I first fell in love with another guy when I was a teenager back in 1962. He was killed in a motorcycle accident. Gay relationships were a criminal offence in the UK then so I had to mourn him alone. While he was not the love of my life, I still think about our relationship even now, some 50+ years later. He was on my mind, too, when I wrote this poem some time later, originally as a song lyric with friends with whom I hoped to co-write a gay musical. The musical never saw the light of day (story of my life!) and we all went our separate ways.
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Photo taken from the Internet
Later, I revised the lyric slightly as a poem and it appeared in an anthology prior to my including in in my second collection. Recently, I felt it was crying out to be (slightly, but significantly) revised again.
ANGEL AT MY SHOULDER
When I'm lonely,
you're the angel at my shoulder;
when the going gets rough
I take my strength from you;
you're a joy, an inspiration
in everything I do. I’ve loved you
from the start…
When you gave me change
for the telephone, I gave you back
my heart
When I'm hurting,
you’re the angel at my shoulder;
you're the one who soothes
this savage breast. Time and again,
you ease my pain,
inspire me to try and be better man;
If I’ve screwed up many times
in life, to hell with the rest,
sweet angel at my shoulder, you're
the best
When I’m happy
you’re the angel at my shoulder,
and it’s only because
I know you're always there…
Sometimes, I cannot see
for looking where you are, panic,
and lash out in cold, dark, fear
till I hear you whisper a love poem
in my ear, my guardian angel, my own
bright star
Copyright R. N. Taber 2001; 2013
[Note: A slightly different version of this poem first appeared in an anthology Chasing Dreams, Poetry Today (Forward Press) 2001 and subsequently in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002]
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