http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
Regular readers will know that I am getting on a bit now (born 1945) and having to deal with the slings and arrows f old age.
When I was a teenager and much younger man, gay relationships were illegal here in the UK (until 1967). By the time being gay was no longer a criminal offence, I felt as though I had been locked in a dark closet, afraid to come out except in known cruising areas where gay men and boys would meet up and usually have sex. I had been told so many lies about homosexuality; that it is a cardinal sin, a shameful condition, whatever...
Eventually, I became so claustrophobic in that damn closet, I came out and stayed out. Yet, I recall those awful years as vividly as if it were but yesterday.
I don’t think it does any harm to remind ourselves just how awful being in the closet can be. It also helps reassure those who are still there that we have all survived the same traumatic experience; traumatic, that is, to a greater or lesser degree depending on whether or not we have gay-friendly family and friends.
In latter years, more of us than ever before have reached within ourselves for the self-confidence and self-esteem that encourages a gay person to tell the world he or she is gay. I’m sure I speak for most if not all of us by confirming we are better and happier people for taking that first step. Sadly, it remains a step too far for some people and we still have a long way to go before all gay people can take their rightful place in all societies world-wide. Yet (corny as it may sound) there really is a life to be had outside the closet, light at the end of even the longest tunnel. We have but to follow it. The journey will be different for each and every one of us, tougher for some, easier for others. Yes, we have a choice as to whether we make the journey or not, but at heart we also know what that choice needs to be; it remains, however, a choice only we, as individuals, can make, and no one has the right to force our hand.
Life balance is about getting it right, and we can but follow our natural instincts, not someone else's who think they know us better than we know ourselves. We may not get it right in their eyes, but it's our life, and we only get one chance to sow and reap its harvest; we won't get it right all the time (and there are plenty who will say "I told you so.") but we can get it right most of the time if we put our minds to it. Yes, homophobia is alive and kicking in some countries, homes and communities around the world, but as a young gay Muslim put it to me only recently. "Better a closet lover than no lover at all, right?" Right.
This poem is a villanelle.
GETTING IT RIGHT
Love found me long ago,
told me I’m gay;
(I did not want to know.)
This heart, it ached so
at each new day;
love found me long ago
Within, but a candle’s glow
kept sexuality at bay;
(I did not want to know.)
Time, so quick, so slow,
nor words to say,
love found me long ago
Deaf, dumb, blind I’d go,
maybe outed one day?.
(I did not want to know.)
Now, for you, glad to show
the world I’m gay;
Love found me long ago;
(I did not want to know.)
Copyright R. N. Taber 2007
Regular readers will know that I am getting on a bit now (born 1945) and having to deal with the slings and arrows f old age.
When I was a teenager and much younger man, gay relationships were illegal here in the UK (until 1967). By the time being gay was no longer a criminal offence, I felt as though I had been locked in a dark closet, afraid to come out except in known cruising areas where gay men and boys would meet up and usually have sex. I had been told so many lies about homosexuality; that it is a cardinal sin, a shameful condition, whatever...
Eventually, I became so claustrophobic in that damn closet, I came out and stayed out. Yet, I recall those awful years as vividly as if it were but yesterday.
I don’t think it does any harm to remind ourselves just how awful being in the closet can be. It also helps reassure those who are still there that we have all survived the same traumatic experience; traumatic, that is, to a greater or lesser degree depending on whether or not we have gay-friendly family and friends.
In latter years, more of us than ever before have reached within ourselves for the self-confidence and self-esteem that encourages a gay person to tell the world he or she is gay. I’m sure I speak for most if not all of us by confirming we are better and happier people for taking that first step. Sadly, it remains a step too far for some people and we still have a long way to go before all gay people can take their rightful place in all societies world-wide. Yet (corny as it may sound) there really is a life to be had outside the closet, light at the end of even the longest tunnel. We have but to follow it. The journey will be different for each and every one of us, tougher for some, easier for others. Yes, we have a choice as to whether we make the journey or not, but at heart we also know what that choice needs to be; it remains, however, a choice only we, as individuals, can make, and no one has the right to force our hand.
Life balance is about getting it right, and we can but follow our natural instincts, not someone else's who think they know us better than we know ourselves. We may not get it right in their eyes, but it's our life, and we only get one chance to sow and reap its harvest; we won't get it right all the time (and there are plenty who will say "I told you so.") but we can get it right most of the time if we put our minds to it. Yes, homophobia is alive and kicking in some countries, homes and communities around the world, but as a young gay Muslim put it to me only recently. "Better a closet lover than no lover at all, right?" Right.
This poem is a villanelle.
GETTING IT RIGHT
Love found me long ago,
told me I’m gay;
(I did not want to know.)
This heart, it ached so
at each new day;
love found me long ago
Within, but a candle’s glow
kept sexuality at bay;
(I did not want to know.)
Time, so quick, so slow,
nor words to say,
love found me long ago
Deaf, dumb, blind I’d go,
maybe outed one day?.
(I did not want to know.)
Now, for you, glad to show
the world I’m gay;
Love found me long ago;
(I did not want to know.)
Copyright R. N. Taber 2007
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