The Way Ahead

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I will try and compose a new poem for this blog soon. Sadly I am feeling low on inspiration these days, but continue to root for gay man and woman worldwide, especially those who feel trapped in a closet from which there seems no obvious escape without inflicting incalculable hurt to family and friends who sill cannot accept us LGBT folks as...only human.

Meanwhile... these are troubled times for us all as Covid-29 pursues its relentless course around the world, its variants hopefully indicating that its powers are diminishing, but as yet no hard evidence that such is the shape of things to come. We can but call on mind-body-spirit to lend us both hope and wherewithal to see us through our pain and see the hopeful heart emerge the stronger if not unscathed.

We face a difficult New Year ahead, but let us face it with a sense of collective responsibility, cautious optimism and that all-embracing hopeful heart with which this blog and its author-poet has been much concerned from its start, nearly ten years ago.

Here’s wishing you all as Happy a New Year as we can make it for family friends and those we have yet to get to know as well as ourselves.

Many thanks for dropping by, hope to engage with you again soon. (Yes, I am working on a poem to greet 2022.)

Hugs,

Roger

THE WAY AHEAD

A new year approaching,
as we can’t help but wonder
in fear and dread
whether or not it will be another
that’s Covid-19 led?

Everyday life, a struggle
with every safety precaution
taken by a majority,
wearing face masks still rejected
by a scared minority

Vaccinations, to protect us,
young, old and more vulnerable
in societies worldwide;
a race against Covid’s angry tide,
no one spared

Deaths soaring, hospitals
overflowing, staff left struggling
as more become infected,
so many businesses having to close,
no one unaffected 

Delta, a vicious Covid variant
overtaken by the Omicron mutation;
world scientists passing on
relevant data as it becomes available,
inevitable confusion

Meanwhile, world still turning,
all its peoples left weeping such crises
of nature and human nature;
inevitable stress, invariable fall-out,
past-present-future

Yet, there is a resilience among
humanity seeing us rise above the worst,
forces for good working
to lend us strength enough to alleviate
our suffering

Among the ruins of a life, engaging
with Love and Kindness, always
ready and willing to help us
bring the hopeful heart into play against
even a coronavirus

Mind-body-spirit, up for whatever task;
we have but to ask...

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2021

[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RT

Waking Up to Love

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

As I have pointed out many times on the blog, love comes in all shapes and sizes in both natural and human worlds, nor less natural in the latter for its being of an LGBT persuasion; sexuality is not a choice, but one of many elements of life and love that comprise the mind-body-spirit that makes us who we are.

In the past, many LGBT folks have been despised and become victims of prejudice and hate, not unlike many from ethnic minorities, albeit for reasons of race rather than sexuality, but no less horrible for that.

Even within similar arenas, prejudice has been (and still is) known to spread like a pandemic with which millions of people have been infected over centuries, relatively few given so much as a mention by name in any history book... even as history continues to write us up as its authors see (or don't see) its bigger picture.

As regular readers well know, I also have a gay-interest poetry blog which, like my fiction blog, can be accessed from this one. Tragically, such is the level of prejudice against LGBT folks in various societies,  communities and families worldwide that some dare nor risk accessing any such material that might 'incriminate' them; a tragedy, yes, because no one should have to live in fear or who (yes who, not what they are) as they struggle to make a life for themselves.  

The good news is that more LGBT folks across the world are having to struggle less to make their voices heard; the bad news is that far too many are still left struggling, not least due to the sheer hypocrisy of world religions that preach love, but only as recognised by their own criteria; anything else is seen as something to be condemned, as if any religion has a monopoly on spirituality.

If one person can learn to respect another person for who they are (whatever their faith,  or colour of their skin) why can't everyone?  Whatever happened to agreeing to differ?

