H, Everyone, from London UK

Hi, Everyone, from London UK,

Sorry, no poem today as I am trying to load as many of my poems to a memory stick as I can, just in case the blog ever disappears.

In the past, UK poetry publishers have shown no interest in me because I make it clear that any published collection must include a gay section. My self-published collections proved popular, but the last one appeared in 2021' since then, I have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, had a bad fall that has left me with  mobility problems and have been having to cope while living on my own. I cope OK(ish), so no worries, but nothing gets easier as we grow older and I'm in my late 70's now.

As I have said on the blog before, in latter years, writing poetry has been as much by way of creative therapy than for pleasure; it helps me  manage thought processes and memory problems as a direct result of years of hormone therapy for my prostate cancer. So, I feel a need to write what I can, while I can and keep my poems in a safe place in case any publishers eventually show any real interest once I have passed away.

No one has ever appreciated just how much my poetry means to me and, yet again, a BIG thank you to you all, dear readers, for encouraging me by viewing my poems and sending emails from time to time.

Reader H H asks how many views this blog has had in total since I started writing it up about ten years ago. Currently, blogger statistics show 213,149 views; for a poetry blog, this is VERY encouraging, so you can understand why continuing it is so important to an oldie like me, from both a psychological and health point of view. The gay poetry blog statistics show a total of 160, 987 views, again, very encouraging.

Feedback suggests that more LGBT viewers dip into both blogs these days and I like to think it is because they are coming round to the point of view that poetry is for everyone, has something to say to everyone, intent on voicing a perspective on which the reader is invited to consider his or her own take. Whatever, food for thought is important; sadly, the pace of life these days means fewer people can make time enough for even that. 

When I stared blogging, I had been warned that a gay poetry blog would be unlikely to attract many readers and I was unable to find anything similar online, so...G-AY in the Subject Field took to pc screens worldwide. My having been sexually inactive for some years now, it may have  lost its initial momentum, but feedback suggests LGBT readers appreciate the encouragement my poems try to offer. (I spent too many years in a lonely closet to want the same for anyone who is led to believe there is something shameful, even sinful about sexual/ gender identity; neither is a choice, but who we are. 

It is a tragedy of our times that some family members, friends and religious communities continue to be guided by many misleading stereotypes propagated by the less enlightened. 

Nor is the sense of spirituality I have always felt any the less for my being gay. Encouragingly, most young people are more prepared to take others as they find them, without prejudging them for what they may have heard on this or that grapevine. (I suspect political correctness means well, but has proven far less effective than intended;. You cannot effectively legislate for a person's perspectives on life and people; it simply creates closets for any that need to be aired, challenged and modified. 

As for poetry, whether people like a poem or not is less important than they should consider how and why they feel about what it it has to say to the voice in which the poem speaks. (As regular readers well know, I have always championed the right to agree to differ...] RT 😉 

We are barely into 2023, yet violent criminal acts on the streets and behind closed doors are hitting the headlines already .Let us hope that Peace, Love and Understanding will eventually prevail worldwide, the darker side of human nature notwithstanding....!

Oh, and on the subject if headlines, I have been asked what I think of Prince Harry's revelations in his book, Spare. Well, I have no interest in reading it, not least because it is unlikely that other members of the Royal Family will respond and there are always two sides to every story. So, to coin a popular phrase, "No comment." 😉

I am working on a new poem, but slowly as I am not too well and old age is catching up with me. No point in crying over spilt milk, though so, yes, I continue to do my best to keep looking on the bright(er) side of life... even though a fog sometimes.😉

Take care, folks, keep safe and stay positive,

Hopefully, back soon with a new poem,

Hugs,

Roger

[Note: This post also appears in my general poetry blog today.] RT

Bells, Messaging the Spirit of Christmas

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Christmas… is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.” - Dale Evans

“If there are occasions when my grape turned into a raisin and my joy bell lost its resonance, please forgive me. Charge it to my head and not to my heart.” - Jesse Jackson

“Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind.” – ‘Kris Kringle’ in the movie, Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.” - ‘Scrooge’ in Stave 4 of  A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

“The temple bell stops but I still hear the sound coming out of the flowers.” - Matsuo Basho

Reader C. C. who lives in East London, has asked for "...a Christmas poem that gay and other LBT readers, especially any rejected by family and peers for our sexual identity - seen as an abuse against certain cultural ideals - can relate to, while continuing to identify with a universal  'spirit' of Christmas, regardless of cultural demands."

Well, C.C.I have done my best and can but hope you are able to relate to the poem-post below and at least some of the quotations above.

During my first winter term at Junior School, (some 70 years ago…oo-err!) a teacher asked what we most enjoy at Christmas. “Presents, sir!", more than half the class yelled. One boy simply put his hand up. When the teacher indicated for him to speak, he said, “I enjoy it because people are much nicer and kinder.” “A good point,” said the teacher with feeling, “I daresay many people would agree with you about other religious festivals as well…” He then changed the subject, but I wasn’t the only one left reflecting on his words… and continue to do so. 😉 

As regular readers know, I became as disillusioned with most religious leaders and world religions as with most  politicians and world politics generally over the years, and now think of myself as a Pantheist. 

