Stereotypes, Daggers in the Heart

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem first appeared on the blog in 2016.

I am not happy with the new blogger and wasn't when I was invited to try it some time ago. I had hoped we bloggers might  be given a choice  to continue in the old format, but it appears not, so I may not be blogging here for much longer. It is typical - in my personal experience - that so many people and organizations, even some shops, give little thought to how many older people like myself  - who do not have i-phones or android and struggle with internet technology, are easily confused, especially those of us living alone and have been struggling with other health issues long before the Covid-19 pandemic. However, I will see how I get on with the new format, but am not optimistic.

I am often asked to repeat the link to my informal poetry reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square as my contribution to Sir Antony Gormley's One and Other 'live' sculpture' project in 2009. The entire web stream of 2400 hours is archived in the British Library:

.

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T  [ [NB: The British Library have confirmed that the video is no longer available as it was incompatible with a new IT system. However, it still exists and BL hope to reinstate it and make it available to the public again at some future date.] RNT

To suggest all gay men are paedophiles is every bit as absurd as it is to suggest everyone from any one socio-cultural-religious group is a terrorist. Tragically, stereotypes have a nasty habit of spreading and some people start mistaking them for truths which they duly pass on ...

I was only 14 years-old when I realised I am gay. Men I encountered at local gay cruising grounds were no paedophiles; on the contrary, they taught me how to think better of myself after being raised to think homosexuality is shameful. I did not feel able to come out to the world as a gay man for some years, not least because same sex relationships were illegal here in the UK until 1969; neither was I able to quite shake off the hostility I had met towards those like myself until much later, but thanks to those early encounters I was eventually encouraged to do so.  

The less enlightened among the heterosexual majority tend to forget that gay boys and girls, too, need to learn about sexual relationships; it is vital that sexual/ gender identity issues are discussed openly and intelligently in schools everywhere - including Faith Schools - so that children do not grow up with false, if not warped impressions, of what it means to be gay, bisexual, transgender or simply confused, even frightened by the way they start to identify with their sexuality as their teenage years kick in.. 

Sadly, various socio-cultural-religious agendas do no one who is not a diehard heterosexual any favours; consequently, even in a supposedly 'enlightened' twenty-first century, there are LGBT folks around the world, from all walks of life, forced to live their lives in the shadows or - worse - some dark lonely closet, such as I once did for years.

STEREOTYPES, DAGGERS IN THE HEART 

I’ll be your friend a child told an old man,

but he shook his grey head, sighing;

the child took careworn hands in his own,

sad to see already rheumy eyes crying

I’d love to be your friend said the old man

but some people will get the wrong idea;

they’ll be looking at you and looking at me,

and feeding old lies to imagination, I fear

It’s time I was on my way said the old man,

I’ve been warming this bench too long.

"Go child, and have fun, as much as you can,

it doesn’t last, innocence, being young…"

The child ran off, puzzled by catching Gran

throw daggers at the kindly, lonely old man

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2016

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber. 2005.]

G-A-Y, Inside-Out OR Life Forces, Poetry in Motion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Every now and then, a young person emails me to say they are gay, in their teens, and have no idea what to do or where to turn. Many are convinced parents and peers will turn against them. Believe me you are not alone. When I think back to when I was 14 years old and realised I am gay, the whole closet ethos threatens to overwhelm me all over again.

In many areas, in many countries, there are support groups that did not exist when I was a teenager in the 1960's; search the Internet and try and make contact as this will enable you to meet other young people in the same situation. As for parents and peers, they may well surprise you, they may even  have observed for themselves that you might be gay and have been waiting for you to talk to them about it, not wanting to raise the subject themselves for fear of being mistaken; if not, yes, they may be hostile at first, but this could be an initial shock reaction. Remember how long it took you to come to terms with being gay and allow them,too, time to get used to the idea.

Never underestimate the power of love and friendship.

Sometimes, of course, family and friends refuse to accept gay people, even within their own family circles. This degree of rejection is incredibly hard to bear, but we need to build on the same strength of willpower and character that brought us out of that awful closet in the first place. Believe me, there is a life to be had and enjoyed out there, and there are many good people who gladly take others as they find them whether they be gay, straight, transgender...whatever. We are stereotyped by many, and it is often the stereotype that is vilified, not the person. Whatever, it is we LGBT folks who are so often made to suffer for that ignorance and bigotry.

To LGBT people around the world, I say this. Never, but never let anyone else put you down or make you think any less of yourself for your sexuality. Where staying in the proverbial closet is necessary, for now at least, confide in someone you can trust wherever possible; this may be a close relative, friend or perhaps a teacher less likely to be judgemental than most. Failing that, and failing the availability of any known support groups in your area, be guided by your better instincts and plain common sense until such a time as you can see your way clear to put closet days behind you once and for all, as I did, although, in hindsight, I should have done so years earlier.

