A Life in the Day of Mind-Body-Spirit

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Make the most of your regrets; Never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it ’til it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

“Age has no reality except in the physical world. The essence of a human being is resistant to the passage of time. Our inner lives are eternal, which is to say that our spirits remain as youthful and vigorous as when we were in full bloom. Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega. An end in itself.” – Gabriel García Márquez  

“Look closely and you will see almost everyone carrying bags of cement on their shoulders. That’s why it takes courage to get out of bed in the morning and climb into the day.” ~ Edward Hirsch

“Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste.” – Charlotte Bronte

Again, not a gay-specific poem today but all we LGBT+ folks grow old, like anyone else, so I hope you will enjoy the post-poem.

The poem also appears on my general poetry blog today. Contrary to the way some straight folks and religious organizations appear to think of us, we are not a species apart, but as  much a part of a common humanity as anyone else. wry bardic grin

Sexual identity is not a choice, after all, nor is it a sin, but an essential part of who we are. Certain societies across the world are learning to accept us, especially among young, more open-minded people; others, in my opinion, have had there minds closed by various religious dogma and misleading stereotypes, forcing many LGBT folks to remain 'closet' all their lives.

Now, as each day passes and I grow old, I am often hard pressed to keep looking on the bright(er) side of life. I so miss being young, fit, able to make plans and feel confident that I will be well enough to not only carry them through, but also enjoy and learn from them. I miss having friends around for cosy chats and a laugh; many have moved away now and mobility problems make travelling difficult.

Ah, corny though it may sound, the human spirit really can keep us young at heart and soul, if only we will let it, Rarely easy. We can but try, even if, as life itself invariably proves, it’s a case of ‘win some, lose some…’

A LIFE IN THE DAY OF MIND-BODY-SPIRIT

There are times in any life
when the flesh is weak, but the spirit
remains as strong as ever,
whatever its reason or season, be it
a spring, summer,
autumn or winter of mind-body-spirit;
it perseveres, encouraged
by a heart-and-soul, wiser beyond its years
to sources of human tears

There are times in any life
when waking after a poor night’s sleep
leaves the body too weary
to even raise a smile at dawn’s rising
above early mist and cloud,
trying to force its way to half-open eyes
and ears, through drapes
at windows obscuring Everyman’s perception
of life, love, regeneration…

Finally, though, mind and body
takes its cue from that which gives it form
and a sense of stability
from birth to death, whatever in-betweens
may lie in wait, ready to pounce
and test us to limits sure to weigh heavy
on any host body, 
all the love attending it beseeching its survival
of Humanity’s heart-and soul

Alas, not every ear that hears,
can comply with every caller’s bidding;
no call, though, is ever in vain,
no matter if the human outcome be loss
and pain, in whatever form;
living, partly living, or consigned to memory’s
vault  of eternal spring,
there remain such ways for all humanity to choose,
every which way, then…loose?

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: Apologies for not adding many gay-specific poem tot he blog these days, but = as regular readers well know - I have been sexually inactive for some years, since starting hormone therapy for my prostate cancer; I can't even get a hard-on these days. Do explore the archives, though, and I am delighted that feedback suggests more LGBT readers are also dipping into my general poetry blog as well now. Poetry is, after all,  for everyone and far more all-inclusive than some societies across the world where others like us are growing up - as I did in the 1950's - in a climate of fear due to the propagation of certain religious dogma and misleading stereotypes.] RT

Smiling Through

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen

“ What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.”- George Eliot

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This post-poem also appears on my general blog today. Although many  LGBT readers visit both poetry blogs,  feedback suggests that there are still others who are not quite ready to accept that poetry is all-inclusive, to some degree or another. Whatever, I suspect I am not the only reader who has felt the light go out of their world and let someone's smile turn it on again...

Now, as regular readers will know, I have been treated with hormone therapy for my prostate cancer over a period of a good ten years now; one of the side-effects can be - as it is so for me - regular depression and/or a rising sense of panic whenever even small things go wrong. 

