Home Games, Own Goals

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It is not uncommon for many if not most of us to rail against fate when life doesn’t work out as we had planned/ hoped it would; a train of thought that can prey on the mind with even greater force as we grow old. Whatever manner in which we choose to contemplate dying, there is no getting away from the fact that it involves departing the known for the unknown, leaving those closest to us, hoping and/ or praying that their love which has sustained us in life will continue to do so in death. 

Those who subscribe to a religion tell me that this is where Faith comes into its own. Now, that well may be, but - as regular readers know - I subscribe to no contemporary world religion and see myself as a pantheist rather than either atheist or agnostic. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong; what matters is whatever leaves mind-body-spirit feeling at ease rather than fearful. 

An old schoolfriend, the last time I visited him before he died, confided that he was less scared of dying than full of regrets for being, as he saw it, one of life’s losers. He had been a closet gay person all his life, having grown up, as I had, in the grip of a society that was essentially homophobic. Hopefully, I managed to convince him that his life as a teacher had touched many young lives for the better, cause for celebrating a life rather than regretting it. 

Oh, how I empathised, though. While I had eventually emerged from that particular closet myself, and doing so had brought a welcome relief from years of loneliness, it would always fall short of the stuff of which dreams are made. Never had I envisaged growing old alone, for example, as I do now. Yet, I don’t think of myself as one of life’s so-called ‘losers’ albeit no ‘winner either… 

So, how do we measure our losses and gains? Not in material terms if we have any sense (no disrespect to the ethos of legitimate wealth intended.) Suffice to say, perhaps, there is far more to the idiom ‘to each one’s own’ than any dictionary can supply. 

I once read life being described as a ‘beautiful game’. Certainly, it can be… sometimes.  I guess it depends on whatever motivates the player/s. Such is the complexity of human nature, it is always worth remembering that ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; yet another idiom to bear in mind, of course, is that ‘One man’s meat is another man’s poison.’ Whatever, while our mind-body-spirit may well let close family members and friends access certain parts, its whole remains ourselves to know (for better, for worse) and no one else. (True, there are many among us who will argue that God sees and judges us for all that we are, but these are the same people who may well also argue that we are His creation…) 

To err may well be human, but all we human beings are vulnerable, no more so than to the various pressures imposed on us by our own hopes and dreams, nor any less so by such expectations of those who matter most to us others as persistently haunt mind-body-spirit. 

We can but let mind-body-spirit find its own way in life, remind ourselves that we are loved and do our best to let that love be its greater driving force while remaining true to ourselves.

HOME GAMES, OWN GOALS

Fate, all things to all people,
often the butt of games we choose
to play rather than lose face
by accepting our share of any blame
for whatever fault it may take
to make a loser of any one of us, have us
fall or give us a break

Fate, at whose whim some argue
the world turns, for better or worse
as the case may be, no telling
how a dice may fall, Lady Luck mistress
to creatures great and small,
as likely as any deity in time’s watchful eye
to have us rise or fall 

Fate, all things to all consciousness,
any excuse better than none as it mulls
past-present-future, warts ‘n’ all,
leaning on its strengths to put any failings
aside, encouraging the world
to see it for such potential as supplies history
with all but the last word 

Fate, cat-and-mouse games teasing us
to make the most (or least) of humanity’s
common quest for purpose
and meaning enough to let mind-body-spirit,
wherever, whomsoever,
(and whatever form it takes) have the measure
of its own joie de vivre 

Win some, lose some, the games people play
come what may…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2021

[Note This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RNT 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

As I am not feeling very well at the moment (not Covid, probably just the usual ageing 70’s syndrome as I will be 76 later this year… yike!) it was especially nice to hear from a new reader; he has even started exploring the blog archives and was very complimentary. He enjoys poetry in general, but hadn’t found any gay poetry until a friend told him about me. Feedback, from the start, suggested much the same thing, which is why I started this blog.

Another reader complains that I post few poems of special interest to gay readers now; no apologies for running out of bardic steam, but I’m afraid inspiration is a fickle beast. Even so, I have recently updated some poems I the archives while trying to put together a new collection, so maybe he, too, enjoy a browse…?

Yet another reader took offence at the title of my recent prose post, All Lives Matter. He seems to think I was having a go at the Black Lives Matter protesters. No offence intended, I assure you, and I fully support Black Lives Matter although I confess that I remain slightly uneasy with the name. This clearly came across to A J. who asks “… what else would have the same impact?” While I would not suggest changing the name now that everyone is familiar with it, nor am I one to duck a challenge. As a gay man, I, personally, would have opted for something more all-inclusive like Justice, Not Prejudice. Even so, I acknowledge the need to draw world attention to institutional racism wherever in the world it raises it ugly head, so… I’ll be rooting for Black Lives Matter along with (hopefully) most people from all walks of life.

