Up Against it

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Several new readers appear to disagree with my view that poetry is all-inclusive. One reader comments, "I enjoy and relate to many of the poems on your gay poetry blog archives, but each to his own, surely?  How can an LGBT + person expect to relate to general - i.e. straight  poetry?

Well, I posted the post-poem below on my general poetry blog today and defy any readers to say they cannot relate to it at all.. Being human is what humanity is all about, whoever, wherever we are  and whatever our gender, sexuality, ethnicity, politics, religion...

The main reason I remained in the closet till my 30's is because many people are so hung-up on stereotypes that they don't see the person. It is GOOD that narrow minds are opening up, especially among young people,,, but the same is as true today as it was when I was a young man some 60+ years ago.   

                                                       ***********************

“The fearful unbelief is unbelief in yourself.” - Thomas Carlyle  

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”- James Thurber

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship.” - Louisa May Alcott

“We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays.” - Persius

“Fear makes us feel our humanity.” - Benjamin Disraeli

 Now, overheard in a supermarket: 

1st person:” I am so tired of feeling up against it all the time. First, the pandemic. Now, soaring prices and having to worry about putting food on the table, not to mention keeping a roof over our heads with flexible mortgages hitting the damn ceiling…"

2nd person: "You said it! Half the time, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, any more than our new Prime Minister if you ask me…"

Yours Truly, guilty of earwigging again, yes! But... reassuring to know that other people are feeling much the same as I do… wry bardic grin

Fear of the unknown is hard to contend with at any time, and people are scared. Hospital cases for  Covid-variant  cases are reportedly on the rise again here in the UK and the cost of living crisis is hitting everyone hard, especially low-to-medium earners, among whom those with families to feed and care for are, as always in times of socio-economic crisis, the hardest hit.

As always, there are no easy answers. We can but keep looking on the bright(er) side of life and trust in a return to it sooner rather than later. In the meantime, we have a common responsibility to do our best to rise above the worst - whatever that may be - and carry as many people with us as we can.

As the shoppers went their separate ways, each flung the other a bright smile. However tough the way ahead is looking, best foot forward with a smile to match has to be a good start, yes?

YES. 

I shuffled on, my bad leg as determined to make the best of past-present-future, whatever, as the rest of me…not ready to welcome the Grim Reaper just yet. wry bardic chuckle 

UP AGAINST IT

I may test mind-body-spirit
through its storms,
while continuing to nurture
heart-and-soul,
far more than it seems to either
casual or intimate eye,
even as I am feverishly plotting
against it by way of doing my very best
to deprive my host of rest

I insinuate the weaker aspects
of all humanity, 
until mind-body-spirit feels
comfortable enough
with my presence to take me
almost for granted, all set 
to be led like a lamb to slaughter
yet, without reckoning on the homing call
of its native heart-and-soul

Confidently, I'll feel my way
through such various
calms and rages as mixed feelings
invariably impose,
only to underestimate the skills
of a human spirit
to catch me out, albeit (too) often 
at the last minute, thwarting my endeavours
to leave no survivors…

I am that fear of a darker past-present-future,
for want of care, resilience and nurture

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

An Empathy with Nature (3)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” - George Orwell

“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” -George Washington

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” - Charlotte Brontë

"The moment you say that any idea is sacred, whether it's a religious belief or secular ideology, the moment you declare a set of ideas to be immune from criticism, satire, derision or contempt, freedom of thought becomes impossible. - Salman Rushdie

Now, the recent attempted murder of Sir Salman Rushdie an active supporter of free speech has shocked the free-thinking world

The Indian-born Briton, whose novel The Satanic Verses led to death threats from Iran in the 1980s, was about to deliver a lecture at the Chautauqua Institution in New York state, when his attacker leapt on stage and stabbed him.

Fortunately, it has been reported that Sir Salman is no longer on a ventilator and is able to speak, although it is possible that he may have sustained potentially life-changing injuries as a result of the attack on Friday.  

Free expression and a personal space which embraces a sense of spirituality, whatever our religious or secular beliefs, deserve to be seen as mutually inclusive. I see it as the bottom line in the argument for agreeing to differ, on which most if not all my poetry posts are based

AN EMPATHY WITH NATURE (3)

Humanity is all-embracing
where ‘all’ includes you-me-us 
in any language, culture
and creed, a worthy heads-up 
to freedom of expression
and a sense of no holds barred,
in such walks of life
and corners of an ever-sickening world
where denied the last word

Fear of losing kith and kin,
has never been reason enough
to hide behind any lie
or threat even love may feel
called upon to impose, adopting
a false persona,
for an only-human need to be seen
betraying neither native beliefs nor ideals
incumbent on heart-and-souls

Life was a closet -prison,
no escape, till I found someone
to listen to me
(non-judgementally) sensing
my pain and insecurity
as a human being, no awful stereotype
conjured up by society
to conceal its ignorance, put its shame to rout
for failing LGBT+ folks coming out

I am Redemption, author of my own salvation,
if only for taking the edge off being human 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

An Empathy with Nature (2)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus

“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly he work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces that make it a living thing.” John Stuart Mill

“The temple bell stops, but I still hear the sound coming out of the flowers.” - Matsuo Basho

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is the temple. The philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

The idea or metaphor of the human body as a temple isn’t exclusive to any religion, can also be found in various religious texts. One example is fasting, practiced in order to grow closer to some divine life force by distancing oneself from worldly dependencies, such as food and other pleasures.