I suspect it may seem worse for older people like myself who live alone, which is maybe why we appreciate acts of kindness so much, as it helps (considerably) to alleviate these symptoms; someone able to spare just a few minutes to talk to you and help calm you down can make all the difference.

Since the pandemic, everyone has been under stress. Here in London, acts of kindness are noticeably in far shorter supply than they were previously. For example, fewer people are willing to pause to help ole Rog when clearly in difficulty or offer a seat on a crowded bus or train, so I have to stand, leaning on my walking stick for support. 

 Whenever anyone does offer me their seat, I thank them, throw them a huge smile, and the light in their eyes suggests it is as much welcome to them as their offer of a seat is to me.

As in many old sayings, there is much truth in the one about kindness bringing its own reward. 

Hopefully, we have seen the worst of Covid-19 and its variants, although there remain hard times ahead as the financial crisis finds so many people struggling to make ends meet.

All any of us can do is keep looking on the brighter, lighter side of life and take comfort in the knowledge that there is always light at the end of even the longest tunnel.

No, never easy, but... we have a choice?

SMILING THROUGH

This heart grew heavy,
loaded down with sadness, a sense
of feeling adrift,
barely keeping afloat for sailing
stormy waters,
struggling to make sense of a life
searching heart-and soul
for that familiar surge of a lively inspiration,
now gone quiet, all but a vacuum

Mind-body-spirit
struggling to rise above such despair
as strikes fear
in the hearts of those of us anxious
to make sense
of a You-Me-Us simply drifting along
having all but lost sight
of who we are any more, not as once we were,
birds of a feather, so happy together

Lately, even the smiles 
on our faces tell lies, trying to disguise
a You-Me-Us fallen apart
over tard times without our noticing,
taking us for granted,
failing to see how we rarely any more
as once we would
fondly reminisce about how we met, fell in love,
caught up in the magic of stars above

So… it came to pass,
we agreed a trial separation needing time
to think us through,
search the remains of who we once were,
try  and see a way clear
to bring You-Me-Us together again, fill 
the Black Hole
we found ourselves a lonely, grieving while apart,.
anxious to reconcile mind-body-spirit

Yes, we courted anew, years falling away, tears too,
a shared heart-and-soul smiling through

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

A Feeling for Spring

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” - Mark Twain 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr. 

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe 

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To err is human, to forgive divine." - Alexander Pope

Now, I know this is not a gay-specific poem, unlike most of those in the blog archives, but I suspect most of us can relate to it one way or another, so have been encouraged to post it here since it appeared on my general poetry blog yesterday. Some readers will be of a religion that sees gay relationships as an unforgiveable sin. I have a problem with that, especially as I was taught that God is love. So, how can love between two people of the same sex be a sin...? 

Reader A. D. asks why I am “… so preoccupied with inter-communication between people, so-called ‘agreeing to differ’ and engaging in discussion even about personal issues where there are clearly radical differences of opinion. “Better for everyone, surely,” he or she suggests, “to let sleeping dogs lie?”  Well, we must, indeed, agree to differ, say so and shake on it. In my experience many if not most such 'sleeping dogs' are badly in need of a wake-up call; being left to sleep on,  thereby likely to inflict such damage on human relationships as not easily mended.

One of the greater tragedies of human nature is the inability or reluctance of many people to confront those against whom they may hold a grudge, invariably for fear of having to endure a bitter exchange of insults, commonly referred to as ‘home truths'.

Both parties are usually to blame, to some extent for broken relationships, but it takes only one to make a start on a healing process.  Many of us, including yours truly, have no idea how to make a start, whether it be with a family member, friend or neighbour, often for fear of being accused of simply making excuses for what has been perceived as unforgivable behaviour, but may well have been a misunderstanding due to circumstances left unshared. 