Now, we all have our own reasons for disliking or not getting along with others, whatever their socio-cultural-religious persuasion; very often it has nothing to do with class, racism, sexism or whatever, but something about their attitude or behaviour that we find unacceptable for one reason or another. 

While I agree in principle with the ethos of ‘political correctness’ I deplore the way a minority try to manipulate any difference of opinion into a discriminatory issue. Sadly, the principle of agreeing to differ appears to have lot its way in a fog of contemporary rhetoric. Oh, but too many centuries have passed, I suspect, for even an all-inclusive human nature to readily embrace that principle now.

Enough of Roger’s Ramblings for now. I am working on a new poem for Monday (in-between such distractions as housework, shopping and struggling with various health issues, to name but three… It’s not a gay-specific poem, but I plan to post it on both poetry blogs since its theme is along lines of a blame game that we all so love to play from time to time.

Take care, everyone, and thanks for dropping by,

Back soon,

Hugs,

Roger

PS Regarding the archives, I have recently come across some poems there that are a mess, possibly due to changes in Internet technology so I am correcting and occasionally revising some poems as I find them. Should any readers come across a poem there that needs my attention, please let me know.

S-E-X-U-A-L-I-T-Y, Life Drawings OR L-O-V-E, the Anthology

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Despite the usual trolls, the likes of which I always ignore, yesterday’s prose post on my gay-interest  blog appears to have been well received by its readers, so much so that I felt inspired to write a new poem; while it will be of special interest to LGBT readers, I am also posting it on my general poetry blog today although I suspect it may offend some people. What’s that I hear? How can a poem offend anyone?  Oh, but I learned way back in my formative years how quickly some people take offence, even where none is intended. 

An old friend, knowing that I am gay, once commented that he feels uncomfortable in the presence of gay people. I chose not to take offence, especially as he hadn't known I was gay when we first met some 40 years previously, but the hurt I felt remains to this day.

At 75, my memory is none too reliable, not least due to various health issues and subsequent treatment  and I’m often told off for repeating myself, but - as my dear mother would often say - if something is worth saying, it is always worth repeating; in this case, that a poem is a poem is a poem, whatever its theme, just as a person is a person is a person, whatever their gender, ethnicity, political/ religious persuasion or, yes, sexuality. Few of us would argue differently on principle; as for putting that same principle into practise, human nature being what it is...

A schoolfriend once commented with a huge sigh that the world turns on human nature, to which another friend commented, “Better that than stereotypes,” to which a third friend added, with a wicked grin, “There’s a difference?” All three looked at me expectantly, but, coward that I was back then, I refused to be drawn and changed the subject. That was some 60 years ago, yet I overheard much the same conversation while keeping a social distance behind four young people only the other day… with my hearing aid turned on, of course. 😉

S-E-X-U-A-L-I-T-Y, LIFE DRAWINGS or LO-V-E, THE ANTHOLOGY

Once, I hid within myself,
afraid of coming out or being outed
to the world, given to believe
that my being gay was at best, a crime,
at worst, a sin 

Once, when I was younger,
and gullible, less wise to societies open
to homophobic agenda-dogma,
I was given to believe my homosexuality
made me an outcast 

Once, while growing older,
I met a man, fell in love despite my fears,
shared a heavenly spirituality,
of a beauty I’d been warned You-Me-Us
needs must forfeit 

Old now, looking back in anger
for years I may well have missed had love
in all its richness not come my way,
for fear of its being stigmatised by the likes
of my so-called 'betters' 

Some may well wish me in Hell
for my engaging in same-sex relationships,
but love is a heaven of its own making,
and God is Love, so how, by its very nature,
any less worthy of nurture? 

Many questions, as many answers,
as we journey our years and personal space,
but let not fear deprive us of love’s ways;
in love, the greater part of the human condition,
that’s first among equals 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2021

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today] RT

 

All Lives Matter

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A reader asks why I rarely post any specifically gay-interest poems here any more. Well, I'm 75 years-old now and fear I have almost run out of bardic steam altogether, having written well over 1000 poems since I started writing up both poetry blogs some ten years ago. At the time, I knew of few gay poets apart from Thom Gunn, and was unable to relate to many of his poems. 

Writing poems is partly creative therapy for me as I have had a running battle with depression all my life. More importantly, though, I wanted to encourage gay men and woman living in the kind of homophobic society in which I grew up to feel better and more confident in their sexuality than I did in my early years; feedback suggests there are still plenty of us around the world whose home and/or cultural environment remains as homophobic as when I was a young man. As regular readers will know, I was in my early 30's before I finally emerged from a lonely closet and came out to the world as a gay man.