No escape from the closet, for whatever reason?  There is an LGBT grapevine in every environment, so keep an ear out for it if only because a closet shared is a crisis halved. I was a psychological mess for years, but listening out for the grapevine and being part of a closet community probably saved my sanity while I wrestled with all the other issues - good,bad and ugly - with which life tests us at any age, but especially when we are young, emotionally inexperienced, and so often made to feel out of our depth.

G-A-Y, INSIDE-OUT or LIFE FORCES, POETRY IN MOTION

His finger brushes mine
across the desk we share in class
and I can feel his gaze
on me out of the corner of an eye
but cannot, dare not
meet it, for fear someone might see us
and guess the turmoil in me

Can it be that he's gay
this classmate I'd joke with about
all sorts, and our laughter
would spread right through me
like fizzy lemonade
on a hot day, its bubbles applauding us
as we sail through the air?

Can it be that I'm gay too,
but how do I know, and what to do
if his finger means business
and he wants to take our friendship
beyond such felt horizons
as assailing  bleary, but half closed eyes
come some know-it-all dawn?

Barely attending the lesson,
the farthest corners of our eyes engage,
attempting to read between lines
blurred by mixed feelings for years,
given our having been raised
to believe one step beyond male bonding
a step too far, the Devil's work

I look away, and so does he,
eyes wide shut, if seeming to look ahead
at our teacher, her lips moving
but any sound coming out drowning
in a sea of intimate images,
and such cries as could easily be of ecstasy
as for help from poor swimmers

Final bell, school's out, mates
on the way home, chatting about nothing
in particular if only to steer clear
of all we need to coax out into the open
from a suffocating closet,
too close for comfort, too real for fantasy
feeding on a vulnerable innocence

Taking a shortcut down an alleyway
we've walked every day for years, turning
to me in tears, giving me a hug
and I hug him back, not a word passing
between us, our first kiss
when it comes, winging us across s history
that once dare not speak its name

A companionable silence descending
as we emerge from that alleyway, bonding
in a new sense of togetherness
transcending our Here-and-Now in ways
defying poetry, prose, gesture,
any spoken word or 'live' art to even attempt
lending expression to its intimacy

Copyright R. N. Taber 2019

When All's Said and Done OR L-o-v-e-, (Human) Rights of Way

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This post/poem is repeated on my general blog.

Ignorance is a darkness from which we can only hope to be rescued by the dawning of enlightenment’ the irony being, that relatively few of us recognize ignorance when it is staring us in the face so will not accept that they need rescuing. My parents were of a generation brought up to believe the worst of same sex relationships, and passed these stereotypical sentiments on to me. I, hated the closet darkness imposed, but lacked a mentor to show me that these sentiments were simply untrue and I had no need to feel ashamed because I am gay. The dawn of enlightenment was a long time coming for me, and I did not come out to the world as a gay man until my mid-thirties.

The Department of Education here has finally seen the light too, and any school curriculum (from 2020) will need to include LGBT issues in a sensitive but realistic context of teaching education, even at primary school level. I would hate any child to go through what I went through so I applaud this step in the right direction. Sadly, many parents are demonstrating against this, at various school gates, on religious grounds.

One parent recently put it to me that it was wrong to put ideas into the heads of children “as young as five, for heaven’s sake!” My answer to that was “Never underestimate a child’s feelings or assume, as a parent, you know all you need to know about your own child. Even at 5 years-old, I loved dressing up and pretending I was a fairy or princess in a fairy tale. No, I did not grow up to be transgender, but I was - albeit unknowingly – touching base with sexuality; getting in touch with my feminine side would eventually help me understand that sexuality is not the prerogative of heterosexuals and, in time, would see me emerge as a gay man. The parent in question, insisted “that’s all very well, and I’m no homophobe, but what is a young child to make of being read stories around gender orientation or same sex relationships?”

I know lesbian and gay partners who have adopted children, not least to give them a loving, caring upbringing as opposed to the well-meaning but necessarily detached atmosphere of a Children’s Home. These children will go to school. One of the wonderful things about children is that they are entirely without prejudice…unless it has been passed on to them in the home. It is perfectly feasible that a five-year old with two mums or dads will be mixing with and chatting away with other children; the latter may well be fascinated, even excited to discover that such home situations exist. How sad then that ignorant parents are likely break up such friendships without giving them a chance to flourish. Some of my best childhood memories are of children with whom I used to play, including those from the only black family in our street; any adult prejudices simply went over our heads.

LGBT relationships have existed in societies worldwide since the beginning of time, albeit often behind closed doors; human nature, like nature itself, is – and deserves to be – an open door through which anyone is free to enter, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity or sexuality.

