Up Against it

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Several new readers appear to disagree with my view that poetry is all-inclusive. One reader comments, "I enjoy and relate to many of the poems on your gay poetry blog archives, but each to his own, surely?  How can an LGBT + person expect to relate to general - i.e. straight  poetry?

Well, I posted the post-poem below on my general poetry blog today and defy any readers to say they cannot relate to it at all.. Being human is what humanity is all about, whoever, wherever we are  and whatever our gender, sexuality, ethnicity, politics, religion...

The main reason I remained in the closet till my 30's is because many people are so hung-up on stereotypes that they don't see the person. It is GOOD that narrow minds are opening up, especially among young people,,, but the same is as true today as it was when I was a young man some 60+ years ago.   

                                                       ***********************

“The fearful unbelief is unbelief in yourself.” - Thomas Carlyle  

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”- James Thurber

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship.” - Louisa May Alcott

“We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays.” - Persius

“Fear makes us feel our humanity.” - Benjamin Disraeli

 Now, overheard in a supermarket: 

1st person:” I am so tired of feeling up against it all the time. First, the pandemic. Now, soaring prices and having to worry about putting food on the table, not to mention keeping a roof over our heads with flexible mortgages hitting the damn ceiling…"

2nd person: "You said it! Half the time, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, any more than our new Prime Minister if you ask me…"

Yours Truly, guilty of earwigging again, yes! But... reassuring to know that other people are feeling much the same as I do… wry bardic grin

Fear of the unknown is hard to contend with at any time, and people are scared. Hospital cases for  Covid-variant  cases are reportedly on the rise again here in the UK and the cost of living crisis is hitting everyone hard, especially low-to-medium earners, among whom those with families to feed and care for are, as always in times of socio-economic crisis, the hardest hit.

As always, there are no easy answers. We can but keep looking on the bright(er) side of life and trust in a return to it sooner rather than later. In the meantime, we have a common responsibility to do our best to rise above the worst - whatever that may be - and carry as many people with us as we can.

As the shoppers went their separate ways, each flung the other a bright smile. However tough the way ahead is looking, best foot forward with a smile to match has to be a good start, yes?

YES. 

I shuffled on, my bad leg as determined to make the best of past-present-future, whatever, as the rest of me…not ready to welcome the Grim Reaper just yet. wry bardic chuckle 

UP AGAINST IT

I may test mind-body-spirit
through its storms,
while continuing to nurture
heart-and-soul,
far more than it seems to either
casual or intimate eye,
even as I am feverishly plotting
against it by way of doing my very best
to deprive my host of rest

I insinuate the weaker aspects
of all humanity, 
until mind-body-spirit feels
comfortable enough
with my presence to take me
almost for granted, all set 
to be led like a lamb to slaughter
yet, without reckoning on the homing call
of its native heart-and-soul

Confidently, I'll feel my way
through such various
calms and rages as mixed feelings
invariably impose,
only to underestimate the skills
of a human spirit
to catch me out, albeit (too) often 
at the last minute, thwarting my endeavours
to leave no survivors…

I am that fear of a darker past-present-future,
for want of care, resilience and nurture

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

You-Me-Us, Reason not the Need

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

“Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.” -Erich Fromm  

"The greatest tragedy of human existence is the illusion of separateness." – Albert Einstein

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." – Carl Jung  

"We must not wish for the disappearance of our troubles but for the grace to transform them." – Simone Weil

Now, as regular readers of either or both poetry blogs will know, I will be 77 years old later this year. As old age continues to takes its toll on various health issues, I often find myself wondering what it has all been for and…why, me?  There are no easy answers, of course. 

The main question has to be, have all the extreme ups and downs been worth it in so far as they have, at least, taught me much and brought be to this Here-and-Now, albeit one with whose pace I am finding it increasingly harder to maintain an appearance of even trying to keep up… wry bardic grin

Well, on reflection, happy memories will always get the better of bad ones; I cannot ‘see’ many of those memories now, but I can still feel them and the joy they generated.

So, yes, on balance, I am glad to be here to tell the tale. Do I deserve to be? Well, let’s face it, I’m biased… wry bardic chuckle. 

Oh, and for the reader who emailed to ask if, by You-Me-Us, I mean human relationships, the short answer is ‘yes’, bearing in mind that we can enjoy a lasting relationship with anything and anyone, at any level, if it feels right; an affinity with people, pets, nature, works of art…

YOU-ME-US, REASON NOT THE NEED

We live to love
and find ways to be happy,
but human nature
does not always concur,
mind-body-spirit
not always able to keep pace
with a heart-and-soul
subject and vulnerable to override 
by its darker side 

Ah, bur humankind
also exists to do its very best
to nurture potential
for seeing mind-body-spirit
shine a light through
any darkness, compensate 
for its mistakes
wherever, whenever and however,
(better late than never)

Yet, Time will seek
to always have its wicked way, 
with You-Me-Us,
regardless of circumstances,
answerable only
to itself, leaving humankind
at the whim
of what some would argue as its fate, 
‘late’ always too late

Time, though rarely
reckons with the positive 
nature of humanity,
its inclination to encourage
better, kinder ways
to rise above negative thoughts
inspiring the worst
in us all, leaving us prey to biased hype
and cruel stereotype

Yes, Time’s no match
for either the sheer resilience
of a common humanity
or the power of human memory
to retain, nurture 
and learn from any misfortune,
no matter the burden,
urging heart-and soul to do its very best
to alleviate the worst

To some, the meaning
of life is a blur, any reasoning
unclear as we pursue
such dreams as everyone enjoys
(win some, lose some);
only heart-and-soul has the true 
measure of us, 
whether we find ourselves united or alone
for … being but human

In whatever keeps heart-and-soul together
lies a joy forever

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[NB: Not a gay-specific poem-post (and also appears on my general poetry blog today) especially for those readers whose email feedback suggests they remain unconvinced that poetry is all-inclusive.] RT

Keeper of the Light

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the same place, so it doesn’t matter which path you take. The only person wasting time is the one who runs around the mountain, telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.” – Hindu Proverb 

“… where Beauty was, nothing ever ran quite straight which, no doubt, which was why so many people looked on it as immoral.” – John Galsworthy

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.” – Walt Whitman 

 “Beauty awakens the soul to act.” Dante Alighieri

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” – John Keats

Now, we all have good and bad memories, but the reason why happier times will always get the better of and rise above the worst is invariably due to an active inner eye and ear focusing on the kinder aspects of heart-and-soul which, by its very nature, will always home in on the positive rather than the negative; the key is, of course to keep focusing on the former, no matter how tough the going may get. 

Yes, sometimes we fail, but where there is life, there always  really is hope… in our hands, be it, no one else’s; any help along the way is always much appreciated, if not always acknowledged at the time....