Sadly, this very distancing can encourage a degree of separatism within various societies / communities worldwide, where the art of agreeing to differ is more likely to light the flames of aggression than any candles of peace among those members who are (understandably if not always appropriately) more concerned with driving home their own point of view than agreeing to differ. 

Our sexuality is an expression of who, not what we are; for sure, it is not an attack on the temple of the human body since we are born this way; it is not a choice. The only choice is whether or not we feel encouraged to express it and look the world in the eye as we do so.

As regular readers of both my poetry blogs (my fiction blog too) will know, I was in my early 30’s before I finally emerged from the closet that had been my prison since I first realised I was gay at the age of 14 years (during what were overtly homophobic 1950’s here in the UK.).

60+ years on, I’d have hoped for a much kinder world, any perceived ‘differences’ regarding gender, ethnicity, culture or religion seen as making a positive contribution to a common humanity and welcomed as such. It is good to see this happening, especially among young people around the world, many if not most of whom deserve better than the awful prospect of being made to feel rejected - intentionally or not - by kith and kin.

AN EMPATHY WITH NATURE (2)

Some abuse me, say I sin
whose faith would condemn me
to serve a life sentence
or finding my own way, not theirs,
accessing a sense
of spirituality reflecting the real me,
(yes, warts 'n all);
no copycat stereotype, me, for a spirituality
that lets me BE

Consider mind-body-spirit
a temple to life forces, both worldly
and divine? In the latter
we can trust its promises to fulfil,
by way of heart-and-soul in good time;
i any other we can but hope
our judgement not in error, or else
we have but ourselves to blame, no comfort
 in hindsight…

Given life, a learning curve
my kind would do well to climb,
grow wiser to home truths,
give its kinder voices a say for the sake
of a common good,
respect various differences of opinion,
in all corners of society;
no life force has a monopoly on the humanity
that lets us BE 

Call me Sacrilege, in this heaven-and-hell world
where Peace so needs to have the last word…?

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post appears on both my gay and general poetry blogs.] RT

  

An Empathy with Nature (1)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Love has no gender - compassion has no religion - character has no race.” - Abhijit Naskar, [Either Civilized or Phobic: A Treatise on Homosexuality]

“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly he work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces that make it a living thing.” John Stuart Mill

“In terms of sex between same-sex partners, the objection that "the parts don't fit" doesn’t make sense on even the most logical level. If the parts didn't work together, frankly, people wouldn't be putting them together.” -  Kathy Baldock [Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach Between the Church and the LGBT Community]

“Our common humanity is more important than all the things that divide us.” – Mairead Corrigan

Now, as regular readers will know, some years ago, I began writing a trilogy, the title of each volume to be Blasphemy, Sacrilege and Redemption; it was never finished. I had been given to understand that an American publisher would publish it, but it transpired that he was only interested in breaking into the UK market. When Blasphemy failed to comply, he lost interest in any companion volumes. 

Although I had already written Sacrilege, no UK publishers expressed any interest in a gay-interest trilogy. Moreover, a very rude letter from the American publisher, making fun of my self-publishing logo, “Assembly Books” left me loath to complete the trilogy. He clearly had no sense of irony which, regrettably, I took to heart at the time.

Later, I published Sacrilege along with Blasphemy and my other novels on my fiction blog, but was already having to deal with health issues that, dissuaded me from writing Redemption.

Why Blasphemy-Sacrilege-Redemption? The enduring hope was to get across the idea that any form of prejudice is a blasphemy, just as physically and/ or emotionally abusing LGBT+ folks is a sacrilege and our ability to rise above it and come together in peace and love with the blessing of friends and family (gay or straight, kith and kin alike) is nothing short of a redemption. 

For my own part, those early closet years were a living death, nor ever have I felt so alive as when I felt the full force of mind-body-spirit prompting me to to get real and come out. . 

Subscribers to conventional religions may well take offence; none intended, though, as my only intention has ever been to endorse the Human Right to differ. Besides, any religious argument that  God is Love loses credence in the face of any form of prejudice within the framework of a common humanity. Me, I consider myself a Pantheist, a feeling for God as nature rather than its creator, having always felt a closer affinity and sense of spirituality with nature. 

As in all matters across the human landscape, we cannot expect to always accept or even understand some of the choices people make, simply respect them as we respect theirs, not cause dispute and irreparable division, especially in matters of the heart. No one should be made to feel a sinner, whatever their religion, for staying true to their native sexuality; nor, I imagine, would any God of Love judge us so.

Regular readers of any or all of my blogs will know that agreeing to differ, rather than fighting over whatever, it is a matter close to my heart.

So…such is the background to a proposed trilogy of poems,  An Empathy with Nature (1), (2) and (3) of which the first appears below.

Now, I hope to complete (2) and (3) within a few weeks, but have to confess that health issues are proving a hindrance to just about everything I attempt at the moment, so there may be some delay.

