P-A-S-S-I-O-N, Poems of Love and Peace

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update (April 2016): Today’s poem was written in 2002, before the Civil Partnership Act (2004) was passed here in the UK. On 10 December 2013, Minister Maria Miller of The Department of Culture, Media and Sport announced that same sex marriage ceremonies would begin on 29 March 2014 in England and Wales.] 

I always think of friends who had civil partnerships as married anyway, as do most gay people I know, but of course marriage introduces a religious element that may appeal to some.  At the same time,  legislation regarding gay marriage apparently allows any religious institution to refuse to conduct one if it so wishes, which smacks of tears all round to me.

Whatever, it was very refreshing to hear that two Pakistani women recently became the first Muslim lesbians to have a civil partnership here. Let’s wish them well and hope they will inspire other Muslim gay people, and those from other religions often inclined to take a homophobic point of view. May they enjoy many happy years together.

P-A-S-S-I-O-N, POEMS OF WAR AND PEACE

We’d quarrelled
and I wanted no truck
with you, wouldn’t
make it up with you;
I took the spare bed,
wondering what’s going on
in your head
other side of the wall,
were you even thinking of me
at all...?

At last I slept,
only to be woken roughly,
duvet torn off me,
merging mouths closing
in on eternity;
two pairs of eyes shining,
blood coursing
to the war cries of angels
fighting over our natural rights
to a blessing

If they won't marry us,

let 'em bury us...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Fighting Talk' in  First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books 2002.]

Marriage Lines (Four Poems) Or Where Love Calls the Tune

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update Dec 8th 2017]: Following a referendum where 68% or voters were in favour of legalising marriage between same-sex couples, gay marriage in Australia is now officially legal.  An overwhelming majority of MPs voted yesterday to change the Marriage Act, eight days after a similarly decisive result in the Senate. Great news for LGBT folks not only in Australia but everywhere as we continue to get the better of outdated bigotry world wide. We may have a long way to go yet in some countries, even in part of the West...but...hopefully, homophobia on the world stage is fighting a losing battle.]

[Update May 24th 2015: Yesterday, young people played an integral part in a referendum in the Republic of Ireland that voted overwhelmingly in favour of gay marriage. Such a referendum is a global first and great news for gay people worldwide; not least, it is also a also a wake-up call for the Catholic Church, Christianity in general, and other religions which, for far too long, have held us in contempt. Young people are the future, one which (given the opportunity) says 'NO' to bigots, religious or otherwise. ]

[Update May 19th 2015:  Now, I may not be a religious person, but I believe passionately in a common humanity, We keep hearing about Christian groups/businesses etc. refusing to accommodate gay couples in one sense or another, citing religious reasons. Yet the whole point of the Good Samaritan parable that Jesus told his followers is that the Jews and Samaritans loathed each other. The Christianity that Jesus founded did not discriminate, but embraced everyone. So, in whose name do Christians today reject the rights of gay couples...?

[Update March 28th 2014: Gay marriage will be legal in the UK after today. All my gay fields and I are happy with civil partnerships, but it is a happy fay for those gay couples for whom religion is an important part of daily life. Good luck to them all. Meanwhile, I would ask those who are against the idea of gay marriage,  why should gay people be exempt from either a public blessing in (any) place of worship or declaring their love before God for Him as well as each other? I am assured there is little or no anti-gay propaganda in any of the Holy Books and those Christians who are obsessed with Leviticus could do worse then read my poem, Answering Leviticus.

http://rogertab.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/answering-leviticus.html

[For more video-poems:  https://www.youtube.com/user/rogerNtaber/videos ]

Promising to press ahead with plans for same-sex marriages, Liberal Democrat Equalities Minister, Lynne Featherstone, said in The Daily Telegraph that she does not believe The Church has the exclusive right to say who can marry. While acknowledging the issue provokes strong feelings, she adds that the State is entitled to make changes to the union, and that the Church did not 'own' marriage.

Since I subscribe to no religion, I do not have strong feelings on the matter. As far as I am concerned, a Civil Partnership is the same as a civil marriage. However, it will please gay Christians who would then be able to marry in any church besides the United Reformed Church that has been conducting same sex marriages for years. Just because I reject religion doesn’t mean to say I don’t acknowledge its importance to those for whom it is integral to their way of life. [It isn’t religion that I constantly attack, but the hypocrisy of many who choose to interpret (any) religion to suit their own personal agendas.]