KEEPER OF THE LIGHT

I see only what I can feel;
though my eyes may well argue
the truth of this,
they cannot win, for the inner eye
sees all that matters
to keep such true faith with me
as exists way beyond
any worldly processes of part or whole
that come to hunt us all

To know me is to love me 
or prove my enemy and yours,
a united front
comprising secret jealousies,
frustrations and rage
that can neither  possess me
nor find an equal
to compare with such mixed a passion
as the poetry of imagination

Hunted, haunted, good-bad
lost and found again, it is I inspires
a greater humanity
to endure, urging all its kind
keep faith with me; 
though Memory’s whim may take us 
here, there, everywhere,
it is for love of me that it can but prevail
for messaging heart-and-soul

I am called Beauty, humanity’s inner eye
on the kinder face of eternity

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Note: This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today. Although feedback suggests that more LGBT readers are dipping into both blogs, feedback makes clear that some share a computer and are not ready to be open about their sexual orientation.]

Love, a Saving Grace

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.” – Jimi Hendrix

“Love recognises no barriers; it jumps hurdles, leaps fences [and] penetrates walls - to arrive at its destination full of hope.” - Maya Angelou

“Where there is love, there is life.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Unable are the loved to die for love is immortality.” – Emily Dickinson

“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we loved deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller

Now, a group of friends in a pub were toasting the late Queen Elizabeth II. I overheard an observer’s caustic comment: “Huh! As if anyone’s death is an excuse for celebration…!” to which their companion responded: “If those left behind don’t celebrate a life that’s been lived and give thanks for their part in it, who will?” to which the other person’s lack of response said volumes, I thought, for the power of silence…

As we all know, love takes many shapes and forms; whatever, its life force in us never dies, gifted as it is to the heart-and-soul.

Nor, I put it to you, is love in one shape or form any the less relevant a life force than another; its inspiration is immeasurable. It is why, perhaps, I think of myself as a Pantheist rather than subscribe  to any conventional religion, whose approaches to love invariably seem to me as more dogma-based than humanitarian. For example, the daughter of the late Desmond Tutu has reportedly been prohibited by the Church of England from leading her godfather's funeral because she is gay, married to a woman.  

LOVE, A SAVING GRACE 

There is a rustling of leaves
in the woods where I’d tread wearily
back bent from carrying
a load, daily, times when I’d long
to escape negative forces
ever closing in on me as if intent
on bringing me down 
under the weight of fears that cannot speak
for thinking of me as weak

Weak, yes, for missing you,
yet stronger, too, for your loving me,
no matter where you are
or where I may be in a world blessed
with love in it enough
to inspire all mind-body-spirit,
even in the absence 
of those upon whom we can always depend,
our own world-without-end

No words can begin to express 
feelings empowering me with such love 
and peace as will see us
survive the worst either skies above
or earth beneath may bring
to bear on You-Me-Us by way of wiles
with which any darker elements
of nature and human nature are only too familiar,
yet be sure they back a loser

Though life, at times, seem a trial and tribulation,
trust the power of love, a sure salvation 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

Getting the Better of Stress

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"Don’t forget, beautiful sunsets need cloudy skies." – Paulo Coelho

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." - Buddha

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed an uncharted land or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." - Helen Keller. 

Now, the pandemic has caused many of us to feel more stressed out than perhaps we quite realise. The death of Queen Elizabeth II has also hit many people harder than they quite realise; a seemingly permanent stable influence proven to be but human.

I have to say that, although no die-hard monarchist, I have been further upset to see and hear about protesters; there is a time and a place, surely? Besides most protests relate to political history. Whatever her private thoughts, the late Queen made a point of distancing herself from politics. She was our Head of State, but in name only. More importantly, she was a Woman of the People. The business of governing is down to the Government of the Day.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the late Queen’s reign was that she remained politically neutral,  leaving the rest of us free to admire her, regardless of our ethnicity, sexuality, religion, politics, whatever...

It has always been my view that any protests, wherever in the world and for whatever reason, belong outside its Head of Government's residence or Parliament. 

As for history...well, that is as it is, for better and for worse; a learning curve  (we hope) for the Here-and-Now and future generations.

Whatever its causes (always more than one) stress is awful while it lasts; one of its more positive side-effects, though, is that we may well start asking ourselves why we feel this way and eventually feel motivated to at least making a start in doing something about it. Confiding in someone, even calling a help-line or, better still, letting loved ones and close friends know how we feel and asking for their help and support is a vital first step.

Once having decided to take that first step, even before we have actually carried it through, is invariably the beginning of the end to our distress.

Doing battle with a contrary self-awareness is never easy…But… needs must... as heart-and-soul message mind-body-spirit to get its act together and... wise up?

GETTING THE BETTER OF STRESS

Common sense, losing its voice,
afraid to ask for aid
for fear of being thought weak,
struggling like hell to exit
a gloomy maze, no clear sense
of direction, what little light
fading with every faltering move, 
unable to pray or even convince myself
tomorrow’s another day…

Sick at heart-and soul, no matter
a mind-body-spirit 
urging me to dismiss the demons
haunting, taunting me,
reminding me of happier times
before drowning them
in a sea of loneliness, any happiness
a lost cause, the too-eager fingers of panic
tightening around my neck…

Deep breaths, hold, let go, repeat,
an exercise in hope 
if ever there was one, attempting 
to regain the advantage
over demons, all shapes and sizes,
while, for all their hell-fire,
no less able than the better part of us
to resist counter-attacks by the warring grin
of anyone up for taking them on

Demons, driving me any which way
but loose, unless I dare
call on such life forces as likely
to get the better of them;
namely, love, friendship, guiding lights
come to help rescue me, 
a spirit of do-or-die more hell-bent
on seeing me find a way to rise above it all
than cover for a demon’s fall

Common sense dead set on going walk-about;
Time yet, though, to give someone a shout...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[NB: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today, repeated here especially for new reader, J. V. who asks, " Why do you add relatively few new poems to your gay blog now?" Well, as I have said many times, when I started out, I had good cause to suspect that few if any heterosexual readers would be interested in a gay man's blog. However, I have made a point of publishing gay-interest poems on both blogs from time to time by way of making the point that poetry is for everyone. I am delighted to say that, latterly, feedback suggests that more readers appear to agree and are now dipping into both blogs.] RT

 

 

Hello again from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Remembrance and reflection, how allied. What thin partitions divides sense from thought.” – Alexander Pope

“We all need to get the balance right between action and reflections. With so many distractions, it is easy to forget to pause and take stock.” – Queen Elizabeth I I

“A Memory is a beautiful thing, it’s almost a desire that you miss.” Gustave Flaubert 

"Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge." - Alice Walker 

Hello again, dear readers, from London, UK,

Sorry, no poem today as I write this post from a UK in mourning for the loss of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth 11 who died at her beloved Balmoral home yesterday. 

