Apologies
for the length of this post, but it seemed a good
idea to publish the poem here at the same time as answering a number of queries
regarding my fiction. (Some of my novels will be of special interest to gay
readers.)
Since
I first learned to read at 4 years-old, I have been an avid reader, especially
of fiction; it offered an escape from certain realities of home life, not least
an appalling relationship with my father.
At the same time, I have always enjoyed poetry; my mother would often
recite dramatic poems like The Highwayman
(Alfred Noyes) and The Ancient Mariner
(Samuel Taylor Coleridge) at bed-times as well as or instead of reading a
story.
My
first poem appeared in my secondary school magazine in the summer of 1955 when
I was 11 years-old; ever since, I have always thought of myself as something of
a poet. At the same time, my passion for reading fiction remained my chief
raison d’ĂȘtre throughout my childhood, teenage years and young manhood; as I
became aware of being gay in a society where gay sex was a criminal offence, so
the greater my need for escapism. [My partial deafness was also a factor in my
hunger for fiction, given that I was constantly mishearing and consequently
being misunderstood; at times, my reality was kind of hell.]
The
more I read, albeit more fiction that non-fiction, the more I felt an affinity
with the darker as well as lighter experiences of its various protagonists; I
would often identify with the former and take heart from their (eventually)
overcoming the worst of times while the latter encouraged me to develop a wry sense
of humour which would carry me through many a humiliation down to both my
hearing loss and being verbally abused for being gay.
A teacher at my old secondary school was something of a mentor. I had confided in him about my sexuality as he was one of the few people in my life that I felt I could trust. I also told him about the conflict within me between distancing myself from a Christian upbringing and my feeling closer to nature than I ever did to religion. "Whatever," he said with a wry smile, have faith in yourself, Taber. Learn to trust your better instincts and feelings, and the rest will follow. What doesn't seem right to some people, doesn't make it wrong, just so long as it feels right to you." On the whole, I hated my schooldays, but I had some of the best teachers a very confused teenager could wish to have.
A teacher at my old secondary school was something of a mentor. I had confided in him about my sexuality as he was one of the few people in my life that I felt I could trust. I also told him about the conflict within me between distancing myself from a Christian upbringing and my feeling closer to nature than I ever did to religion. "Whatever," he said with a wry smile, have faith in yourself, Taber. Learn to trust your better instincts and feelings, and the rest will follow. What doesn't seem right to some people, doesn't make it wrong, just so long as it feels right to you." On the whole, I hated my schooldays, but I had some of the best teachers a very confused teenager could wish to have.
I wrote the poem below while thinking
about my first Gay Pride march and writing my first gay novel, Dog Roses. The book was
never published except on the
blog. No publishers were interested, but that
did not matter because by the time I had finished writing the poem, I realised
why I needed to write
it in the first place; it was as if the poet in me was telling me to stop thinking about exploring human nature
through fiction, but get on with it, give
it a go. I have no regrets about leaving
a permanent job for what would now be called a zero-hours contract so I
would have time to do just that. (In
those days, there was plenty of
work available.) I have enjoyed every minute.
For
anyone interested, my gay-crime novel ‘Blasphemy’ has been published on
Google Play:
- although I have also reinstated it (in two parts) on my fiction blog after many requests to do so, and will not be uploading its sequel, Sacrilege, (see my fiction blog in serial form) to Google Play. For more information about my fiction, see below and:
http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/news-updates-fiction.html
http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/news-updates-fiction.html
Someone once described the act of Coming Out as a leap of faith. How true that is. I took that leap om my first Gay Pride march years ago, and never looked back. It was was truly a leap of faith; faith in myself and that I was committing to a good life, one of which I had been in denial (to most people) for far too long. On that march I experienced a new sense of completeness and personal freedom that dispelled any lingering doubts as to whether or not being openly gay was right for me. For me, yes, but I can see only too well where others are coming from who may feel it's not the right move for them, especially any gay people living in a gay-unfriendly environment. Even so, there is no feeling quite like shedding the shackles of misinformed formative years...
This poem is a villanelle.
LEAP OF FAITH or PEACE IN OUR TIME
Find
G-A-Y coming out for peace with pride
against
the language of bigotry
till
the language of hate has no place to hide
Wherever
so-called ‘betters’ presume to decide
(and
judge) on matters of sexuality,
find
G-A-Y coming out for peace with pride
Challenging
holier-than-thou types sure to side
against
love perceived as immorality
till
the language of hate has no place to hide
Among
voices debating Convention as guide
and
role model in a token reality,
find
G-A-Y coming out for peace with pride
Questioning
laws passed to incriminate, deride
and
silence any significant minority
till
the language of hate has no place to hide
Defining
all humanity wherever cultures collide
in
the course of world history,
find
G-A-Y speaking up for peace with pride
till
the language of hate has no place to hide
Copyright
R. N. Taber 2016
MY
NOVELS
DOG
ROSES; a gay man’s rites of passage
(Gay-interest)
BLASPHEMY:
a novel
[Crime/Gay-interest]
- Also available as an e-book on Google Play..
http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/blasphemy-synopsis.html
(Synopsis)
https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Roger_N_Taber_Blasphemy?id=mNlsDAAAQBAJ
https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Roger_N_Taber_Blasphemy?id=mNlsDAAAQBAJ
https://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.com/2018/02/blasphemy-novel-by-roger-n-taber.html (Pt 1, blog)
https://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.com/2018/02/blasphemy-novel-by-roger-n-taber-part-2.html (Pt 2, blog
SACRILEGE
(Crime/Gay-interest;
sequel to Blasphemy, continues the adventures and misadventures of Laurence
Fisher; only serialised on the fiction blog.)
LIKE
THERE'S NO TOMORROW
(Crime/Mystery)
CATCHING
UP WITH MURDER
(1st
Fred Winter [crime/gay-interest] novel)
PREDISPOSED
TO MURDER
http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/predisposed-to-murder-synopsis.html
https://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.com/2012/04/predisposed-to-murder-chapter-one.html
(2nd Fred Winter novel)
https://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.com/2012/04/predisposed-to-murder-chapter-one.html
(2nd Fred Winter novel)
MAMELON
(Book One):
(Fantasy)
MAMELON (Book Two):
MAMELON (Glossary of Names and Terms used):
MAMELON (Glossary of Names and Terms used):
:
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