Now, having written and enjoyed reading poetry for as long as I can remember, I have tried to write a Poem for Christmas that reflects the common spirit of world religions, an all-embracing inclusiveness often found wanting in the interpretation of various dogma associated with them. And, no, I do not exclude Christianity. 

Although I respect anyone’s religious Beliefs, I reserve the right (as regular readers will also know) to agree to differ…😉

BELLS, MESSAGING THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

Bells! Ringing out the same message
over centuries of fear
and pain, ringing out yet again
to remind the world
of such love and peace for all souls
striving, even fighting 
for peace of mind, but wishful thinking 
among any made to suffer hate and hypocrisy
poisoning a common humanity

They know, the bells, and feel our pain
as and when we struggle
to rise above it all, find peace and love
within each other,
endeavour to let the world know, for all 
its many differences,
that 'Love rules OK' and will find a way
to make its presence plainly and believably told,
no LGBT folks, left out in the cold

Hear the joyful sound of Christmas bells,
sending a message 
of peace, hope, love and goodwill 
to a common humanity,
men, women and children, no exceptions
for gender, ethnicity 
or sexual identity, celebrating heart-and-soul
of You-Me-Us by drawing on its multiple voices,
addressing the Spirit of Christmas

It's an all-inclusive You-Me-Us, a new generation,
acknowledging the kinder side of being human

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: The greater part of this post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

Keyword, Pride

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber  

 “What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” - Tennessee Williams

“Love demands expression. It will not stay still, stay silent, be good, be modest, be seen and not heard, no. It will break out in tongues of praise, the high note that smashes the glass and spills the liquid.” — Jeanette Winterson

 “Personally, coming out was one of the most important things I’ve ever done, lifting from my shoulders the millstone of lies that I hadn’t even realized I was carrying.” – Sir Ian McKellan

“I’m living by example by continuing on with my career and having a full, rich life, and I am incidentally gay.” - Portia de Rossi

Now, today celebrates fifty years of Pride, LGBT+ folks defying the prejudices of certain world societies and religions to demonstrate a sense of pride and spirituality in being human, nor any less so for their sexuality.

As as regular readers know, I am in my mid-seventies and, like many others around the world, having to deal with various health issues as well as those that too often accompany the process of growing old(er).  I cope ok(ish), but suspect that I could not have done so had I not eventually seen my way to turning my back on the multiple, offensive faux stereotypes that attempted to define us when I was growing up in the 1950’s. I regret waiting too long to look, the world in the eye as a gay ma, but... better late than never.

Tragically, for various socio-cultural reasons, many LGBT+ folks around the world still feel obliged to endure the appalling loneliness and pain of a closet existence.

Coming out of that closet, made me a better person, but not before it had wrought such psychological damage on me that, even now, continues to inflict such nightmares from time to time as I would not wish on anyone, anywhere.

KEYWORD, PRIDE

Drawn to a bar 
neither gay nor straight,
all-comers welcome,
a pint of beer calling me
I could not ignore,
a growing need for company
at the heart of me

Soon, engaging 
with a stranger, no strangers
for long, but chatting
like old friends, laughing
over trite anecdotes,
welcome respite after a long day,
let slip, I was gay

Misreading his look
of surprise, a sense of déjà vu,
hackles set to rise
but for friendly lips breaking
into a wry, sensual grin,
makings of a non-judgemental,
heart-and soul

“How long?” he asked
quietly, but with as casual an air
as if he'd been asking
if I’d had a good day at the office;
I felt my face turning red,
yet urged to answer the truth of it
by mind-body-spirit

“None of my business,"
it was his turn to admit, “but more
than curious if you get
my drift…?  " I merely shrugged,
ventured a shy grin;
we chatted on, twin passions inviting
mutual understanding

Lovers, exploring a braver new world, 
keyword, Pride…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today] RT

Secrets

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"The deepest hunger in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self." – Deepak Chopra

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.” – Paul Tournier

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new". – Socrates

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." - Buddha

Few contemporary religions believe that homosexuality has a place in the community.  History, though, has a habit of suggesting otherwise. Ancient carvings worldwide have been recovered to show men and women having homosexual sex. 

Now, the homophobes among us may argue that civilization has progressed since then, but progress is a matter of opinion and, as a gay man and poet, I am inclined, in all conscience, to agree with the Buddha. 

Mind you, for many among us, our thoughts are invariably manipulated, for better or worse, by various faux stereotypes as created - either knowingly or otherwise - by such powers that be that, in turn, feel motivated to manipulate and welcome the thoughts of others into a singular narrow-mindedness that may well last a lifetime, but for...a steadily growing, enlightening relationship with nature?

