Today’s poem has appeared twice on the blog before; the last time in September 2010. I am posting it today by way of my reply to the reader who contacted me to ask how I could ever expect to square spiritual with sexual identity. How can I talk about having a strong sense of spirituality, he demands, when I am committing a sin against God simply by being gay? Well, as I have said before, and almost certainly will again, religion does not have a monopoly on spirituality.
Sex can be a very spiritual experience. Gay or straight, I have always believed that those for whom it is only ever a purely physical act and prefer to skip the deeper intimacy of foreplay and romance are missing out.
Now, no one ever forgets their first lovemaking, but for gay people, especially gay men, it marks a dash for freedom from the damn closet, that prison of conscience which various offensive stereotypes have imposed on us for years.
Oh, the stereotypes won’t suddenly disappear, but after that first baptism of fire, we can fight them (if only inwardly where going public can mean persecution or worse) with confidence and reassurance, no longer either scared or ashamed of our sexual identity.
BAPTISM OF FIRE
Eyes closed, wishing my fear away,
warmth of your skin, taste of your mouth,
touch of your hands, oh, so eagerly
exploring my sex, making me wonder
if it is me you see, desire…
or could it be just anyone lying here,
available to quench the fires
of a passion I feel burning us both up
as we entwine, embrace, frantically;
I cannot help but wonder if our desperation
is but a lie, a mere cover for the need
to satisfy an anxious physicality? It is you
I want, crave, long to enter me, join me
to you as with a ring I’d thee wed but cannot
so, instead, must be content
with this expression of a love unblessed
for society’s native unwillingness
to understand; hurting me more, far more
than throb and thrust, throb and thrust,
rising to a climax even as fear continues
to flood my mind, heart, every nuance
of my being here with you, wishing, wanting,
wondering…
Suddenly, we are done yet still together
as one, drawing on each other’s breath, smell,
a closeness as of children in the womb
listening to parents laughing, crying, singing,
just for being together, their love-making
answer to a prayer that we’re wanted
and loved, for who we are, nor am I afraid
any more because now I know for sure,
beyond all reasonable doubt, you love me
as I love you and the world can take
or leave us as it will
Lick of your tongue at the lobe of my ear filling
my senses, heart, soul far, far more
than sexuality’s response to even as glorious
a physicality as this, acknowledging
love’s spirituality a truism, this wetness
of your tongue, a baptism
[From: A Feeling For The Quickness Of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]
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