Oh, and yes, this poem also appears on my general poetry blog today so daresay I will be receiving the usual troll emails...which I will, of course, ignore. 😉

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to hate so stubbornly is  because they sense, once it is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." - James Baldwin

WAKING UP TO LOVE

There's a tree in a field
that sings me a love song
every time I'm sitting
when, where it rises from the ground;
listen, and you'll hear...
the words of a love song hanging
on a dream lost and found

By a tree in a field,
we wrote our first love song,
bodies entwining
as we lay there on the ground,
sharing with the birds
such joy, such passion, hanging
on a dream lost and found

There's a tree in a field
that watched us kiss and part,
not daring to believe
as we lay there on the ground
how gay love might yet
survive a world left but hanging
on dreams lost and found

To a tree in a field,
we returned to live a love song,
bodies entwining
as we lay there on the ground,
sharing with the birds
such joy, such passion, a waking
dream lost and found

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008; slightly rev. 2021

[Note: This poem appears in my collection, Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]

Hello, again, from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Sorry, folks, No new poem here today, although you will find one on my general poetry blog:

https://rogertab.blogspot.com/

Alternatively, you may also be able to access either or both blog archives via the British Library catalogue:

https://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/en/archive/20201119102835/https://rogertab.blogspot.com/

https://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/en/archive/20201119102823/https://aspectsofagaymanslifeinverse.blogspot.com/

Readers asks why I post relatively few poems on this blog now, and the answer is because I began by posting gay-specific poems here and I am less inspired to do so now; partly this is because I am well into my 70's now and having to grapple with various health and mobility issues, not least hormone therapy for my prostate cancer that has badly affected my memory and thought processes for some years now.

Another reason, I suspect is that the same hormone therapy has left me virtually asexual. I have been unable to enjoy sex with another man for  years, so any images in my head to which I once aspired and would set my imagination into poetry mode... are simply not there  any more.

 Not being able to achieve and erection, does sod all for motivation...

At the same time, I am still a gay man at heart and continue to think of the world as a common humanity in which everyone has a part to play, regardless of their sexuality, gender, ethnicity, politics, religion...whatever. Hopefully, what I have to say in my general poems, makes this point, attempts to draw in all readers, no exceptions.

Obviously, not everyone is into poetry. I can only hope that regular readers will continue to dip into my general blog and even recommend it to others; the more, the merrier and hopefully, the bigots among us may even find food for thought in what I have to say, even feel it's high time to change the habits of a lifetime... (Hope springs eternal.)

I may yet post a gay-specific poem here again while, in the meantime, you may well enjoy some of my earlier poems in the blog archives.

Meanwhile, while email feedback suggests that more gay reader are dipping into my general poetry blog, I can but ask others to at least.. give it a go, if only now and then?

Whatever, here's wishing all of you love, peace and happiness, or if they are denied you in the longer term, only available in snatches of time and personal space... continue to nurture a positive thinking mindset.

Where  any socio-cultural-religious circumstances prevent us from looking the world in the eye as unashamedly part of a natural, LGBT global community let's at least let our inner selves find peace in a safe corner of personal space created so we can be as and who we are, not as others would have us be.

If you can, get out of the damn closet and look the world in the eye, but that is not always possible given the attitude of certain loved-ones we don't want to hurt and/or any misgivings we may yet have about being openly gay.

Bye for now, folks, and I'll be back with  a gay/ LGBT - specific poem as and when I can. Meanwhile, take care, keep well and enjoy all the kinder aspects of life than help compensate for its dark side if we but let it.

Love 'n' Hugs,

Roger x x 

Hi Folks, from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi folks, from London UK

No poem today, but I should have one ready for you for Monday.

Reader A. S. has emailed to ask how badly the pandemic has affected me, and if I feel now much as I used to before it struck. It would appear that he or she is estranged from their family because for not sharing the same religious faith; clearly both are preying on the reader's mind.

Well, like many if not most people, the pandemic, lockdowns etc. have taken their toll on me, but I do try to practise what I preach with regard to nurturing a positive mindset. Growing old and living alone is never going to be easy. We can but take each day as it comes. The recent death of a former work colleague I knew well hit me hard, the more so, I suspect, because of the stress the pandemic was already imposing. I became all but obsessed with the prospect of dying for some weeks to the extent that I was prompted to revise my Will.

