
saluting its gay history,
boldly marking its place

Moon on still waters,
living, eternal, womb
for the Spirit of Love,
Earth, its lasting tomb

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015


Wednesday, 24 June 2015

G-A-Y, Your Place or Mine...?


As regular readers worldwide will know, I’ve been living with prostate cancer for 5+ years now and am doing OK. Hormone therapy continues to keep my PSA low and the cancer at bay. However, I will be 70 this year and time is not on my side.

One of these days (hopefully not for a good while yet) the Grim Reaper will pay a visit, and my blogs will eventually disappear from the Internet.  Now, the blogs are the only record of my revised poems as well as many others that have not been published and are not included in my collections. I am considering publishing them as e-books to Kindle Direct Publishing. If any blog readers think they might be interested in buying (inexpensive) e-editions, please let me know as the degree of response will determine whether or not I proceed. I would have to open a separate bank account and if the chances of at least breaking even financially are not looking too good, there is no point.

In the past, I have self-published my poetry because no publishers were interested in my gay-interest material which I have always insisted on including. [Why should p[poetry on a gay theme be seen as something quite separate from poetry on any other major theme?) Yes, I have about broken even but, no, I will not be publishing any more print editions.

Should I feel sufficiently encouraged to go ahead, I may well try and publish the serialized novels on my fiction blog to KDP as well. [Incidentally I am still working on Mamelon 2.]:


I don’t allow comments on the blogs because too many people flood blogs with irrelevant, even silly comments, but if you would like to express support, please email me:


A reader recently emailed me in Russian and the translation button would not work. Can he or she please try again as I will always read and respond to emails.

Meanwhile…

For the unattached, cruising bars can be fun, and it can also be the kind of devastating if not drunken experience likely to send a person’s self-esteem into free fall.

The trick is to never stop believing in happy endings whatever happens...or doesn’t happen, as the case may well be.

G-A-Y, YOUR PLACE OR MINE…?

I was in awe of his beauty,
sure he’d want  nothing to do with me
so tried my luck elsewhere

Stood beside him at the bar,
bought him a beer, but he turned his back
(someone else’s luck)

A tipsy queen chatted me up,
followed my line of vision, raised eyebrows
shooting me down

In vain, I tried to block us out
of mind and spirit, self-denial no match
for a body in flames

Couldn’t keep away from him;
white singlet, shorts, a body to die for,
but always busy flirting

No one else firing my fantasies
or even a make-do ‘bird in the hand’ in sight,
just slaves to stereotype

Walked home that lonely night,
too preoccupied with wishful thinking to hear
footsteps catching up with me

Same hair, eyes, lips, body to die for,
but an altogether different, almost shy persona
quietly, earnestly, asking me…

‘Your place or mine…?’

Copyright R. N. Taber 2013



Sunday, 21 June 2015

G-A-Y, Children of the Earth


Now, regular readers will know by now that I have a passion for trees. My all-time favourite tree is the weeping willow about which I have written more than once, especially when writing love poems; beauty and tears (of joy as well as pain)…as good an icon as any for lovers the world over, gay or straight, especially perhaps where they are confronted by this or that socio-cultural-religious divide…?

This poem is a villanelle.

G-A-Y, CHILDREN OF THE EARTH

Earth Mother ever in the know,
willow’s altar candles burning bright
first (gay) kisses long, long ago

The heart, a tear stained pillow
for a love that knows wrong from right,
Earth Mother ever in the know

Songbirds, their blessing bestow,
humankind girding its loins for a fight,
first (gay) kisses long, long ago

As the world’s lovers come and go,
so, too, new songs and poems to write;
Earth Mother ever in the know

Memories, stars on a grassy pillow
forever falling, spreading a haunting light;
first (gay) kisses, long, long ago

Time passes, but its children know
all love but passes into dawn’s leafy light;
Earth Mother ever in the know,
first (gay) kisses long, long ago

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012


Saturday, 20 June 2015

G-A-Y, Love Birds


I am so pleased that straight as well as gay readers have taken to trouble to get in touch to say they have enjoyed my gay novel, Dog Roses, serialized on my fiction blog.  (A love story, but don’t expect roses all the way.)


Thanks also to readers who have been in touch to say they have enjoyed my gay-interest novel Catching Up with Murder despite (or because of?) its frequent forays into shades of dark humour.

You have no idea how encouraged positive feedback makes me feel, especially now while I am learning to live with prostate cancer. By the way, the hormone therapy continues to do a good job of keeping the cancer at bay, but makes me very tired so I need to rest more often. I must also accept certain limitations even if it’s not in my character to do so...!

The book is listed on: 

http://www.amazon.com/  and http://www.amazon.co.uk/ if you feel like giving it a go sometime. Barnes and Noble also stock it and it's also serialized on my fiction blog:


Meanwhile...

I often dream about my late partner. Once, I woke up at dawn, sat down with a cup of tea (oh, but how English!) and wrote this poem.

