Saturday, 3 January 2015

O-U-T, Notes on the Psychology of Perception


This poem takes me back to my (much) younger days and helps me forget I will be 70 later this year..

As a teenager and younger man, I used to prefer sex with older men. Now, I am the older man. Oh, dear, is that not so scary? It often strikes me that time doesn’t just fly, but zooms past me as I grow old(er). [Not old, not quite, not yet...well, maybe…]

Since I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in February 2011 and began hormone therapy, I confess I have lost all interest in sex. Mind you, I don’t miss it (blame the hormones) and take great pleasure in my memories, often drawing on them for my poems. Yet, who knows ...? Maybe if I met the right person even at this late stage in my life…and there’s always Viagra. <>

This poem is a villanelle.

O-U-T, NOTES ON THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERCEPTION

Eyes of gentle grey
telling lies that are true
(seeing that I’m gay)

Lovers at play,
dark skies turning blue;
eyes of gentle grey

Some might say
I was vulnerable to you
seeing that I’m gay

Truth on its way
in a loving word or two,
eyes of gentle grey

No pressure to stay.
Oh, but how I wanted to,
seeing that I’m gay

Came out one day,
perceiving myself in you;
eyes of gentle grey
seeing that I’m gay …

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2014

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Found Out' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

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