To say she was a remarkable woman has to be the understatement of decades. She was poetry in motion, a stable presence in an ever-changing world. Indeed, I suspect that even those of us who never knew or met her, will feel her loss more deeply than they might have expected.

Meanwhile, our condolences and heartfelt good wishes go to the Royal Family as King Charles 111 prepares to take on his mother’s mantle and wear in in a way to make her and this world of our proud. 

For many if not most of us, our journey through life can be tough at times. It is as such times when we need to do as Her late Majesty’s quote above suggests – pause and not only take stock but take heart as well. 

We should never lose sight of the bright(er) side of life; though it may well seem we are peering at it through a thickening fog, be sure the fog will clear and we will feel the light and warmth of the sun on our faces again.

As regular readers will know, I consider myself a pantheist and agree with Frank Lloyd Wright whom I have quoted on the blog before as saying “I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.”

God is Love, God is Nature, a living, permanent presence in us if we choose to let it in and help us on our way through the good, the bad and uglier aspects of the landscape that is life. 

Take care, everyone and many thanks, as always, for dropping by.  In the absence of any new poem-posts, you may enjoy dipping into the archives....?

Thinking of and rooting for you all,

Hugs,

Roger

PS This post also appears on my general poetry blog today, but as feedback suggests that not all LGBT readers dip into it even though poetry is for everyone, regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion or, yes, sexuality. I just wanted to say a special thank you for dropping by and  be sure to nurture a positive-thinking mindset, Don't let any ignorant bigots make you think any less of yourself. I did, once, and endured a lonely closet existence for some years...

Hello again from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” – Robert Frost

“Poetry lifts the veil from the hidden beauty of the world, and makes familiar objects be as if they were not familiar.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley

“Yet, it is true, poetry is delicious; the best prose is that which is most full of poetry.” – Virginia Woolf

“A poet can survive everything but a misprint.” Oscar Wilde 😉

Hello again from London UK,

Sorry, no poem today as I am not well at the moment. I have one in mind, though, so hopefully soon…

I always value reader’s comments and criticism; although I block them on the blogs, I can always  emailed at; rogertab@aol.com. I try to reply to all genuine emails, but please put ‘Poetry’ in the subject field or it may well end up in my spam folder.

Reader C. J. has commented with regard to my latest poem that “…if The Lie is meant to be a kenning, it isn’t because a kenning requires nine nines and a couplet and The Lie has only eight lines…” Many thanks for that, C. J. but it is not intended to be a kenning.  I have every respect for ‘form’ but am inclined to ignore it from time to time. 

Rightly or wrongly, I feel that couplets provide the reader (and poet) with a neat ending as well as helping to make clear what the poem is about and what prompted the writing of it in the first place.

On the subject of form, I should perhaps return to a frequent criticism regarding the absence of a period or full stop at the end of each stanza. I simply feel, as I have always felt since enjoying poetry even as a child, that it interrupts the flow of a poem; what is considered ‘grammatically correct’ is not always in a poet’s interest.

Anyone who has read any of my poetry volumes will know that, at the time, I tried using prepositions at the end of lines further flow; this was a misjudgement on my part which I have not repeated on my poetry blogs. 

C. J. also asks “… what prompted you to start up a gay as well as general poetry blog?”

Well, at the time there was not a lot of gay-interest poetry available. I wasn’t sure if there would be much interest out there. I also lacked self-confidence. A boost to my confidence came when I was privileged to participate in sculptor Antony Gormley’s ‘Live art” One and Other project on the 4th plinth in London’s Trafalgar Square in 2009. It was my first public reading of my own poems and I included some gay poems; the audience below seemed to enjoy it and I went on to give other readings, mostly in public libraries here in London and around the country.

I hope to celebrate my 80th birthday in 2025 by giving a public poetry reading, but having been living with prostate cancer for some years now as well as other health issues that accompany the process of growing old, I am counting no chickens. 

Now, I am hoping to find a publisher for revised editions of my earlier collections. I have had to self-publish in the past because no UK publisher that I approached showed any interest, possibly because I insisted on including gay-interest as well as general poems. However, since the publication of my last collection, Tracking the Torchbearer in 2012, both general and gay poetry blogs have proven popular with readers; according to Blogger statistics, total views for the former now stands at nearly 210,00 and 160,000+ respectively. So, fingers crossed…

Many thanks as always for dropping by, folks,

Take care, stay safe and keep well,

Back again soon with a new poem,

Hugs,

Roger 

[Note: This post also appears on my gay-interest blog today] RT

The Lie OR A Matter of Conscience

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” -  William Shakespeare

If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people. – Virginia Woolf 

“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” Fyodor Dostoevsky

“The worst part about being lied to is knowing you weren’t worth the truth.” Jean-Paul Sartre

Now, I suspect most if not all of us tell lies sometimes, whether to ‘spare’ someone home truths or, more likely, to spare ourselves having to cope with theirs and our own at the same time. Whatever motivates the telling of them can be as deceitful, if not more so, than the lies themselves. 

Living with a lie can be a harsh, lonely environment; such was the closet imposed on me at the ripe old age of 14 years by family, church and a generally homophobic 1950’s before I finally came out as a gay man. There are other closets, of course, and other lies; if the cap fits…?

THE LIE or A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE

Whenever I may try
just to put something right,
you’ll argue with me
one long, dark night till dawn,
and just when I’m sure
I’ve won, a watery sun and birdsong
arrive to prove me wrong

It matters hardly at all
should you colour me white,
for soon forgot,
waiting to catch you out;
if no real harm done,
easy enough to simply shrug me away
if only to nag you another day

It’s who colours me black
or even subtler shades of grey
has the most to fear,
living on the edge of a pit
of snaky half truths
eager to begin, on any slip of the tongue,
a song no swan ever sung

Oh, but I so revel in leading people astray,
anywhere, any time of day... 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

 

An Empathy with Nature (3)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” - George Orwell

“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” -George Washington

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” - Charlotte Brontë

"The moment you say that any idea is sacred, whether it's a religious belief or secular ideology, the moment you declare a set of ideas to be immune from criticism, satire, derision or contempt, freedom of thought becomes impossible. - Salman Rushdie

Now, the recent attempted murder of Sir Salman Rushdie an active supporter of free speech has shocked the free-thinking world

The Indian-born Briton, whose novel The Satanic Verses led to death threats from Iran in the 1980s, was about to deliver a lecture at the Chautauqua Institution in New York state, when his attacker leapt on stage and stabbed him.

Fortunately, it has been reported that Sir Salman is no longer on a ventilator and is able to speak, although it is possible that he may have sustained potentially life-changing injuries as a result of the attack on Friday.  