SECRETS

Even a watery sun on a winter’s day
can lighten a burdened heart
inspiring even complete strangers
to exchange smiles
like secret lovers refusing kith and kin
so much as a look-in,
engaging in the sheer ecstasy 
of being alive, before the world gets to pelt us
with its spurious ideas

Summer, leafy buds of spring open
to such joie de vivre 
as only they know for their engaging
with nature and human nature
acknowledging both the best and worst
in one another, like secrets
shared and hopefully worked through
to such ends as may well cast caution to the wind
in the face of humankind

Love, whether for person, place, pet
or, better still, all three,
homing us in on a spirituality regarded
by some with suspicion
for not obviously engaging with the politics
of religion for having less trust in it
than perceived as necessary 
for any such mind-body-spirit as perceived worthy
of a common humanity

Ah, but there is a spirituality of thought
independent of historical agendas 
drawn up with the best of such intentions, 
aspiring to improve quality 
of human life, bring us peace of mind, 
within sure  boundaries expressed
by moving fingers having writ, yet not
moved on as every Here-and-Now asks and expects
of each You-Me-Us

It’s in a proven adaptability to change 
(or not, as the case may well be)
that humanity needs must acknowledge
to rise above its worst fears,
cease to take them out on those who appear
to fall short of such expectations
as moving fingers aspiring to engage us all
with mixed interpretations of nature
and human nature, invoking a common source in both
to… endure

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today.] RNT

True Love Ways

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Someone once asked me how , as a gay man, I can write love poems. Well, I ask you, does a silly question even deserve an answer? 

For a start, LGBT folks are as capable of love as anyone. Possibly, my questioner was confusing love with sex, as many people do. He may well choose to set himself up as judge and jury regarding our approach to that, but by what right does he do so? His religion may well condemn same sex relationships, but what justifies imposing his religious agenda on me?

Sex can be an expression of love, of course, but it's by no means the only one. Besides, love comes in all shapes and forms, as I have pointed out on the blog many times. We may well love family, friends, places, pets... in which neither sex nor gender (or sexuality) play any part whatever.

Love is a powerful emotion in both human and natural worlds, nor is it any less natural  in the former for same sex couples. No one chooses their sexuality, it is purely a matter of genetics. Why condemn same sex couples for something many if not most heterosexual couples take for granted? Bigotry - on religious grounds or narrow mindedness - causes considerable hurt to those it attacks, so much so that many LGBT folks are fearful of being open about their sexuality; yes, even in the 21st century! Fear (not shame) may well mean a closet existence, one I endured until my mid-30's  and, believe me that closet  gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Hell on Earth'.

Is saddens me so that I've met LGBT folks from all walks of life (yes, all walks of life) who risk losing family, friends, even their lives, not because of their sexual persuasion but as a result of bigoted, stereotypical perceptions of it. While it is encouraging to see less of the latter these days, we still have a long way to go before certain communities worldwide are ready to put them aside, if ever...

Yes, I've said all this before, especially on my other poetry blog, but - as my dear mother used to say -if something is worth saying, it has to be worth repeating.

Take care, keep well and be safe everyone.

            ( NB Image taken from the Internet.)

TRUE LOVE WAYS

Though Fate us part awhile
relax, enjoy a cup of tea
or a walk in the park, but smile
and laugh for thinking of me

Though Life us part awhile,
play a game, see a movie;
no moping, keeping a low profile;
move on, have fun, think of me

Whatever has us part awhile,
our love will keep us close;
so, no tears, just summon a smile,
be as dawn to a river as it flows

For engaging with life forces
and any blows they let fall,
there’s a You-Me-us of happiness,
able to defy, rise above them all

Let Death conspire against us
(with nothing better to do?);
Love, the stronger of all life forces,
will find ways to see us through

Whoever, in life, to a Heaven aspires
has but to nurture true love ways

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

[Note: This post-poem also  appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

Hello, LGBT readers

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A reader has emailed to say that friends cannot access this blog on other servers. I can only suggest they try typing in the full web address as this seems to work for some people:

https://aspectsofagaymanslifeinverse.blogspot.com

Another reader asks why I post so few poems on this blog these days.  Hopefully, some readers continue to read both blogs, though, as a poem attempts to reach out to everyone, regardless of age, gender, sexuality or ethnicity.

Many poems on my general blog, although not LGBT-specific, adopt themes that many readers around the world will relate to, so long (of course) as they enjoy poetry in the first place; even then, it is unlikely that everyone will like or relate to every poem. 

As a gay man who enjoys reading and writing poetry, I started the blog about 10 years ago because I was only able to access relatively few poems relating to my sexuality. I suppose you could say that I began to run out of bardic steam. Anyone can access the blog archives, though, visible on the righthand side of any blog page; the archives contain many of my LGBT-specific poems.

https://aspectsofagaymanslifeinverse.blogspot.com/

or by switching to it from a general poetry blog page (top left)

I will be posting fewer poems on both blogs in the days and weeks to come as I am 75 now and have various medical conditions that need attending to on a daily basis so need to publish at least two more (limited) collections in book form as well as see making them available online. All my previous collections have a gay section, and LGBT poems also appear in other sections; they have been generally well-received and many UK public libraries stock them, but publishers appear not to like the idea of gay-interest and general poems appearing under the same cover if the lack of replies to any approaches/ enquiries I have made is anything to go by,

As the older generations and their prejudices towards same sex relationship that so many (by no means all) continue to propagate start to put sense and sensibility before ignorance, we can but hope that younger generations will take a more positive and balanced view, as many already do. 

Sadly, I suspect stereotyping and prejudice in all its ugly shapes and forms will persist among societies worldwide for some time yet. Whatever happened, I wonder, to universally treating others as we would expect to be treated ourselves and the kind of love for our neighbours that religions preach...? Mind you, human nature is such that life is no fairy tale, and just as we all have our own likes and dislikes; the same applies to people. There will always be those who don't like each other, and that' only natural, so long as the root cause for any dislike does not relate, for example, to their sexuality or the colour of their skin.

“Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones.”- Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

 “I would rather be a man of paradoxes than a man of prejudices.” - Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, or On Education

Take care, everyone and keep well. I will be back sooner rather than later. In the meantime, do enjoy the archives, and many thanks for your company, always much appreciated.

Hugs,

Roger

Stereotypes, Daggers in the Heart

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem first appeared on the blog in 2016.

I am not happy with the new blogger and wasn't when I was invited to try it some time ago. I had hoped we bloggers might  be given a choice  to continue in the old format, but it appears not, so I may not be blogging here for much longer. It is typical - in my personal experience - that so many people and organizations, even some shops, give little thought to how many older people like myself  - who do not have i-phones or android and struggle with internet technology, are easily confused, especially those of us living alone and have been struggling with other health issues long before the Covid-19 pandemic. However, I will see how I get on with the new format, but am not optimistic.

I am often asked to repeat the link to my informal poetry reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square as my contribution to Sir Antony Gormley's One and Other 'live' sculpture' project in 2009. The entire web stream of 2400 hours is archived in the British Library:

.

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T  [ [NB: The British Library have confirmed that the video is no longer available as it was incompatible with a new IT system. However, it still exists and BL hope to reinstate it and make it available to the public again at some future date.] RNT

To suggest all gay men are paedophiles is every bit as absurd as it is to suggest everyone from any one socio-cultural-religious group is a terrorist. Tragically, stereotypes have a nasty habit of spreading and some people start mistaking them for truths which they duly pass on ...

I was only 14 years-old when I realised I am gay. Men I encountered at local gay cruising grounds were no paedophiles; on the contrary, they taught me how to think better of myself after being raised to think homosexuality is shameful. I did not feel able to come out to the world as a gay man for some years, not least because same sex relationships were illegal here in the UK until 1969; neither was I able to quite shake off the hostility I had met towards those like myself until much later, but thanks to those early encounters I was eventually encouraged to do so.  

The less enlightened among the heterosexual majority tend to forget that gay boys and girls, too, need to learn about sexual relationships; it is vital that sexual/ gender identity issues are discussed openly and intelligently in schools everywhere - including Faith Schools - so that children do not grow up with false, if not warped impressions, of what it means to be gay, bisexual, transgender or simply confused, even frightened by the way they start to identify with their sexuality as their teenage years kick in.. 

Sadly, various socio-cultural-religious agendas do no one who is not a diehard heterosexual any favours; consequently, even in a supposedly 'enlightened' twenty-first century, there are LGBT folks around the world, from all walks of life, forced to live their lives in the shadows or - worse - some dark lonely closet, such as I once did for years.

STEREOTYPES, DAGGERS IN THE HEART 

I’ll be your friend a child told an old man,

but he shook his grey head, sighing;

the child took careworn hands in his own,

sad to see already rheumy eyes crying

I’d love to be your friend said the old man

but some people will get the wrong idea;

they’ll be looking at you and looking at me,

and feeding old lies to imagination, I fear

It’s time I was on my way said the old man,

I’ve been warming this bench too long.

"Go child, and have fun, as much as you can,

it doesn’t last, innocence, being young…"

The child ran off, puzzled by catching Gran

throw daggers at the kindly, lonely old man

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2016

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber. 2005.]

Chain Gang OR Doing a Runner

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I published the poem below on my general blog in May 2012. As well as the abusive emails I received in response to it at the time were some from closet gay people and gay-friendly straight readers who were pleased to find a gay-interest poem on a general poetry blog; all were hoping for 'more gay-friendly societies worldwide as our heterosexual brothers and sisters learn to live and let live', as one reader from a very gay-unfriendly African country put it. Yes, more have learned to do just that although , in my experience, there remains a prevailing bad attitude towards LGBT folks just about everywhere, although I dare say exponents of political correctness will argue differently. My problem there, though, is that what people say and what they think are often poles apart as their subsequent behaviour (when not under any authoritative microscope) illustrates  Even so, hope springs eternal ...

Now, I am happily, openly gay. But it wasn’t always that way. 

As regular readers will know, I am still haunted now and then by dark, cold, closet years when I was afraid to tell anyone. Throughout my youth and early years of young manhood, gay relationships were illegal here in the UK. Yet, even after these were decriminalised, I was still more in that damn closet than out of it.

Part of the reason I hesitated to be openly gay was that I had such trouble shrugging off all the offensive stereotypes with which I had been burdened for years. Another reason was that I could rely on no support from family or friends for much the same reason. In many areas there are support groups available now; there is also a LOT of support available on the Internet that includes access to gay forums. [Always keep your wits about you when chatting to people on the web, though, as not everyone is as genuine as they may seem.]

Much has changed for the better since those dark days some 30+ years ago. Many of the stereotypes still exist but are countered these days by supportive (rather than just defensive) arguments, and in some parts of the world gay men and woman can turn to Equal Rights legislation.; in other parts of the world, though, there is none of this and gay people, especially young gay people, are suffering much as I did all those years ago.

It has to stop. Societies whose leaders support anti-gay legislation must be made to see sense by more enlightened societies; political pressure must be brought to bear and seen to be brought to bear.

