The 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month marked the end of the First World War. It was meant to be the war to end all wars but of course it wasn’t…
Gay men and women fight wars too.
TIME AND AGAIN
Time and again, lights go out
all over the world;
Time and again, brave men
and women risk all…to
turn them back on
Time and again, the dogs of war
tear into the world;
Time and again, skilled men
and women dare…to
attempt repair
Time and again, bringers of peace
promise us eternity;
Time and again, fine men
and women give all…to
see us through
Time and again, broken promises
litter the earth;
Time and again, sons and daughters,
friends and neighbours…will
pick up the pieces
Time and again, we’ll give thanks
all over the world;
Time and again, our brave men
and women must wish…we
would try harder
[From: Accomplices To Illusion by R. N. Taber, 2007]
Wednesday 11 November 2009
Wednesday 26 August 2009
Family Ties
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
Regular readers will already have some idea how my father was jealous of anyone who - as he saw it - came between him and my mother. That included his children. It was one reason he and I had an appalling relationship from my early childhood into adulthood that never improved.
My mother fretted about my relationship with my father. In latter years, she told me not to tell my father or brother I was gay as it would only make things worse. [If they guessed, I daresay I will never know as my father died in 1985 and my brother and I have been estranged since that year also]. We were never a close family although my mother liked to think so.
My mother’s anxiety regarding my sexuality dragged on my nerves and conscience for years. It was not until a few years after her death (in 1976 ) that I finally came out as a gay man and stayed out (I had been selectively in and out, here and there like a jack-in-the-box for years).
Much as I still miss my mother - a remarkable woman in many ways and to whom I was very close - it was (and still is) a good feeling to be free of all that parental anxt. I have always envied families who are close and where, in spite of whatever differences individual members might have with each other, mutual love and respect will always win through.
Most parents want the best for their children but should remember and respect the fact that their children might have different ideas as to what is best for them.
It is a wise parent who will let a child find his or her own way in life while letting them know their love is unconditional. They should not impose their own desires and/ or go the way of emotional blackmail as many do. Parents should be role models and mentors, not jailers (intentionally or otherwise). The latter is nothing less than a form of mental cruelty…from which the scars are slow to heal and some never do.
Family ties should be a joy, not a ball and chain.
This poem is a villanelle.
FAMILY TIES
How I long to be free
(in a world usurping Nature's crown)
of maternal anxiety
And I would assuage paternity
though not for me, ambition's clown.
How I long to be free!
I seek good company
to lift the heart, ease the kindly frown
of maternal anxiety.
A gay inspiration fills me
(or in paternal conflict, surely drown)
How I long to be free!
Father, will you walk with me?
Any jealousy (just for once) no clone
of maternal anxiety…
What matter, the stains of history
on a much cherished christening gown?
How I long to be free
of maternal anxiety...
Copyright R. N. Taber, 2000; 2018
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised (5th stanza) since first appearing in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000; poetic licence with the use of 'clone'.]
Regular readers will already have some idea how my father was jealous of anyone who - as he saw it - came between him and my mother. That included his children. It was one reason he and I had an appalling relationship from my early childhood into adulthood that never improved.
My mother fretted about my relationship with my father. In latter years, she told me not to tell my father or brother I was gay as it would only make things worse. [If they guessed, I daresay I will never know as my father died in 1985 and my brother and I have been estranged since that year also]. We were never a close family although my mother liked to think so.
My mother’s anxiety regarding my sexuality dragged on my nerves and conscience for years. It was not until a few years after her death (in 1976 ) that I finally came out as a gay man and stayed out (I had been selectively in and out, here and there like a jack-in-the-box for years).
Much as I still miss my mother - a remarkable woman in many ways and to whom I was very close - it was (and still is) a good feeling to be free of all that parental anxt. I have always envied families who are close and where, in spite of whatever differences individual members might have with each other, mutual love and respect will always win through.
Most parents want the best for their children but should remember and respect the fact that their children might have different ideas as to what is best for them.
It is a wise parent who will let a child find his or her own way in life while letting them know their love is unconditional. They should not impose their own desires and/ or go the way of emotional blackmail as many do. Parents should be role models and mentors, not jailers (intentionally or otherwise). The latter is nothing less than a form of mental cruelty…from which the scars are slow to heal and some never do.
Family ties should be a joy, not a ball and chain.
This poem is a villanelle.
FAMILY TIES
How I long to be free
(in a world usurping Nature's crown)
of maternal anxiety
And I would assuage paternity
though not for me, ambition's clown.
How I long to be free!
I seek good company
to lift the heart, ease the kindly frown
of maternal anxiety.
A gay inspiration fills me
(or in paternal conflict, surely drown)
How I long to be free!
Father, will you walk with me?
Any jealousy (just for once) no clone
of maternal anxiety…
What matter, the stains of history
on a much cherished christening gown?
How I long to be free
of maternal anxiety...
Copyright R. N. Taber, 2000; 2018
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised (5th stanza) since first appearing in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000; poetic licence with the use of 'clone'.]