Free expression and a personal space which embraces a sense of spirituality, whatever our religious or secular beliefs, deserve to be seen as mutually inclusive. I see it as the bottom line in the argument for agreeing to differ, on which most if not all my poetry posts are based

AN EMPATHY WITH NATURE (3)

Humanity is all-embracing
where ‘all’ includes you-me-us 
in any language, culture
and creed, a worthy heads-up 
to freedom of expression
and a sense of no holds barred,
in such walks of life
and corners of an ever-sickening world
where denied the last word

Fear of losing kith and kin,
has never been reason enough
to hide behind any lie
or threat even love may feel
called upon to impose, adopting
a false persona,
for an only-human need to be seen
betraying neither native beliefs nor ideals
incumbent on heart-and-souls

Life was a closet -prison,
no escape, till I found someone
to listen to me
(non-judgementally) sensing
my pain and insecurity
as a human being, no awful stereotype
conjured up by society
to conceal its ignorance, put its shame to rout
for failing LGBT+ folks coming out

I am Redemption, author of my own salvation,
if only for taking the edge off being human 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

An Empathy with Nature (2)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus

“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly he work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces that make it a living thing.” John Stuart Mill

“The temple bell stops, but I still hear the sound coming out of the flowers.” - Matsuo Basho

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is the temple. The philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

The idea or metaphor of the human body as a temple isn’t exclusive to any religion, can also be found in various religious texts. One example is fasting, practiced in order to grow closer to some divine life force by distancing oneself from worldly dependencies, such as food and other pleasures.

Sadly, this very distancing can encourage a degree of separatism within various societies / communities worldwide, where the art of agreeing to differ is more likely to light the flames of aggression than any candles of peace among those members who are (understandably if not always appropriately) more concerned with driving home their own point of view than agreeing to differ. 

Our sexuality is an expression of who, not what we are; for sure, it is not an attack on the temple of the human body since we are born this way; it is not a choice. The only choice is whether or not we feel encouraged to express it and look the world in the eye as we do so.

As regular readers of both my poetry blogs (my fiction blog too) will know, I was in my early 30’s before I finally emerged from the closet that had been my prison since I first realised I was gay at the age of 14 years (during what were overtly homophobic 1950’s here in the UK.).

60+ years on, I’d have hoped for a much kinder world, any perceived ‘differences’ regarding gender, ethnicity, culture or religion seen as making a positive contribution to a common humanity and welcomed as such. It is good to see this happening, especially among young people around the world, many if not most of whom deserve better than the awful prospect of being made to feel rejected - intentionally or not - by kith and kin.

AN EMPATHY WITH NATURE (2)

Some abuse me, say I sin
whose faith would condemn me
to serve a life sentence
or finding my own way, not theirs,
accessing a sense
of spirituality reflecting the real me,
(yes, warts 'n all);
no copycat stereotype, me, for a spirituality
that lets me BE

Consider mind-body-spirit
a temple to life forces, both worldly
and divine? In the latter
we can trust its promises to fulfil,
by way of heart-and-soul in good time;
i any other we can but hope
our judgement not in error, or else
we have but ourselves to blame, no comfort
 in hindsight…

Given life, a learning curve
my kind would do well to climb,
grow wiser to home truths,
give its kinder voices a say for the sake
of a common good,
respect various differences of opinion,
in all corners of society;
no life force has a monopoly on the humanity
that lets us BE 

Call me Sacrilege, in this heaven-and-hell world
where Peace so needs to have the last word…?

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post appears on both my gay and general poetry blogs.] RT

  

Keyword, Pride

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber  

 “What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” - Tennessee Williams

“Love demands expression. It will not stay still, stay silent, be good, be modest, be seen and not heard, no. It will break out in tongues of praise, the high note that smashes the glass and spills the liquid.” — Jeanette Winterson

 “Personally, coming out was one of the most important things I’ve ever done, lifting from my shoulders the millstone of lies that I hadn’t even realized I was carrying.” – Sir Ian McKellan

“I’m living by example by continuing on with my career and having a full, rich life, and I am incidentally gay.” - Portia de Rossi

Now, today celebrates fifty years of Pride, LGBT+ folks defying the prejudices of certain world societies and religions to demonstrate a sense of pride and spirituality in being human, nor any less so for their sexuality.

As as regular readers know, I am in my mid-seventies and, like many others around the world, having to deal with various health issues as well as those that too often accompany the process of growing old(er).  I cope ok(ish), but suspect that I could not have done so had I not eventually seen my way to turning my back on the multiple, offensive faux stereotypes that attempted to define us when I was growing up in the 1950’s. I regret waiting too long to look, the world in the eye as a gay ma, but... better late than never.

Tragically, for various socio-cultural reasons, many LGBT+ folks around the world still feel obliged to endure the appalling loneliness and pain of a closet existence.

Coming out of that closet, made me a better person, but not before it had wrought such psychological damage on me that, even now, continues to inflict such nightmares from time to time as I would not wish on anyone, anywhere.

KEYWORD, PRIDE

Drawn to a bar 
neither gay nor straight,
all-comers welcome,
a pint of beer calling me
I could not ignore,
a growing need for company
at the heart of me

Soon, engaging 
with a stranger, no strangers
for long, but chatting
like old friends, laughing
over trite anecdotes,
welcome respite after a long day,
let slip, I was gay

Misreading his look
of surprise, a sense of déjà vu,
hackles set to rise
but for friendly lips breaking
into a wry, sensual grin,
makings of a non-judgemental,
heart-and soul

“How long?” he asked
quietly, but with as casual an air
as if he'd been asking
if I’d had a good day at the office;
I felt my face turning red,
yet urged to answer the truth of it
by mind-body-spirit

“None of my business,"
it was his turn to admit, “but more
than curious if you get
my drift…?  " I merely shrugged,
ventured a shy grin;
we chatted on, twin passions inviting
mutual understanding

Lovers, exploring a braver new world, 
keyword, Pride…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today] RT

A Place in the Sun

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” –  James  Baldwin

“Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.”  – Harriet Lerner   

“Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.” – William Shakespeare                                                               

Now, in the early 1980’s, I got chatting to a young man slumped on a park bench who, with more than a little encouragement, told me he’d finally got around to telling his Catholic family he was gay; it hadn’t gone down well and he’d been thrown out. 
“I sort of died, you know…I mean to say…I honestly thought they would still love me,” he sobbed
“So where are you living now?” I asked
“With a friend,” he said, “But it’s not working out…”
“So, why not go home?” I suggested, “Your family may feel differently now.”
“As if...! He glared at me as if it was all my fault
.I shrugged and hoped it did not betray a stab of apprehension. “At least you can’t die twice,” I said with a wry grin.
“Maybe,” was all he said before he jumped up and ran off.
Years later, a guy ran across the road, dodging traffic and shouting “Oi, you with the cap on…!
I stopped, not a little panicky. “Are you talking to me?”
“Yeah,” he paused, “You haven’t a clue who I am, have you?” I shook my head.
“Regent’s Park, a good ten years ago…” I remembered.  “You were right.”
“And you risked life and limb to tell me that?” I chuckled, a little nervously, but reassured by his wide grin. 
“That, and to ask if you fancy a beer, my treat?”

