http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
Regular readers will already have some idea how my father was jealous of anyone who - as he saw it - came between him and my mother. That included his children. It was one reason he and I had an appalling relationship from my early childhood into adulthood that never improved.
My mother fretted about my relationship with my father. In latter years, she told me not to tell my father or brother I was gay as it would only make things worse. [If they guessed, I daresay I will never know as my father died in 1985 and my brother and I have been estranged since that year also]. We were never a close family although my mother liked to think so.
My mother’s anxiety regarding my sexuality dragged on my nerves and conscience for years. It was not until a few years after her death (in 1976 ) that I finally came out as a gay man and stayed out (I had been selectively in and out, here and there like a jack-in-the-box for years).
Much as I still miss my mother - a remarkable woman in many ways and to whom I was very close - it was (and still is) a good feeling to be free of all that parental anxt. I have always envied families who are close and where, in spite of whatever differences individual members might have with each other, mutual love and respect will always win through.
Most parents want the best for their children but should remember and respect the fact that their children might have different ideas as to what is best for them.
It is a wise parent who will let a child find his or her own way in life while letting them know their love is unconditional. They should not impose their own desires and/ or go the way of emotional blackmail as many do. Parents should be role models and mentors, not jailers (intentionally or otherwise). The latter is nothing less than a form of mental cruelty…from which the scars are slow to heal and some never do.
Family ties should be a joy, not a ball and chain.
This poem is a villanelle.
FAMILY TIES
How I long to be free
(in a world usurping Nature's crown)
of maternal anxiety
And I would assuage paternity
though not for me, ambition's clown.
How I long to be free!
I seek good company
to lift the heart, ease the kindly frown
of maternal anxiety.
A gay inspiration fills me
(or in paternal conflict, surely drown)
How I long to be free!
Father, will you walk with me?
Any jealousy (just for once) no clone
of maternal anxiety…
What matter, the stains of history
on a much cherished christening gown?
How I long to be free
of maternal anxiety...
Copyright R. N. Taber, 2000; 2018
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised (5th stanza) since first appearing in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000; poetic licence with the use of 'clone'.]
Regular readers will already have some idea how my father was jealous of anyone who - as he saw it - came between him and my mother. That included his children. It was one reason he and I had an appalling relationship from my early childhood into adulthood that never improved.
My mother fretted about my relationship with my father. In latter years, she told me not to tell my father or brother I was gay as it would only make things worse. [If they guessed, I daresay I will never know as my father died in 1985 and my brother and I have been estranged since that year also]. We were never a close family although my mother liked to think so.
My mother’s anxiety regarding my sexuality dragged on my nerves and conscience for years. It was not until a few years after her death (in 1976 ) that I finally came out as a gay man and stayed out (I had been selectively in and out, here and there like a jack-in-the-box for years).
Much as I still miss my mother - a remarkable woman in many ways and to whom I was very close - it was (and still is) a good feeling to be free of all that parental anxt. I have always envied families who are close and where, in spite of whatever differences individual members might have with each other, mutual love and respect will always win through.
Most parents want the best for their children but should remember and respect the fact that their children might have different ideas as to what is best for them.
It is a wise parent who will let a child find his or her own way in life while letting them know their love is unconditional. They should not impose their own desires and/ or go the way of emotional blackmail as many do. Parents should be role models and mentors, not jailers (intentionally or otherwise). The latter is nothing less than a form of mental cruelty…from which the scars are slow to heal and some never do.
Family ties should be a joy, not a ball and chain.
This poem is a villanelle.
FAMILY TIES
How I long to be free
(in a world usurping Nature's crown)
of maternal anxiety
And I would assuage paternity
though not for me, ambition's clown.
How I long to be free!
I seek good company
to lift the heart, ease the kindly frown
of maternal anxiety.
A gay inspiration fills me
(or in paternal conflict, surely drown)
How I long to be free!
Father, will you walk with me?
Any jealousy (just for once) no clone
of maternal anxiety…
What matter, the stains of history
on a much cherished christening gown?
How I long to be free
of maternal anxiety...
Copyright R. N. Taber, 2000; 2018
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised (5th stanza) since first appearing in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000; poetic licence with the use of 'clone'.]
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