A Swan in the Morning

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Feedback suggests that some readers appear to have problem with my being gay. Well, that's their  problem. Whatever our sexuality, though, and whoever and wherever we are, there are families who only want the best for us, but cannot see that has to be our decision, no one else’s.

A blog reader has emailed to say that her husband of some 30+ years has died after contracting the coronavirus. I am sure we all be thinking of rooting for her and the whole family.  Sadly, it appears that she has been estranged all that time from her parents and siblings who were unhappy about her marrying a black man.

Another reader contacted me a year or so ago to say that he had been a widower for some years but recently remarried and was very happy but for “… my family adored my first wife and won’t accept either her or that I could possibly love anyone else.”

As a gay man, I know all about prejudice and how it can affect even ruin people’s lives. In latter years, attitudes have changed very much for the better, but prejudice in some people and communities is so deeply rooted that it may well be several generations yet before it disappears altogether.

I regret not coming out to my immediate family for years. I suspect it would have made little if any difference to our becoming estranged, although political correctness may well dissuade them from saying so now. Whatever, I told very few people when I fell in love with another man in my early 20’s. Ironically, we had decided to tell our families only days before he was killed in a road accident.

Subsequently, I grieved alone and would remain in the proverbial closet for some years yet. As regular readers know, I have never met anyone else with whom a such a love-relationship was ever in our mutual interest. on the cards. Oh, I have loved, yes, enjoyed occasional sex as well, but would never rediscover the kind of love that life-partnerships are founded upon.

Now, February is LGBT History month and this poem is my contribution to it; not an explicitly gay poem, but a love poem no less. We cannot help with whom we fall in love. Thankfully, love does not discriminate the way some people do, and whoever or wherever we may be, losing someone with whom we have been in a love-relationship, no matter how long or short-lived, hurts, terribly. 

Whether or not we find such love again, any love lost will always hurt, but love has a generosity of mind-body-spirit that not only lives on in us, but actively encourages us to reach for the stars, even if many of us have to settle for wishing on them. Hurt will heal, if we let it, but healing does not mean forgetting; happy memories shared will last forever and are meant to be treasured for that, never to make us feel guilty for getting on with our lives.

Photo from the Internet

A SWAN IN THE MORNING

Winter, a gloomy affair,
not least for a conspicuously empty chair
causing mind-body-spirit
to sink for its being moved to recall
a shared history, ours
for keeps, no place as would ever (surely?)
see either of us left alone
to mull over such what-might-have-been days
as would steal our tomorrows 

Spring ,the wistful heart
showing no sign of even attempting to get
the better of its passion
for dwelling on a future never to be,
as we’d once dared dream
of making ours, any tears but for such joys
as only their memories
can build a home on such shared love and trust
as our every kiss had promised 

Promises, come to nothing.
the more so for having meant everything
to we lovers, risen
from a place that’s darker and colder
than any wintry day
or night, if only for a loneliness overwhelming
the mind-body-spirit
that would brave the world, but for its prejudices
threatening the likes of you-me-us 

Together, we could have risen
above any politics of derision as will feed on
whatever scraps thrown,
its penchant for seizing on any stereotypes
likely to spread such divisions
as they can invite to take sides against creatures
great and small,
any half-lies become such half-truths as let humanity
duck any accusations of hypocrisy 

Chancing to look up as I walked on,
eyes brightening for their focusing on a swan
descending from above,
clearly heading for a lake just ahead of me
making noises as if calling
to another, spotted sailing among leafy shadows
silently, with dignity,
feathers stirring in a breeze as if already imagining
imminent courtship and coupling

My swan, it made a perfect landing
on the lake, wasted little time approaching
its chosen companion;
face to face, as if taking sure measure
of each other,
now nodding, as if come to an understanding;
a flurry of wings,
and mating begins, as glorious a spectacle as any other
in the eyes of Earth Mother 

I slowly walked away a lovemaking
in my ears reuniting you-me-us, reassuring
mind-body-spirit
not only that true love never dies
but has needs
it cannot nurture alone, any moving on meaning
neither disloyalty
nor disrespect, no less sure of a welcome than any other
in the eyes of Earth Mother 

Yet another wintry, human heart taking its cue from spring
for engaging with a swan one morning

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2021

[Note: This post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today.]