‘How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said. - ‘Victor Hugo (Les Miserables,1862)

“Veil after veil of thin dusky gauze is lifted, and by degrees the forms and colours of things are restored to them, and we watch the dawn remaking the world in its antique pattern.” 
- Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray. 1890)

This poem is a villanelle.

WHEN ALL’S SAID AND DONE or  L-O-V-E, (HUMAN) RIGHTS OF WAY

Home truths will have their say,

make themselves known,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

Where prejudices holding sway

in the name of (any) religion,

home truths will have their say

Listen, play deaf, come what may,

history will see its tides turn

enlighten us, come dawn of day

No God to whom Believers pray

would have cast the first stone;

home truths will have their say

Human rights, too, deserve a say,

to make themselves known,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

A God of Love has love hold sway

wherever its seeds be sown;

home truths will have their say,

enlighten us, come dawn of day

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2019

Nature Boy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Maybe it was the aspiring poet in me or simply because I have always been partially deaf, but even as a child I was easily contented with my own company, especially with my head in a book or communing with nature. While my mother was OK with this, my father was critical of what he considered to be unbecoming for a boy. Thankfully, my brother was more ‘masculine’ so that took the heat off me a bit. Needless to say, my relationship with my father was never a good one; there was no father-son bonding, probably due his being a product of a generation scarred both by war and even more misguided stereotypes than my own would see. Children, of course, only come to understand such things in time. Meanwhile they can but rely on adults to point them in the right direction; what is right for them, that is, not, the mentoring adult. Fortunately, my mother was cut from a very different cloth to my father and I survive to tell the tale.

I grew up with very mixed feelings about how I should approach the world, family life and (not least) myself. Perhaps that is why I love everything about the natural world; for all its unpredictability, it exudes relatively less than its human counterpart. On the whole, nature  also suggests a greater sense - for me, anyway - of being on one’s side ; at least, not against anyone simply because he or she has a mind-body-spirit of their own that may not be in sync with some socio-cultural-spiritual ‘norm’. Having been raised to think being gay was terrible because it was ‘different’ I was never more glad of the sense of spirituality nature has always inspired in me. While my mother could not have cared less, the same could not be said for the rest of my immediate family or even some I looked upon as friends.

As a gay man In my 70’s now, I am SO glad attitudes towards homosexuality continue to change for the better in many countries and even among some intrinsically homophobic cultures. Even so, there is no room for complacency; more education is needed about how - whatever our colour, creed, sex or sexuality - we are all part of a common humanity and all, each in our own way…different.

Legislation to re-enforce Equal Opportunities and Political Correctness may well be steps in the right direction, but you cannot legislate for bad attitude which, in turn, invariably stems from ignorance of the issues involved (making the case for education) and/or a point-blank refusal to enter into any points of view other than one’s own.

As for my scepticism, that remains part of who I am, too, and most likely always will. At the same time, I am also a very positive thinking person; a contradiction, some will say, but then what’s one more contradiction in a world whose elected (or self-appointed) spokespersons contradict themselves for much if not most of the time…?

NATURE BOY

I’ve heard folks say I should get real,
and I do, as needs must…

Yet, I love to talk to flowers,
let them know I am here for them
and care whether they live
or die, much as I would have someone
care for me, watch out for me
as I make my way through passages
of time and space among crowds
jostling to be first in line for whatever
best is yet to come as rumoured
by those assumed to be in the know
if only because it would appear
they have the ear of Someone said
to really count for something
in a greater scheme of things high
on promise, short on detail,
scarcely a mention of any Plan B
as a better option if likely to adversely
affect profits

I’ve heard folks say I should man up,
and I do, as needs must...

Yet, I love to spread wings, fly
among (all) birds over cities, towns,
and dreary suburbs top heavy
with killer-by-stealth pollution,
escape to the countryside,
take off with ducks, swans and the like
on its waterways, nature’s answer
to frantic airport runways…
comment on city carbuncles, enthuse
about country cottages, get angry
about global warming, especially where
powers-that-be in denial refusing
to put it on various agendas just in case
they lose votes (or face) among any
who couldn’t really care less so long as
they don’t miss out on rewards of a (very)
pecuniary nature

I’ve heard folks call me a born sceptic
and they could well be right...

Yet, I’ll believe a sunset’s promise
of sunny or stormy days in the wings
before I’ll trust a politician’s word
that the shape of things to come is safe
if not (quite) secure in party hands,
prefer to take my cue from such cloud
and bird formations as nature inspires
from time to time by way of suggesting
we make due preparation, less need
for reparation such as any powers-that-be
might have us make for what turns out
to be their (only human) mistakes
and ours for listening to what we’d prefer
to hear rather than what any mind-spirit
might undermine for being less out of step
with the commoner (if only human) failings
of contemporary society

A dreamer, me, perhaps, though some folks
see only that I'm gay....