In recent years, I have written poems for friends and others celebrating their civil partnerships, and here are a few of them, all villanelles:

A SONG FOR GAY LOVERS

It doesn’t matter that we’re gay,
our love is pure;
whatever people say, it will endure

It doesn’t matter that we’re gay,
happiness is ours;
day by day, winging heaven’s towers

It doesn’t matter that we’re gay,
time is on our side;
ebb or flow, let golden hours decide

It doesn’t matter that we’re gay,
we can dream too;
come what may, we’ll see it through

It doesn’t matter that we’re gay,
our love is pure;
whatever people say, we will endure

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

[From: Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007]

 CROWNING GLORY

Watch dark clouds roll away,
Apollo smiling down
on a very special wedding day

Share kisses like a Falls spray
greeting heaven;
watch dark clouds roll away

No matter what some may say,
love wears poetry’s crown
on a very special wedding day

Love doesn’t care if we’re gay,
gladly takes us for its own;
watch dark clouds roll away

Writing love lines in life’s clay,
never to disown…
on a very special wedding day

In love, peace, come what may,
twin doves never alone;
watch dark clouds roll away
on a very special wedding day

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

FREE SPIRITS

To Earth Mother, joy among tears
wherever we run
the gamut of life’s fears

Keeping faith with friendly trees,
embracing every one;
To Earth Mother, joy among tears

Come glorious sunsets on pastures
pink and green…
the gamut of life’s fears

Choice, all humankind gladly frees
to be true to its own;
To Earth Mother, joy among tears

Peace (nature too) will find enemies
where its colours run
the gamut of life’s tears

Gay love, blessed by summer kisses,
a bid for freedom won!
To Earth Mother, joy among tears,
the gamut of life’s fears

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

WHERE SONGBIRDS FLY

Where songbirds fly
through time and space
go you and I

Love, it never dies,
but haunts a secret place
where songbirds fly

Where its tears run dry,
a smile on Heaven’s face,
go you and I

Nature’s kindlier eye . personal
upon our every embrace
where songbirds fly

Where no one asks why
love takes pride of place,
go you and I

For every bigot’s lie,
G-A-Y laughing in its face
where songbirds fly,
you and I

Copyright R. N. Taber 2013

[Note: Written especially for the civil partnership between good friends of mine, 2013.]

A Gay Dad's Story

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Over the years, I have met a number of men, with female partners and children, who are essentially gay, but choose not to go there; not publicly anyway. Many haunt late-night/early morning cruising areas while their partners think they are working late at the office, or they may have a secret gay lover who is willing to settle for always being second-best just as a straight man’s mistress has dome for centuries. They give me lots of reasons, these gay dads; some cannot envisage a life without children while others (still) fear being stigmatised for their natural sexuality. Some make happy enough marriages, if you can ever be happy living such a BIG lie; others  live out their lives as best they can, carried along by a genuine love for wife and children.

Today’s poem has only ever appeared on my general blog (in 2007)  prompted two wives getting in touch with me  to ask how any man can be so selfish as to marry for  convenience only to announce at a later date that he has decided to make a new life with a boyfriend?  Do they have no conception of pain and humiliation?

Of course gay married men have a conception of pain and humiliation; many if not most experience it every day at some time or another.

I could not tell these women why their husbands chose to marry them, only that I am sure they were and are loved. I can understand and deeply sympathise their feeling of being ‘used’ ...but it isn’t as simple as that is it?  Acknowledging sexuality is nearly always a formidable first step, not least due to prevailing misguided attitudes in various homes, work places and societies world-wide. Arguably, moreover, a person cannot be accused of living a lie if they have never got around to acknowledging the truth. The next step is moving forward, and can be even more complex; so much so that some gay people either refuse to take it or feel prevented by circumstances from doing so.

Now, I know from personal experience that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. In my case, it was two men, but why shouldn’t it be a man and a woman?

Yes, a gay man should be honest with a female partner about his sexuality, but he risks losing her and someone in love is not always up to taking that risk. No, it isn’t fair - on either party - and yes, honesty is the best policy, but some gay men  stay in denial all their lives and genuinely don’t see themselves as living a lie; any casual sex with someone else on the side is seen as ‘a male thing’ to which they are entitled and they see nothing wrong in it.  Is it any wonder that a partner who is left to discover this for herself feels betrayed? The heterosexual majority does not have a monopoly on sexism.

Right and wrong are two sides of the same coin; it is rarely difficult to make a case for either, no matter which way the coin falls. I am focusing on men here, but the same applies to women of course. [Suffice to say, this is a gay man’s blog, but much if not most of what I have to say applies to lesbians as well.]

So all you gay and bisexual dads whose wives/partners may have no idea that you fancy men and/or enjoy sex with them, take heart as there are many, many of you out there. [I am not encouraging this particular element of deceit in a male-female partnership, but simply acknowledging a fact.] However, bear in mind that love deserves honesty; nor is love as fragile as some like to make out, and I know lots of people who have  been amazed at how much love can bear in the longer if not always the shorter term.