All the blame for the continuing suffering of all LGBT people, often struggling with their sexual identity and in need of support and reassurance, does not always lie at society’s door. Support and understanding starts in the home. Even in the so-called liberal West, many gay boys and girls, men and women, are (still) living in a gay-unfriendly environment.

Wherever you look, and closer to home than you may think, various socio-cultural-religious anti-gay pressures are being brought to bear on gay people.

As I keep saying and will keep saying, the key to supporting gay people in home, school and workplace lies in educating, family, friends and work colleagues into just what it means to be gay; dismantle all those same stereotypes and arguments that kept me in the closet once and for all. Parents and teachers worldwide must start taking responsibility for this along with just as societies’ less enlightened leaders.

Those readers who get in touch to tell me I am being a dinosaur, things have changed and gays have never had it so good should take a closer look at what is happening in Uganda and many other African countries, for example, also in Russia where gay people amongst others must be aghast at Putin’s policies.

Homophobic hate-crime remains  an ugly stain on the human race along with all other acts of physical and verbal abuse committed by perpetrators driven by its prejudices.

CHAIN GANG or DOING A RUNNER

Shovelling lies, bundles at a time,
though wore my hair long and sang,
making out I didn’t give a damn,
breaking my back on a chain gang

Yes, thought about breaking loose,
though rarely let it tease me for long;
couldn’t face ever having to choose
between alter ego and the chain gang

For long hours, days, weeks, years,
I slogged on, never putt a foot wrong;
no one ever saw me shed any tears
for making a career of the chain gang

I knew the politics, chapter and verse,
yet still kept singing the same old song,
ringing changes, for better for worse,
and more new faces on the chain gang

One face lingered in my mind’s eye,
wry grins sure to catch me responding,
couldn’t ignore, even though I’d try
‘cause it just ain’t done on a chain gang

Too scared to come clean and get real,
told gay love ungodly so must be wrong,
but how could I argue with a smile
that lets heaven shine on a chain gang?

We got to know each other better daily,
mindsets more than merely getting along,
office gossip machine churning madly
(for our not doing right by the chain gang)

We did a runner one day, my love and I,
got a life, determined to do our own thing,
happier at work (even happier at play)
just two gay people getting on with living

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007 

Branded

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I am so fed-up with many religious minded people (not all, thank goodness since a significant minority manage to resist the usual brainwashing and reconcile their religious beliefs with open hearts and minds) telling me that same sex lovers are committing blasphemy.  For my own part, how can I blaspheme against something I don’t believe in?

Regular readers know my views only too well. Even if I were of a religious orientation, I cannot believe any God would condemn anyone for their sexuality. Moreover, my early interpretation of the New Testament (long before I was old enough to realise I am gay) is that Jesus, for one, would agree.

Besides, there are other things going on in the world that should give us all far greater concern than who sleeps with whom, not least the coronavirus pandemic.

Oh, but I so love this quote by Dr Seuss: 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'

This poem is a villanelle.

BRANDED

Branding gay lovers blasphemers,
those wolves robed in sheep’s clothing
calling for world peace at prayers

How dare they judge us for sinners,
(relishing a holier-than-thou posturing)
branding gay lovers blasphemers?

Taking us for fools, many Believers
known to compromise on their fasting,
calling for world peace at prayers

No faith would make us its prisoners
or sacrifice us to some clerics' gathering
branding gay lovers blasphemers

Taking us for scapegoats, deceivers
failing to practise what they’re preaching,
calling for world peace at prayers

Last seen touting homemade blinkers,
courtesy of rhetoric well worth exploiting,
branding gay lovers blasphemers,
calling for world peace at prayers

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

Body Positive

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Both poems appeared on both blogs in 2012 - on World AIDS Day - but received little interest and views here over several years; eventually, inexplicably, it disappeared and I did not replace  although  its sister post continues to be well visited on my general poetry blog. The poems appear here again today at the request of a reader who says his life has been 'turned upside down' after revealing to family and friends not only that he is gay, but has also that he has been tested positive for HIV-AIDS. He feels "rejected to the extend that I am even having suicidal thoughts." 

I would urge anyone harbouring suicidal thoughts to call The Samaritans (116 123) if in the UK or email jo@Samaritans.co.uk as their email service extends beyond the UK; also search the Internet for LGBT support groups if no one springs to mind to whom you can turn. 

Some people in some countries remain actively hostile towards LGBT people and we can only hope that love and commonsense will prevail in the end. Meanwhile, we can but seek support from those loved ones and friends who continue to put humanity before any bigotry and give any inhumanity the contempt and cold shoulder it deserves. Having said that, it has to be said that some people do need more time than others to get used to revelations about which they genuinely had no idea; this is especially true where formative years have taken countless faux stereotypes to heart.

For many people, it is only when HIV-AIDS strikes close to home that they ask themselves questions they should have asked long ago, but saw no need, content enough to go along with the flow  of socio-cultural-religious bigotry and hypocrisy that continues to make itself felt in certain societies worldwide to this day.

BODY POSITIVE

Life, death!

Floods me, goads me,

leads me beside hot beaches

where I run, a dazzling sea

cheering me on, and I wonder

where the lark has gone

that fixed me so with its cheer

before abandoning me here

like a forgotten toy filled with joy

for its having all but played

me out before going about nature’s

own business

Life, death!