Each poem will also appear on my general blog. Doubtless, some readers there will complain that my  Gay/ LGBT+- interest poems should be restricted to this blog, but a poem has something to say to everyone, just as prejudice is inclined to raise its ugly head anywhere and everywhere.

 AN EMPATHY WITH NATURE (1)

Some abuse me, say I sin
whose faith would condemn me 
to serve a life sentence,
prisoner of heart-and-soul,
unable to break free,
give the real me an opportunity
to be as faces in the moon
haunt my days, assure me night after night
that no wrong could feel so right

No conventional religion
would concede me the spirituality
my imagination feeds on,
taking my cue from earth, sea and sky,
all things bright ad beautiful,
creatures great and small, like candles
to love-hope-peace, lessons
for the learning in nature and human nature,
to embrace, pas on, nurture

No true love can be a sin,
regardless of whatever any religion
might have to say,
nor yearning flesh to yearning flesh,
whatever gender, but set on
giving the poetry of mind-body-spirit
a voice; no ego calling,
only a spirituality made fearful of rejection
by strictures on kith and kin

It well may be that home
is where heart-and-soul comes alive,
leaving doubts and fears
for the love of one above all others;
yet, love is ever plural,
has room aplenty for family and friends,
whose love and understanding
may yet be still relied upon as freely given;
such is the art of being human

Call me Blasphemy in a heaven-and-hell world
where Bigotry so loves to have the last word...?

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

S

A Small World

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it’s a good place to start.” – Jason Collins

Hi folks, sorry, I have been unable to post this poem sooner, but my prostate cancer leaves me with little energy some days, so much so that I am unable even to look on the bright(er) side of life! While I always rally the more positive life forces to my rescue in time, how long it takes them to arrive depends on how soon various other health issues settle down.😉

The poem is based on a fairly recent conversation with a complete stranger with whom I got chatting on a bus while stuck in a traffic jam. It struck a chord with me since, as I have mentioned before on the blog, I once had a schoolboy crush on a prefect at the same school, but was too scared in those days to emerge from my life-sucking closet. It would be half a century later that he’d get in touch after reading this blog and reveal that, even at the time, he, too, was gay. 

Sadly, that was way back in the (very) homophobic 1950’s and he never ventured from the closet they shoved him into, slamming the door after him with the kind of contempt that ignorance continues to breed even in what we would expect to be a more enlightened 21st century.

A SMALL WORLD

It was broad daylight, a watery sun
shedding auras on a local park,
as if determined to resist dark clouds
closing in even as I walked,
eyes wide open, as mind-body-spirit
fought its daily battle,
albeit seemingly poorly armed,
struggling to fend off darker clouds of its own
than in any heaven

I spotted a neighbour I knew, but not well,
reading a book on a nearby seat,
paused, just to say hello, to be greeted
with a smile inviting me
to linger, if only to pass the time of day,
so I did, compelled
by an increasingly darkening mood
to lighten up, conversation invariably a good start
for any human heart

We made small talk, both of us struggling
for something to say besides
wishing potential storm clouds away, sky
taking sides with a sun,
trying to make life a sight better 
for everyone, open invitation
to look on the brighter side of life,
make it more than worth the living, no matter what,
go with mind-body-spirit

Without thinking, I said, “I’m gay, you know."
“No, I didn’t." he said absently,
without turning a hair, surprise registering
in face and voice, that’s all,
no indication his heart-and soul (or mine)
thought any worse of me for it,
but leading him to gently ask questions,
less curious than  interested, no hint of any prejudice
likely to come between us 

Even so, I waited, curious to see just how long
it would take for a storm to break,
relieved to relate how I’d been afraid to say
the words, I’d just dared say,
scarcely believing it hadn’t been as hard
as nightmares had foretold,
my mood shifting for the better, clouds too,
clearing to give the sun a kinder view of the world below,
such as lets its flowers grow

Later, as we parted after agreeing to meet again,
I found the words to thank him
For not minding I’m gay in a world where one
Meets prejudice as often as not,
Mind-body-spirit wary of putting heart-and-soul
In any potential danger,
World politics and religions sowing seeds
of doubt in a vulnerable human nature at every opportunity
to address a ‘common humanity’

“Sorry!”, he laughed, “but I honestly thought you knew,
my brother went to school with you, and he’s gay too…”

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Perspectives

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The more important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself”. – Gore Vidal

“There will always be enemies. Time to stop being your own.” – Larry Kramer

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Baldwin

“I’d rather burn in hell than worship an anti-gay God.” – Desmond Tutu

Hello, everyone, from London UK,

Yes, a new poem today for the first time in a long time. As I keep telling new readers who chance upon the blog – often more by accident than design - most of my gay-specific poems are in the blog archives, so do, please, take a look sometime. I will be 77 years old later this year and, not unsurprisingly, no longer sexually active, especially after living with prostate cancer for a good ten years now...hence a failing inspiration regarding poetry that embraces LGBT matters.

Having said that, though, my main interest in writing any poem is that poetry like any art form, excludes no one. Besides, I may be growing old, but I still have the mind-body-spirit of a gay man; nor does being of any LGBT persuasion, exclude us from such universal thought processes and opinions as reflected in this and that ethos throughout history.