I most certainly did., part of me hoping we would stay in touch afterwards, the greater part of me certain we wouldn’t. I was, after all, part of a freefalling emotional landscape he had risen above and moved on. We found a pub, enjoyed a few beers, even hugged when we said our goodbyes.

I've neither seen nor heard from him again, but wish him well, along with all LGBT+ men and women and such families, too, from all walks of life, following whatever religion, who are yet able to agree to differ, if only for the sake of those they love.  

A PLACE IN THE SUN

There is place where the sun
always shines, sometimes watery
sometimes splendidly,
no matter the season or time of day, 
and I go there whenever a need 
to sift through such mixed feelings
as dragging me down,
find reasons to rediscover Apollo’s splendour,
re-engage with Earth Mother

Wandering dark rooms, scared
and feeling so alone, tears refusing
to fall for no other reason
than no reason at all, a robot having lost 
its data due to a malfunction,
humanity all but given up on one 
of its own, yet a heart
beating there as if to remind me I’m but human,
not a mindless machine

Human spirit, anxious to reunite
with mind and body, separation a burden
grown intolerable, life forces
driven to desperate measures, mining memories 
buried under layers of pain,
eventually bringing bare bones of hope
to the surface, looking to recharge
restore, rework a natural process of regeneration
default, ‘live’ imagination

Found, sunshine come to help mend
mind-body-spirit, insisting heart-and-soul
slowly but surely start building
a new life, within much the same frame as the old,
encouraged by Earth Mother
to let such positives back in as refuse to let us 
surrender to self-pity and despair,
but embraces the world for its kinder consciousness,
default, love-and-peace

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RNT

Notes on Real Time

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and makes the present inaccessible. – Maya Angelou

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”- Nelson Mandela

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton

Now, it is great news that professional footballer, Jake Daniels, who plays for Blackpool has told the world he is gay, and at the age of 17 years. 

Wow! He makes cowards of those like me. As regular readers will know, I had realised I am gay by the time I was 14, but was not openly so until my 30’s. My family had their suspicions, of course, but I got the impression they preferred as quiet a life as possible and I wasn't about to open up without some encouragement. Oh, I had my reasons (don’t we all?) but there is no reasoning with our fears; until we at least try to get the better of them, I guess we might as well be living in caves.

Sexuality is not a lifestyle choice but a vital part of who we are, straight, gay, whomsoever; just as others must choose to love or malign us, so, too, must we, ourselves. 

NOTES ON REAL TIME

I hid in a cave, scared
to come out for fear of hunters
enjoying such sport
with the likes of me as would serve
their boasts, see us
roasted on a spit, no reasoning a need
to dance away their years
with adept footwork, admired by one and all,
least access to heart-and-soul

Once, almost caught,
concrete jungle sounding its pursuit
of me with gleeful horn
and harrowing peals of expectation,
like church bells
at a wedding, feeding on as well as into
mixed feelings, under a cover
of joie-de-vivre, no one likely to spoil the fun,
be thought a killjoy by anyone

Finally, grown weary
of dark caves with only untried fears
for poor company,
I gave mind-body-spirit full access
to heart-and-soul,
listened intently to an intense exchange
of rights and wrongs, likely gains
and losses, the former winning (eventually)
for reasoning a need to be free

Who dares braves the worst in dream after dream,
has yet to discover the best of real time

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Needless to say, this post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today for those in the LGBT+ community who cannot or will not agree that poetry is poetry just as people are people...whatever and whosoever.] RT

 

 

A Small World

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it’s a good place to start.” – Jason Collins

Hi folks, sorry, I have been unable to post this poem sooner, but my prostate cancer leaves me with little energy some days, so much so that I am unable even to look on the bright(er) side of life! While I always rally the more positive life forces to my rescue in time, how long it takes them to arrive depends on how soon various other health issues settle down.😉

The poem is based on a fairly recent conversation with a complete stranger with whom I got chatting on a bus while stuck in a traffic jam. It struck a chord with me since, as I have mentioned before on the blog, I once had a schoolboy crush on a prefect at the same school, but was too scared in those days to emerge from my life-sucking closet. It would be half a century later that he’d get in touch after reading this blog and reveal that, even at the time, he, too, was gay. 

Sadly, that was way back in the (very) homophobic 1950’s and he never ventured from the closet they shoved him into, slamming the door after him with the kind of contempt that ignorance continues to breed even in what we would expect to be a more enlightened 21st century.

A SMALL WORLD

It was broad daylight, a watery sun
shedding auras on a local park,
as if determined to resist dark clouds
closing in even as I walked,
eyes wide open, as mind-body-spirit
fought its daily battle,
albeit seemingly poorly armed,
struggling to fend off darker clouds of its own
than in any heaven

I spotted a neighbour I knew, but not well,
reading a book on a nearby seat,
paused, just to say hello, to be greeted
with a smile inviting me
to linger, if only to pass the time of day,
so I did, compelled
by an increasingly darkening mood
to lighten up, conversation invariably a good start
for any human heart

We made small talk, both of us struggling
for something to say besides
wishing potential storm clouds away, sky
taking sides with a sun,
trying to make life a sight better 
for everyone, open invitation
to look on the brighter side of life,
make it more than worth the living, no matter what,
go with mind-body-spirit

Without thinking, I said, “I’m gay, you know."
“No, I didn’t." he said absently,
without turning a hair, surprise registering
in face and voice, that’s all,
no indication his heart-and soul (or mine)
thought any worse of me for it,
but leading him to gently ask questions,
less curious than  interested, no hint of any prejudice
likely to come between us 

Even so, I waited, curious to see just how long
it would take for a storm to break,
relieved to relate how I’d been afraid to say
the words, I’d just dared say,
scarcely believing it hadn’t been as hard
as nightmares had foretold,
my mood shifting for the better, clouds too,
clearing to give the sun a kinder view of the world below,
such as lets its flowers grow

Later, as we parted after agreeing to meet again,
I found the words to thank him
For not minding I’m gay in a world where one
Meets prejudice as often as not,
Mind-body-spirit wary of putting heart-and-soul
In any potential danger,
World politics and religions sowing seeds
of doubt in a vulnerable human nature at every opportunity
to address a ‘common humanity’

“Sorry!”, he laughed, “but I honestly thought you knew,
my brother went to school with you, and he’s gay too…”

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Hi folks, from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.”  - Emily Dickinson

Hi, folks from London UK

Sorry, no poem today, but I am working on a new gay-interest poem that I will post here once completed.

Meanwhile, a friend’s work colleague recently recommended the poems of Richard Bruce Nugent, a gay American writer/painter:   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bruce_Nugent   

I love his poem 'Shadow’: https://poets.org/poem/shadow  At the time, many readers believed the poem was about race, but in a 1983 interview, Nugent explained that, “I intended it to be a soul-searching poem of another kind of lonesomeness, not the lonesomeness of being racially stigmatized, but otherwise stigmatized. You see, I am a homosexual.”