Calls me, galls me,

urges me back, back to you;

but we are gone,

the taste of us honey on my tongue

where we romped and played

like tots in make-believe, heading

barefoot among jellyfish

for the Punch and Judy man

who’ll make us laugh

if anyone can before the sun goes down,

our time forgotten

Life, death!

Overtaken us now,

beckoning. I’ll not rush my pace

for we’ve already run our race,

won a place among same stars enchanting

same lulling swell.

All’s well. One lost toy recovered

and taken home. Punch and Judy

in a packing case,

sleeping it off at some Bed and Breakfast.

I, filled with a night too exquisite for words

like those we shared...

Before AIDS

Copyright R. N. Taber 1996; 2012

[Note: A slightly different version first appeared in August and Genet by R. N. Taber (Wire Poetry Booklet series) Aramby Publishing,1996 and subsequently in various poetry publications prior to its inclusion in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000.]

None of us, gay or straight can afford to be complacent...

Didn’t test to see if I was HIV positive,

I was scared,

then my lover asked me outright

and I lied…

thinking I wasn’t really lying, believed

I was okay

but the lie began to haunt me more

each night and day,

especially when in my arms he lay

his body in my trust

I should find out, I thought, I must

have a test,

I can’t go on pretending like this

even as we kiss

that there’s no virus in me I can pass on

(as if I would)

but I cannot answer for the unknown,

need to find out

be worthy of his love and trust

or we’ll never last

Eventually, I had the test, it was negative,

I was relieved,

then I asked my lover outright

and he cried...

swore he hadn’t known when we first met

but discovered since,

too scared to tell me in case I got angry

(as I’d been he might reject me)

so what could I do but hold him near

plant kisses in his hair?

 

Yes, we’ve had the test, my love and me,

it set us free

from doubt and fear because, together,

we are strong,

can deal with whatever this life

dishes us…

beats treading on our dreams, left alone

and up against it;

above all its blessings, place trust

or love will fail the test

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010] 

S-T-E-R-E-O-T-Y-P-E-S, Faux Pas

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I am often asked - as in an email only yesterday – to send a DVD of my poetry reading on the 4th plinth in London’s Trafalgar Square back in 2009. (My contribution to sculptor Antony Gormley's 'live' sculpture project that ran 24/7 over 2400 hours that summer.) Sky Arts refused to supply plinthers with a record of their performance on the grounds that the entire web stream is archived in the British Library.

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T  [For now, at least, this link needs the latest Adobe Flash Player  and works best in Firefox; the archives website cannot run Flash but changes scheduled for later this year may well mean the link will open without it. Ignore any error message and give it a minute or so to start up. The video lasts an hour. ] RT 3/18
   

I always love to hear from readers so feel free to email me at rogertab@aol.com  [NB If you use the 'Comments' link but would like a reply, please include your email address.]

Meanwhile...

Now, it is good to pause and look back every now and then if only to remind ourselves how things were and how far we have come...so long as we don’t stop moving forward, reminding ourselves, too, that not every man and women across this sorry world of ours enjoys the freedom of speech and lifestyle they deserve.

Once a (young) closet gay man, I used to have an affinity with caged wildlife. (I am 71 now and still do.)  It was as if I were locked in a glass cage through which everyone could see although whom they saw was not me at all. I guess that’s why I hate zoos. I am a conservationist, yes, albeit one who prefers to see wildlife monitored for its own protection while remaining all but as free as nature intended.

Oh, and to all those readers who regularly email me to ask why I persist in 'harping back' to hard times when LGBT people have never had it so good, I can only say (yet again) that it all depends whether or not you live and/or work in a gay-friendly environment.

Gay men and women are not the only ones to suffer stereotyping of course. Society is too fond of stereotyping anyone who doesn't appear to follow so-called 'conventional' patterns of behaviour, encouraged by a headline hungry media. It has to stop. This is the 21st century, for goodness sake!

"A forest bird never wants a cage." - Henrik Ibsen

S-T-E-R-E-O-T-Y-P-E-S, FAUX PAS

As a youth, I dreamed
I was happy, set free
from a sad, lonely cage,
killing me softly

As a youth, I dreamed
of a world living free,
of any cultural prejudices
treating me harshly

As a youth, I dreamed
of a day I’d run free,
finding another gay man
to kiss life into me

As a youth I dreamed
a world on my side,
glad (for all its bigotry)
I hadn’t yet died

Older now, I still dream
we all may be free
to fly cages like the one
that almost killed me

Copyright R. N. Taber 1973; 2017

[Note: Written summer 1973; rediscovered and revised, 2009; 2017.]

G-A-Y, Turning Tables

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I once met a guy in a gay bar who told me he was not openly gay and asked how I ‘deal’ with my sexuality in the ‘real’ world. I told him how I used to think I had to ‘deal’ with it because, well, because… until I saw that the only ‘because’ was of my own making and I would never be free to be myself until I let it go and drown itself along with all the other excuses many if not most of us - gay or straight - so love making for not doing something.

"But people…" he began. I stopped him in his tracks and pointed out that ‘people’ are different; good and bad, wise and bigoted, open-hearted and closed-minded. Life is about seeking out and siding with the best, and taking the worst in our stride.

