http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
The original title of this poems was Accomplices but I was never happy with it and changed it upon deciding to include it in a collection. I often make slight and occasionally major but always significant changes when I come to publish a poem in print form. It was inspired by a conversation with two gay men in their mid-thirties, both married with children, who has been having a closet relationship for many years. Both told me they adored their respective families but had tried and failed to stop seeing each other.
When pressed, both men admitted they had got married because they could not face the prospect of living an openly gay life. Neither would accept my argument that it isn't so different to living any other kind of life. So what, I asked them, is so terrible about being openly gay in the UK, especially these days? One guy had no answer. The other insisted that gay people are still stigmatised for their sexuality in spite of legislation to the contrary. I have to admit, I see only too clearly what he meant.
It is a sad reflection on modern society that it can still keep the closet door tightly shut on some gay men and women. As I have said many times, things will only change for the better when schools start openly debating gay issues so the children and young people of today are less likely to become the homophobes of tomorrow.
So...Education, education, education, YES.
So come on, Head Teachers everywhere, what's stopping you bringing your schools into the 21st century and catering for all your students, not just the heterosexual majority? You reckon hay have never had it so good? So how would you know when most gay boys and girls are too scared and/or ashamed to tell you they are gay anyway? At least let them know from the start that there is nothing to be scared of or ashamed about being gay and that sexual identity is an integral part of who we are. No one should be made to feel scared or ashamed of that.
[Note: Not so long ago, I got chatting to a bisexual teacher who told me it was more than his job is worth to promote class discussion about gay/bisexual issues. 'The kids would be up for it,' he told me, 'but the Head would be down on me like a ton of bricks and few of the staff would openly support me plus I'd soon have most parent-governors and parents baying for my blood...]
You have a beautiful wife, children,
and none must suspect you pay but lip service
to convention
You love your wife and adore your son
yet even love can play the willing accomplice
to deception
Invariably, late nights at the office mean
you’re haunting well-known cruising grounds
for gay men
While your wife tucks up the kids in bed,
you’re enjoying sex with another man, for real
or in your head
You feel so guilty it’s blowing your mind,
anxious but scared to confide in anyone, family
or friend
You long so to speak out from the heart,
suspect if you do you’re whole world will surely
fall apart
Family, society, culture, convention,
all insist they know best while failing humanity
and themselves
One night, you begged me hear you confess
as we surrendered our bodies in bushes that will
have heard worse
More than mere flesh joined together as one,
we discovered a kind of love that will even satisfy
closet men
You have a lovely wife, two beautiful children
and (more than anyone) I know they come second
to none
Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2017
[Note: This poem first appeared under the title, 'Key Players in a Black Comedy' in On the Battlefields Of Love: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]
The original title of this poems was Accomplices but I was never happy with it and changed it upon deciding to include it in a collection. I often make slight and occasionally major but always significant changes when I come to publish a poem in print form. It was inspired by a conversation with two gay men in their mid-thirties, both married with children, who has been having a closet relationship for many years. Both told me they adored their respective families but had tried and failed to stop seeing each other.
When pressed, both men admitted they had got married because they could not face the prospect of living an openly gay life. Neither would accept my argument that it isn't so different to living any other kind of life. So what, I asked them, is so terrible about being openly gay in the UK, especially these days? One guy had no answer. The other insisted that gay people are still stigmatised for their sexuality in spite of legislation to the contrary. I have to admit, I see only too clearly what he meant.
It is a sad reflection on modern society that it can still keep the closet door tightly shut on some gay men and women. As I have said many times, things will only change for the better when schools start openly debating gay issues so the children and young people of today are less likely to become the homophobes of tomorrow.
So...Education, education, education, YES.
So come on, Head Teachers everywhere, what's stopping you bringing your schools into the 21st century and catering for all your students, not just the heterosexual majority? You reckon hay have never had it so good? So how would you know when most gay boys and girls are too scared and/or ashamed to tell you they are gay anyway? At least let them know from the start that there is nothing to be scared of or ashamed about being gay and that sexual identity is an integral part of who we are. No one should be made to feel scared or ashamed of that.
[Note: Not so long ago, I got chatting to a bisexual teacher who told me it was more than his job is worth to promote class discussion about gay/bisexual issues. 'The kids would be up for it,' he told me, 'but the Head would be down on me like a ton of bricks and few of the staff would openly support me plus I'd soon have most parent-governors and parents baying for my blood...]
It was Mark Twain who attributed the quote 'there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics' to Benjamin Disraeli in Chapters from My Autobiography while I have long lived with my own variation....
ENGAGING WITH CONFESSION
You have a beautiful wife, children,
and none must suspect you pay but lip service
to convention
You love your wife and adore your son
yet even love can play the willing accomplice
to deception
Invariably, late nights at the office mean
you’re haunting well-known cruising grounds
for gay men
While your wife tucks up the kids in bed,
you’re enjoying sex with another man, for real
or in your head
You feel so guilty it’s blowing your mind,
anxious but scared to confide in anyone, family
or friend
You long so to speak out from the heart,
suspect if you do you’re whole world will surely
fall apart
Family, society, culture, convention,
all insist they know best while failing humanity
and themselves
One night, you begged me hear you confess
as we surrendered our bodies in bushes that will
have heard worse
More than mere flesh joined together as one,
we discovered a kind of love that will even satisfy
closet men
You have a lovely wife, two beautiful children
and (more than anyone) I know they come second
to none
Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2017
[Note: This poem first appeared under the title, 'Key Players in a Black Comedy' in On the Battlefields Of Love: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]
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