As regular readers will know, I do not subscribe to any religion. It is my choice and I would ask others to respect it just as I respect those who do subscribe to this religion or that, although the former has rarely been my experience among the devout. I have strong views about world religions, not least because I am gay and they make LGBT folks feel excluded, even from having a sense of spirituality to which, as both poet and Pantheist, I do subscribe, very much so. 

For me, personally, religion embodies the sentiment expressed by George Orwell in his satirical novel, Animal Farm: 'All animals are equal, but some are more equal that others.' Certainly, in the world today, much the same applies to human beings, even in the context of religion. Another former work colleague once told me that she enjoyed working with me and was so sorry that I was destined to go to hell (for being gay).  Needless to say, I was neither fazed nor impressed. As far as I'm concerned, we make our own heaven or hell here on Earth, which, given the ways of the world we live in, is not too difficult. 

Many if not most of us fear death, not least myself although I fear an physical pain it may involve than death itself. Nor, incidentally, do I see it as a taboo or even morbid subject. On the contrary, death is as much part and parcel of life as life itself. As I see it, it's not only pragmatic, but also healthy to consider its implications, not only for ourselves, but loved ones too; the legal implications for the latter if we die intestate, for example, can provide the latter with a mountain to climb at a time when they are likely to be grieving. (While we all have our own ways of dealing with grief, none of them are easy.) 

I have written poems about death, not from a sense of morbidity, but to help me come to terms with the prospect in such a way as to prevent it taking over my life as I have seen happen with some people; this was my intention in my poem, Extracts from a Pantheist's Diary about which I received several nasty emails  No offence was intended, however, so I did not publish the apology they demanded. As I ask on the blogs fairly often - including a poem of the same name - whatever happened to agreeing to differ? 

When I die, I will be cremated, and if any of my organs can be of use to anyone, they are welcome. As for 'eternal life' I see that as my living on in the memories of those closest to me, possibly even passed from generation to generation across time and personal space; among complete strangers even, too, with whom I may have engaged in one-off existential chat on public transport, as I do now and then. Certainly, I remember what the latter had to say and have already passed it on...as  I would like to think at least some of my poems may provide food for thought enough to be passed on in much the same  way, although I remain very pragmatic on that front, too, and don't, as one reader put to me only recently ."delude" myself that I'm  a "great" poet. 

Ah, but enough s enough methinks, for now at least. All that remains is for me to  say thanks for dropping by and hope you will do so again soon. Take are, keep well and, yes, be sure to nurture a positive mindset, if only because the alternative is a sure way to make a living hell for ourselves. Life is better than that, so are we.

Hugs,

Roger

[Note: This post also appears on mu general poetry blog today,] RNT

The Babysitter OR Engaging with Self-Awareness

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem first appeared on the blog in 2014.

As often as not, it's just before we succumb to sleep that we engage the closest with mind, body and spirit, seeking a reassurance we cannot always put into words, fearing it may overturn us in life's makeshift cradle at any given moment in time, its all but tipping us out already; we can but trust one or the other to find a way to break our fall.

Though any light attracting us be extinguished, be sure we will find another, the brighter even for  n mind-body-spirit having been prompted  to come together, thereby letting us engage with its entirety, and arrive at a consensus during any intervening darkness; that's life. 

Invariably, it is the human spirit that steers mind and body towards whatever our personal potential may be, regardless of our gender, religion, culture, politics or sexuality.

Few of us have an easy life, and I have known my fair share of trouble 'n' strife, but an affinity with nature has invariably seen me through my worst times and celebrated the better. 

As regular readers know, I subscribe to none of the world's religions; indeed, I find them divisive forces. At the same time, I respect the affinity others may well have with their religion as I have with nature ... for reasons (relating more to the person than any dogma) words can barely come close to explaining.