Over the years, I have met significant number of people - from all walks of life and religion - who have been made to feel they must choose between communing with a native sense of spirituality and engaging with desires of the flesh. To anyone from any community, this would have taken them into a state of crisis during the 1950’s when I was growing up, in   a post-war society that saw same sex relationships as a crime against God and nature.

So intense and commonplace was prejudice against LGBT folks in those days, that we feared as much for our lives as for our souls.

As any regular reader of either or both of my poetry blogs will know, it was not until my early 30’s that I finally saw my way clear to face the world as a gay man. I have openly supported LGBT rights ever since.

God, I had been told, time and again, is a God of Love. Love, of course, comes in many shapes and forms and I came to believe that love between two people of the same sex would not - contrary to the religious dogma in which I had been all but brainwashed for years - be considered a blasphemy likely to send me to Hell.  By then, too, I had discovered for myself how we can so easily be misled into creating our own Heaven and Hell here on Earth, in such ways as are anything but metaphorical...!

Prejudice of any description, towards anyone, is as much of an affront to human dignity as it has always been. Now, though, relatively slowly but surely, common sense, fairness and an equality deserving of a common humanity are filtering through to the more enlightened societies and communities worldwide; that many, if not most of these are among the more secularly inclined, does not and should not be seen as attitudes toward a native spirituality being in the decline.   

No religion has a monopoly on a person’s sense of spirituality nor the right to dictate adhere to this or that theological agenda, whatever certain Holy Books have to say on the matter.

As I have said many times on the blogs, I have every respect for anyone’s sincerely held religious faith just as I would ask them to respect my right to find my own way in life, love, and spiritual well-being.

PERSPECTIVES

As age takes its toll of me,
I look back in anger
at schooldays long, long ago,
when I’d dread anyone
should know my secret shame,
as nurtured by societies,
within such as I, a taboo as few
(then) dared call by name, fearing abuse,
left with but Hobson’s choice

Secrets, though will fester,
drive mind-body-spirit
all but mad for suppressing
such love as flowered
within such as I, to which denial
from heart and soul
but falls on deaf ears, until a time
natural instinct insists it no longer ignore
a roar, growing ever louder

The first time I ventured
into the landscape
some religions would condemn
as a unpardonable,
I was trembling for the sheer dread
my God would strike me
dead where I stood,
waiting on a stranger to come, set me free,
if only temporarily, to be ME

We exchanged few words,
that stranger and I,
as we shared a mind-body-spirit
risen to the occasion,
on wings that would be clipped
by certain powers that be
who fear, above all, an individuality
asserting itself, no whim, but once and for all
over the human heart and soul

Time passed, as time will do,
ageing mind-body-spirit
grown weary of showing masks
to a world feeding
on stereotypes, passing off its vanity
as concerns for a humanity
driven by such sure historical agendas
as would see it sign up
to God-fearing behaviour, dogma and faiths
outlawing same sex relationships

Mind-body-spirit, though, asks
more of any society
or religion, increasingly less content
to go free but now and then,
seeking out such resources of its own
as would have it go
mask-free into the world, show its face,
defy any powers that be
hell bent on taking all prejudice and hypocrisy
into yet another deaf-blind century

As generations come and go,
so, too, young people
with minds of their own, less inclined
to be brow-beaten,
even during their formative years,
by agenda and/or dogma
as would capture a free mind-body-spirit
with such ideas as may suppress a native empathy
with a sense of common humanity...

Each to their own sense of right
and wrong, no matter
from where, how or even whom it comes,
entitled not to budge,
but not so as to judge others by standards
adapted to suit themselves,
however well-intentioned they may be
to save humanity from plots by 'persons unknown'
devised to deny it any hope of salvation 

Ah, but may our own perspectives on personal space,
yet define its You-Me-Us, by God’s grace

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog (yesterday) given that feedback suggests more readers dip into both blogs these days; not so easy though for anyone using a shared computer who may have reason to suspect an unfavourable reaction from any fellow users less than sympathetic to the LGBT ethos.] RT

L-G-B-T+, Life Forces

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it's a good place to start." Jason Collins

On my general poetry blog, I have been posting poems related to the Russian invasion of Ukraine.  New reader, J.H. has emailed me, to express disappointment in my not publishing a new poem here during LGBT History month. He also reports that LGBT friends living in Ukraine have good reason to dread, perhaps more than most, what will happen to them should their country come under Russian control.

Apologies, on both points. On the first, my only excuse is being in my late 70's now and left all but impotent by years of hormone therapy for my prostate cancer. My imagination was more fertile during the years I was sexually active and I'm glad you enjoyed many of the poems you have accessed in the blog's archives.

Regarding your gay friends in Ukraine, we can but hope a Ukraine under Russian control will not reflect what would appear to be a majority view in Russia against same sex relationships.  I am told it isn’t easy to be gay in Ukraine, but LGBT folks are mostly left in peace and free to demonstrate for Equal Rights.

Now, I am posting a poem here today whose themes will be familiar, but I hope will resonate with any readers anywhere who feel - for whatever reason - unable to come out to family and friends. Been there, done that, and am still haunted by the experience some 60+ years on.

I think it was in 1914 when Jason Collins made sporting history by being the first professional athlete to declare publicly that he was gay; stigma all but removed, others followed his lead.

