The Comedian

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I wrote today’s poem especially for a young man who once called me anonymously at 11.00pm. I didn’t finish the poem until nearly 3.00 am by which time I was feeling very tired as well as increasingly anxious on his behalf … so don’t expect a gem. [LOL]

Many of us can probably relate to a secret life, not always having been openly gay.

Maybe some readers still find themselves all but suffocating in some awful closet. Tragically, it remains almost par for the course for gay men and women in some countries where certain socio-cultural-religious bigots continue to have the upper hand. We can but keep them in our thoughts, offering support as and when we can. You never know. Certain world/community leaders may yet see the error of their bigotry sooner rather than later so gay people can get on with their lives openly and in peace.  

This poem, like many others I have written, has its roots in my own life but just how and where is for me to know and you to speculate. I write simply and am often accused of being simplistic although I refute the latter criticism. Whatever, do I care? If just one reader reads and enjoys a poem of mine, it will have been worth the writing; should he or she find food for thought there, so much the better.

THE COMEDIAN

I was never any good at school,

my schooldays were a sham,

I’d mess around and play the fool

because I couldn’t quite get to grips

with who I am

I had a working class education,

didn’t ever dare aim high,

couldn’t see the point of ambition,

so I’d mess around and play the fool,

live a lie

I had a real problem with identity,

couldn’t bear anyone to know

it was an awakening homosexuality

saw me mess around and play the fool,

put on a show

I’d have sex in sly, secret, places,

even fancy guys in the street,

could sense revulsion in their faces

although never one sure, all-seeing eye

would I dare meet

There came a time as I grew older,

I wearied of playing the ham,

resolved to get real and be bolder

about letting on to this sorry old world

exactly who I am

I came out to just about everyone,

and it was scary but, oh, so cool

to be free at last of secrets, have fun,

neither afraid nor ashamed of who I am,

no need to play the fool

I confess it. I once had no life at all,

my early years were a sham,

and if now I sometimes play the fool,

it’s because I’m relaxed, happy, content

to be who I am

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

Milk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Harvey Bernard Milk (May 22, 1930 - November 27, 1978)

An American acquaintance once expressed surprise that I count Harvey Milk among my heroes. He seemed to think it odd that an Englishman should rate Harvey Milk so highly.  Oh, but why not? Years after his murder, he remains a role model for gay people worldwide, not just in the USA.

Harvey Milk (Photo from Wikipedia)

No poem can do the man justice, but I hope you will enjoy this villanelle.

MILK

Inspiring hope and integrity,
freeing the natural self to run true,
a gay man called Harvey

Where hate crime stalks society,
see love and peace yet win through,
inspiring hope and integrity

No apology for homosexuality
(though its nightmares come true);
a gay man called Harvey

Where lies reworking history,
truth finds its allies (worldwide, too)
inspiring hope and integrity

Recruiting us all to the equality
a common humanity (still) aspires to
a gay man called Harvey

Helping expose world hypocrisy
(as our ‘betters’ frequently fail to do);
inspiring hope and integrity,
a gay man called Harvey…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2013

L-I-F-E, Theatre of the Absurd

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I recently added a wonderful DVD to my collection. It is called Contracorriente (Undertow) and is a must-see movie for world cinema fans; it is a gay love story set in a fishing village in Peru and tells the story of a young married fisherman’s love for a visiting painter. Movingly told and beautifully acted, it includes stunning shots of the Peruvian coastline I will definitely watch it again.

Meanwhile…

Theatre of the Absurd has been defined as theatre in which standard or naturalistic conventions of plot, characterization, and thematic structure are ignored or distorted in order to convey the irrational or fictive nature of reality and the essential isolation of humanity in a meaningless world.

Born December 21st 1945, I will be 68 this year. I’ve been the victim of several nasty homophobic scares over decades, mainly in the 1980s and 1990s.  Sadly, in the 21st century, homophobia is still widespread among some socio-cultural-religious sections of world (including western) societies. Worse, in some ways, I feel similarly threatened by political correctness. Me, I prefer to know my enemies (allies too) not be confronted and possibly taken in by layers of camouflage and/ or stereotype.

Now, regular readers will be well aware that I see the world’s religions as among my greatest enemies, and not just because I am gay. It strikes me that more often than not they are inclined to wear masks customized with slogans like peace, love and compassion while they would see gay people (and anyone else who does not subscribe to their way of life and thought) pay the ultimate price. Not just in the southern hemisphere either. Here in the West, the same feelings fester behind a mask of political correctness. Get close enough and you can smell it, taste it on your tongue as certain people throw hypocrisy after hypocrisy at us. True, there are (many) exceptions to every rule although I fear they are a minority.

I would feel the same way even if I were not gay, not least because I am an integrationist and a man of peace. (Look at how many wars and divisions have been over religion for centuries). But yes, my sexuality reinforces my feelings towards religion.

Gay people have come a long way since the dark days of my youth. Yet, we should neither be complacent or afraid but continue to stand up and be counted so the homophobes among us know we are here to stay. Nor do we stand alone. We have many straight friends and allies (whatever their socio-cultural-religious persuasion) who may not have much time for our sexuality but have even less or bullies and hypocrites.

The incident on which this poem is based happened in 1960's London, UK. Sadly, sickeningly, homophobia among the less enlightened remains alive and kicking around the world to this day.

“The world more often rewards outward signs of merit than merit itself." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 -1680)

“But above all, in order to be, never try to seem.” - Albert Camus, Notebooks, 1935-1951

L-I-F-E, THEATRE OF THE ABSURD 

Suits were chanting,

‘Die, Queer! Die, Queer!’

and I could only stand there

back to a garden wall,

unable to speak a word,

paralysed with fear

They closed in on me

like wolves to an easy prey

but it wasn’t hunger I could smell

on their breaths but hate,

see it in their eyes, taste it

on my tongue

Masks, throwing stones,

yet I felt no pain, only blood

mingling freely with red hot tears

likely to leave scars

if I lived through this hell

to tell the tale

I closed my eyes

as the chanting became a roar

threatening to burst my eardrums

then - suddenly - sounds

like shooting stars trailing

light years

Now, an eerie silence

like the inside of a coffin

and I opened my eyes, unsure

if I were dead or alive,

to see three Hells Angels

crowding me

The gang had fled,

and in less than a minute

my saviours, too, sped away

without a word said,

V-signs in leather, theatre

of the absurd

Copyright R. N. Taber  1964; 2016

Running True (to Life)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R. N. Taber

The closer to nature we get, the more its enduring spirituality is likely to make itself known to us.

Much the same can be said for love.

Bring nature and love together and the result may well be an epiphany to which no words can do justice. Nor is it any less so for gay lovers, and never let anyone tell you differently

RUNNING TRUE (TO LIFE)

We would chat for a while
and walk in space
where even human waste
fails to wipe a smile
from Apollo's fairer face;
pause under a willow’s
weepy awning as if trying
to hide a yearning
for each other on the spot,
but cannot…

A born again innocence
shedding sweet tears
like spring rain on its leaves,
our blood heating up,
coursing our every vein
as storm warnings
prove false, heavens at ease
with love letters
left floating on a breeze
for all time...

Snug in the willow,
your heart for a pillow.
feted by a skylark
bringing us Earth Mother’s
blessing despite a world
that would see unkind words
run us through,
call us names if only
for reaffirming love’s take
on sexuality

Halcyon days, running true
for gay folks too…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2013

[Note: An earlier version of this poem first appeared under the title 'Running True' in an anthology Fragments of Perception, Poetry Today (Forward Press) 2001 and subsequently in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

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