The longer any misunderstanding or genuine excuse remains silent, refusing to engage in any healing process, the longer any grudge will fester, mind-body-spirit, turning a deaf ear to whatever heart-and-soul is constantly mulling, even grieving over.

True, some broken relationships cannot be mended, but not for want of trying. Better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all, though, surely? The problem remains, though, that some well-meaning efforts may well be misinterpreted, taking us back to square one. Even so, an aggrieved heart-and-soul may yet find a welcome measure of peace for having dispended with the futility of harbouring grudges.

A FEELING FOR SPRING

I am so much the sweeter taste
and fragrance of life, just for having
shed those darker senses
keeping heart-and-soul from engaging
fully, openly, positively
with a mind -body-spirit struggling
under the growing weight
of  ill-judged expectations or responses
plunging knives into You-Me-Us

Having been given no opportunity
to put my side of things as misunderstood
and left to fester, bad feeling
getting the better of any finer senses 
of fair play, never spoken,
kept hidden in recesses of heart-and-soul
feeding on bitterness,
happiness left to but make the best it can
of the contrariness of being human

I am as that first full kiss or spring,
come to relieve the pain of such wintry days
as we have felt obliged
to endure, no hint of  choice, no voice
for having been unable
to penetrate certain defences, both yours
and mine, now worn down 
by tears for such likely misunderstandings 
as deserving of happier landings

I am Forgiveness, making time for a fresh start,
finally come to flower in the human heart

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

Catcher in the Eye OR The Insider

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” – Confucius

“Beauty awakens the soul to act.” – Dante Alighieri

“Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye.” - William Shakespeare

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson  

Now, Reader. L J takes issue with my argument – with which regular readers will be only too familiar - that love comes in all shapes and forms. 

L J suggests that “… true love can only exist between a man and a woman and consummated as such.  Anything else is just passion for its own sake.”  Everyone to their point of view, of course, although, as a gay man, I would dispute the latter. 

Moreover, what is “true” love?   One dictionary definition of 'true' is "In accordance with fact or reality. "Take the love we feel for a pet, a work of art., a favourite place, the platonic love between close friends…are these not a reality for those concerned, an honest, sincere measure of love?  

As for the love expressed and shared between partners of the same sex who choose to spend their lives together, that has to be more than “just passion for its own sake" surely?

Today’s poem, could well be seen as companion to A Walk on the Dark Side that I published on both poetry blogs earlier this week.

 CATCHER IN THE EYE or THE INSIDER

Not always in plain sight
for the world to enjoy at will,
but always there
for those to find who care
to nurture relations
with a mind-body-spirit set on
satisfying native desires
by pursuing its finer, ultimate goal,
within heart-and-soul 

I catch the eye that looks
beyond what attracts attention,
taking imagination
on a journey into sensibility,
catching the first light
of dawn where birds in trees
are waking, flexing wings,
preparing to fly clear or cloudy skies,
dry humanity’s tears

I nest in shy glances, take each
day as it comes, vaulting spectacles,
tugging nervously at hair
shining like a splendid dawn
you may well have missed,
preferring to keep your eyes shut 
for trying to hang on to hopes
of engaging with love in such a place
as called You-Me-Us

I am Beauty; in the eye of my perceiver,
a joy forever…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: this post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today.]

A Walk on the Dark Side

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance.” - Plato

“Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.” - Dalai Lama

“Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance.” - Francis of Assisi “Prejudice is the child of ignorance.” - William Hazlitt 

“Violence isn't always evil. What's evil is the infatuation with violence.” - Jim Morrison

“My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy, that some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.”- Maya Angelou

Now, few things encourage anger among populations worldwide than instability and where there is instability, there is invariably a rising discontent which, in turn, encourages anger, even violence. The world is anything but stable at the moment, especially with the war in Ukraine resulting in an economic crisis just about everywhere.