Here's wishing you all love and peace (especially during these hard times of coronavirus) now and always,

Roger

THE BABYSITTER or ENGAGING WITH SELF-AWARENESS

Half-awake,

child eyes homing in on a world

of home truths

Light shade,

a bored babysitter party to a moth's

need for reassurance

Door slams,

rocks the cradle. Could be, a bully

at large...?

Moth and child

so losing faith in Ceiling’s sureness,

sent into free fall

Babysitter

makes a catch, applies wrappings

of make-believe

Bully, spotted

riding a pale horse into (temporary)

obscurity

Moth, glued

to light, a less imaginative humanity

switching off

Darkness,

mind block copyrighting a penchant

for denial

  

Peace (of sorts)

rocking our insecurities, come cradle

to grave

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012; 2019

[Note: This poem also appears in my general poetry blog today; an earlier version appears under the title 'The Babysitter' in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]

Friends Reunited

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem appeared on my general blog back in December 2010 and, yes, it is relevant to either blog, but relatively few readers accessed both blogs in those days as, for that matter, do now.  I once asked a gay friend why he showed no interest in my general poetry. He shrugged and admitted, "I'm not really into poetry, but it makes a change to read about gay stuff in a poem so... Besides,..." he added, "It's the principle, isn't it...?" What principle, I can't help wondering, as he did not elaborate?

True friends care about each other and show it, through thick and thin. It is a rare thing, these days, friendship. Too often we think we have a good friend until he or she not only stays away when we need them mos,t but also manages to put the blame on us for the fractured friendship.

Sometimes we may call a friend for a chat and they may be busy or just not in the mood; it is so unfair to take offence for catching someone at the wrong time, yet sadly so many people do just that.

Friendship works both ways. Too many people are so wrapped up in themselves they only see it as a one-way trip.

Sometimes a friend may be depressed or feeling so low they have no room in head or heart for anyone else while the condition lasts. As good friends, we need to be there for them no matter what…or how can we expect them to be there for us?

The selfish view some people take, that if a friend has not been in touch they won’t make the first move either, is not what friendship is all about. Among its most important values is that friendship can and often does unite people across a whole world of differences Yes, my cue for saying it yet again - our differences don't make us different, only human. As a common humanity, do we not owe it to each other to build bridges to reach one another, and rebuild as and when necessary? Invariably someone has to make the first move...

FRIENDS REUNITED

I knocked at the door,

again, again, and yet again;

no one came

Eventually, I turned away,

drifted lonely as a cloud - and

then returned

I banged on the door

again, again, and yet again;

no one came

Angrily, I turned away,

ran until exhausted - and

then returned

I yelled at the door

again, again, and yet again;

no one came

Sadly, I sat down

on a step wondering - why

no one listening?

I called at the door

again, again, and yet again

till someone came

[From: A Feeling For The Quickness Of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]

When All's Said and Done OR L-o-v-e-, (Human) Rights of Way

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This post/poem is repeated on my general blog.

Ignorance is a darkness from which we can only hope to be rescued by the dawning of enlightenment’ the irony being, that relatively few of us recognize ignorance when it is staring us in the face so will not accept that they need rescuing. My parents were of a generation brought up to believe the worst of same sex relationships, and passed these stereotypical sentiments on to me. I, hated the closet darkness imposed, but lacked a mentor to show me that these sentiments were simply untrue and I had no need to feel ashamed because I am gay. The dawn of enlightenment was a long time coming for me, and I did not come out to the world as a gay man until my mid-thirties.

The Department of Education here has finally seen the light too, and any school curriculum (from 2020) will need to include LGBT issues in a sensitive but realistic context of teaching education, even at primary school level. I would hate any child to go through what I went through so I applaud this step in the right direction. Sadly, many parents are demonstrating against this, at various school gates, on religious grounds.