I well recall how I had just left school when I discovered Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin on my local library shelves; it was first novel I read that reassured me that being gay is no sin, but as natural as breathing. 

I'd known I was gay since I was 14 years old, but to my shame, it would be another twenty years before I began to look the world in the eye as a gay man. I would not wish a closet existence such as I endured during those in-between years on my worst enemy.

Thankfully, many people, especially young people, are more inclined to take a person’s sexuality in their stride these days, being more interested in the person than his or her private life.

Sadly, some people, including followers of certain religions, remain as judgemental as ever of we LGBT folks and are essentially homophobic. Their powers that be will deny it, of course, but I have met many a good person whose religion has made them feel they must not only choose between Faith and Family, but between their sexuality and the sense of spirituality with which their religion has inspired them.

As I have said many times on my poetry blogs, and in my poems, no religion has a monopoly on spirituality nor the right to dictate how mind-body-spirit should feel.

While I mean no disrespect to any religion, having met some wonderful people from all walks of life, during my 70+ years, I can but ask as I have asked repeatedly on both poetry blogs - whatever happened to agreeing to differ?

L-G-B-T+, LIFE FORCES

I once ran for cover
into a dark lonely closet for fear
of faux stereotypes
always camped outside my door
awaiting an opportunity
to gobble me up, if only if only
to spew me out again
into a mucky trough of public opinion
as it was way back then

Years passed. I emerged
from what I’d taken to be safety,
but proven wrong
by an active mind-body-spirit’s
ever challenging me
to be my own man, face prejudice
and bigotry head-on,
remind the world that gay’s not a word
but a living, feeling person

Now, I grow old, the world
a kinder place for the most part,
yet faux stereotypes
continue to thrive, would have me
put down for the ‘sin’
of being my own person, embracing
a sense of spirituality
and close kinship with nature and humanity
some would yet deny me

Come a time, I must look
death in the face, I shall find peace
of a kind, still denied
such as I in communities worldwide
betraying a life force
without equal, giving truth a bad name,
insisting we hang our heads
in shame for freeing mind-body-spirit of fetters
imposed by our ‘betters’

So, to whom the wiser soul
among those who strive to negotiate
life’s open mazes,
he or she who would follow natural instinct
for all they may be outlawed
or worse, accused of sacrilege, blasphemy.
for but staying true
to mind-body-spirit by choosing to ignore those
promoting faux news

Spirituality is no competition,
as certain religions would have us see it,
any reward in Heaven
due only to those who consent to subscribing
to such ways of Believing
as set in stone, yet no God of Love
nor Earth Mother
would, surely, reject or condemn any LGBT person
for coming into their own

Our differences don’t make us different, only human
in the all-seeing eye of self-perception

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

 

 

 

 

Hello again, Everyone, from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"Times of terror and the deepest misery may arrive, but if there is to be any happiness in this misery, it can only be a spiritual happiness related to the past in the rescue of the culture of early ages and to the future of a serene and indefatigable  championship of the spirit in a time which would otherwise completely swallow up the material." - Herman Hess (The Glass Bead Game)

Hello again Everyone, from London UK

Hi folks,

Sorry, no poem yet as my health issues are ganging up on me, but they on't include Covid-19 or any of its variants, so am trying to look on the bright(er) side of life... albeit through a misty window.😉

Again, most of this post appears on both poetry blogs today, given that feedback suggests some LGBT readers  are only interested in LGBT-specific poems. I can but urge them to explore the blog archives as most of my early entries are precisely that...

Yesterdays, my 76th birthday, I had lunch with my best friend who was later mugged, his debit card stolen and phone smashed. I.am hoping to see him later today if the trains are running ok as I don't have a car; travel is not advised, but needs must... Fortunately, he is not hurt, but may well be in shock for awhile yet. It was a birthday we won't forget, and much the same will apply to Christmas this year, already in tatters for many people due to the meteoric spread of Omicron. 

I am working on a positive-thinking poem to post here on Christmas Day, so do drop by over Christmas if you can. Meanwhile, we can only do our best to enjoy as Happy a Christmas as we can make it each in our own way. 

As regular readers know, I am not a Christian but a Pantheist. Whatever, we all deserve a good slice of Peace and Goodwill at any time of year, especially in the middle of a pandemic that is creating personal crises for so many people, not least in terms of their mental well-being. Stress is a cunning beast; it can creep up on us unawares and/or insinuate itself among other worries and concerns we may be having to deal with and see that we get everything out of proportion to such an extent that depression sinks its teeth into us and we feel we just cannot cope.

If you know someone who tells you they cannot cope any more, do lend a helping hand as well as a shoulder to cry on Some people, especially men, seem to think that giving way to stress is a weakness to be kept hidden. Ah, but we are only human, men and women, younger and older; there is no shame in asking for help. Yes, I know I have said this before on the blog, only recently too, but - as my mother used to say - if something is worth saying, it is worth repeating... time and again if necessary.

That's all for today, I'm afraid, as I need to get on with some physical exercises if only to  find relief for my mounting anxieties before I visit my friend who has been mugged. Oh, and I expect to be back by early evening, in time to tap Inspiration for yet another Covid Christmas poem.