Copyright R. N. Taber 2017

Who Upsets the Applecart gets to Calm the Horse

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It is one of many modern tragedies that - in spite of pro-gay legislation in some countries (or at least the lack of any anti-gay legislation) many societies continue to pay but lip service to various Human Rights. My arthritis and prostate cancer mean that I don't socialise half as much as I used to, but as late as 2016, I met a couple  who came to London to live and work because "In the (English) village  we come from, gays are considered perverts."

Regular readers will know that I had acknowledged to myself that I am gay by the time I was 14 years-old. In those days (late 1950's) same sex relationships were a taboo. Homosexuality was considered a sin, an abomination. (Socio-cultural-religious bigots among us still do, of course.)

Imagine the effect of that on a vulnerable teenager … i

In my case, it led to my having a nasty nervous breakdown  in my early 30's. Ironically, it turned out to be a positive turning point in my life. although it would be a few more years yet before I stopped being a scared jack-in-the-box and declared my sexuality to one and all.

Gay people are not the only star-crossed lovers around the world, of course; lovers from different cultures, religious and  even social standing  continue to be ostracised by some family and friends.

Regarding homosexuality, education has to be the key to dispelling the many misleading and often offensive stereotypes that continue to attach themselves to same sex lovers worldwide (among other subjects many of us prefer to avoid) BUT what schools (and teachers) are willing to discuss sex and sexuality openly, sensitively and honestly with their classes? I can’t see many if any Faith schools obliging - whether Muslim, C of E, Catholic, whatever ... well, can you?

This poem is a villanelle.

WHO UPSETS THE APPLECART GETS TO CALM THE HORSE

Our conjoined head-heart,

conceived with due love and care,
upsetting whose apple cart?

Suspect from the very start

by such 'betters' as hadn't any idea;  

our conjoined, head-heart

Politics playing it smart,

promising change, logistics unclear,
upsetting whose apple cart?

No sweet a fruit or as tart

than this gay love we can but share;

our conjoined head-heart

Defying rhetoric's darker art

(equal even to Medusa's stony stare;)
upsetting whose apple cart?

Target for a bigot's poison dart

(as sure to fly any time as anywhere);

our conjoined, head-heart,

upsetting whose apple cart?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2016

Predator,Invisible Enemy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Gay or straight, there is no room for complacency regarding HIV-AIDS. We all owe it to ourselves and any potential sex partners to be responsible about sex and use a condom.

It might help if HIV-AIDS were not still something of a taboo subject with many people...

Education has to be the key to raise HIV-AIDS Awareness, in which context I wholeheartedly support organisations like DAMSET whose volunteers created a mural for people who have died of AIDS across Dorset; it involved going into schools and talking about HIV-AIDS. The tiles on the mural were designed by schoolchildren.

I would love to see similar projects worldwide:

http://damset.co.uk/

[See also:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKzi9VRjuq0 on my You Tube channel OR search for 'Autobiography of a Beach' on the blog where the video accompanying it is also available.)

PREDATOR, INVISIBLE ENEMY

I have no need to look far for prey,

just follow footprints in the clay

where careless minds feed on a heat

in the blood as if it were for water,

rice or bread, answer to an everyday

need; no problem for a seasoned

tracker such as I, descending upon

bodies nursing what surely has to be

the world’s worst inhumanity

Unable to tell where my axe will fall,

some convince themselves I am

no real threat at all, rather something

akin to a bogeyman, hardly a figment

of the imagination but best consigned

to a cosy corner of a mind less likely

consider why so many get so careless

in the first place. Besides, who wants

to look a bogeyman in the face?

Men, women and children cannot run

from me unless privy to such ways

of the world even I cannot pin down,

kill slowly or, for a while at least,

subject to slavery; every act, thought,

bought with their sweat and tears,

save for those who have the measure

of my intention and can readily access

the means of best protection

In the blood, tracking footprints any size,

I, the predator, who am HIV-AIDS

[From: On The Battlefields Of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

No Voice In The Classroom

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I read recently that homophobic bullying is on the increase among young people. I see no end to it, especially in a multicultural society, until parents face up to the fact that there are gay people out there and a child of theirs might even be one of them.

Here in the UK we have gay-friendly legislation, but relatively few parents will entertain the prospect of any classroom discussion about gay issues. Until they get real about the world we live in, gay people worldwide will be deprived of a voice in the classroom where perhaps it most needs to be heard;  our children and young people deserve better than that. Education is a broad church and students need to be taught how life IS, not how various socio-cultural-religious groups would like it to be. 

As a teenager, I agonised about being gay because I had been taught at home and church that it was unnatural and a sin. I would not wish that on any young person. If I had learned that there are gay people from all walks of life around the world, it would have made a huge difference and I would not have spent what should have been among the best years of my life feeling  confused, ashamed, angry ... and scared of family and peers discovering my sexual identity. Anyone objecting to homosexuality being included in any school curriculum should feel ashamed of themselves for failing to give their children a more complete view of life as it is. 