I remain on the fence with this one, neither condoning nor condemning, but sympathising with all those people playing happy families out there while never quite as happy as they could be were men and women world-wide given less cause  by the environment/society in which they live to be fearful of the ultimate challenge facing each and every one of us...to be ourselves.

A GAY DAD’S STORY

Married, with kids, and not unhappy,
lives all but running true;
trying to be a good husband, dad,
seems the right thing to do;
of daily life, real love no less a part
for phantoms tugging at the heart
like children longing to come out to play
but made to stay indoors, lest angels
with dirty faces lower the tone, heaven
but looking on

Married, with kids, and not unhappy,
lives all but running true;
trying to be a good husband, dad,
seems the right thing to do;
few greater joys of Mother Earth than love,
togetherness and birth,
nor do these fade as others burst through
like spring flowers,
a long, hard winter done, heaven
but looking on

Parted, kids grown, and not as happy
as we ought to be,
but a sense of integrity, worthy
of our sexuality;
time enough for friends and family
to understand, lessons learned;
love, once freely given and shared,
never quite overturned;
same sun rising and setting, heaven
cheering, weeping

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2012

[Note: This poem has been slightly but significantly revised from an earlier version that appears in   First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

Epilogue OR G-A-Y, Survivors

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem is a rare self-indulgence in so far as it is probably the closest to a strictly autobiographical I have ever written. Oh, I draw on personal experiences and feelings often enough, but try to give the reader space to explore their own. Getting too personal can often inhibit the reader. On this occasion, though, I will chance it. Not only is it one of the longest poems I have ever written but it is also one of the most therapeutic.

I have met many people who, for whatever reason, don’t ‘do’ family. Some of them are bitter, and I can empathise with that. I once met a young man who told me he loved his family, but they were very religious and would not be able to accept he is gay so he felt he must stay in the closet if only for their sakes. I dare say he is still there. I only hope his bitterness does not erode the love he has for his family until it becomes hate. 

Bitterness is such a destructive force. Just because family life doesn’t come up to storybook expectations doesn’t mean we have to live an epilogue in the same vein.

A neighbour recently asked me if I am spending Christmas with family and was visibly shocked when I told him I’m not much of a family person. Nothing and no one will ever change that. I count myself lucky to have some good friends, which more than compensates. Even so, at this time of year my thoughts often turn to my brother and his family with whom I’ve had no contact since 1985. Oh, I dare say they blame me for most of the reasons why, just as I used to blame them. The irony is we have never sat down and talked any of these reasons through, not a single one.  

It is a Taber family trait, predominantly but not entirely on the male side, this reluctance if not inability to talk things through. Thankfully, my mother was an exception and taught me all I know about how to talk, how to listen, and when.  Believe me, this is a real education for a fire sign like me. At the same time, it can backfire (often does) as I get very frustrated and angry when people won’t talk through any issues we might have with one another. I’ll restrain myself for just so long, and then something (usually trivial) bursts open the floodgates and I let rip...  

I dare say my own family estrangements (immediate and peripheral) makes me something of a hypocrite when I advise people to kiss and make up with family members if they really want to and believe there’s a real chance their efforts will be reciprocated. Oh, well, no one is perfect...

Whatever, especially at this time of year when families are supposed to enjoy happy times together - as many, many, will do, and I envy them - I can’t help wondering what it is about some families that they seem to have an innate if subconscious fascination with the nature of self-destruct...

Christmas is a religious festival. How many other religious festivals, I wonder, are a camouflage for what secrets, lies, dysfunctional relationships...and what does that say about religion?

EPILOGUE or G-A-Y, SURVIVORS

Staring into a hearth fire
from the comfort of an armchair,
half afraid of shadows
that pose no real threat here,
cannot hurt me now,
even those to whom I’ve not been fair
so no blame there
for seeking revenge on a night
such as this, by a coal fire,
stoking up old memories, recalling
other Christmases

We were but a small family,
just Mum and Dad, Bro and me
trying to convince ourselves
and each other we were making out
well enough, Dad working
his socks off to see wife and kids okay
if always too tired to listen
to a word we had to say, never asked
about our day, demanding
affection, never dreaming he needed
to earn it

My mother, she did her best,
nursed pulp fictions of family unity
till the day she died,
loved us all to bits, and always tried
to make us see
how my dad had lived for navy days
for many a year,
surviving a savage World War,
dreaming of peace,
a wife and family he hardly knew
and so much more...

