Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained OR Mind-Body-Spirit, Up for It

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem first appeared on the blog in 2008 under a different title, and I have since revised it,  slightly but significantly.

Several readers have asked how I am progressing with the new poetry collection and if I have found a potential publisher. Well, progress is slow but sure, and I haven't given much thought to finding a publisher as I will probably self-publish again. As I have said before on the blogs, the majority of publishers here in the UK have never shown any interest in my previous collections; indeed, it would seem that poetry publishers in general are inclined to shy away from a volume that includes both general and gay-interest poems. I am toying the the idea of only making it available as an e-book, but may have just a few hundred copies printed as they have always sold. As always, time will tell if and hoe opportunity knocks. wry bardic chuckle

Meanwhile ...

Now, there's a lot to be said for letting  Waves of Wishful Thinking sweep us off our feet and having their way with us on tides of Here-and-Now. Oh, and there's no need to wait for Valentine’s Day to come around again either. wry bardic grin

'Practise is the best of all instructors.' - Pubilius Syrus (fl. 85-43 BC)

Have fun ... but be careful out there.

NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED or MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, UP FOR IT

I slumped in a bar, drinking moodily,

in a tug-of-war with my heart,

longing to kiss the guy opposite me,

a target, if ever, for Cupid's dart

I contemplated chatting him casually

(be subtle while making a pass)

but fear kept getting the better of me

as I looked soulfully into my glass

Now and then I’d let my eyes devour

pecs pricking at a tight white tee,

felt myself blushing for sheer horror

at catching him observing me

Did I like what I saw, he softly asked?

(making my every nerve tingle);

I felt like a thief caught out, unmasked,

could but silently pray he was single

I could barely mumble something inane

(his laughter made me look away);

he still had a smile when I looked again,

one that seemed to want me to stay

He came over and sat right next to me

I took heart and we chatted a while,

mind-body-spirit engaging anxiously

in a mad tug-of-war with his smile

During that (half-hearted) tug-of-war,

fear began to drop away from me,

till sex such as I’d but dreamed of before

affirmed a new, gay-spiritual identity

We had a safe, sensual, delightful affair,

practising the finer arts of sexuality

for such a time as such sympathies care

to give love a free rein on its humanity

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008; 2020

A Timely Rescue

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

One New Year’s Eve many years ago, a friend and fellow reveller asked me if I am gay. When I answered, yes, he went on to ask why I had never mentioned it, was I ashamed…?

The truth is that, at the time, I was ashamed, having been raised to believe gay relationships were perverted.  I had discussed being gay with very few people in those dark days.

As a direct result of that long-ago conversation, I resolved to come out to the world, the only New Year resolution I have ever kept, and never regretted.

It remains one of the greater tragedies of the modern world that, yes, even in the 21^st century, many gay people worldwide live in so gay-unfriendly an environment that they remain afraid to be openly gay. We can but hope for better times and less socio-cultural-religious bigotry dating back centuries. Meanwhile, no one should ever be ashamed of their sexuality, while  those that would have us be so would do well to take a long look at their own shortcomings and get real.

This poem is a villanelle.

 A TIMELY RESCUE

Before I acknowledged my sexuality

and came out to everyone,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Scared of losing my friends and family,

I could but conceal my confusion

before I acknowledged my sexuality

Made to think I belonged to a fraternity

of some perverted  persuasion,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Dreaded succumbing to plain honesty,

heavy my footsteps, every one,

before I acknowledged my sexuality

Slow to grasp at straws in an angry sea

of heterosexual convention,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Rescued, came to understand eventually

that I am but human;

before I acknowledged my sexuality,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Copyright R, N. Taber 2009; 2014

Wishing the World Love and Peace (Not just for Christmas)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The Christmas Peace of 1914 is legendary. On Christmas Eve 1914, men of the British Expeditionary Force (B.E.F.) heard German troops in the trenches opposite singing carols, spotted lanterns and small fir trees along their trenches. They started shouting messages to each other and the following day, British and German troops met in no man’s land to exchange gifts, take photographs and even play impromptu games of football. Tragically it made no difference to four more years of the war meant to end all wars…  

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life? 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who have found both in a meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY. 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other. 

