Winter Wonderland

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

.We should never underestimate the lasting power of true friendship. Yes, some so-called friends are shallow and easily offended, especially when they are nursing a hurt ego, while others may well need time to understand that a hurt ego needs nursing back to health, and not left to fester. (Yes, I know I have said much the same thing many times on my blogs, but, something worth saying is always worth repeating.)

It can come as a shock to some family members and friends when a gay man or woman flings open his or her dark closet and lets in the sunlight. Sunlight can be blinding sometimes.

Years ago, when I was just a boy at school, a teacher asked why I had fallen out with my best friend. I can’t remember over what we had argued, but I do recall it was something that seemed important at the time, but with hindsight was trivial. The teacher made a comment I have never forgotten, to the effect that a friendship worth having is always worth saving, whatever it takes.

Over the years, I have fallen out with lots of people for various reasons (as most if not all of us do) and I always ask myself this question, does it really matter?  Sometimes, the answer is an unequivocal ‘yes’ in which case I will always do my best to patch things up with that person.  Where the friendship is strong, I always succeed, and if it means swallowing a little pride, it has always been worth it.

I guess there is nothing like falling out with someone to make us realise whether or not we really want that person in our life. If we do, we just have to hope they feel the same way, and wherever the friendship runs true, an olive branch will (nearly) always do the trick. Someone, though, has to make the first move...

WINTER WONDERLAND

The first snow of winter falling,
as I walked in woods alone,
I heard a familiar voice calling,
asking where I had gone

I'd seen nothing of you for ages,
since we’d argued one day
over filling time’s blank pages
with graffiti for my being gay

Suddenly, I heard a robin making
the case for your defence, 
our friendship up for the saving,
no matter what odds against

You said I should have been open
about my being gay;
I'd raged, hurt by your reaction,
ignoring all you had to say  

Calmer as the snow began settling,
(my feet, minds of their own)
I faced demons I’d been wrestling,
resolved to put them down

At your front door, I rang the bell,
wondering if you’d answer;
when you did, a big hug said it all,
the best of friends forever

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2015

Open to Question

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi everyone. Hope you like today’s poem. Some blog readers contact me via the comments button, but I do not post comments, good or bad. Please include an email address if you want me to reply. (I love to hear from blog readers worldwide.)

Body language says it all...but is easily misunderstood, too, so you have to get it right .

Oh, but who has not been there, sitting at a bar, cafe, wherever... alone, glancing around...wishing and hoping ..? 

OPEN TO QUESTION

He looked at me, smiled,

made my day,

and I could only wonder.

is he gay...?

He was with a friend

chatting away,

and I could only wonder,

is he gay...?

I smiled back uncertainly,

wistfully, shy;

was it just a friendly smile

or…why?

He did not look at me again,

my fantasy guy,

leaving me to but wonder,

can a smile lie?

They left, these two friends

I ordered  a beer,

thinking how life is a bitch,

my way unclear…

Man with the Smile returned

on his own,

grabbed a bar stool by mine,

tossed me a grin

The way his eyes engaged me,

made my day,

and I did not have to wonder,

is he gay...?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Destination, Now-or-Never

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

More than one person I know (gay, straight, male and female) has confessed to wet dreams about a stranger they have seen on a train time and again, but to whom they have never found the nerve say a word…

'With love and patience, nothing is impossible.' - Daisaku Ikeda

DESTINATION, NOW-OR-NEVER

We’d catch the same train

to work, and (more often than not)

the same train home again,

alighting at the very same station,

and I didn’t dare say a word

lest my voice betray the extent

of my growing attraction

to his looks, smile, even the way

he would idly play

with his necktie while gazing out

at the world rushing by,

(unmoved by our leaving it behind)

a frantic desire in me 

that we share an impossible dream

of incredible intimacy

One wintry evening, snowing,

trains running late so we had to wait

on the station concourse,

eagerly watching out for signs of life

on the departure board,

and he stood by me, commenting

on the inability of trains

to run to schedule at the first hint

of weather like this,

and we chatted together like friends,

me, weak at the knees,

dreading the moment (all to soon)