One parent recently put it to me that it was wrong to put ideas into the heads of children “as young as five, for heaven’s sake!” My answer to that was “Never underestimate a child’s feelings or assume, as a parent, you know all you need to know about your own child. Even at 5 years-old, I loved dressing up and pretending I was a fairy or princess in a fairy tale. No, I did not grow up to be transgender, but I was - albeit unknowingly – touching base with sexuality; getting in touch with my feminine side would eventually help me understand that sexuality is not the prerogative of heterosexuals and, in time, would see me emerge as a gay man. The parent in question, insisted “that’s all very well, and I’m no homophobe, but what is a young child to make of being read stories around gender orientation or same sex relationships?”

I know lesbian and gay partners who have adopted children, not least to give them a loving, caring upbringing as opposed to the well-meaning but necessarily detached atmosphere of a Children’s Home. These children will go to school. One of the wonderful things about children is that they are entirely without prejudice…unless it has been passed on to them in the home. It is perfectly feasible that a five-year old with two mums or dads will be mixing with and chatting away with other children; the latter may well be fascinated, even excited to discover that such home situations exist. How sad then that ignorant parents are likely break up such friendships without giving them a chance to flourish. Some of my best childhood memories are of children with whom I used to play, including those from the only black family in our street; any adult prejudices simply went over our heads.

LGBT relationships have existed in societies worldwide since the beginning of time, albeit often behind closed doors; human nature, like nature itself, is – and deserves to be – an open door through which anyone is free to enter, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity or sexuality.

‘How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said. - ‘Victor Hugo (Les Miserables,1862)

“Veil after veil of thin dusky gauze is lifted, and by degrees the forms and colours of things are restored to them, and we watch the dawn remaking the world in its antique pattern.” 
- Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray. 1890)

This poem is a villanelle.

WHEN ALL’S SAID AND DONE or  L-O-V-E, (HUMAN) RIGHTS OF WAY

Home truths will have their say,

make themselves known,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

Where prejudices holding sway

in the name of (any) religion,

home truths will have their say

Listen, play deaf, come what may,

history will see its tides turn

enlighten us, come dawn of day

No God to whom Believers pray

would have cast the first stone;

home truths will have their say

Human rights, too, deserve a say,

to make themselves known,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

A God of Love has love hold sway

wherever its seeds be sown;

home truths will have their say,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2019

Ghost in the Mirror OR A Rage to Live

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

For any gay person who feels, for whatever reason, that he or she cannot be openly gay, it is a terrible lie to live and burden to carry. I lived that lie for years as a youth and young man (I will be 70 this year) and it not only saddens but horrifies me that in the 21st century there are still gay boys and girls, men and women worldwide, who feel they cannot be openly gay but must give the appearance of being heterosexual. Those responsible, whether within family and/or religious and/or cultural circles should hang their heads in shame for their intolerance and inhumanity. 

Lies, like ghosts, are inclined to haunt us, but not necessarily in a bad way; they can, in truth, drive us towards a kinder reality or at least one likely to invest the inner self with greater integrity than any so-called ‘reality’ we may have been led to believe (for whatever reason) is all there is…

Reality for the human being comprises a multitude of differences; differences that make people not different, just human, and deserving of respect for their humanity regardless of colour, creed, sex or sexuality. If we cannot respect each other’s differences, what chance of finding common ground on which to build a worthwhile relationship as a family member, friend, lover, colleague or whatever...?

The young, closet man I once was would confront lies in mirrors  and shop windows daily. ashamed that I hadn't the strength of character to look the world in the eye. Among the lies, though, were greater truths such as passed on by generations of LGBT people working against intolerable odds to create a better, kinder world for the likes of me; it was for them as much as for myself that I finally y flung the closet door wide open (rather than toe it occasionally ajar) at the ripe old age of 40. Even now, though, I sometimes see that tormented closet self in the eyes of passers-by, fellow passengers on a bus or train...and am truly thankful to be free.