Now, a yet another reader has emailed to ask why “… you only seem to post poems on your general poetry blog these days?” well, sorry about that, but if you explore the blog archives, there are many gay-interest poems there that you may well enjoy; as I have explained before, I don’t enjoy good health these days and my energy levels leave much to be desired. Besides, many of the poems in my other blog have been essentially inspired by my experience of life, not least being an ‘out’ gay man unable to forget the traumatic days of living half a life in the closet.  Indeed, I feel very encouraged by the occasional email from readers who enjoy dipping into both poetry blogs.

The ‘sister of a gay man’ writes that: “My brother is a changed man since he started reading your gay poetry blog, having felt encouraged to let family and friends know he is gay. He is more confident and sociable where, before, he was very withdrawn.” What can I say but many thanks for that… and refer to the Emily Dickinson quote above.

As regular readers of either or both poetry blogs will know, growing up in 1950’s Britain. which was very homophobic and racist, made a coward of me regarding my sexuality. I did not see my way to coming out as a gay man until my early 30’s.  Sadly, both homophobia and racism persist in various communities worldwide, far less so among young people, though, in whom rest our hopes of an end to all prejudices in time.

That’s all for now, folks. I just wanted to let you know haven’t forgotten just how much I owe to being a gay man and wanting to share its positives. Male or female, we are who we are and what we make of ourselves, whether or not we are able to turn our dreams into reality. I used to think of myself as a failure because my dreams of becoming a ‘great’ poet/ novelist we clearly unfounded, but am more than content with a very modest degree of success. Whatever, as Prospero says in Shakespeare’s The Tempest: “We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”

Bye for now, folks, and here’s wishing you all a feel-good day,

Hugs,

Roger

Conversations

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Apologies to new reader, Y F, - who tells me he is bisexual - for not adding gay-specific poem-posts to my gay poetry blog as often as I add general-interest pieces to this one. (Similarly, there is both general (fantasy) and gay fiction on my fiction blog.) As I have said here before, though, I find it hard to write any poems these days, given a continuing battle against various health issues, including the kind of mental stress that years of hormone therapy for my prostate cancer has imposed in recent years; as if having to contend with the ever-present threat of Covid-19 and variants hasn’t imposed stress enough on all of us… 

Writing as well as reading poetry is not only great creative therapy, it is a welcome distraction from our own trials and tribulations as well as those dominating various world landscapes...! The same can be said for any form of creative therapy, of course, whether it be arts forms, dressmaking, gardening... whatever... and can achieve a far greater sense of well-being than any medicines.

Now, email feedback suggests, Y F, that many LGBT readers now get in touch to say they dip into both poetry blogs, so if you have an interest in poetry for its own sake, you might want to do the same as well as browsing the archives of either or both blogs? 

On the principle that a poem is a poem is a poem - regardless of content - this post-poem will appear on both poetry blogs today. Now and then, the occasional reader will complain when I do this, but it can do no harm, surely, to remind some heterosexually biased readers that a person is a person is a person too…? It is a sad indictment on the 21st century that anyone should need reminding, and good to see many straight young people, from all walks of life, opening their hearts and minds to the LGBT ethos.

Hopefully, among future generations, far fewer gay men and women, boys and girls - regardless of race or religion - will need to live a lie in order to sustain all-important family ties; the family ethos, too, should be about love and trust, should it not? Or how else can we, as civilised human beings, hope to learn from and respect one another…?

CONVERSATIONS 

People ask me if I am happy
to be gay, wouldn’t I rather be ‘normal’,
less of a curiosity…?
I ask them, “I am as I am, it’s me,
so why expect mind-body-spirit to reason
any differently…?”

People ask me why I choose
to be gay, wouldn’t I much rather win over
society than lose?
I tell them, “This or that society
has ever harboured bigots, their prejudices
pass over me…
Sexuality is no lifestyle choice,
but a way of giving such life forces as inspire
heart and soul - a voice…”

People ask me if I am happy
with a voice as likely as not to be sneered
at by so many…?
I ask them, “Is it any fault of mine
if they are ignorant of ways of personal space
other than their own…?
Why should anyone’s sexuality
matter to others, all of us sons and daughters,
a common humanity…?”

People ask me how I can justify
crossing lines set in stone by world religions,
yet dare invoke spirituality?
I tell them, “God is Love., you see,
and no love was ever set in stone, would side
with any bigotry…
Love and let love, each to our own,
and may we forgive who would judge us harshly
lash out at us or disown…”

People ask me if I am happy
to be gay, wouldn’t I rather be ‘normal’,
less of a curiosity…?
I ask them, “I am as I am, it’s me,
so why expect mind-body-spirit to reason
any differently…?”

Copyright R N Taber, 2022

No Bedtime Story

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“If I could have done it myself, I would have already done it: pried open my ribs and etched the Word onto my heart’s beating chambers. But it seemed my ex-gay counsellors were the only ones with enough skill and experience to wield the scalpel.” – Garrard Conley (Boy Erased.)

"Terror doesn't change people from gay to straight. It just hurts innocent people." - DaShanne Stokes

“Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.” - Khalil Gibran

Now, like most LGBT folks here in the UK and around the world, I am appalled that the British Government has done a U-turn with regards to the banning of conversion therapy, except for transgender people; the implication is that it is more natural to deal with gender identity problems since they are a mistake that deserves to be rectified, whereas being lesbian, gay or bisexual is a matter of lifestyle choice... which, of course, it isn't.

It is incredible that such naivety and subsequent abuse of Human Rights should persist in any so-called 'civilised' society even into the 21st century, although as a measure of political expediency it should come as no surprise. Well, God forbid, certain powers that be among the electorate, especially those whose religious agendas see the LGBT ethos as an enemy life force, should be so offended as to put their voting rights on permanent hold...

The poem below also appears on my general poetry blog today; while feedback suggests that more LGBT readers browse both blogs now, a significant number don’t, especially those who use a shared computer and feel obliged to remain ‘closet’ for whatever reason.

NO BEDTIME STORY

I lost out on many pleasures of youth,
mind-body-spirit afraid in those dark days
to raise its head above a thick fog
of such misinformation and homophobia
as likely to appeal to those bigots
around the world to whom prejudice comes
as naturally as breathing, sad souls
whose personal space so damaged by the cut
and thrust of life, they must lash out

Better late than never, I saw the light,
emerged from my lonely closet into a new day,
thinking I needs must tell the bigots
that I’m gay, or else how to even attempt
any getting them to see the awful hurt
they inflict on the likes of me, no less a person
in my own right or in any godly sight
for being honest with myself, family and friends,
no matter how strange my story sounds...?