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life?

For those (gay or straight) who have found both in a lasting, meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY.

For those  (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other.

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

This poem is a villanelle.

WISHING THE WORLD LOVE AND PEACE (NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS)

One day, close to Christmas,

long, long, ago…

cock robin sang for us

Bigots had been unkind to us,

dealt a savage blow

one day, close to Christmas

Icy rain, camouflage for tears

we refused to show

cock robin sang for us

A kind snowman hid our fears

under a coat of snow;

one day, close to Christmas

In a time of gifts and promises

(prayers to follow?)

cock robin sang for us

Love, defying even wintry years
to chill us to the marrow;

one day, close to Christmas,

cock robin sang for us…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008

Where the Earth laughs Longest

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I hope you are all ok and keeping well. I am fine (yes, really!) despite my continuing treatment for (non aggressive) prostate cancer. Oh, I have good days and bad days, but don't we all even when in the best of health? On a good day, you will probably find a blog entry here. On bad days, don't worry about yours truly. I am very good at making the best of bad times.

Meanwhile...

Every so often I am asked to post a link to my poetry reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square in 2009. People often ask for a CD. Sorry, but Sky Arts refused to let participants have a CD of their contributions so we only have a link to the British Library archive:

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T [For now, at least, this link needs the latest Adobe Flash Player  and works best in Firefox; the archives website cannot run Flash but changes scheduled for later this year may well mean the link will open without it. Ignore any error message and give it a minute or so to start up. The video lasts an hour. ] RT 3/18

Some readers have kindly said they enjoyed my 4^th Plinth reading and asked if I have any more videos. Well, only on my YouTube channel:

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber (I hope to add more uploads as time goes by.) 

Meanwhile…

Now, love plays an important part in all our lives, and it is my belief that this does not end when our hearts stop beating.  Nature, not any religious faith persuaded me of this long ago. Religion does not have a monopoly on love any more than it has on spirituality.

Love, in all its shapes and forms is a spiritual experience denied to no one. Only, everyone has to find it for themselves in their own time and their own way. Never believe people who insist they have a template for love anyone can use; people are inclined to prioritize, and in so doing they discriminate even if unintentionally.

Yes, yes, I know I’ve said all this before…and will probably do so again. True, the world is becoming a kinder place for LGBT lovers but there remain vast swathes of less enlightened people among the heterosexual majority in a world that still has much to learn about love and a long way to go before it puts its money where its mouth is when it encourages talk of Equality, Human Rights, and Peace.

Oh, and in my experience of being openly gay for many years, the key to survival lies not only in love, but also in laughter; if we cannot laugh at ourselves sometimes, the world's bigots win hands down.

'The Earth laughs in flowers'. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (Hamatreya)

WHERE THE EARTH LAUGHS LONGEST

At the moment of my death,

we‘ll make love again, just as

when our first twilight fell,

late summer leaves like a shower

of September rain, nature

casting a spell to keep us safer

than Holy Books dare tell

At the moment of my death,

we’ll make love again, creating

as much joy and more

than it has given us, we chosen,

meant to fly time and space,

any separation but a homing-in

on some glorious horizon

At the moment of my death,

our love will surely kill all pain,

be as a tree in blossom,

its springtime come again, though

a storm play tricks on its light,

for I shall rise above any threat

to return where first we met

At the moment of my death,

the spirit of love will leave a mark

much like a smile on my pillow,

and I’ll be guided by Earth Mother

to your side, she who kept faith

with us while we lived, as we two

stayed true to each other

Though life lead us up a garden path,
it's love always has the last laugh...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012; 2018

[Note; An alternative final couplet appears in an earlier version of this poem first published under the title 'Earth Mother, Spirit of Love' in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012]

In Love and War

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

World War 1 was meant to be the war to end all wars. Yet, World War 2 came along and there have been wars since; so many deaths, so many injuries and so many lives devastated.

Even as I write, brave men and women, gay and straight alike, are fighting, dying, and sustaining terrible injuries across the world.  

Is it not strange that, even in the 21^st century, we rarely hear how gay men and women, too, make sacrifices for a kinder, better world?  Not surprising, really, I suppose. Let’s face it. Home Fronts can be a battlefield for us as well…

When will humankind ever learn, eh? When will we ever learn...?

