LGBT, Winning the Argument

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Our parents may well want the best things in life for us, but when it comes to sexual identity, relatively few have a clue. It is down to us to show them where their perspective on the whole gay ethic is sadly flawed.

Society may well see itself as our mentor, and its schools the tools of this mentorship, but there are times when the student needs to educate the teacher and the teacher needs to shut up long enough to listen...

LGBT, WINNING THE ARGUMENT

"You can’t live your life being gay,"

- my parents said to me;

they meant well, could but struggle

with my sexuality;

"What will people think, say, even do?"

- my parents said to me,

it might ruin my career prospects,

couldn’t I see?

"Besides, what will the neighbours say

- or the rest of the family?

Shake off this gay stuff and get real,

stick with normality."

Ah, but this ‘gay stuff’ is a part of me,

- who I am and proud to be;

I stood my ground, pleaded the case

for an honest equality

Not everyone took my part, I must say

- but folks who matter to me

(and to whom I matter too) agree

we're born free to live our lives
as best we can, heartbeat of any society.

- to ourselves and others be true,

and if 'gay stuff' a part of who we are,

it deserves love’s blessing too

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010, 2019

[Note; An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Gay Stuff' in On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

A Timely Review

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

So much for the well-laid plans of mice and men! Much as I love writing up the blogs, I am taking a break for a few months while I get on with other things, not least because my treatment for prostate cancer makes me feel so tired that it takes me twice as long as usual to get anything done. However, I always planned to drop by from time to time, just not as often. However, I cannot and will not ignore readers who are having a bad time.

Today’s poem hasn’t appeared on the blog since last summer. It is repeated today especially for Nick ‘a 16 year-old living in Canterbury’ who feels 'very isolated ' [as] ‘Canterbury is just so gay-unfriendly.’ [Whatever happened to the gay bar that opened there recently, I wonder?]

It is 40+ years since I was a student at the University of Kent in Canterbury (graduated in 1973), but I still have friends there and will always keep a very special place in my heart for this beautiful old city. I still recall my student years more than a little wistfully. Oh, to put the clock back!

I have to say, it is unusual to find a student city or town that is not gay-friendly, but I know where this young man is coming from as I visit Canterbury fairly often . Moreover, I was born in Kent (Medway) and find the whole county little more gay-friendly now than I did when I was a schoolboy and young man all those years ago. There are parts of Kent that well deserve its name as ‘The Garden of England’ but beauty is only skin deep where some places as well as some people are concerned.

As I have said on the blog many times, young gay people would feel less alienated or threatened if more schools were to discuss gay issues openly and intelligently instead of sweeping them under the proverbial carpet. Until they do, gay boys and girls will go through twice the teenage anxt as others, and homophobia will continue to raise its ugly head more often than not.

Nick might consider contacting the LGBT Society at the University if he has not already done so. It doesn’t (or shouldn’t) matter that he isn’t a student there and it might help to discuss his sexuality with other gay people; ‘keyword ‘University Kent Canterbury LGBT’ for a contact email.

He might also care to explore a site created by two delightful guys working hard at improving the climate for gay people in the Canterbury area and across East Kent; it is well worth a visit anyway, and I'm sure other readers will enjoy exploring it too:

http://www.prideincanterbury.org.uk/

This poem is a villanelle. [To another reader who says he or she loves my villanelles but finds it 'very irritating' that I rarely end stanzas in my poems with a period (full stop). Sorry, about that, but it isn't grammatical laziness. I'm simply not a full stop kind of person, and feel they interrupt a poem's flow. My critics will, of course disagree. (Do I care?)]

A TIMELY REVIEW

Come, gay pilgrims to a 21st century
reassessing tablets of stone,
reviewing a saint’s take on Canterbury

To Augustine’s brief for Christianity,
negotiating layers of translation,
come gay pilgrims to a 21st century

Resisting intimidation by modernity,
the poetry of its past an inspiration
reviewing a saint’s take on Canterbury

Acknowledging a martyr-like quality
empathising with religion,
come gay pilgrims to a 21st century

Among ruins, an enduring spirituality
embracing gay men and women
reviewing a saint’s take on Canterbury

As cathedral gargoyles mimic a bigotry
its hymn to glory would disown,
come gay pilgrims to a 21st century
reviewing a saint's take on Canterbury

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]

Storm Lantern

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Now, for years after I came out as an openly gay man, I hated those who had locked me in that horrible closet throughout my youth and young manhood. Oh, I’d broken free often enough but I’d always scurry back for fear of being caught enjoying my life, being myself.

Break free, did I say? Huh!