Now, it may well be true that most truisms are trite if not sweeping statements, but many make a point worth pondering upon. For example, ‘Laugh and the world laughs with you has to be a better cue for living than having it laugh at you…surely?

 G-A-Y, TURNING TABLES

Years ago, people made me cry

for telling me I well deserved to die

and they would not give me the time of day

just because I’m gay

Years ago I kept myself to myself

like an unwanted toy on a dusty shelf

rarely coming out, felt obliged to hide away

just because I’m gay

Years ago, I hid my sexuality

from a prying heterosexual majority

until a day I paused long enough to ask why

I should live a lie…?

I came out to the world at last,

facing up to and overriding my past,

sided with satire to confuse any would-be foe

let that tell them where to go

Once, I cracked jokes in a bar,

everyone laughed, shouted for more,

till a lone voice mocked my sexual persuasion,

only to be shouted down

Years ago, I was a fool to myself

gathering dust on a toymaker’s shelf;

fortunately (eventually) I got a life, and had fun

laughing the bigots down

Copyright R. N. Taber 2016

No Standard Template

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I have never made a big issue of being gay. If people ask me, I tell them, If they just want to wonder, well, I let them.

A person’s sexuality is nobody’s business but his or her own.

While I have often been told by other gay people that I should be more upfront about being gay in everyday life, why should I?   Yes, I ‘go public’ in my blog posts and poems, but that doesn’t mean I either want or need to thrust my sexuality in everyone’s face. No one has to read my blogs.

I hate it when religious-minded people shove their religion in my face all the time as if I am in the wrong for not sharing their faith. If I were straight, I certainly would not want a gay person banging on about being gay. Besides, there are plenty of other topics of conversation, and what possible interest can anyone have in another person’s sexuality…unless he or she wants to go to bed with them, of course…in which case, yes, being upfront is more than just OK.

We are all different, and everyone has his or her own way of going about their lives. We have no right to criticise simply because we would do things differently; just because someone is 'different' doesn't mean he or she is less worthy of our respect. (Oh, yes, most people would agree, but how many practise what they preach?) 

I have said before on the blogs, and will say again, our differences don't make us different, only human. As for repeating myself, well, as my old English teacher, Jock Rankin, used to say, if a thing is worth saying, it is always worth repeating.

NO STANDARD TEMPLATE 

Can I be gay, school pals debated,

when I don't strike a pose like gay folks

we see on TV who stick out a mile,
am nothing out of the ordinary at all?

Can I be gay, neighbours gossiped,

when it's plain to more or less anyone

I’m a pretty normal human being?
(Well, yes, sometimes a drama queen)

Can I be gay, work mates wondered,

although don’t fit any better-for-ratings

media script for doing my damnedest

to promote the everyday stereotypical?

I can't be gay, school pals insisted,

when I don’t dress the part or even strut

the local Gay Scene for...whatever
(but let's be clear, and never say never)

I can't be gay, neighbours decided,

as I’m rarely if ever seen camping it up,

would rather knock back real ales

than sip cocktails on a boys' night out

I can't be gay, work mates agreed,

as we’ve often chatted in the staff room,
even touched upon the latest gossip,

and never a hint of sexual persuasion

Whenever I hear on the grapevine

that my sexuality is cause for speculation, 
I reflect how small, narrow minds  

have no feeling for good conversation

Ah, but we are as we are, and that's it;
as for our being gay or not, so what...?

  

Copyright R. N. Taber 2001; rev. 2018

Shaping up for Life

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Many years ago, I confided in someone that I was gay but was scared of the consequences if I came out to family and friends. He simply commented, “Yes, well, just remember that body, mind and spirit only ever need to justify themselves to each other, no one else.’ I suspect that’s as good a benchmark for contentment if not happiness as I will find anywhere.

At the time, I thought it was a rather selfish approach to life. Looking back, however, (I will be 70 on the winter solstice) I can see only too clearly that it’s only during the relatively few times in my life when I have been really happy that mind, body and spirit have achieved the greater harmony.  While I am not unhappy now, I live alone and don’t have a partner, without whom any life-harmony is only ever likely to be a halfhearted affair. Life, though, is all about making the best rather then the worst of things and I think I do a pretty good job of that.

Now, anyone can (and will) judge us as and when they like, but no one but the self knows how far (or not) it achieves harmony between body, mind and spirit. We are the best judges of that, no one else, just as where there is discord…we need to at least try and do something about it.  For example, while I am not a religious person, the suggestion that ‘Blessed are the peace makers’ has a lot going for it.

Above all, life is about developing and building on a native, all-embracing capacity for love, in all its shapes and forms - as far as we are able  and others will let us) -  and that goes for each and every one of us, whatever our sex, sexuality, race, religion and, yes, age too.