Though I regret the coward in me that hid
myself away from the dazzling light of home truth
during those early years of self-discovery,
revealing, ticking off a checklist of scary things
I had neither confidence nor vocabulary
then to express, unable to confide in anyone,
fearing verbal or physical abuse or, worse,
conversion therapy’s crude attempts to reshape me
in an image tailored to its host ‘society’

By the time I felt able to tell the world I’m gay,
I was less afraid to look it n the eye, could argue
the case for mind-body-spirit, heart-and soul,
confident enough to resist being thrust into freefall
yet again, closet days scratched into my brain,
a hurt I’d vowed nothing and no one would make me
endure again, nor any need, since now all-human,
for all its flaws, none of which include such desires
as lighting love-and-freedom’s home fires

Surely, a twenty-first century deserves far better
than shades of a bigotry hell bent on undermining
the more positive-thinking mind-body-spirit
aspiring to a global consensus on peace and love,
no matter its bias in politics and religions, 
arguing against a personal space always seeking
a kinder place, one less inclined to dismiss
its take on life as but a measure of such behaviour
as well-deserving contempt and censure..?

Humanity is no favourite novel, but comprising
real people battling real odds, for better or worse...
and well-deserving due respect for our efforts
no matter who we are, whatever sexual orientation
best defines us as we grow into our lives,
learning as much about our true selves and each other
as the world we share, one deserving no less care
than flowers sown in field or garden by human hands
or blown there by some heavenly wind...

Let others in the world make of us what they will,
but never forget we are a common humanity,
like it or not, and should it nurse any such reservation
as it needs must pass on for any good reason
other than society’s general well-being and salvation,
then let it keep its big mouth well and truly shut,
further research its grievances before endorsing wrongs
that have made outsiders of selective insiders for centuries
for no other reason than because, because ...

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

Perspectives

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The more important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself”. – Gore Vidal

“There will always be enemies. Time to stop being your own.” – Larry Kramer

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Baldwin

“I’d rather burn in hell than worship an anti-gay God.” – Desmond Tutu

Hello, everyone, from London UK,

Yes, a new poem today for the first time in a long time. As I keep telling new readers who chance upon the blog – often more by accident than design - most of my gay-specific poems are in the blog archives, so do, please, take a look sometime. I will be 77 years old later this year and, not unsurprisingly, no longer sexually active, especially after living with prostate cancer for a good ten years now...hence a failing inspiration regarding poetry that embraces LGBT matters.

Having said that, though, my main interest in writing any poem is that poetry like any art form, excludes no one. Besides, I may be growing old, but I still have the mind-body-spirit of a gay man; nor does being of any LGBT persuasion, exclude us from such universal thought processes and opinions as reflected in this and that ethos throughout history.

Over the years, I have met significant number of people - from all walks of life and religion - who have been made to feel they must choose between communing with a native sense of spirituality and engaging with desires of the flesh. To anyone from any community, this would have taken them into a state of crisis during the 1950’s when I was growing up, in   a post-war society that saw same sex relationships as a crime against God and nature.

So intense and commonplace was prejudice against LGBT folks in those days, that we feared as much for our lives as for our souls.

As any regular reader of either or both of my poetry blogs will know, it was not until my early 30’s that I finally saw my way clear to face the world as a gay man. I have openly supported LGBT rights ever since.

God, I had been told, time and again, is a God of Love. Love, of course, comes in many shapes and forms and I came to believe that love between two people of the same sex would not - contrary to the religious dogma in which I had been all but brainwashed for years - be considered a blasphemy likely to send me to Hell.  By then, too, I had discovered for myself how we can so easily be misled into creating our own Heaven and Hell here on Earth, in such ways as are anything but metaphorical...!

Prejudice of any description, towards anyone, is as much of an affront to human dignity as it has always been. Now, though, relatively slowly but surely, common sense, fairness and an equality deserving of a common humanity are filtering through to the more enlightened societies and communities worldwide; that many, if not most of these are among the more secularly inclined, does not and should not be seen as attitudes toward a native spirituality being in the decline.   

No religion has a monopoly on a person’s sense of spirituality nor the right to dictate adhere to this or that theological agenda, whatever certain Holy Books have to say on the matter.

As I have said many times on the blogs, I have every respect for anyone’s sincerely held religious faith just as I would ask them to respect my right to find my own way in life, love, and spiritual well-being.

PERSPECTIVES

As age takes its toll of me,
I look back in anger
at schooldays long, long ago,
when I’d dread anyone
should know my secret shame,
as nurtured by societies,
within such as I, a taboo as few
(then) dared call by name, fearing abuse,
left with but Hobson’s choice

Secrets, though will fester,
drive mind-body-spirit
all but mad for suppressing
such love as flowered
within such as I, to which denial
from heart and soul
but falls on deaf ears, until a time
natural instinct insists it no longer ignore
a roar, growing ever louder

The first time I ventured
into the landscape
some religions would condemn
as a unpardonable,
I was trembling for the sheer dread
my God would strike me
dead where I stood,
waiting on a stranger to come, set me free,
if only temporarily, to be ME

We exchanged few words,
that stranger and I,
as we shared a mind-body-spirit
risen to the occasion,
on wings that would be clipped
by certain powers that be
who fear, above all, an individuality
asserting itself, no whim, but once and for all
over the human heart and soul

Time passed, as time will do,
ageing mind-body-spirit
grown weary of showing masks
to a world feeding
on stereotypes, passing off its vanity
as concerns for a humanity
driven by such sure historical agendas
as would see it sign up
to God-fearing behaviour, dogma and faiths
outlawing same sex relationships

Mind-body-spirit, though, asks
more of any society
or religion, increasingly less content
to go free but now and then,
seeking out such resources of its own
as would have it go
mask-free into the world, show its face,
defy any powers that be
hell bent on taking all prejudice and hypocrisy
into yet another deaf-blind century

As generations come and go,
so, too, young people
with minds of their own, less inclined
to be brow-beaten,
even during their formative years,
by agenda and/or dogma
as would capture a free mind-body-spirit
with such ideas as may suppress a native empathy
with a sense of common humanity...

Each to their own sense of right
and wrong, no matter
from where, how or even whom it comes,
entitled not to budge,
but not so as to judge others by standards
adapted to suit themselves,
however well-intentioned they may be
to save humanity from plots by 'persons unknown'
devised to deny it any hope of salvation 

Ah, but may our own perspectives on personal space,
yet define its You-Me-Us, by God’s grace

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog (yesterday) given that feedback suggests more readers dip into both blogs these days; not so easy though for anyone using a shared computer who may have reason to suspect an unfavourable reaction from any fellow users less than sympathetic to the LGBT ethos.] RT

Hi, folks, from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Sorry, folks, no poem yet, but I am working on one.. I'm having to deal with a lot of health issues (not Covid-related) and once you hit mid 70's, there's less chance of coming out on top. 😉

A “new” reader, ‘E S’ asks why my Wikipedia entry describes me as a ‘gay poet’ as “...you appear to write mostly general poetry...”.