If you have time and are in the mood, do feel free to explore the blog archives.

Take care everyone, stay safe and do your best to keep nurturing a positive-thinking mindset,

Hugs,

Roger

L-I-F-E, Homing in on Past-Present-Future OR Ghosts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A reader comments that he has been very lonely during this second UK lockdown, and has coped far worse than during the first. I suspect this is true of many people, especially those of us who live alone and. or are unable to get out and about too well due to mobility problems. All we can do is keep looking on the brighter side of life, take each day as comes and trust that the vaccination program will see and end to all safety restrictions sooner rather than later. Even so, it is hard to nurture a positive mindset here in the UK when a third wave of Covid-19 is sweeping the continent. 

Many people are experiencing a range of emotions with which they are unfamiliar, not the least of which is fear. Several readers have emailed to say they feel scared as soon as they wake up each morning, dread having to face another day of having t cope with the Covid stress that is taking its toll on everyone. “The worst thing is,” a reader confides, “…is that I cannot tell anyone I am so scared as I’d feel such a fool.” Believe me, most people would be only too happy to have an excuse to share e the very same feelings. 

There is an old saying that a trouble shared is a trouble halved; fear is no exception. 

Having grown up the very homophobic 1950’s, I was afraid to tell people – especially family – that I am gay. Had I been able to share my fears with someone would have made a huge difference. As it was, my family were content to discuss the likelihood that I was gay, but no one thought to bring the subject into the open and talk to me about it until untold damage had already been done. When I finally came out to the world as a gay man, it was an indescribable relief. 

As I have said before, on both poetry blogs, I feel encouraged on behalf of young LGBT people these days that fewer are likely to be treated like freaks of nature - or 'sinners' as various world religions would have it - simply for the nature of their sexuality. 

Sadly, human nature being the complex organism it is, certain societies and communities worldwide still have a lot to learn - and become reconciled to - as far as same sex lovers and human rights are concerned. Hopefully, the pandemic will at least have brought home to many if not most that, for all our differences, we are (all) but human.

L-I-F-E, HOMING IN ON PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE or GHOSTS

Unwelcome visitor,
anytime, anywhere, day or night,
I may well depart
without even giving my name 
if only to be sure
you will know it when I call again,
mind-body-spirit
(always one for a game of chance)
offering suggestions at every blind turn,
inciting desperation 

Deny me if you will,
I’ll not be deterred from haunting
and hurting you,
making you regret whatever it is
you would hide,
though there’s no sure hiding place,
the only solution,
head-on confrontation (always your call)
winner risking all… 

I haunt all creatures
great and small, but it is humankind
I most love to taunt
with unspoken threats the heart
hears only too well,
but would prefer to ignore, finds hard
to share or explain
lest it be caught out, made to give a name
to some guilt or shame 

I am Fear, last heard of breaking down doors
kept shut for years

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

Hi, Everyone

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi, Everyone,

Many thanks, as always, for dropping by.

Sorry, no poem today, although I am working on one. Unfortunately, a worsening ear infection means that I am not feeling up to doing much at all at the moment, but hopefully it will soon pass.

Several readers have asked how I cope with the prostate cancer. Well, I just try to take each day as it comes and keep my fingers crossed.

I am 75 years-old, have been treated with hormone therapy (zoladex) since I was first diagnosed in 2011 and have injections about every 18 months. Although successful in preventing the cancer from becoming aggressive, the zoladex affects my memory; in the early years, I feared I was a candidate for dementia, but my consultant assured me it was the hormone therapy. I also get scared, even panicky sometimes, and this is not the kind of person I am. However, I’ve learned to live with these side-effects and do my best not to let them send me into free fall.

Diet has helped. I stay clear of dairy and meat products now. Soya milk and other soya related foods seem to help energise my system; it may not work for everyone, but it works for me; if the proof of any the pudding is in the eating, well, here I am, 10 years on, not quite the man I used to be, but still alive to tell the tale.

A reader has emailed to say he lives alone (as I do) and has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  It is scary, I know, but a positive thinking mindset helps… a LOT. Family and friends are likely to rally round and offer support, so let them and take strength from it; some people bury their heads in the sand and that helps no one.

Scary, too, is the coronavirus pandemic… for everyone. It is ok to be scared, we can but do our best to rise above our fears and not let them get the better of us. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s not as if we have much choice. Some of you will have lost loved-ones, friends and workmates to the coronavirus, and that is always a tragedy, but as I have said many times before, love never dies, buts remains a life-force within us... if we let it.

Take care, everyone, stay safe and keep as well as any of us can expect to be during a pandemic.

Back soon, I hope. Meanwhile, feel free to explore the poetry archives, accessible on the righthand side of any blog page, Oh, and for the reader who had some kind words for my fiction blog... many thanks, much appreciated.

Hugs,

Roger

Life Force, Second to None

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It is news to no one that feel-good factors comes in many shapes and forms; romantic or otherwise, for a person, an activity, whatever … a life force second to none, always on hand in the Here-and-Now  to cheer and sustain us through thick and thin.

