I wrote the original draft of today’s poem years ago, and it still pumps new life into this ole dog now and then when his tail starts to droop...
COCKTAIL
You smiled at me. I looked away,
(my companion had already noticed,
warned me you were gay) tried
to ignore an invitation in your eyes
I couldn’t help but read, longing
to respond with unrestrained delight,
but family and friends all thought
I was straight
You edged closer. I tried to follow
my companion’s lively conversation,
nod and smile in the right places
while keeping an appreciative eye
on contours of your body running
true for someone who’s working out
regularly, full lips blowing
kisses at me
My companion glared at you, even
suggested we leave, find another bar,
where our private space would not
be intruded upon by the likes of some
openly gay man claming the right
to make a play for just about anyone
who might take his fancy
(in this case, me)
You leaned across me at the bar,
an erotic cocktail of breath on my lips
demanding I rub a tingling calf
oh, so, subtly against your tight jeans
nor did I pull away a hand on the bar
you brushed with yours, my companion
hastily downing his beer, insisting
we get out of there
I finally met your searching look,
let you read me through and through,
closed book though I had been
for years, recipient of a prejudice fed me
by the less enlightened among us
who prefer to see home truths buried
under a heap of lies, if only to secure
outrageous stereotypes
You took your drink, moved away
and turned your back on me, but not
before you mouthed the invitation
your twinkling eyes had been so keen
to pass on from the start. I fought
in vain to give my companion my full
attention and resist a frantic tugging
at my heart
Suddenly, I did what I’d wanted to do
for years and threw caution
to the wind, saw that peace of mind
would elude me forever and a day
until I not only accepted that I am gay
but refused to hide away, let family
and friends see the whole of me
unashamedly
A bemused companion wishing me well,
I went to tell you I fancied you like hell
Copyright R. N. Taber 1982; 2009
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