NO VOICE IN THE CLASSROOM

We were fighting for real

when suddenly he kissed me

passionately on the mouth

and I lashed out confusedly

at my impotent alter ego

My body thrilled to his kiss

(so unexpected though it was)

but my mind flatly rejected it

for I had been taught only this,

that gay is ugly, dirty, sinful

My fist crashed into the face

I so longed to cup in my hands

and be spirited (safely) away

into corners of time and space

free of judgmental inhibitions

In a smoky mist, I saw him flee,

unable to call him back, my feet

(like my tongue) stuck fast…

his kiss continuing to engulf me

in the sheer ferocity of  its heat

That night I felt the two of us

making love with such intensity

there was no room for shame

as I braved giant waves of reality,

surfing desires  denied for years

The next day I waylaid him,

stumbled over a tearful apology

as gently, warily, he drew me

into his arms, joy in our sexuality

letting all conscience go free

It was a time of stereotypes

feeding off society’s prejudices

so we never dared go public,

any world for schoolboy lovers

kept waiting on its education

Copyright R. N. Taber 2013

Sometimes School Is Scary

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem last appeared on the blog in February 2011 and I have been asked to repeat it several times. I am posting it today as I was appalled to read how The Life in Scotland for LGBT Young People: Education Report  (2012) questioned 350 young people aged 13 to 25 about their experiences of being LGBT in educational establishments and is the biggest of its kind to date. The survey found that nearly 70% faced discrimination, especially in Education.  

I suspect much the same result if not worse would be revealed by a similar study of LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) students across the UK. (So much our for Equal Opportunities and political correctness legislation; in my experience, authoritative support for both in real terms is applied very selectively.)

I regularly hear from young people still at school asking how best they can deal with a dawning realization they are gay. Whatever some parents and teachers might say, there are no acceptable excuses for not giving these young people the support they need and deserve.

In my schooldays, gay relationships were a criminal offence here in the UK so I just had to get on with it on my own; it was a living nightmare that went on for years and one I would not wish on my worst enemy. It is a terrible indictment on the 21^st century that homophobia persists in all corners of society across the world.

There are support networks accessible on the Internet these days, and I would urge any gay person being victimized for their sexuality to track down their nearest group; there is more than safety in numbers, not least an end to loneliness and a viciously eroded self-confidence.

Only cowards and bullies discriminate against people because they are ‘different’ in any way. As I have said on the blogs many times, our differences do not make us different only human.

It is high time the world’s socio-cultural-religious bigots got to grips with their humanity.

SOMETIMES SCHOOL IS SCARY

At school, I soon began to see
I was not like other lads,
(no chasing after girls for me);
at home, as on my bed I lay,
thankfully I faced up to reality,
finally accepted that I'm gay 

I tried to ask a teacher about it
but was told to look up stuff
in a book or go on the Internet;
facts helped but couldn’t solve
my dilemma, or assuage a guilt
I could see no way to absolve 

What, I wondered, should I do?
I felt frustrated and alone,
(school work slumped, me too
I couldn’t even think straight,
my only comfort (always on call)
in imaginings as I'd masturbate 

I'd see a boy in class each day
who’s hot looks and smile
haunted, taunted my being gay,
but after his best mate Trevor
took up with a regular girlfriend
we got to know each other 

Nervously admitting I was gay, 
I expected he'd run a mile;
he said he wasn’t, but it was ok,
even told me about a friend
who had formed a support group,
for gay folks at their wits end 

I joined the group, discovered
a whole new take on school,
learning, life, love and selfhood;
now, I don’t fret for being gay,
content to let nature run its course,
find true love, come what may 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011, rev. 2012

Failed, by Schools of Thought found Wanting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Feedback suggest that most readers agree with me that education is the key to ridding the world of homophobic elements so I was happy to go along with the general consensus and include today’s poem in my new collection.

As my collections are general rather than specifically gay, it means that straight as well as gay readers get to read to my gay-interest poems; they can, of course, skip the gay material, but I am delighted to hear from a good many straight readers who appear to enjoy my poems on a gay theme as much as those about nature, society, whatever. [As regular readers of my blogs and books will know, I am up for writing on just about any subject under the sun.]

Whenever I post a poem in support of young gay people, I receive complaints accusing me of trying to corrupt them. Do they honestly believe none of us start wrestling with our sexuality until we are adults?

There are gay boys and girls around the world who badly need reassurance and support; schools could offer a lot more, religious institutions, too, instead of piling on the angst and making out they know best all the time.

