http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
Sometimes people cannot bring themselves to take that extra step towards achieving their heart’s desire. Gay or straight, there can be many reasons for this, but more often than not the answer lies in upbringing. Even these days, some gay people find it hard to break away from that, especially if their family background is a religious one and/or gay-unfriendly. I think it is very sad but understandable.
So, yes, I have only sympathy for closet gay people, even those who are so much in denial that they get married and try to ‘go straight’. I tried going straight myself many years ago, having been raised to believe that homosexuality was about as low as anyone could stoop! It was, of course, a disaster bordering on farce! Thankfully, I managed to break away from all that even though it meant breaking away from a family I knew would never understand if only because they had been subjected to the same brainwashing as me. Besides, apart from my mother, they were not the kind of people willing or able to talk things through objectively. When I had a nervous breakdown, I needed to talk to my family but there was never any talking things through with my family, even at a time of crisis. Sadly, it is much the same among families world-wide for a variety of reasons and not just for gay people either.
I have no regrets. Eventually, I found a man I loved and who loved me. Although our time together was relatively short, I would not have missed it for the world. Being gay is an important part of who I am and I so glad that somehow I managed to stand up for myself and be counted as such.
Did say it was easy?
Oh, yes, it can be easy(ish) for some if you are from a liberal, understanding background. For others, it is no easier now than it was for me years ago. That is why I loathe the practise of ‘outing ‘ people (whoever they are) and have no time for cheap journalism or the likes of Outrage. As I have said before on the blog and elsewhere, whether or not to be openly gay has to be a very personal decision; no one has the right to force anyone to do so. If any gay person - whether or not they are in the public eye - chooses to stay in denial and/or try and pretend otherwise, that is up to him or her, no one else. Even so, I can’s help thinking it is a waste of life if you spend it living a lie. It is so uplifting to know that more and more gay men and women world-wide are coming to the same conclusion.
A MOMENT IN TIME
For years, he was just a mate,
but I loved him more than that,
yet saw the pretence through
that only in my dreams he knew
Ah, but dreams end each dawn,
though love’s appetite lingers on
through another agonizing day...
(Can’t, mustn’t tell him I’m gay)
We’d do everything together
as best mates do, sure to weather
any storm, or so he’d believe,
unaware how his body I’d crave
He met a girl and I took fright,
slunk off like a thief in the night,
ignored his daily calls to me,
making out I was always too busy
She sought me out, told me true,
how she’d fallen in love with you,
yet no future in it could she see
since you were in love with – me?
I could tell she meant every word
but told her it was madness, absurd;
we were mates, no more or less...
(She wished me luck, with a kiss)
That same night I answered the call,
resolved to make some sense of it all,
sure you’d laugh when I confessed
and, yes, we both roared - and kissed
What a kiss! Sweeter than honey
on my tongue or finest nectar to me
as I felt our selves join as one…
long before a first lovemaking done
So long ago, yet I will always save
fresh tears for flowers at your grave
Copyright R. N. Taber 2007
Sometimes people cannot bring themselves to take that extra step towards achieving their heart’s desire. Gay or straight, there can be many reasons for this, but more often than not the answer lies in upbringing. Even these days, some gay people find it hard to break away from that, especially if their family background is a religious one and/or gay-unfriendly. I think it is very sad but understandable.
So, yes, I have only sympathy for closet gay people, even those who are so much in denial that they get married and try to ‘go straight’. I tried going straight myself many years ago, having been raised to believe that homosexuality was about as low as anyone could stoop! It was, of course, a disaster bordering on farce! Thankfully, I managed to break away from all that even though it meant breaking away from a family I knew would never understand if only because they had been subjected to the same brainwashing as me. Besides, apart from my mother, they were not the kind of people willing or able to talk things through objectively. When I had a nervous breakdown, I needed to talk to my family but there was never any talking things through with my family, even at a time of crisis. Sadly, it is much the same among families world-wide for a variety of reasons and not just for gay people either.
I have no regrets. Eventually, I found a man I loved and who loved me. Although our time together was relatively short, I would not have missed it for the world. Being gay is an important part of who I am and I so glad that somehow I managed to stand up for myself and be counted as such.
Did say it was easy?
Oh, yes, it can be easy(ish) for some if you are from a liberal, understanding background. For others, it is no easier now than it was for me years ago. That is why I loathe the practise of ‘outing ‘ people (whoever they are) and have no time for cheap journalism or the likes of Outrage. As I have said before on the blog and elsewhere, whether or not to be openly gay has to be a very personal decision; no one has the right to force anyone to do so. If any gay person - whether or not they are in the public eye - chooses to stay in denial and/or try and pretend otherwise, that is up to him or her, no one else. Even so, I can’s help thinking it is a waste of life if you spend it living a lie. It is so uplifting to know that more and more gay men and women world-wide are coming to the same conclusion.
A MOMENT IN TIME
For years, he was just a mate,
but I loved him more than that,
yet saw the pretence through
that only in my dreams he knew
Ah, but dreams end each dawn,
though love’s appetite lingers on
through another agonizing day...
(Can’t, mustn’t tell him I’m gay)
We’d do everything together
as best mates do, sure to weather
any storm, or so he’d believe,
unaware how his body I’d crave
He met a girl and I took fright,
slunk off like a thief in the night,
ignored his daily calls to me,
making out I was always too busy
She sought me out, told me true,
how she’d fallen in love with you,
yet no future in it could she see
since you were in love with – me?
I could tell she meant every word
but told her it was madness, absurd;
we were mates, no more or less...
(She wished me luck, with a kiss)
That same night I answered the call,
resolved to make some sense of it all,
sure you’d laugh when I confessed
and, yes, we both roared - and kissed
What a kiss! Sweeter than honey
on my tongue or finest nectar to me
as I felt our selves join as one…
long before a first lovemaking done
So long ago, yet I will always save
fresh tears for flowers at your grave
Copyright R. N. Taber 2007
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