Although I write few specifically LGBT poems now, many poems that I post on my general blog are simply written with any reader in mind who feels, for whatever reason, something of an outsider. I relate to one particular quote by the novelist James Baldwin, so intensely, it hurts: 

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." 

Having faced up to and defied my own demons, I (naively perhaps)  wanted to encourage others to do the same, not only for their own well-being, but also in the hope that same sex relationships - especially between men - might become less stigmatised and stereotyped around the world. 

Nor is it a world devoid of spirituality. I, personally, have never believed that any religion has a monopoly on spirituality. I don't subscribe to any of the world religions because homophobia is the worst kind of religious hypocrisy. Essentially, they all claim to be about love; God is love. Yet, love is neither as selective or discriminatory as various religious agendas or dogma would have us believe. Love is universal.

I respect a person's religious beliefs, of course I do, but if looks could kill, I would be long dead for being critical of any religion. As I have asked so many times on both blogs, whatever happened to agreeing to differ?

In latter years, I am increasingly drawn to Pantheism, a religious philosophy that sees God as Nature, not its creator. 

Having always nurtured a close relationship with the natural world, it offers me  - as a person as well as a poet - a comfort and vision of life that is far more inspirational that anything to which any world-centred agenda or dogma can come close. It is not for everyone, of course, but it has helped me find myself,  discover and nurture an intimacy with an inner self that might otherwise have remained a complete mystery and left me floundering. I cannot claim to have solved the mystery, of course, even in relation to myself, but attempting to do so has brought me closer that I dared hope; it has been a long journey, often a tough one, not least for exposing my various weaknesses and fears demanding t I face and overcome them; a journey well worth the making, and not over yet. 

It is reassuring to see that many young people are embarking on much the same journey and that at least some societies and communities worldwide are less inclined to stigmatise them for it.

As for its being considered a different, even sinful journey by the many bigots among us, as I have said so ay times on my blogs, our differences do not make us different, only human.

"The curious thing is that I embraced homosexuality with as much joy and delight as I've embraced everything else in my life." Miriam Margolyes

Feedback suggests that many gay readers only read this blog, but please di dip into my general poetry blog from time to time; you may find the archives of either or both blogs worth dipping into also; if you like poetry, that is, and I know not everyone does, nor do I imagine you will like everything I write, possibly not a lot, but if what you read provides food for positive rather than negative thought and feeling...well, what more can a poet ask? 

At the moment, I am trying to compile a new collection for publishing in print and on-line, but I will be thinking of and rooting for you all still. I hope to post a new poem on my general blog at least once a week, so please do drop by; a poem is a poem is a poem, after all, just as a person is a person is a human being, regardless of gender, ethnicity or sexual persuasion.

Take care, everyone, and be sure to nurture a positive mindset, whatever life throws at you

Hopefully, back soon... with a poem😉

Hugs,

Roger

[Note: The greater part of this post appears on both poetry blogs today.] RT

 

L-O-V-E, making History

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Our thoughts this weekend, have inevitably focused on the death of H R H Prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh and the impact his passing will inevitably bring to bear on Her Majesty, the Queen especially, and other members of the Royal Family. 

No one, of course, knows what goes on behind closed doors, fewer still are aware of the finer workings of the human heart. Even so, media footage and photographs over the years, all tell the story of a couple in love, a guaranteed place in the history of our nation and the world notwithstanding. (While relatively few people can claim the latter, engaging with love - in whatever shape or form - invests it (and us) with a global consciousness that suggests a universal mind-body-spirit intent on making its own history, and us a part of it, if we let it.) 

As I have suggested time and again on the blog, love invests us with a spiritual quality that never dies, but lives on in the hearts and minds of all those whom it may have unforgettably influenced by word, deed or infinite presence; people, places, lines in favourite examples of literature… all these contribute to who we are, and all are associated with the finer aspects of love. 

So it is, that we all contribute to world history by way of the inspiration love inspires, even though most of us will never make the history books. So it is, too, that we all leave our mark on the world, often barely if ever recognised or acknowledged. Such is the posthumous consciousness peculiar to the human race, ensuring that love never dies whether we aspire to the ethics of this religion or that… or not, as the case may be. (Incidentally, I suspect it is also why yours truly identifies so closely with Pantheism.)

L-O-V-E, MAKING HISTORY 

Always there,
trimming edges of all that’s said
and left unsaid 

Always there,
profiling the substance of illusion
enhancing delusion 

Always there,
high flying partner in a trapeze ac
that’s custom-perfect 

Always there,
comforter-mentor to the you-me-us
no one else ever sees 

Always there,
sounding out any sounds of silences
as sure to make waves 

Always there,
light of my life, heart of my darkness,
whatever it takes 

Always there, 
its kinder ideas eager to dry any tears,
for our fears  

Always there,
the Here-and-Now, given us to nurture
a past-present-future 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.]RT