IN LOVE AND WAR

As we homed in to hug goodbye,

you moved your head,

your lips brushing against mine

an instant too long

for it to have been just a mistake;

I told myself it was imagination,

conjuring up images

I tried to put aside for its wanting

its wicked way with us,

having us on, playing a silly trick

You went to war in foreign fields

and all I could do

was wish you safe and well

while in a cold sweat

over thoughts of your coming back;

just when I thought it safe to dream

they’d spring an ambush,

shoot me down, leave me exposed,

(no uncommon enemy trait)

for vultures to spot, swoop and pick

You would always find me, comfort

me in my distress

where I’d peer behind death’s door;

one kiss, more than enough

to open my eyes, surprise me awake;

a day came when I slept in late

after hours of fighting off my fears,

waking up to tears on my cheek

I had thought was blood (yours?)

the enemies of love resolved to take

You were sat on the edge of my bed,

grinning from ear to ear;

I flung my arms around your neck,

nor was it any a mistake

as you kissed me, I kissed you back;

our lovemaking told its own story,

(no happy ending assured)

and we, though our hearts near break,

sure to shine its light - where all

closet lovers go in fear of the dark

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

Footnote to a Treatise on Volcanoes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I have to confess I am no computer gamer, but was disturbed to say the least when it was brought to my attention that Electronic Arts (EA), maker of the highly popular Star Wars: The Old Republic video game, is the target of a boycott orchestrated by hateful anti-gay groups.

It appears they gave players around the world the option of including a gay romance storyline in their interactive Star Wars game. [Now, would that be Luke and Yoda? Surely not...?] Seriously, though, anti-gay letters are apparently flooding Electronic Arts headquarters, threatening to push the company and its staff to the dark side.

So much for those readers who contact me saying I am living in the Dark Ages and ‘Gays have never had it so good.’ How good life is for us still depends very much on where we live and whether or not that is a gay-friendly environment.

Meanwhile...

Today’s poem last appeared on the blog in 2010. It has been requested by ‘Stefano’ for his partner ‘Cesare’ who has a birthday today.

Here’s wishing you a very Happy Birthday, Cesare.

Oh, but the eruption when pent up desires will stay quiet no longer...!

FOOTNOTE TO A TREATISE ON VOLCANOES

The first time I lay with another man,

it was with someone whom I had adored

for years but thought had ignored

my searching glances, double meanings,

sad eyes brimming with unshed tears;

instead, he chose to wait until I spoke out

as my heart intended once my tongue

found the words to say what I’d been told

I shouldn’t, mustn’t, because people

would think the worst if I told the world

I’m gay

He understood and shared my fears

yet kissed my eyelids, moistened by tears,

murmured reassurance as well as love

in my ears, gently wiping away all the fear

those who had thought to know better,

(following a dark history to the letter) had

glued to my lips, now freed by a tongue

that had found the words to say though told

he shouldn’t, mustn’t, because people

would think the worst if he told the world

he’s gay

He taught me the art of lovemaking

as learned at Nature’s breast and practised

in lesser known playing fields of time,

discovering the skills to which we were born,

how to let self-knowledge inspire us

instead to giving way to temporal prejudices,

imbibe the spirituality of life and love

in words we, oh, so long to say though told

we shouldn’t mustn’t, because people

would think the worst if we told the world

we’re gay

At a climax of mutual desire, I stood

on the edge of a volcano, in awe of its fire

yet relating to it also, its eruption

thrusting me through time and space where

I could look down and see…

Nature protesting at the antics of humanity

writing its own epitaph, gluing it to lips

that long to have a greater say in things though

told they shouldn’t, mustn’t, that people

would think the worst, get scared, try to run

away

[From: On The Battlefields Of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

Sometimes Sex Will Do

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Now, one reader says his family and friends think he is ‘...shallow and some sort of sex addict because I play the field a lot.’ Well, he is only 19 so there’s plenty of time yet to think about settling down if and when he finds someone with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. In the meantime, if you have a high sex drive, ‘playing the field’ beats jerking off alone any day!

