Wilde at Heart

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem first appeared on the blog in 2017. 

Someone who introduces himself as a "religious person" has emailed to berate me for "ignoring" the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic and even publishing a gay-interest poetry blog at all." What can I say? I can only refer this reader to my general poetry blog where I have been making reference to the pandemic all the time. Regarding the creation of this blog, our sexuality is an important part of who we are, and we are all, in turn, part of a common humanity. Not everyone likes poetry, of course, but if he cannot bring himself to read either blog, I confess to being puzzled as to how and why he feels it is his "duty" to attack me for them. wry bardic chuckle

Over the years, I have made a number of significant revisions to my (published and unpublished) poems and novels. Eventually all my print books will hopefully have been converted to revised editions in e-format but this will take some time. As I am in my 70's now, I may need to depend on someone else. Publishers - other than anthology publishers and poetry magazine editors - have never shown any interest in my poetry because I have always insisted on insist on including a gay-interest section so I have mostly self-published. Consequently, my collections have only been on sale in the UK. While costly, I have always more than broken even with sales, and more importantly been very encouraged by feedback from gay and straight readers alike.

Find below, my dedication poem to Oscar Wilde from my  collection Tracking the Torchbearer. I read it on You Tube (NB under its original title, 'De Profundis') beside a wonderful sculpture - 'A Conversation with Oscar Wilde' by Maggie Hambling - that can be found in central London.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxcbIozftcE

OR Access my You Tube channel and search there:

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber

The poem was written in 1981; that I was able to write it at all played a significant part in the long haul of recovery from a nervous breakdown in 1979 that was perhaps inevitable after spending many years afraid - for various reasons - to be openly gay.

WILDE AT HEART

I lay floating in an ocean of misery,

willing myself to drown

while dolphins kept me company

and Apollo lingered on

Sharks, they kept a hungry distance,

an albatross winged by,

while waves lent a gentle cadence

to twilight’s lullaby

Went into free fall to the ocean floor

and would have stayed,

but Apollo demanded of me more

while the dolphins cried

I let them have their way if reluctantly,

screaming for their motivation,

peering into a misty-eyed mortality,

without rhyme or reason

No one answered my question though

I strained to hear,

then twilight let a cloud pass through

and I found a poem there

Body of straw in that ocean of misery,

willing myself to drown,

I read an ode to life, love and a history

of peace after wars hard won

It told how little in life ever comes easy

including death …

such is the fickle nature of humanity

in the sight of Earth Mother

I felt a poet’s passion take hold of me,

heard its voice in a seagull’s cry,

swimming me across an ocean of misery

to walk kinder shores, head high

I woke in tears still drenching my pillow,

began (slowly) to recover;

at chinks in the blinds, winks from Apollo

assuring me the worst was over

Copyright R. N. Taber 1982; 2007

[From: Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, March 2012]

[Note: Tragically of course, for Wilde, the worst was far from over during his lifetime.