FAILED, BY SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT FOUND WANTING

The first time we made love,

we were like young rabbits living in fear

of an owl swooping down

It was under a leafy awning,

in woods where we'd played as children

although never like this

As twilight cast a golden glow

across the scene, we caved in to feelings

we'd resisted for years

Oh, the bliss of physical love,

acting out its beautiful poetry, unspoken

till now but for its tears

Ah, but freedom was an illusion

if not the love consuming us that summer,

schooldays shut in a closet

Gossip raged. By the winter term,

we had gone separate ways, heads bowed,

twin hearts ripped out

To our shame, we let bigotry

get the better of us, an awakening sexuality

tempered by immaturity

Years on, mature adults now;

if a bigot's penchant for bullying still about,

more of us standing up to it

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012

[Note: First published under the title 'Where Tick-Box Curricula Found Wanting' in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]

Ode to a School Cap

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

There is probably at least one gay/transgender boy or girl in every school, struggling with their personal identity while unable to articulate on it and/or no one with whom they can share a growing 
sense of personal crisis. Yet, LGBT issues are rarely (if ever) openly discussed as part of a structured programme embracing social issues. 

Few schools approach teaching and class discussion about sex and relationships very well; among even among those that do, little (if anything) is said that is meaningful to a young person, probably struggling with an emerging sense of sexuality along with various other anxieties and frustrations every teenager has to endure.

Time and again, young gay people have contacted me to say there is no one they can talk to about gay issues. Yes, I can (and do) recommend support groups while offering as much reassurance and support myself as I can, also answering their questions with frankness and sensitivity. Even so, I am a stranger and, yes, it can be easier to talk to a stranger but it is better still to talk to a close friend or family member who can be there for you with advice and a hug 24/7.

It is absurd that in the 21st century, many gay people still feel there is a stigma attached to being gay that prevents them openly discussing it with family, peers or teachers. Meanwhile, homophobia persists among those who continue to take outdated, misleading and often offensive stereotypes that plague gay people - especially gay men - as read. [Leaders of the world's religions, please note.]

Yes, I know the less enlightened members of a predominantly heterosexual society continue to give lesbians a hard time. Even so, gay women are less likely to be accused a paedophilia than gay men (even though most paedophiles are heterosexual); they are less likely to be physically abused for their sexuality or verbally abused for spreading the HIV-AIDS virus (as happened to me only recently).

I guess the bottom line is that many if not most heterosexual men and women (especially men) still feel they should be appalled by sexual acts between two men. This has always been a mystery to me as I know straight couples who get up to all sorts in bed...

Is it any wonder that a significant number of gay boys choose to stay in the closet? Not only in the southern hemisphere either. I read not so long ago about two girls at a church school in the US who were excluded for being in a lesbian relationship.Faith schools need to get real about gay issues! Being gay doesn't make us any less of a human being, for goodness sake.

Male or female, it may be a lot easier to be gay than when I was young…but it sure ain’t easy, even now, half a century on…

I recorded this poem for my YouTube channel some time ago so am repeating the video here today as well (see below); especially for 'Joe' who asked why I never read poems on a gay theme there. [I have read several, but I don't think of myself as a 'gay poet', just a poet who also happens to be gay and will tackle any theme. You can access my YouTube channel at: 

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber

and this poem at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgU0lpyCQcs  read and posted on my 65th birthday, December 21st 2010.

ODE TO A SCHOOL CAP

On a pebbly shore observing the sea

about to snatch an abandoned deckchair,

I wonder…do you ever think of me,

snatching at my cap, fingers in my hair?

A breeze, come evening, laughing at us,

shadow fingers masturbating, a bliss

sure to catch us out under summer skies,

a passing cloud witnessing our first kiss

No one ever guessed why you went away

across a sea that calls me with your voice;

much as I loved you, implored you to stay,

each kiss but postponing a time of choice

Not ready then to tell the world I’m gay,

left letting its tides snatch my cap away

[From: Accomplices To Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007]

LGBT, Winning the Argument

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Our parents may well want the best things in life for us, but when it comes to sexual identity, relatively few have a clue. It is down to us to show them where their perspective on the whole gay ethic is sadly flawed.

Society may well see itself as our mentor, and its schools the tools of this mentorship, but there are times when the student needs to educate the teacher and the teacher needs to shut up long enough to listen...

LGBT, WINNING THE ARGUMENT

"You can’t live your life being gay,"

- my parents said to me;

they meant well, could but struggle

with my sexuality;

"What will people think, say, even do?"

- my parents said to me,

it might ruin my career prospects,

couldn’t I see?

"Besides, what will the neighbours say

- or the rest of the family?

Shake off this gay stuff and get real,

stick with normality."

Ah, but this ‘gay stuff’ is a part of me,

- who I am and proud to be;

I stood my ground, pleaded the case

for an honest equality

Not everyone took my part, I must say

- but folks who matter to me

(and to whom I matter too) agree

we're born free to live our lives
as best we can, heartbeat of any society.