G-A-Y, LOVE BIRDS

Where bold trees kiss the sky,
we dared fly, you and I,
cage birds freed to fly sunsets,
wish on stars until dawn
when I wake to find you gone,
but the loving goes on

As flowers in spring sunlight
inspire a painter’s heart,
you inspire mine to fly sunsets,
wish on stars until dawn
finds me wishing all alone here
for the loving we’d share

In passing dreams of summer,
we’d always be together,
sons of Apollo flying sunsets,
winging stars into dawn;
now I wake to find you gone,
but the dreaming goes on

Against autumn’s rich tapestry,
we’d plan for eternity,
toss frail mortality into a sunset,
among stars, into dawn;
no hint of a body grown cold,
only kisses of red and gold

Among trees dressed in snow,
you pass and I follow,
quit this lonely body for sunsets
and stars until dawn…
when I wake, and you’re gone,
but the loving goes on

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011







Monday, 1 June 2015

G-A-Y, Reconstructing the Here and Now


Regular readers will be aware that this blog is meant for everyone; those who have yet to explore their sexuality or remain closet (whatever their reasons) as well as openly gay people.

For any gay man or woman, boy or girl raised in a gay-unfriendly environment, that first kiss from a kindred spirit redefines the person we are as opposed to the person we may well have been encouraged to think we are by well-meaning if ultimately divisive, even destructive socio-cultural-religious ‘mentors’ demanding we always do as they say if not as they (always) do…

G-A-Y, RECONSTRUCTING THE HERE AND NOW

Your fingertips brushing mine;
my whole body quivering
like a leaf in a passing breeze,
as I sense in you an affinity
with such anguish tormenting me
for years

Your knee pressing against mine,
my whole body striving
to yield its secrets like a flower
opening up to sunshine
after spring rain, ultimate drying
of tears

Your hand finding a way into mine;
my whole body longing
to surrender to its consuming heat
as I sense in you an affinity
with such desires so-tormenting me
for years

Your embrace, only half hoped for,
only half expected…
crushing my loneliness into pieces,
joining them together again
to create a whole new picture of love
and peace

Your mouth pressing against mine,
my whole body exploding
its shame and self-consciousness
like a wild puffball flower
fair fragmented into oblivion on our 
quick breaths

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Sunday, 17 May 2015

G-A-Y, A Sense of Spirituality OR Love, A Common Bond


Human beings are inclined to divide rather than unite, but isn’t love a common bond, and one we would do well to acknowledge rather than be persuaded to pursue the politics of division by various socio-cultural-religious forces that so like to dominate for domination’s sake…?

G-A-Y, A SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY or LOVE, A COMMON BOND

Down by the river,
where kingfishers fly,
I lay with my lover
one joyful summer’s day,
passing clouds
parting for kisses
from fair Apollo,
as if reaffirming our faith
in peace, love,
and a native integrity,
nor necessarily less so
for being gay

Down by the river,
where music fills the air,
I kissed my gay lover
under eaves of a willow tree,
its leaves shimmering
like stained glass windows
as if Earth Mother
restoring Apollo’s church
to the likes of us
to worship at the altar
of passion and rediscover
its spirituality

Down by the river
summer flowers fill the air
with perfumes
conspiring to fill our church
with all the colours,
smells, sounds of love
and a peace of mind
that Earth Mother would have
a common humanity
bring to bear on each other
whatever our ethnicity, creed
sex or sexuality

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015 

Saturday, 25 April 2015

The Road OR G-A-Y, At Apollo's Call

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Regular readers will know that I am not a religious person although I like to think I have a strong sense of spirituality that I found in nature long ago. (Why should religion have a monopoly on spirituality, anyway?)

There have been many times in my life when I have been close to despair, and nature has saved me.

No coincidence then, perhaps, that the mythical god, Apollo, was reputed to have been bisexual and sunshine is to nature as love is to life…

THE ROAD or G-A-Y, AT APOLLO'S CALL

On the road

Spirit of life draining
from me,
I lay down by a tree,
let its branches
lift me free of the earth,
sail me on leaves
through time and space
to another place
where love and peace
are no sad dreams,
joys of hope running free
for all to see

On the road

Weary leaves unable
to sustain me,
returning me to earth
(nor gently)
as autumn descending
into winter,
my life ebbing away
into a stream
of misty consciousness,
happiness a blur,
(so near, yet, oh, so far)
my way unclear

On the road

Sun, suddenly shining
calling on the tree
to do the right thing
by me,
heed Apollo’s calling,
buds awakening,
new life shaping ways
of restoring
all weariness to vigour,
defeating despair,
defying the human spirit
to turn a deaf ear

On the road

Climbing a stairway
of sunbeams
on wings of a prayer
that you’ll still
be there, waiting
in a heaven
of our own making,
Earth Mother
at our side, fair Apollo
for a guide,
urging us seize the day
for being gay

On the road

I had not flown far,
spirits of love
and peace at my heels,
when I saw you
waiting at the next bend
where I fell
into arms open wide
like the branches
of a tree, restoring me
to life,
and bringing us together
forever

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015