GHOST IN THE MIRROR or A RAGE TO LIVE

I told myself a lie,
lived that lie for years
till (inevitably?)
a day came I broke down
in tears,
and through my tears
I watched the lie
come for me out of a mist
like a ghost

The ghost revealed
the lie had run its course
till (inevitably?)
it was breaking me down
in pieces,
and among the pieces
I caught glimpses
of consequences slowly
killing me

Pieces all in place,
I saw the bigger picture
that (in spite of me)
had haunted my other self
taunting me for years

of giving fictions 
priority over reality,

time to face home truths,

make amends

Reality, taking pride
of place at last, better late
than never ...
all but ready to cast off

a lonely closet past

ill-spent deceiving myself

about wanting to spare 

any loved ones shedding

tears over me

I confessed to the lie,
I‘d hid behind for years
and (inevitably?)
a day came I broke down,
revealed all,
and through my tears
I walked free,
embracing truth, world,
and sexuality

The ghost, it stayed,
a reminder of those years
and (inevitably?)
it rages now and then
in my ears, about
just how it was before

I saw my way 

to holding my head high
for being gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Oasis OR The Agony and the Ecstasy of Wishful Thinking

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

How do we know if we can make it to what we see as our main goal in life or is it just a mirage?

Ah, but is that a trick question? If so, I could it not be that the trick is never to stop looking for answers?

Who knows? We might even be pleasantly surprised at what we discover. Take world peace for example, not to mention our own peace of mind…

As for me, not only a poet but also gay, what can I do but run with Apollo, and love it? For Apollo, the sun god, was not only a source of light and warmth but also bisexual, according to myths and legends that were oases in a hostile, concrete desert to a young Roger T.

OASIS OR THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY OF WISHFUL THINKING

I have risen with Apollo

and strolled among hanging gardens,

each smelling of its season,

bursting with colour, filling the eye

with those that thirst,

and fall on their knees at an oasis

that beggars belief

I have run with Apollo

among bodies strewn like careless litter,

each smelling of its season,

caked in blood, filling averted eyes

with tears as useless

as grains of sand around an oasis

that beggars belief

I have paused with Apollo

and looked back at where high noon

has taken no prisoners,

each grave smelling of its seasons

to those of us who thirst,

risen above tears to defend an oasis

that beggars belief

I have retreated with Apollo

from the battlefield, without conceding

to a huntress moon

any victory of sorts since she selects

her prey at no less a whim

than those of us thirsting at an oasis

that beggars belief

Poor humanity, left reeling from its brief

to thirst at oases that beggar belief

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2013

On The Intimate Nature Of Stargazing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem has not appeared on the blog since 2010. So many readers have said they can identify with it, having spent time apart from boyfriends, girlfriends or partners from time to time that you will find it among some 100+ others in my new collection.

The intensity of missing someone is the same for anyone, of course, gay or straight, but gay people often seem to get left out of even such a timeless equation as this. Yes, even these days, especially where gay relationships are still looked upon as an offence against religion if not morality. So where’s the harm in reminding everyone that we miss loved ones too. [The likes of Giles Muhame please note although let’s not suppose for a moment that such foolish socio-cultural-religious bigotry exists only in a less enlightened southern hemisphere. Dear me, no, it is everywhere.]

Meanwhile...

Pick  and share a star with a loved one, and you can be sure that finding it again when you miss them most helps hold the dream and bring them that little bit closer.

Whimsical, you say? Well, yes, and why not if it works...? Oh, and it invariably does, believe me. Try it, and see.

ON THE INTIMATE NATURE OF STARGAZING

Once I wished on a falling star

as lovers the world will often do,

that soon we can be together,

knowing you’ll be wishing too

The star vanished in the night

though others kept me company

as I wondered how you are,

knowing you’re thinking of me

I felt even closer to you then

than at times when you’re here,

fighting back tears, the zen 

of star-crossed lovers ever near

No heavens frowning upon us

(see the Old Man take our part)

but the world’s prejudices

would force us, gay lovers, apart

For now, they may have won

a battle or two, but never say die,

for love will see us through

in this as in darker years gone by

For every person wishing us ill,

others echo Earth Mother, calling
on us to live. love, and follow

a dream for every star that's falling

May we each find joy and peace

in one another, wherever we may be,

make the world a kinder place,

let all its star-crossed lovers go free

Copyright R N Taber 2012

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012]