- to ourselves and others be true,

and if 'gay stuff' a part of who we are,

it deserves love’s blessing too

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010, 2019

[Note; An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Gay Stuff' in On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

G-A-Y, an Education

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update, May 18th 2019]: There have been protests here in the UK from parents of various ethnic origins regarding the teaching of sex education in schools, especially concerning matters LGBT.
Can they not see that education is a basic learning tool for life, neither judgemental nor prejudiced but preparing children and young people for what they can expect to find beyond the school gates. Needs must they make up their own minds, all the more discerning (surely?) for being acquainted with plain facts rather than stereotypes dressed up as home truths open to abuse.]

I laughed once when a friend warned me that writing blogs quickly becomes an addiction! Ah, but she was so right. I really missed you all yesterday. Even so, I have a good reason for dropping by after receiving a call from ‘Alex’ who I have no way of contacting. Alex’s family will have nothing to do with him after he told them only recently that he is gay. Sadly, this is not as rare a case in this so-called ‘liberal’ northern hemisphere as I would like it to be. Alex didn’t say if he is staying with friends or on the streets. Please contact me again, Alex, and I will do my best to help you. [As a librarian all my working life, mostly in public libraries, it was my job to refer people to information/help sources.] If you have access to the Internet, there are LGBT support groups and networks around the country so see if there is one in your area.

Young gay people would not find themselves in this situation if more parents and schools encouraged intelligent debate about relationships, including gay relationships, instead of trying to pretend no son, daughter or student of theirs could possible be gay.

Young people regularly contact me to say they enjoy reading this gay-interest blog because it helps them feel better about themselves and less guilty about an awakening (or already wide awake) homosexuality. I despair I really do of those who, even in this 21st century of ours, continue to make gay boys and girls, men and women, feel ashamed of their sexuality. Worse, some people do it in the name of religion! All I can say if that any God would be ashamed of them. And, no, I am not only saying that because I am gay. As regular readers know only too well, I had given up on religion by the time I was 10 years-old. I wasn’t able to articulate ro myself about and acknowledge being gay until a few years later.

Well, let the bigots try and put us down. We know differently and, my goodness, we will show them we are every bit as decent a human being as any of them. Sadly, all the while so many misleading and offensive stereotypes of gay people continue to attach themselves to the less enlightened person's imagination, change for the better will be slow in many parts of the world, including pockets of the West where homophobia is alive and kicking. .

Never, but never, let anyone put you down for being gay. If someone has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours.

Okay, so I have said much a same thing in many of the near thousand gay-interest posts on the blog so far. But as my dear, late, mother used to say, if something is worth saying in the first place, it is always worth repeating.

G-A-Y, AN EDUCATION

I gave little thought
to sexuality until one day at school,
a classmate brushed against me
in the showers, causing a Tsunami
of mixed feelings to descend
on me, carry me away, refuting
every thought and lesson
I’d been taught in the best interests
of so-called ‘Education’

I had to turn away
so he would not see or (worse) let on
to others how my sexuality
had responded to the heat and silk
of his splendid body
as, naked, we washed ourselves clean
though some would say
I was the victim of a temptation
to let my self sin

I resisted temptation,
but no victim was I that day, only shown
an alternative way to live, love,
and fulfil what I had long suspected
was desire in me, but rejected
as an unknown quantity, preferring
to keep to safe, well-worn paths
in the preferred manner and direction
of so-called ‘Education’

I learned a much valued lesson that day,
acknowledged I am gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011

[Update: This poem appears in the gay-interest section of my latest collection, Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]

A Reject's Song

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A teacher concerned about homophobic bullying in her school has asked me for a poem to kick-start a class discussion. I sent the one below and can but hope that any classes to whom she reads the poem will have something positive to say about it. She goes on to say she is particularly concerned about one boy who plays truant a lot and when asked why, told her that he is gay and nobody want him so why should he bother with anyone else. I hope she has suggested gay counselling and/ or joining a gay group in his area. She is welcome to give him my email address. Whatever, the poor lad is obviously in need of a heavy dose of positive thinking. There really should be far more discussion about gay issues in schools. As it is, the majority are breeding grounds for homophobes.

Now and then teachers ask me if they can use poems I post on my blogs and my answer is always, yes. However, the copyright to all the poems I post is exclusively mine so please ask me first if only so I can keep track of what poems are being used and get some feedback. I don’t expect everyone to like every poem I write. Fair enough. I know some of you hate villanelles while just as many of you love them. Every writer feeds on criticism, good or bad so long as it is fairly constructive; it is helpful to know what it is about a poem that someone loves or hates or feels does its theme no favours.

Another teacher kindly got in touch to say he uses my blogs as ‘an educational resource’ and says many kids respond to my poems about street crime, bullying, multiculturalism etc. gay-interest poems too although use of these in schools appears to be minimal. I have to say, any suggestion that I am providing an ‘educational resource’ thrilled me to bits.