making us strangers again,

and I would be left feeling even more

hopeless, helpless, alone 

Suddenly, he's suggesting

we might go for a coffee while waiting

for the running-late train,

and I can hardly believe my own ears

or manage a silly grin

before we're on our way, small talk

order of the day

but more than enough for me just to be

in his company, flying high

on his voice, his smile, everything

about him taking me 

where we dreamers fear being woken

at some reality check

throwing us into freefall for despairing

of love’s hurt garden

Over coffee, I continued to fly

on his every word, timbre of a voice

making my spine tingle

as I wondered if he was single, attached,

married, with a partner,

bi-curious, even gay, although no idea

how to ask so said nothing,

feeding on our small talk as a sparrow  

might on garden crumbs

after a heavy snowfall, wanting to live,

needing to survive,

mind-body-spirit on the same autopilot  

that would have us on the run

from scary unfamiliar circumstances  

outside our comfort zone 

We exchanged first names,

and a few (irrelevant) personal details

before an announcement

over the tannoy, our train arriving soon,

time to be on our way;

it was now or never, and I blurted out

how I liked him a lot,

hoped we might be friends, inviting him

to make himself at home

in that place beyond words and temporality 

where sexuality takes us,

plucking heart from sleeve, refusing

to (ever) let us go free

until we agree to keep it safe, nurture

through season after season

He suggested with a cheeky grin

that we start over, have another coffee, 

catch another train,

idly playing with his necktie, confiding

I was an unknown quantity

and he'd, oh, so wanted to know more, 

but mind-body-spirit 

had been too shy to ask for fear of breaking

the spell I had him under,

leading him to imagine us together

ultimately, intimately;

any last minute doubts abandoned me 

to a high, the more so 

for we two having ghosted such dreams

as we'd  thought impossible

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015; rev. 2020

What-a-Mess

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A reader once emailed me to say he or she found it “disturbing if not offensive” that my poetry collections include poems on a gay theme.

What can I say? Our sexuality is only a part - albeit an integral one - of who we are. There is more to us all, gay or straight, than our sexulity. Do we ignore the rest? Of course not, yet I have noticed that once a straight person knows I am gay, many are inclined to look no further. 

We should take poems - like people - as we find them, surely? By all means, be critical…but not judgemental. We might even try to learn if not always take pleasure from them. Besides general and gay-interest poetry simply reflect different (but not separate) voices of the same genre; similarly, whatever our ethnicity, creed, sex or sexuality, we comprise the same human race. 

Well, don't we...?

WHAT-A-MESS

I’m gay, okay? That’s me,
so take it or leave it, love me,
make time for a chat (world
to rights, tit-for-tat) or let me be;
all in the same boat, none of us
the better, worse, wiser, less able 
than anyone else to explain
where common sense has gone
in respecting other points of view
since acknowledged human

I mean to say, society's a mess
without gay folks driving home
the point, must be something 
in who shouts the louder gets heard
the sooner (if not listened to)
no one else finding an ear, unless 
they so happen to be fighting 
some politically sensitive corner, 
given that all's fair in love and war
notwithstanding glaring errors

Better we do our own thing
and go our own ways, no matter
our 'betters' enjoy the benefit
of their field days, closing ranks
for doing their well-meaning
best or worst by whatever colour, 
creed, sexuality or our station
in life who would but stay true
to ourselves and each other if only
to keep body and soul together

Whatever anyone else may say
or do, 1+ 1 one will always make
the two of us, though a precious
humanity get it wrong, preferring
to do certain sums differently,
inclined to forget just how much 
diversity contributes to Society
except when needs must tap into
its voting power, take us all for fools
for believing it's got its sums right

Copyright R. N.Taber 2004; 2018

[Note: An earlier version of this poem was published under the title 'One to One' in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004]