When I finally made a break for freedom and stayed free, I was so haunted by that damn closet that, , try as I might< i could never quite rid my mind of all that torment and anger. But the torment was over, apart from the occasional homophobic ignoramus trying to revive it, and I could deal with that. [Didn’t I have years of practise?] So why was I still so angry it was chewing me up?

Yes, I was (and still am) angry for people all over the world still having to endure the same torments for their sexuality as had been inflicted on me. But it was more than that, much more; it was an inner rage that was turning in on me and threatening to destroy me...until it dawned on me that the greater part of how I felt wasn’t anger at all, but hate.

Oh, the anger is still there, but I’ve managed to lock the hate in its own dark closet and throw away the key. You don’t have to be a religious person (and regular readers know I’m not) to discover forgiveness.

This poem is a kenning.

STORM LANTERN

I am the child that cried
in the night but no one came
to see why,
thinking it was right I should
get used to living
with this bogeyman, that ghost,
and not be afraid
of monsters in the playground
I dreaded the most

I am the teen that cried,
after playing truant from school
then lied about
gay places visited, people seen,
when all I wanted
was for someone to listen to me,
hear why I don’t always do
as I should, know I’m not all
they would have me be

I am the man that cried
in the night until someone came
to ask why,
listened to what I had to say,
drove my ghosts away,
demythologized the Bogeyman
under my bed,
last words at the break of day
that being gay is OK

World, bully terrorising its victim
till I, Forgiveness, chose freedom

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2016

[Note: This poem is a slightly but significantly revised (2016) version of that which appears in 1st eds. of On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010; revised ed. in e-format in preparation]. 

A Christmas Blessing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

People often make wrong assumptions about older folks. [I’m getting on a bit now and people seem surprised that I can use a computer!] I will never forget how, some years ago, an elderly couple in their 80's were very kind to me when I was the victim of a homophobic attack; they were devoutly religious and knew I was gay but all that mattered to them that I needed help.

The point of this poem has little or nothing to do with Christmas, and was inspired by a true story told me by a friend some years ago. These days, many people’s attitudes have changed…but not all. In some countries, even here in the West, there are gay men and women too frightened to be openly gay for all sorts of reasons. Yes, I know I have said this many times before. But as my late mother used to say, if a thing is worth saying, it’s always worth repeating.

Those of us whose family, friends, school friends and workmates help us feel relaxed about being ‘out’ should not be complacent or assume it is the same for everyone. It is probably hardest for gay boys and girls still at school. I well remember the torment of having to come to terms with being gay on top of all the usual teenage angst, and sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to survive to adulthood at all!

Some ignorant people will always try to give gay folks a hard time. For my own part, I always like to point out that’s their problem, not mine. [That usually shuts them up.]

Yes, tragically, homophobia is alive and kicking. So whatever happened to Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all humankind? Nor is it just Christmas but other religious festivals, too, that are found wanting. Religion may well be about faith, ritual and prayer. But what is all that really worth if it loses sight of its humanity?

A CHRISTMAS BLESSING

They said it didn’t matter I’m gay,
seemed glad for me when I found you,
accepted us as a couple, for who
and what we are - and we were happy;
days, months, passed and nothing
happened to spoil our idyll although
as autumn slipped into winter
we noticed a subtle change in people
as hearts and minds began to focus
on Christmas – or did I only imagine
they looked away? I knew better
but put my faith in love to win the day

Suddenly, it seemed everyone was asking
everyone else what they had in mind
for Christmas except us, no one meaning
to be unkind, of course, but assuming
'that sort' would not expect an invitation
to any family celebration

Whenever we would venture to suggest
this or that, all we’d hear was,
‘Oh, we’d love to have you, of course
but, sorry, a full house this year;
Besides, you know how some old people
feel about gays and we don’t want
to spoil grandma’s Christmas do we?’
(said most sincerely.) So we anticipated
a quiet, loving time, just the two of us
till, days before Christmas, a phone call
from your grandmother just to say
she was looking forward to seeing you

‘Oh, and your partner too, of course.
Sadly, it was all very different in my day;
few people then found the courage
to walk tall, heads high, and openly gay.
You are truly blessed, for what it's worth
(as much to us as Peace on Earth)

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2010

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007.]

They, Who are 'They'? AND Ode to a Homophobe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I read yesterday that openly gay USA TV host Ellen De Generes recently made a tearful appeal to America’s young gay people facing prejudice following a series of deaths. She is reported as saying the US faces a ‘wake-up call’ after student Tyler Clementi leapt to his death after his room mate allegedly a romantic meeting with a man and streamed it on the web. This is appalling. Our hearts must go out to Tyler, his family and friends as well as the families and friends of all those driven to such lengths by sick, ignorant cowards. For that is what bullying is, the work of narrow minded, bigoted cowards.