I try to reflect this sorry world of ours warts ‘n’ all; life, love, nature, war and peace. Most of the time, I try to lift the reader and end a poem on a positive note. Sadly, though, there is much to be lifted from and this doesn’t always happen.

Meanwhile...

I have been (very) distracted by my prostate cancer, but will be back on a regular basis before too long. Now and then, I'l drop by with a new poem and let you know how I am responding to treatment. In the meantime, Graham and I hope to continue filming for YouTube at various UK locations, so you will find me there at:

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber

As for that schoolboy and far too many like him who feel rejected, I can only say that I always found a cousin's advice invaluable, who told me "Never think twice about rejecting those who reject you for your sexuality since their company is not worth having in the first place. "Love," she added wryly, "is inclined sometimes to lose its way, especially if means having to stand up and be counted ..."

A REJECT’S SONG

There’s a word, or so I’m told
is not for hearing or sight
but shutting out in a killing cold
like a pup on a wintry night

The word, I’m earnestly assured
is a key to the Devil’s lair
so a dead cert I’ll be damned
if I ever venture there;
a word, consuming all of me
since I was a child,
learning on my father’s knee
about sin running wild,
sure to shadow my every step
in a world holding me
to promises I would never keep
surrounding my sexuality

Such a word I’d come to learn
(in the arms of a lover)
that no God will strike me down
for its breaking cover;
a word that dares to remind
any who stand in my way
that any Creator of humankind
allowed love its say
(and free will) given a chance
to prove its humanity
if frequently led a merry dance
by certain powers-that-be

Look, where doves and eagles fly,
writing up the world’s history,
see nature inscribe the legend G-A-Y,
testament to its bigotry

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

Take care, all of you, keep well and – be happy!

a BIG HUG from

Roger x

Engaging with Confession

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The original title of this poems was Accomplices but I was never happy with it and changed it upon deciding to include it in a collection. I often make slight and occasionally major but always significant changes when I come to publish a poem in print form. It was inspired by a conversation with two gay men in their mid-thirties, both married with children, who has been having a closet relationship for many years. Both told me they adored their respective families but had tried and failed to stop seeing each other.

When pressed, both men admitted they had got married because they could not face the prospect of living an openly gay life. Neither would accept my argument that it isn't so different to living any other kind of life. So what, I asked them, is so terrible about being openly gay in the UK, especially these days? One guy had no answer. The other insisted that gay people are still stigmatised for their sexuality in spite of legislation to the contrary. I have to admit, I see only too clearly what he meant.

It is a sad reflection on modern society that it can still keep the closet door tightly shut on some gay men and women. As I have said many times, things will only change for the better when schools start openly debating gay issues so the children and young people of today are less likely to become the homophobes of tomorrow.

So...Education, education, education, YES.

So come on, Head Teachers everywhere, what's stopping you bringing your schools into the 21st century and catering for all your students, not just the heterosexual majority?  You reckon hay have never had it so good?  So how would you know when most gay boys and girls are too scared and/or ashamed to tell you they are gay anyway?  At least let them know from the start that there is nothing to be scared of or ashamed about being gay and that sexual identity is an integral part of who we are. No one should be made to feel scared or ashamed of that.

[Note: Not so long ago, I got chatting to a bisexual teacher who told me it was more than his job is worth to promote class discussion about gay/bisexual issues. 'The kids would be up for it,' he told me, 'but the Head would be down on me like a ton of bricks and few of the staff would openly support me plus I'd soon have most parent-governors and parents baying for my blood...]

It was Mark Twain who attributed the quote 'there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics' to Benjamin Disraeli in Chapters from My Autobiography while I have long lived with my own variation....

ENGAGING WITH CONFESSION

You have a beautiful wife, children,
and none must suspect you pay but lip service
to convention

You love your wife and adore your son
yet even love can play the willing accomplice
to deception

Invariably, late nights at the office mean
you’re haunting well-known cruising grounds
for gay men

While your wife tucks up the kids in bed,
you’re enjoying sex with another man, for real
or in your head

You feel so guilty it’s blowing your mind,
anxious but scared to confide in anyone, family
or friend

You long so to speak out from the heart,
suspect if you do you’re whole world will surely
fall apart

Family, society, culture, convention,
all insist they know best while failing humanity
and themselves

One night, you begged me hear you confess
as we surrendered our bodies in bushes that will
have heard worse

More than mere flesh joined together as one,
we discovered a kind of love that will even satisfy
closet men

You have a lovely wife, two beautiful children
and (more than anyone) I know they come second
to none

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2017

[Note: This poem first appeared under the title, 'Key Players in a Black Comedy' in On the Battlefields Of Love: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]