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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A new poem today. I am not well at the moment so hope you like it. I started writing it to cheer me up as I had been feeling very low; it certainly worked I that respect so …

Now, fear is no stranger to most if not all of us, especially now as the Covid-19 coronavirus continues to ravage communities around the world.

As a child I was afraid of being misunderstood as I was inept at properly expressing myself vocally; to some extent, I still am. As a youth and young man, I feared being exposed and beaten up for being gay; fortunately circumstances - notably my mother’s death when I was 30 – helped me to be open about my sexuality; while my mother could not have cared less,  she would have shared my secret with other members of my family who - although they may well hotly deny it now - were not gay-friendly (to say the least) in those days. Later, I would be unemployed for nearly four years after a nervous breakdown; as I recovered, I was scared I’d never work again just as I was scared I would never walk again after being warned it was a possibility after a bad accident in 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Time and again, Fear has threatened me with all sorts as it does so many of us; yes, it’s scary, but I’d say, when it comes to allies in times of adversity, the human spirit is up to the challenge … if we but learn to keep faith with it. Never expect plain sailing all the way, though.

Fear drove me to attempt ‘emigrating’ in 1969 with near-disastrous results Indeed, fear continued to all but take over my life until I finally acknowledged its power over me and resolved to hit back rather than try and run away; no point in the latter, I finally recognised,  since fear would always catch up with me unless I stood up to it once and for all. I still have certain fears … of acute pain, losing friends to coronavirus or whatever … but (apart from pain) no others that spring to mind. Religious associates have told me I should fear death as I do not subscribe to any religion beyond an affinity with Pantheism, but no God of Love or Nature is going to send me to some ‘Hell’  for either refusing to let dogma tell me how to live my life, or my being gay. If life has taught me little else it is that hell is what we, ourselves, make of it from time to time, a human condition in which, yes, Fear can be relied upon to play a central role.

Fear wears many faces and takes on various personae. I defy anyone say, hand on heart, that he or she is afraid of nothing; but if we cannot beat it, at least we can do our best to stand up to it, face it head-on, and let it know we are no pushover. I only hope that when the Grim Reaper finally comes for yours truly, I can still find the strength to do just that.

Meanwhile, I take my strength from my friends, my favourite ghosts and my poetry. Is that enough? What is ever ‘enough’ but, yes, it will do nicely, thank you … wry bardic grin

HOME FRONTS

No one looks for me,

but be sure I'll find them whoever,

wherever they may be,

nor am I rejected easily, resisting 

any denial of my existing 

at the heart of mind-body-spirit;

though I intrude like a thief

in the night, nor ever dissuaded

by any absence of light

They often wear a mask,

attempt to assuming another persona

to the one I insinuate,

dragging on any positive thoughts,

until they litter a landscape 

of despair, no-one to the rescue,

wannabe heroes put to flight

for a curtain of fake news falling

even on inner sight

Ah, but who comes here,

wagging a feisty finger at you-me-us,

but an ally of sorts,

pointing out that any battles lost

leave a war you can yet win,

other positive forces on standby,

urging you don't cave in, 'you'

whom a common humanity sees

as one of its own

I am Fear, never one to be easily ignored

unless made to fall on my own sword

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2020, rev. 2021

[Note: Eagle-eyed readers will see that I have revised this poem since it first appeared on the blog; it also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today. While, yes, poetry is universal and would hope to address anyone, feedback suggests that many readers continue to only only access one blog or the other.] RNT