I would urge anyone harbouring suicidal thoughts to call The Samaritans (116 123) if in the UK or email jo@Samaritans.co.uk as their email service extends beyond the UK; also search the Internet for LGBT support groups if no one springs to mind to whom you can turn.
Some people in some countries remain actively hostile towards LGBT people and we can only hope that love and commonsense will prevail in the end. Meanwhile, we can but seek support from those loved ones and friends who continue to put humanity before any bigotry and give any inhumanity the contempt and cold shoulder it deserves. Having said that, it has to be said that some people do need more time than others to get used to revelations about which they genuinely had no idea; this is especially true where formative years have taken countless faux stereotypes to heart.
For many people, it is only when HIV-AIDS strikes close to home that they ask themselves questions they should have asked long ago, but saw no need, content enough to go along with the flow of socio-cultural-religious bigotry and hypocrisy that continues to make itself felt in certain societies worldwide to this day.
BODY POSITIVE
Life, death!
Floods me, goads me,
leads me beside hot beaches
where I run, a dazzling sea
cheering me on, and I wonder
where the lark has gone
that fixed me so with its cheer
before abandoning me here
like a forgotten toy filled with joy
for its having all but played
me out before going about nature’s
own business
Life, death!
Calls me, galls me,
urges me back, back to you;
but we are gone,
the taste of us honey on my tongue
where we romped and played
like tots in make-believe, heading
barefoot among jellyfish
for the Punch and Judy man
who’ll make us laugh
if anyone can before the sun goes down,
our time forgotten
Life, death!
Overtaken us now,
beckoning. I’ll not rush my pace
for we’ve already run our race,
won a place among same stars enchanting
same lulling swell.
All’s well. One lost toy recovered
and taken home. Punch and Judy
in a packing case,
sleeping it off at some Bed and Breakfast.
I, filled with a night too exquisite for words
like those we shared...
Before AIDS
Copyright R. N. Taber 1996; 2012
[Note: A slightly different version first appeared in August and Genet by R. N. Taber (Wire Poetry Booklet series) Aramby Publishing,1996 and subsequently in various poetry publications prior to its inclusion in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000.]
None of us, gay or straight can afford to be complacent...
Didn’t test to see if I was HIV positive,
I was scared,
then my lover asked me outright
and I lied…
thinking I wasn’t really lying, believed
I was okay
but the lie began to haunt me more
each night and day,
especially when in my arms he lay
his body in my trust
I should find out, I thought, I must
have a test,
I can’t go on pretending like this
even as we kiss
that there’s no virus in me I can pass on
(as if I would)
but I cannot answer for the unknown,
need to find out
be worthy of his love and trust
or we’ll never last
Eventually, I had the test, it was negative,
I was relieved,
then I asked my lover outright
and he cried...
swore he hadn’t known when we first met
but discovered since,
too scared to tell me in case I got angry
(as I’d been he might reject me)
so what could I do but hold him near
plant kisses in his hair?
Yes, we’ve had the test, my love and me,
it set us free
from doubt and fear because, together,
we are strong,
can deal with whatever this life
dishes us…
beats treading on our dreams, left alone
and up against it;
above all its blessings, place trust
or love will fail the test
[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]
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