Here in the UK, Rishi Sunak has been voted our new prime minister – our third this year! – by Tory MP’s, while other parties and much of the population had been calling for a General Election. While I, personally, think Sunak is a good choice, the fact remains that he does not have a mandate; the political argument put forward by the Conservative Party that it does have mandate, having been voted into power at the last General Election, neither impresses nor convinces most people. After all, the world is a very different place than it was in May, 2019!

We have seen a significant rise of violence on the streets as well as domestic violence since Covid-19 arrived. Given the further threat of a possible flu/ Covid pandemic this winter, as well as a world financial crisis, it is hardly surprising that cases of reported violence appear to be rising. As for unreported cases... who knows?

A WALK ON THE DARK SIDE

I listen, but do not always hear,
look, but do not always see what is there,
only what I expect to find
in the deeper, darker recesses of a mind
fed half-truths and fake news,
manipulated by destructive life forces
supposedly meaning well,
while making use of such stereotypical images
as would rewrite history’s pages

Born innocent, only to be exposed
to a cowardly rhetoric of prejudice and hate
insinuating mind-body-spirit
with misinformation, fake news and such views
as expounded to win over
the less perceptive, least enlightened
among humanity, nurturing
prejudice and violence to home in on a humanity,
with a predilection for profanity 

I turn common sense on its head, sanity
made to give way to such false interpretations
of self-education, perpetuated
by the absence of love, kindness, caring
for one another, all virtue
portrayed as weakness to the vulnerable,
by any who walk on the Dark Side,
waging war with and for every human heart-and-soul,
manipulators and manipulatable

I am Ignorance, listening out for a wiser, kinder voice;
peace or violence, an all but interchangeable choice

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: this post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today, as I feel it is relevant and feedback suggests that many LGBT readers remain cautious of only having access to shared computers.] RT 

Potential for a Love Story OR The Eyes Have It

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Love has no gender - compassion has no religion - character has no race.” - Abhijit Naskar, Either Civilised or Phobic: A Treatise on Homosexuality 

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Sexuality is one of the ways in which we become enlightened, actually, because it leads to self-knowledge – Alice Walker”

Now, it was a lay preacher who first defined ‘gay’ for me as “A person who not only sees no sin in being physically attracted to their own gender, but dares to justify any such relationship by suggesting it is a mutually consensual experiment in love. Love, of course, plays no part in it. It’s but an excuse for casual sex which, even between opposite genders is only ever at best, a selfish act, at worst, a sin.”

“But what if the couple concerned really do fall in love?” I wanted to know.

“Are you deaf, or something,” he snapped testily, there is no such thing as falling in love with someone of your own sex. Love them, yes, by all means, but platonically, not in a physical sense.” Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do…”

Even at the age of 11, ‘pompous ass’ was the first phrase that sprung to mind as I watched him go.

It was the 1950’s. My mind continued to dwell on that conversation even before I realised I was gay myself. So prevalent and widely accepted was such prejudice towards gay folks in those days, that I felt unable to confide in anyone.

As regular readers will know, it would be another twenty years before I felt strong enough to share my secret with the world, but not before falling in love with a potential partner for life who was killed in a car accident that sent me scurrying back into a lonely closet.

Fewer people these days are intimidated by religious objections to a person’s sexuality and are more inclined to take others as they find them and play any potential friendship by ear.

Now, some readers may well be interested in the revised edition of Odd Men Out by John-Pierre Joyce, Manchester University Press, 2022. It charts the history of gay men in 1950’s and 1960’s Britain, but I suspect gay men everywhere, from all walks of life, will be able to relate to it, not least because homophobia remains rampant across the world, not least due to the narrowmindedness and sheer hypocrisy of various religions.