SHAPING UP FOR LIFE

Scared of who I am,
trapped in conventions that birthed me,
locked in the mind of a child
competing with siblings and peers for love
I would keep, oh, so close…
(so much a part of me, no desire to lose)
yet, compelled to choose

Scared of who I am,
fretting over wet dreams and fantasies
born of a growing sexuality
suggesting (confirming) much I’d been told
regarding human relationships
since knee high…a lie…created to taunt me
about me sexual identity

Scared of who I was
until we met in a bar one wintry night,
and as we talked, grew closer,
till in the thick of everyday conversation
I felt the throbbing pulse
of mutual attraction coursing my body,
mind-talk consuming me

Scared of who I was,
until he touched my hand reassuringly
as if to calm my frantic spirit
with piano fingers taking me through
a haunting symphony,
flooding emptiness left by unspoken fears,
and drying unshed tears

Unashamed of being gay,
those other parts comprising my whole,
ganging up on me for centuries,
hating me, despising me, rejecting me,
leaving me confused, scared…
finally accepting of this only-human need
to share his bed 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Boxed-In by Stereotypes Compounded by Dogma

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Coming out to family, friends and the world in general as a gay person is never easy even in a gay-friendly environment where the perception others have of us may well be in for some re-assembling, to say the least. In an environment hostile to the gay ethic, the need to come out can be a nightmare, just as it was for me many years ago.

There are no quick fixes, especially in countries where gay relationships remain a criminal offence, even punishable by death.

Coming out as openly gay, as I have said many times, is a very personal decision. Any failure to do so should not be held against someone. At the same time, there is a lot to be said for the art of gentle persuasion. Nor should compromise be seen as a weakness; it is not always a bad thing. For example, coming out to a few people who really care about us can more than compensate for the contempt in which an ignorant majority - unable or unwilling to separate stereotypical fiction from fact – (still) persist in holding us.

Some countries (like some people) like to boast a policy of Equal Opportunities, but let’s not be completely fooled; political correctness (so-called) is often but a smokescreen for a lesser morality. Not always, of course, but we need to remain alert to the possibility. Homophobia is alive and kicking even in the (so-called) ‘liberal’ West.

What’s, that you say? Me, a cynic…?  Well, yes, in many respects, but one can, of course, only speak from personal experience. Moreover, while I am not Islamophobic as such, the rise and spread of Islam across the western world does gay people no favours since the majority of Muslims are inclined to be homophobic; less traditional Muslims, though, especially among younger people, are more open-minded. One reason I subscribe to no religion is that all religions tend to stereotype or 'label' thos of us who, for whatever reason, refuse to to enter into their more dogmatic points of view.

This poem is a villanelle.

BOXED-IN BY STEREOTYPES COMPOUNDED BY DOGMA 

Desperate to go free,
captive for years,
this ‘other’ self in me

An aspiring maturity
drying my tears,
desperate to be free

Need to let them see
(who fan my fears)
this ‘other’ self in me

Homing in on bigotry
(as its hurt clears)
desperate to be free

No separate identity
(as named by peers)
this ‘other’ self in me

Person and sexuality
(a natural harmony);
desperate to be free,
this ‘other’ self in me


Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Ghost in the Mirror OR A Rage to Live

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

For any gay person who feels, for whatever reason, that he or she cannot be openly gay, it is a terrible lie to live and burden to carry. I lived that lie for years as a youth and young man (I will be 70 this year) and it not only saddens but horrifies me that in the 21st century there are still gay boys and girls, men and women worldwide, who feel they cannot be openly gay but must give the appearance of being heterosexual. Those responsible, whether within family and/or religious and/or cultural circles should hang their heads in shame for their intolerance and inhumanity. 

Lies, like ghosts, are inclined to haunt us, but not necessarily in a bad way; they can, in truth, drive us towards a kinder reality or at least one likely to invest the inner self with greater integrity than any so-called ‘reality’ we may have been led to believe (for whatever reason) is all there is…

Reality for the human being comprises a multitude of differences; differences that make people not different, just human, and deserving of respect for their humanity regardless of colour, creed, sex or sexuality. If we cannot respect each other’s differences, what chance of finding common ground on which to build a worthwhile relationship as a family member, friend, lover, colleague or whatever...?

The young, closet man I once was would confront lies in mirrors  and shop windows daily. ashamed that I hadn't the strength of character to look the world in the eye. Among the lies, though, were greater truths such as passed on by generations of LGBT people working against intolerable odds to create a better, kinder world for the likes of me; it was for them as much as for myself that I finally y flung the closet door wide open (rather than toe it occasionally ajar) at the ripe old age of 40. Even now, though, I sometimes see that tormented closet self in the eyes of passers-by, fellow passengers on a bus or train...and am truly thankful to be free.

GHOST IN THE MIRROR or A RAGE TO LIVE

I told myself a lie,
lived that lie for years
till (inevitably?)
a day came I broke down
in tears,
and through my tears
I watched the lie
come for me out of a mist
like a ghost

The ghost revealed
the lie had run its course
till (inevitably?)
it was breaking me down
in pieces,
and among the pieces
I caught glimpses
of consequences slowly
killing me

Pieces all in place,
I saw the bigger picture
that (in spite of me)
had haunted my other self
taunting me for years

of giving fictions 
priority over reality,

time to face home truths,

make amends

Reality, taking pride
of place at last, better late
than never ...
all but ready to cast off

a lonely closet past

ill-spent deceiving myself

about wanting to spare 

any loved ones shedding

tears over me

I confessed to the lie,
I‘d hid behind for years
and (inevitably?)
a day came I broke down,
revealed all,
and through my tears
I walked free,
embracing truth, world,
and sexuality

The ghost, it stayed,
a reminder of those years
and (inevitably?)
it rages now and then
in my ears, about
just how it was before

I saw my way 

to holding my head high
for being gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015