Comments by people like rapper 50 Cent don’t help. He is reported as refusing to apologise after he appeared to urge gay men to commit suicide in a rant on Twitter. Nor is it the first time he has aired homophobic views. In 2004 he told Playboy magazine ‘I don’t like gay people around me because I am not comfortable with what their thoughts are……but women who like women, that’s cool.’ What a nice man! And what an ego! As if any gay man would give such a jerk a second thought…!!

This is the 21st century, for goodness sake. By now, homophobia like racism should be stone dead. Instead, both are very much alive and kicking. Interestingly, in the West, where some people would probably think twice about saying anything that might be construed as racist these days, gay people are often considered fair game by the less enlightened among the heterosexual majority. Do they realise, I wonder, what a good many ordinary, decent people think of them?

People in the public eye have a responsibility to lead by example, surely? Thank goodness for those who not only have the courage to be openly gay but will also speak up for us; we should not underestimate their contribution to the fight against homophobia.

While I am not impressed by today’s celebrity culture, there is no denying that celebrities exert enormous influence in society, especially over impressionable young people. That is what makes 50 Cent’s rant so irresponsible and inexcusable. Of course he is entitled to his opinions and I would be the last person to deny anyone freedom of speech. But those in the public eye do have a responsibility to lead by example. The BAD news is that many don’t. The GOOD news is that more do than don’t. Unfortunately, it’s invariably those that don’t who make a splash in the media and exert a bad influence, especially on impressionable young people and fans.

I well remember how it was when I was a young gay teenager and in my early 20s when homosexuality was a criminal offence here in the UK. It was tough and I contemplated suicide more than once…until I found life, beauty and hope in nature and began to understand I am as I was born and there is nothing wrong, sinful or unnatural about that.

They’ have a lot to answer for…

THEY, WHO ARE 'THEY'?

They said I should
have stood up to the bullies
who tormented me
each day, that they would
have run away
had I not made so vulnerable
a picture, fair game
for any small-minded
conjecture

They said I should
have stood up to the thug
who demanded
I key n my P.I.N. to obtain
my own ransom
from a handy cash machine
or I’d be certain
to have makeshift surgery
on my spleen

They said I would
be a fool to dare embark
on a gay lifestyle,
as it would only bring me pain,
a wasted life;
better to go straight (they said)
prove to everyone
how I'm a 'real' man'
and take a wife…

They said I could
not survive in today's world
where life
is all about surviving a rat race
where 'real' men
need to walk tall, be strong..
but I ignored them,
went my own way, resolved
to prove them wrong

Let the bullies
have their say, web trolls
and gossips
do their worst, I will
overcome
with (more than)  a little help
from my friends,
(hopefully) family too,
and win through

Copyright R N Taber 2005

[Note: First published as 'They' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Why is it, I wonder that homophobes love a bigoted rant?  Could it be perhaps that they are frustrated by their own sexuality? Regular readers will be familiar with this  next poem; it has appeared on the blog before. In the context of this post, I feel it bears repeating yet again. [If interested, you can see/hear me reading it on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square last year as part of sculptor Antony Gormley’s One & Other ‘live’ sculpture. [One reason I included the poem is because homophobic attacks, in particular on gay men, had been on the rise in the London area for some time.]

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T

The web stream had a global audience and it may be of some reassurance to any distressed gay person anywhere in the world that I received messages of support from all over.

Stuff the homophobes! We are all human beings and, as such, have a right to live our lives in peace and freedom, regardless of colour, creed, sex…and sexuality.

ODE TO A HOMOPHOBE

You parade your macho like a trophy
and frequently abuse gay men,
but if so confident in your sexuality
why this crass overreaction?

You say gay people are sad, sick cases,
at the very least immoral,
yet you go to church, sing His praises
(and expect Him to be grateful?)

You say being gay is a mortal sin,
love to take the moral high…
yet what less right gay men and women
to love and be loved till they die?

Gay people need to give truth a name
and learn to give it substance;
Homophobes would never dare the same
for fear of exposing their ignorance

We are all God’s children, the churches cry,
each worthy of His love and our own;
Yet, time after time. their holy leaders lie,
leave gay people to pray alone

The century is changing it has to be said,
a War on Terror all around.
and while one homophobe wishes us dead,
it is a war without end

Copyright R N Taber 2007

[Note: Despite the title, the poem is, of course, also a villanelle, first published in  Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007]