In my home fire’s cosy glow,
I mingle with shadows on the wall
hear them telling
tales about me I’d heard long ago
lying on my bed,
listening to my parents rowing below
about how I’d done this
or hadn’t done that, should know better
at my age, blotting another page
in the daily life of an extraordinarily
ordinary family

Christmas would come and go,
excitement about presents and whether
it would snow,
roasting chestnuts with neighbours,
picking at the turkey
in our kitchen, the whole house full
of fun and laughter
for as long as the magic lasted,
then back to normal,
all hell broken out, and me at the heart
of it all

It’s not as if my childhood
was deprived or my parents beat me
or I went hungry,
missed out on friends, halcyon days
of children at play,
engaging in delightful fantasy,
escaping from the horror
of the school playground and times
I’d hear my dad shout,
‘Elbows off the table, and don’t
look at me like that!’

Was it really all my fault?
I used to ask the shadows on the wall
at cosy fires
when I’d feel safe from an ever present
enemy having at go at me
for not answering, not listening, having
my head stuck in a story...
so I’d act the fool or throw a tantrum
and it wouldn’t occur
to any of them I had difficulty
hearing...

By the time I realised I’m gay,
relations with my family were so poor
that I was a stranger
to them all, and if close to my mother
dared not tell even her
for years, when she burst into tears
and swore me to secrecy
while doing her best to reassure me
my sexuality was neither crime
nor terrible sin if a matter better left
well alone

Amber glow, it’s fading fast,
fire sure to die soon if I make no move
to save it,
scary shadows grown so small I could be
a giant in a fantasy
risen from the ashes of my family
to reassure me,
tell me  it really doesn’t matter any more,
no one is to blame,
and forgiveness is the name of the game
this Christmas

I’ll feed the fire and read a book, a pleasure
since no need for an escape route any more

[London: December 2011]

Copyright R, N. Taber 2011

Engaging with Confession

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The original title of this poems was Accomplices but I was never happy with it and changed it upon deciding to include it in a collection. I often make slight and occasionally major but always significant changes when I come to publish a poem in print form. It was inspired by a conversation with two gay men in their mid-thirties, both married with children, who has been having a closet relationship for many years. Both told me they adored their respective families but had tried and failed to stop seeing each other.

When pressed, both men admitted they had got married because they could not face the prospect of living an openly gay life. Neither would accept my argument that it isn't so different to living any other kind of life. So what, I asked them, is so terrible about being openly gay in the UK, especially these days? One guy had no answer. The other insisted that gay people are still stigmatised for their sexuality in spite of legislation to the contrary. I have to admit, I see only too clearly what he meant.

It is a sad reflection on modern society that it can still keep the closet door tightly shut on some gay men and women. As I have said many times, things will only change for the better when schools start openly debating gay issues so the children and young people of today are less likely to become the homophobes of tomorrow.

So...Education, education, education, YES.

So come on, Head Teachers everywhere, what's stopping you bringing your schools into the 21st century and catering for all your students, not just the heterosexual majority?  You reckon hay have never had it so good?  So how would you know when most gay boys and girls are too scared and/or ashamed to tell you they are gay anyway?  At least let them know from the start that there is nothing to be scared of or ashamed about being gay and that sexual identity is an integral part of who we are. No one should be made to feel scared or ashamed of that.

[Note: Not so long ago, I got chatting to a bisexual teacher who told me it was more than his job is worth to promote class discussion about gay/bisexual issues. 'The kids would be up for it,' he told me, 'but the Head would be down on me like a ton of bricks and few of the staff would openly support me plus I'd soon have most parent-governors and parents baying for my blood...]

It was Mark Twain who attributed the quote 'there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics' to Benjamin Disraeli in Chapters from My Autobiography while I have long lived with my own variation....

ENGAGING WITH CONFESSION

You have a beautiful wife, children,
and none must suspect you pay but lip service
to convention

You love your wife and adore your son
yet even love can play the willing accomplice
to deception

Invariably, late nights at the office mean
you’re haunting well-known cruising grounds
for gay men

While your wife tucks up the kids in bed,
you’re enjoying sex with another man, for real
or in your head

You feel so guilty it’s blowing your mind,
anxious but scared to confide in anyone, family
or friend

You long so to speak out from the heart,
suspect if you do you’re whole world will surely
fall apart

Family, society, culture, convention,
all insist they know best while failing humanity
and themselves

One night, you begged me hear you confess
as we surrendered our bodies in bushes that will
have heard worse

More than mere flesh joined together as one,
we discovered a kind of love that will even satisfy
closet men

You have a lovely wife, two beautiful children
and (more than anyone) I know they come second
to none

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2017

[Note: This poem first appeared under the title, 'Key Players in a Black Comedy' in On the Battlefields Of Love: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]