Sunday 1 February 2009
Carpe Diem
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
[Update June 4th 2017] Last night there was another terror attack in London. Our hearts go out to survivors and the families and friends of all those affected by the awful events in the London Bridge area, The words Carpe Diem take on a even greater significance in the light of terror attacks around the world. Seize the Day, indeed. We cannot let terrorists dictate our way of life. On the contrary, we must not only get on with our lives according to our various needs and aspirations, but also treasure every moment of being able to do so while taking nothing and no one for granted..] RT
From time to time people - including teachers - ask for a poem (on various social themes) and I try to oblige. This autobiographical piece one was written for a teacher who has asked for something "not too complicated” (they always say that) for a class discussion about gay issues.
True, the title might be 'complicated' for some young people but I think it is well worth taking a few minutes to explain. I will probably include the poem in my next collection - On The Battlefields Of Love - scheduled for publication in 2010.
[Note: Any readers who may wish to use any of my poems in any public arena – including a classroom – should contact me first: rogertab@aol.com [I rarely refuse permission but you are in breach of copyright if you go ahead without it. Besides, I like to keep track of when and where my poems are used in whatever context. Feedback, too, is always welcome; opinions good or bad, although it is always good to hear from readers on any subject even if they just want to say hello.]
CARPE DIEM
Growing up gay was a tough scene
(criminalised for years)
and when I came out in the open
made to run a gamut of tears
My mother, an open-minded woman,
tried to meet me halfway,
but even she said I should tell no one
I thought I was (not am) gay
I did as my mother asked, kept quiet
about my emerging sexuality,
mind, body and spirit ripped apart
by conflicting views of morality
Although my mother’s death a blow,
it also set me free;
no reason now why none should know
how I saw myself, the real me
Some people appeared not to mind
but a look in their eyes
suggested they were but resigned
to putting on a front, telling lies
Other people were downright hostile
but at least I knew where I stood,
wouldn’t win them over with a smile
but maybe a well-chosen word?
I care what people think, of course I do
and take note of what they say
but far more important is staying true
to the real me, its seizing every day
Copyright R. N. Taber 2009
[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]
[Update June 4th 2017] Last night there was another terror attack in London. Our hearts go out to survivors and the families and friends of all those affected by the awful events in the London Bridge area, The words Carpe Diem take on a even greater significance in the light of terror attacks around the world. Seize the Day, indeed. We cannot let terrorists dictate our way of life. On the contrary, we must not only get on with our lives according to our various needs and aspirations, but also treasure every moment of being able to do so while taking nothing and no one for granted..] RT
From time to time people - including teachers - ask for a poem (on various social themes) and I try to oblige. This autobiographical piece one was written for a teacher who has asked for something "not too complicated” (they always say that) for a class discussion about gay issues.
True, the title might be 'complicated' for some young people but I think it is well worth taking a few minutes to explain. I will probably include the poem in my next collection - On The Battlefields Of Love - scheduled for publication in 2010.
[Note: Any readers who may wish to use any of my poems in any public arena – including a classroom – should contact me first: rogertab@aol.com [I rarely refuse permission but you are in breach of copyright if you go ahead without it. Besides, I like to keep track of when and where my poems are used in whatever context. Feedback, too, is always welcome; opinions good or bad, although it is always good to hear from readers on any subject even if they just want to say hello.]
CARPE DIEM
Growing up gay was a tough scene
(criminalised for years)
and when I came out in the open
made to run a gamut of tears
My mother, an open-minded woman,
tried to meet me halfway,
but even she said I should tell no one
I thought I was (not am) gay
I did as my mother asked, kept quiet
about my emerging sexuality,
mind, body and spirit ripped apart
by conflicting views of morality
Although my mother’s death a blow,
it also set me free;
no reason now why none should know
how I saw myself, the real me
Some people appeared not to mind
but a look in their eyes
suggested they were but resigned
to putting on a front, telling lies
Other people were downright hostile
but at least I knew where I stood,
wouldn’t win them over with a smile
but maybe a well-chosen word?
I care what people think, of course I do
and take note of what they say
but far more important is staying true
to the real me, its seizing every day
Copyright R. N. Taber 2009
[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Eyes Of Desire
As a child, I was very confused. My ‘pitch’ or ‘perceptive’ deafness meant that how well I heard a person depended not only on the pitch of his or her voice but also acoustics. For example, I might hear the same person quite well in one room but hardly at all in another. This led to all kinds of problems. By the time I realised I was gay (in the late 1950s & early 60s when it was still a criminal offence), I was already heading for a nervous breakdown… which happened when I hit thirty.
No hearing aids were available until I was in my 40s. I now I have digital aids and often reflect how different (and better) my life might have been if I’d had them years ago. As for being gay, that isn’t a problem either. Sadly, both being deaf and gay can still be a problem for other people.
I have contributed a memoir ‘Growing Up Deaf & Gay In 1960s Britain’ for an anthology of short articles and poems by deaf-gay writers worldwide called Eyes of Desire 2 edited by Raymond Luczak. [Not on sale in the UK].
EYES OF DESIRE
I cannot hear
nor shall I wish my life away
but sign to you
how we mean more each day
than spoken words
can say
You cannot speak
nor do you wish your life away
but sign to me
how we live more each day
than spoken words
can say
In eyes of desire,
our love rising from the heart
like a fire
in winter, till death us do part
and for its spring we can
but wait
Copyright R. N. Taber 2008
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