Yesterday was Remembrance Sunday here in the UK, a time to remember our debt of gratitude to the members of the armed forces who died in the two World Wars and later conflicts; in our minds also, inevitably this year, those across the world who have died fighting a very different kind of war, a very different kind of enemy, the Covid-19 coronavirus.

Someone's death is invariably someone else's tragedy too; remembrance  is one of the many faces of Grief, yes,  ut also a celebration of those who, for many of us, remain a 'living' inspiration.

LIFE FORCE, SECOND TO NONE

World, all but on its knees,
sickness and death paying home visits
just about everywhere …
No change there but for its assuming
the mantle of a coronavirus
striking a greater fear in us for its ability
to catch us unawares
snatch us from family and friends, no time
even for precious goodbyes 

Hospitals overrun with cases,
doctors and nurses working all hours
to save lives, risking theirs,
while reassuring anxious relatives
or having to break
the very news they have been dreading,
yet little time for such tears
as compounding fears confronting humanity
with its own vulnerability 

Battles fought, survivors recalling
loved ones lost with such mixed feelings
as remembrance inspires
love alone able to temper both pain
and grief, lifting hearts
with happy memories, the likes of which may
well never come again
yet enough to sustain a sense of joie de vivre
that, if we let it, lasts forever

Find any human heart’s capacity for endurance
sustained by love’s Spirit of Remembrance

Copyright R. N Taber 2020

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RNT

Breaking Cover OR Making Sense of Sensibility

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem has appeared on he blob before but was removed and revised after receiving few visitors.

There are various ways of breaking cover. What nicer way for two gay people to come out to each other than with a kiss under the stars ... whatever their sex, sexuality or socio-cultural-religious background? As for letting everyone else know, it is rarely if ever easy, but worth every heartbeat as well as any tears along the way...

In some countries and home environments, gay people just have to seize the day and trust that a time will come that everyone recognises and accepts that the heart is a free country, and our difference don't make us different, only human.

Neither love nor life itself is rarely anywhere near as simple as we would wish, if only because we human beings insist on making everything so complicated with reference to various socio-cultural-religious dogma written in tablets of stone rather than engaging with contemporaneity, and trying to understand human nature, less rushing to judgement and / or  seeing its complexities as an excuse for hate crime, and worse ...

BREAKING COVER or MAKING SENSE OF SENSIBILITY

We lay on the ground,

barely touching, the only sound,

owls hooting;

your piano hands as if playing

the stars as we debate

women from Venus, men

from Mars

One toe brushing mine,

letting me share your body heat;

your eyes, winking like stars

as I clutch at your every word

like a man drowning;

you edge closer, thigh nestling

against mine

I'm stroking your shirt

while you're talking, unaware

of my being tossed about

on waves of desire, longing

to shut your mouth

with my lips, explore your body

implore your love

All the sounds of night

a serenade for lovers, caressing

each secret part of us

as I can but cling to every timbre

of your voice like straws

in a summer breeze, Cassiopeia

blinking back tears

Eventually, you wearied

of words, seemed to count stars

while I continued

to chase pipe dreams till the owls

broke cover, flew over us

as if at Earth Mother bidding,

a blessing of sorts

Enchanted, we shared

the owls' graceful flight across

silvery meadows

of night into a heart of darkness

that struck us both,

as lonelier than our lying there

needing each other

Slowly, tearfully, you turned to me,

kissed me, and we made love ...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004, rev. 2011

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Breaking Cover' in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004.]

Home Fronts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A new poem today. I am not well at the moment so hope you like it. I started writing it to cheer me up as I had been feeling very low; it certainly worked I that respect so …

Now, fear is no stranger to most if not all of us, especially now as the Covid-19 coronavirus continues to ravage communities around the world.

As a child I was afraid of being misunderstood as I was inept at properly expressing myself vocally; to some extent, I still am. As a youth and young man, I feared being exposed and beaten up for being gay; fortunately circumstances - notably my mother’s death when I was 30 – helped me to be open about my sexuality; while my mother could not have cared less,  she would have shared my secret with other members of my family who - although they may well hotly deny it now - were not gay-friendly (to say the least) in those days. Later, I would be unemployed for nearly four years after a nervous breakdown; as I recovered, I was scared I’d never work again just as I was scared I would never walk again after being warned it was a possibility after a bad accident in 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Time and again, Fear has threatened me with all sorts as it does so many of us; yes, it’s scary, but I’d say, when it comes to allies in times of adversity, the human spirit is up to the challenge … if we but learn to keep faith with it. Never expect plain sailing all the way, though.

Fear drove me to attempt ‘emigrating’ in 1969 with near-disastrous results Indeed, fear continued to all but take over my life until I finally acknowledged its power over me and resolved to hit back rather than try and run away; no point in the latter, I finally recognised,  since fear would always catch up with me unless I stood up to it once and for all. I still have certain fears … of acute pain, losing friends to coronavirus or whatever … but (apart from pain) no others that spring to mind. Religious associates have told me I should fear death as I do not subscribe to any religion beyond an affinity with Pantheism, but no God of Love or Nature is going to send me to some ‘Hell’  for either refusing to let dogma tell me how to live my life, or my being gay. If life has taught me little else it is that hell is what we, ourselves, make of it from time to time, a human condition in which, yes, Fear can be relied upon to play a central role.

