See-Hear

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Growing up gay, transgender or bisexual can be tough enough, even these days, in certain societies and communities worldwide, but growing up with hearing problems that are not properly addressed can make life a whole lot tougher still. I have met gay people with hearing problems who have not even had access to hearing aids because either the individual and/ or their or family has  failed to recognize and accept the problem. This having been my own experience since early childhood, I have no hesitation in publishing this post-poem on both poetry blogs today. For more LGBT-specific poems, though, do explore the blog archives. (Click beside the blog title in the top right hand corner of any post.)

Now, I am very forgetful these days, but a young reader ‘A V’ has emailed to ask if I would repeat what I appear to have once once said on the blog about my being partially deaf; in fact, it is ‘perceptive deafness’ – to use its proper name which has been the bane of my life since I contracted measles at the age of 4 years... 72 years ago! The reader is convinced he or she has the same problem, but it has yet to be identified/ confirmed. Hopefully, this can be done much sooner than it happened for me as I was not referred to an ENT (Ear Nose & Throat) hospital until my early 20’s.

Schooldays were a nightmare. Even now, it isn’t easy to get people to grasp and remember that perceptive deafness is a pitch deafness; the pitch of a person’s voice plays an important part in just how much I catch of what of someone is saying. Acoustics are also important; in one room I might hear someone perfectly well, but in another room, with different acoustics, I would struggle to hear the same person. Accents are always a problem for me, too, especially over the phone, as a result of which I have often been accused of shades of racism if (as I often do) I need to ask someone to speak a little slower and clearer.

I have lost count of how many times operators have hung up on me whenever they feel insulted and haven’t time to listen to my explanation; saying I have perceptive deafness is rarely acceptable as most people don’t understand what that entails. Settling for explaining that I am partially deaf often helps, but not always.

At home, there were all sorts of problems as well, especially with my father who would often address me and I wouldn’t hear, so he would shout at me and send me to my room. I would not understand why he was shouting and did not believe that I hadn’t heard him, so would invariably sulk, even respond rudely for the sheer injustice of it all – which, of course, would make the situation worse. He never hit me, my father, but nor did he ever accept that I had a hearing problem, and who can blame him as no one else really understood my problem either?

Mind you, even had I been blessed with normal hearing, my father and I would not have got along, not least because I never subscribed to the stereotypical template of what makes a boy tick; he had badly wanted a girl and I was never going to compensate for that.

In my mid-20’s I was prescribed hearing aids that proved to be a great help. Later, the ENT hospital in London obtained hearing aids from Germany for me that were especially tailored to perceptive deafness. I would continue to have problems, but these were less damaging to my life in general, although I would always have a problem with large groups, and still do. While there is no point in crying over spilt milk, I’ve often had cause to regret that I cannot give the social animal that I am, by nature, its head...

I should add that, up to a point, I subconsciously lip read, so I don't always fully understand anyone wearing a  mask, so... not easy these days when it is so important to wear one in shops, on public transport and busy streets. Oh, well, c'est la vie. 😉

Oh, well, we are who we are and must make the best of that rather than hanker to be otherwise or we will never find peace of mind, let alone be happy. I continue to nurture a positive-thinking mindset and keep looking on the bright(er) side of life.

Take care everyone, please do visit the blog again soon, and feel free to explore the archives any time,

Hugs,

Roger 

SEE-HEAR

A Blur of Silence all around,
closing in on me...
All I sought, yet so rarely found

A yearning for the true sound
of bird and bee...
A Blur of Silence all around

Oh, to leap life’s merry-go-round,
for a chance to be...
All I sought, yet so rarely found

It was you that ran me to ground
persistently...
A Blur of Silence all around

It’s now, I hear the sweetest sound
within me...
All I sought, yet so rarely found

On love, my heart can now expound
well and truly...
A Blur of Silence all around,
all I sought, yet so rarely found

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2002; rev. 2022.

[Note: An earlier version of this poem (a villanelle) appears as the Dedication poem ‘To Deaf and Hard of Hearing People Everywhere’ in my collection, First Person Plural, Assembly Books, 2002; rev. 2021]