The poem appeared on the blog I write especially for gay readers (everyone welcome) in May 2009. Since including it in my new collection, On the Battlefields of Love, another reader has been in touch to ask why it has not appeared on this blog ‘...if only because straight people need reminding about protected sex too.’ He has a point, and to be honest, I didn’t realise I hadn’t posted it here before.

It is a myth that only men (gay or straight) go looking for sex. Women ‘cruise’ too. Look around at your next party, disco or gig and you’ll see what I mean.

That’s ok. We’re all only human. Sexual frustration is natural enough and - so long as we take precautions (it’s not only HIV-AIDS that can result from unprotected sex and some venereal diseases can cause infertility) - satisfying it is nothing to get judgemental about.

Just remember, especially you younger folks, cruising rarely provides more than a one-night stand. No relationship based only on sex ever stood a cat in hell’s chance of lasting.

No, I’m not knocking sex. I may be something of a sheltered flower as I grow old(er) but I’ve made my share of making-hay-in-the-sunshine days…

Let's face it. Gay or straight, male or female, love can be elusive, and such is the chemistry between two people sometimes that sex more than compensates if only for the Here and Now. As for all our tomorrows...well, who knows?

This poem is a villanelle.

SOMETIMES SEX WILL DO

Come night falling on a city,
I took a road I didn’t know,
its lights looking out for me

Everyone kept smiling at me
like celebrities on show,
come night falling on a city

Self-conscious of a sexuality,
(companion to my shadow)
its lights looking out for me

I entered a bar half-hopefully,
willing my shadow follow,
come night falling on a city

A god dipped my immaturity
in a bright neon glow,
its lights looking out for me

In a vainglorious 21st century,
raising a glass to Soho,
come night falling on a city,
its lights looking out for me

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2016

[Note: For the benefit of overseas readers, Soho is historically a very gay-friendly area of central London. However, you can have a good time here whatever your sexual persuasion]

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

Natural Instinct

tp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Firstly, I'd like to say a BIG thank you to those readers who have said they enjoyed my poetry reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square in July 2009:

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T [For now, at least, this link needs the latest Adobe Flash Player  and works best in Firefox; the archives website cannot run Flash but changes scheduled for later this year may well mean the link will open without it. Ignore any error message and give it a minute or so to start up. The video lasts an hour. ] RT 3/18

I have made  other recordings of some of my poems on my You Tube channel:

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber

Meanwhile...

When we are raised to believe that our elders are our betters and know best, it can be hard to grasp that this is not necessarily true, that sometimes (even often) they can be wrong.

As a youth and young man, society made me feel ashamed of being gay. Then one day I thought, ‘No! I’ll be damned if I’m ashamed of who I am!”

I had found integrity and rediscovered self-esteem.

NATURAL INSTINCT

I stumbled on a country road,

bent double with my burden, a fear

of being attacked and robbed

for the flesh-coloured coat shame

would have me wear

I was warned to avoid highways

but keep to side road and dirt track,

by those I’d have trusted

with my life, now a marked outcast

for the coat on my back

I drifted, oh, so alone and lonely, 

harsh, spiteful, words for company

throbbing in my head

like tolling funeral bells denouncing

my awakening sexuality

I finally arrived at a crossroads, 

asked directions of a total stranger,

conveying (at first glance)

looks of a passionless death mask, 

yet no sense of danger

A steady gaze burned into me

with eyes brighter than a spring day,

striking sparks enough

to relight a fire in whose flames

I’d first read, ‘I'm Gay’

Grim lips parted, a sunny smile

that might once have been Apollo’s

lending the warm glow

of recognition to ages-old passions

stepping out of shadows

He gave me a hug, said to follow

and I did, till we came to a busy road

where I caught a bus back

the way I’d come, hugs pumping

a heart come in from the cold

No more playing safe in old haunts,

but as a newborn burst from the womb,

unafraid of dark forces seeking

to enslave me, badge of true identity

a statement of my freedom 

Let the bells toll, I’m in good company,

a hooting of horns applauding me

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011

A Christmas Blessing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

People often make wrong assumptions about older folks. [I’m getting on a bit now and people seem surprised that I can use a computer!] I will never forget how, some years ago, an elderly couple in their 80's were very kind to me when I was the victim of a homophobic attack; they were devoutly religious and knew I was gay but all that mattered to them that I needed help.