Fear wears many faces and takes on various personae. I defy anyone say, hand on heart, that he or she is afraid of nothing; but if we cannot beat it, at least we can do our best to stand up to it, face it head-on, and let it know we are no pushover. I only hope that when the Grim Reaper finally comes for yours truly, I can still find the strength to do just that.

Meanwhile, I take my strength from my friends, my favourite ghosts and my poetry. Is that enough? What is ever ‘enough’ but, yes, it will do nicely, thank you … wry bardic grin

HOME FRONTS

No one looks for me,

but be sure I'll find them whoever,

wherever they may be,

nor am I rejected easily, resisting 

any denial of my existing 

at the heart of mind-body-spirit;

though I intrude like a thief

in the night, nor ever dissuaded

by any absence of light

They often wear a mask,

attempt to assuming another persona

to the one I insinuate,

dragging on any positive thoughts,

until they litter a landscape 

of despair, no-one to the rescue,

wannabe heroes put to flight

for a curtain of fake news falling

even on inner sight

Ah, but who comes here,

wagging a feisty finger at you-me-us,

but an ally of sorts,

pointing out that any battles lost

leave a war you can yet win,

other positive forces on standby,

urging you don't cave in, 'you'

whom a common humanity sees

as one of its own

I am Fear, never one to be easily ignored

unless made to fall on my own sword

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2020, rev. 2021

[Note: Eagle-eyed readers will see that I have revised this poem since it first appeared on the blog; it also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today. While, yes, poetry is universal and would hope to address anyone, feedback suggests that many readers continue to only only access one blog or the other.] RNT

 

Hell is a Place called Closet

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Sometimes life gets too much for us and we feel a need to run away from everything and everyone. Only, there is no running away unless it is to that dark, distant place we call loneliness. Oh, we might plan to stay just a little while, but time has a nasty habit of playing tricks on us, and before we know it half a lifetime has passed.

It is always good to talk over problems with a good listener. Never bottle things up (I speak from harsh personal experience) as they will always break out in the end, sometimes with devastating results. As regular readers will know, I put a severe nervous breakdown many years ago down to just that.  There were many reasons for the breakdown, not least my having to keep my sexual orientation a secret from friends and family during teenage years and young manhood; gay relationships were illegal in the UK in those days. 

The gay factor was part adventure, part nightmare for me during those closet years. I’d cruise when and where I could for the company of other gay guys. My dream was that one day I would not only be free to acknowledge my sexuality, but also let a gay-friendly world in on my secret. That dream has been partially fulfilled; we even have pro-gay legislation here in the UK and other parts of the West to back it up. Tragically, though, it, is not the same for gay people worldwide. Mind you, there is no legislating for bad attitude; homophobia is alive and kicking just about everywhere.

Gay or straight, the going may be tough sometimes, even most of the time, but it has been my experience that it pays to tackle the rough along with the smooth rather than keep putting off the inevitable until some proverbial tomorrow that will never come unless we focus on the kind of person we are not the kind of person we (or anyone else) might have preferred us to be. Once we focus on that, accept responsibility for it, and start making our own choices accordingly, only then have we earned the right to be counted among the world's free spirits.

Now. as I have said before in the blogs, whether or not a person decides to be openly gay is a personal choice and depends on his or her circumstances. I have no time for the ugly process of 'outing' people. Whatever the apparent reasons behind a person's decision, we should respect that decision; the chances are we don't know the whole story, and it's none of our business anyway ... or is it?

HELL IS A PLACE CALLED CLOSET

There’s a place

as gloomy as a hermit’s cave;

only, caves

don’t have holes in the roof

for bird droppings;

it’s a place as cold as a tram shelter

in winter;

only, no there’s no history

of tramlines;

it’s a place as scary as a graveyard

by moonlight, headstones letting slip

the letters of my name

I should leave

this gloomy cold, dead, place;

only, I long since

lost all sight of alternatives

(and choices);

a voice tells me to take a leap of faith

into the light;

only, it is so high, so far away,

and I’m scared;

I glimpse the tip of a bird’s wing 

through a hole

in my sky, can only wish it well clear

of human malice 

I hate this place,

yet I know it like I know the self

that never meant to stay 

as long as it did after mind-body-spirit 

met its demons

and only mind and body ran away, 

found faux safety

in a cave, leaving my spirit

to its imaginings 

of birds in flight and contending

with human nature

at its worst in this, the awful loneliness

of its despair

For sure, high time

I reconciled with alter ego after years

of its telling me to dry

my tears, leave this hell for a heaven 

of my own creation

instead of making do as best I can

with stereotypes

profiling differences, equating rights

with wrongs

and causing such chaos,

as to prevent fake news spreading,

being taken to heart and (worse) acted on

in good faith

Now, coming out, 

to show the world I'm made of far more

than meets the eye

so quick to judge us by appearances

and body language

incompatible with whatever imprint

of self-image

formative years may have nurtured

in circumstances

beyond its line of vision at the time, left

to find its own way,

by hook, by crook, by this or that random

learning curve

G-A-Y, ready to come in from a bitter cold,

integral to the oldest stories never told

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011, 2019

[Note An earlier version of this poem -appeared on the blog in 2011 under the title 'The Place'.]