POTENTIAL FOR A LOVE STORY or THE EYES HAVE IT

As he turned from his window
on the world below,
his gaze rested briefly on me,
and in that moment,
we strangers acknowledged
the prison from which
we so longed to go free to enjoy
such venial pleasures, for better or worse
as would see us embrace

He left the room without a word,
intuitively, I followed;
sooner, rather than later, we knew
we would be acting out
a beautiful dream acknowledged
under cover of silence,
bringing us together to revel
in such carnal delights as we would share,
for laying our souls bare

Better bare than clothed in hypocrisies
constantly insisting
we are committing various sins
of the flesh, sure to see us
in a hell of our own construction 
for denying the edicts
of religions dating back centuries,
ostensibly expressions of love and peace,
except for You-Me-Us

I am that desire-of-the-flesh-become-reality,
transcending a potential love story

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022 

[Note: Several straight friends insisted I publish this post-poem on both poetry blogs today. Who am I to argue...?]

 

Up Against it

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Several new readers appear to disagree with my view that poetry is all-inclusive. One reader comments, "I enjoy and relate to many of the poems on your gay poetry blog archives, but each to his own, surely?  How can an LGBT + person expect to relate to general - i.e. straight  poetry?

Well, I posted the post-poem below on my general poetry blog today and defy any readers to say they cannot relate to it at all.. Being human is what humanity is all about, whoever, wherever we are  and whatever our gender, sexuality, ethnicity, politics, religion...

The main reason I remained in the closet till my 30's is because many people are so hung-up on stereotypes that they don't see the person. It is GOOD that narrow minds are opening up, especially among young people,,, but the same is as true today as it was when I was a young man some 60+ years ago.   

                                                       ***********************

“The fearful unbelief is unbelief in yourself.” - Thomas Carlyle  

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”- James Thurber

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship.” - Louisa May Alcott

“We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays.” - Persius

“Fear makes us feel our humanity.” - Benjamin Disraeli

 Now, overheard in a supermarket: 

1st person:” I am so tired of feeling up against it all the time. First, the pandemic. Now, soaring prices and having to worry about putting food on the table, not to mention keeping a roof over our heads with flexible mortgages hitting the damn ceiling…"

2nd person: "You said it! Half the time, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, any more than our new Prime Minister if you ask me…"

Yours Truly, guilty of earwigging again, yes! But... reassuring to know that other people are feeling much the same as I do… wry bardic grin

Fear of the unknown is hard to contend with at any time, and people are scared. Hospital cases for  Covid-variant  cases are reportedly on the rise again here in the UK and the cost of living crisis is hitting everyone hard, especially low-to-medium earners, among whom those with families to feed and care for are, as always in times of socio-economic crisis, the hardest hit.

As always, there are no easy answers. We can but keep looking on the bright(er) side of life and trust in a return to it sooner rather than later. In the meantime, we have a common responsibility to do our best to rise above the worst - whatever that may be - and carry as many people with us as we can.

As the shoppers went their separate ways, each flung the other a bright smile. However tough the way ahead is looking, best foot forward with a smile to match has to be a good start, yes?

YES. 

I shuffled on, my bad leg as determined to make the best of past-present-future, whatever, as the rest of me…not ready to welcome the Grim Reaper just yet. wry bardic chuckle 

UP AGAINST IT

I may test mind-body-spirit
through its storms,
while continuing to nurture
heart-and-soul,
far more than it seems to either
casual or intimate eye,
even as I am feverishly plotting
against it by way of doing my very best
to deprive my host of rest

I insinuate the weaker aspects
of all humanity, 
until mind-body-spirit feels
comfortable enough
with my presence to take me
almost for granted, all set 
to be led like a lamb to slaughter
yet, without reckoning on the homing call
of its native heart-and-soul

Confidently, I'll feel my way
through such various
calms and rages as mixed feelings
invariably impose,
only to underestimate the skills
of a human spirit
to catch me out, albeit (too) often 
at the last minute, thwarting my endeavours
to leave no survivors…

I am that fear of a darker past-present-future,
for want of care, resilience and nurture

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022