Excuse me for being a little confused here. Why should I not write general poetry because I am gay? Poetry is an Open House, anyone and everyone welcome who may be interested.

Regular readers will know that, from time to time, I post the same poem on both blogs. I would have preferred not to have two separate poetry blogs, but it seemed the more sensible thing to do at the time. Many gay readers are not ‘out’ to family and friends while using shared computers.

Yes, I have a gay poetry blog which would only be of interest to LGBT readers, although some diehard heterosexual family members seem to find it interesting, especially those who may be having difficulty coming to terms with a loved-one’s sexuality.  I started the gay poetry blog as much for them as for any LGBT person feeling trapped in the proverbial closet and made to feel ashamed of their sexuality... as I was, myself, from my early teenage years in the 1950’s until my early 30’s. Thankfully, attitudes have changed for the better since then, but there are still far too many people inclined to rush to judgement on another person’s sex life; the latter, of course, applies especially to those whose religion is interpreted as suggesting same sex relationships are a form of blasphemy. 

Given that there are LGBT folks around the world, from all walks of life (and religion) it isn't hard to imagine how hard it must be for some of us even in this s0-called 'progressive' 21st century of ours.

I have to say I don’t much like being referred to as a ‘gay poet’ and would prefer just to be known as a poet who also happens to be gay. While I am not ashamed of being gay, nor do I make a point of introducing myself as such. As and when appropriate, I will drop it into the conversation and my companion/s can make of it what they will. These days, most people express polite surprise followed by genuine interest; not always polite, though, needless to say...😉

While I am always happy to chat about what being gay has meant to me, personally, I would not presume to speak for anyone else, although my gay-specific poems are as much based on observing and talking to others about their experience of being gay as my own.

E. S. also asks if I have any regrets about being gay. Not now, no, although I cannot deny there were times in my younger years when I wished I was a ‘normal’ hotblooded heterosexual, if only to be free of the burden that being ‘closet’ imposed on me. Essentially, I was a coward, afraid to speak up for fear of... whatever. There was a lot of “queer-bashing” going on in those days and my schooldays were difficult enough without being subjected to any of that, either verbally or physically.

It took a nervous breakdown and subsequently re-reading several gay-interest novels and poems by famous authors I had discovered on library shelves and while exploring various bookshops, to give me the courage to tell the world I am gay and let them make of me what they will. Mind-body-spirit had been urging me to do just that for years, of course, but I had turned a deaf ear.

It wasn’t just cowardice on my part. There were tensions enough in my family, invariably and not always unjustifiably blamed on me. I was reluctant to add fuel to the flames if only for my mother’s sake; she would have taken it in her stride, but I doubt if that could have been said for my father and brother, not in those days anyway. Besides, it wasn’t the ‘done thing’ for boys and men to discuss their feelings then; sadly, it still isn’t for many. 😉

Finally, E. S. and others who have enjoyed past poems in the blog, I will be 77 years old this year and have been doing battle with prostate cancer, subsequent broken sleep and other health issues for some years now. Not least, the fact that I am sexually inactive these days doesn’t help to inspire gay or LGBT specific poems Even so, I will try and pull something out of the proverbial hat before too long. Meanwhile, please do explore the blog archives as I am sure you will find some poems there to enjoy.

Finally, many thanks to reader J. K. who has emailed to say that “I am a gay man and have enjoyed your gay blog in the past (my sister, too, who is also gay.) We have recently started dipping into your other poetry blog more now and enjoying many of the poems there...”

Take care folks, keep well, stay safe and let’s all do our best to nurture a positive thinking mindset, whatever life throws at us. 😉

Love ‘n’ Hugs,

Roger x

Hello again from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hello again from London UK

Several readers have asked me to publish more gay-specific poems on the blog, and I will try, but am not well these days. Anyone interested can access earlier gay-interest poems in the archives by hitting the little arrow beside the blog title in the top right hand corner of any post; you can also access my fiction blog this way which includes both gay and general novels.

Some LGBT readers - especially any who find themselves still trapped in a closet - might enjoy the last poem to appear on my general blog, A Mind of One' Own; it is about trusting your own instincts and being careful from whom you take well-meaning advice. Too many people we trust, give advice according to what they would do in a particular situation. 

I was advised not to "stir up a hornet's nest" among family, friends and work colleagues in my 20's and bitterly regret not trusting my own feelings then but waiting until my 30's before being open about being gay.

If a friend or loved one rejects another because he or she is gay, they were never a friend in the first place. Sadly many heterosexuals among us still don't get it...

In the closet or out of it, life can still be tough for LGBT folk even in what should, by now, be a more positive-thinking, open-minded 21st century; up to a point it may well be so, but up to a point isn't good enough. Well, is it...?  I happen to know several people who are afraid to come out to their families and friends because the whole LGBT ethic offends their religion. While not attacking anyone's religion or deeply held beliefs as such, I do have to ask what is the purpose of any religion that would have its followers reject another simply for being who they are, not out of choice but because of their genetic history; should we LGBT folks be blamed for the latter as well?

On reader who clearly never browses my general poetry blog, asks why I don't raise these issues there, but of course, I do quite often; in many poems too, that are not gay-specific. The gay poetry blog  is after all, as its title suggest and addresses a specific readership. As for myself, I am not going to be dictated to as to what poems I write, either by my own sexuality or anyone else's.; the same applies to my attempts at writing fiction, although I have to confess I did not prove to have such an aptitude for it as I'd hoped. 😉

I have enjoyed writing fiction, though, and feedback suggests others have enjoyed reading it, so... that's reward enough for me. I may once have nursed dreams of fame and fortune, but was never one to cry over spilt milk, so was none too bothered when neither materialised in the manner of any dreams. As Robert Louis Stevenson suggested: "To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." (Virginibus Puerisque,1881.) Besides, nothing, including fame and fortune, is ever quite how it is portrayed  by various media which, in turn, brings to mind  another old truism along the lines that none of us knows quite what goes on behind closed doors.  The rich and famous are only human, after all, and life is no less likely to have its ups and downs for them as for the rest of us.😉

Need to rest now. It is inly mid-afternoon here in the UK, but while growing old doesn't have to be a major issue in itself when like, yours truly, you are having to contend with various health issues as well, it is no picnic...😉 Even so, I continue to keep looking on the bright(er) side of  life and urge you to do the same; never easy at any age, but the alternative is we spend our lives peering into The Abyss while life itself passes us by...

Bye for now, folks, and many thanks for dropping by. Hopefully, I will publish another poem here before too long, but am not making any promises now as I have no more idea what may lie around the next corner than anyone else...

Take care, keep safe and be sure to treat those who show they care for you with the love and respect they deserve,

Hugs ,

Roger x  x