The point of this poem has little or nothing to do with Christmas, and was inspired by a true story told me by a friend some years ago. These days, many people’s attitudes have changed…but not all. In some countries, even here in the West, there are gay men and women too frightened to be openly gay for all sorts of reasons. Yes, I know I have said this many times before. But as my late mother used to say, if a thing is worth saying, it’s always worth repeating.

Those of us whose family, friends, school friends and workmates help us feel relaxed about being ‘out’ should not be complacent or assume it is the same for everyone. It is probably hardest for gay boys and girls still at school. I well remember the torment of having to come to terms with being gay on top of all the usual teenage angst, and sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to survive to adulthood at all!

Some ignorant people will always try to give gay folks a hard time. For my own part, I always like to point out that’s their problem, not mine. [That usually shuts them up.]

Yes, tragically, homophobia is alive and kicking. So whatever happened to Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all humankind? Nor is it just Christmas but other religious festivals, too, that are found wanting. Religion may well be about faith, ritual and prayer. But what is all that really worth if it loses sight of its humanity?

A CHRISTMAS BLESSING

They said it didn’t matter I’m gay,
seemed glad for me when I found you,
accepted us as a couple, for who
and what we are - and we were happy;
days, months, passed and nothing
happened to spoil our idyll although
as autumn slipped into winter
we noticed a subtle change in people
as hearts and minds began to focus
on Christmas – or did I only imagine
they looked away? I knew better
but put my faith in love to win the day

Suddenly, it seemed everyone was asking
everyone else what they had in mind
for Christmas except us, no one meaning
to be unkind, of course, but assuming
'that sort' would not expect an invitation
to any family celebration

Whenever we would venture to suggest
this or that, all we’d hear was,
‘Oh, we’d love to have you, of course
but, sorry, a full house this year;
Besides, you know how some old people
feel about gays and we don’t want
to spoil grandma’s Christmas do we?’
(said most sincerely.) So we anticipated
a quiet, loving time, just the two of us
till, days before Christmas, a phone call
from your grandmother just to say
she was looking forward to seeing you

‘Oh, and your partner too, of course.
Sadly, it was all very different in my day;
few people then found the courage
to walk tall, heads high, and openly gay.
You are truly blessed, for what it's worth
(as much to us as Peace on Earth)

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2010

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007.]

Once Upon A Wiccan Yule

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

One Christmas, a reader said he was disappointed that I was posting Christmas poems because 'everyone makes far too much of Christmas.' Ah, but my Christmas poems are more about the food for thought any religious festival gives us, and which applies all year round...or it should.

As for Santa, he may only visit once a year but I well recall a Wiccan man who made every day a time for celebration and thanksgiving for all life is rather than as we might wish it was...

Readers may or may not know that Wicca is a spiritual path originating in Britain that recognizes both a feminine and masculine element to the divine; it believes nature is sacred and should be protected. Apart from protecting the environment Wicca's central theme, called the 'Wiccan Rede' an abbreviation of which is commonly expressed as, 'If it does no harm, do your own will."

Stonehenge at the winter solstice (my birthday)

ONCE UPON A WICCAN YULE

At a time of Yule,

I well recall a Wiccan man
who showed me
how love can save the world
if anything can…
and although he would take me
to his bed
time and time again,
it would only
take a kiss, a hug even
or handshake
to help bring home a sense
of common humanity,
cause for celebration indeed
wherever the cap fits

Anything to dull
the pain I was feeling…
for those worse off
than us, excluded even
from Christmas,
whatever reason (or season)
culture, sexuality,
the darker side of memory
or simply separated
from friends and family,
no fault of their own
(unless but for being human)
since no time of year
can ever truly boast a monopoly
on loneliness

So let’s spare a thought
for the sick,
the lonely, and any cast out
for taking a direction
that doesn’t always follow
a convention;
in truth, the Wiccan man
showed me
it’s love can save the world
and its integrity
so long as its peoples respect
nature and each other,
through good times and bad,
regardless of colour, creed, sex
or sexuality

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007