G-A-Y, Harvesting Centuries

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I once discovered that it is not beyond the realms of possibility to fancy a friend you are convinced is a hot-blooded heterosexual only to discover the attraction is mutual. Perhaps they are bisexual or in denial about being gay, but when push comes to shove, does it really matter? The old adage is so true; gather ye rosebuds while ye may. There will be time enough to consider any long-term implications after having made the most of what’s on offer in the shorter term.

Now, the person with whom you are at the very least infatuated may not prove to be the love of your life, but there’s another saying that springs to mind; when opportunity knocks, be sure to let it in.

This poem has not appeared on the blog since August 2009 and is repeated today especially for ‘Henry and Malcolm’ who celebrate the 10th anniversary of their first meeting today. They don’t say why they chose this particular poem, but I can’t help wondering...

G-A-Y, HARVESTING CENTURIES

You were asleep when I got home;
I stripped in a pool of moonlight
spilling through a chink in blinds
carelessly drawn,
sat on the bed and watched you,
not sure what to do, lightly
stroking your pillow, hair lively
shades of brown

Guessed you’d hate me for being
here like this, lips longing
to kiss yours, moist and red,
like a dawn rose,
forced my eyes to the twin bed
inches away, empty, as quiet
as a waiting coffin, expecting
me to crawl in

You opened one eye, then two.
I froze. Your hand seized
my forefinger and its fierce heat
burned my toes;
not a sound to be heard as you
sat up straight, looked
right through me, wide-eyed,
disbelieving

Your free hand pinched my left
nipple, as if to remind us
it was no dream and my eyes
began to scream...
“Sorry!” Instantly, your mouth
and tongue ripped into me
without apology, finally setting
us free

We made love without a word
(there was no need);
on time wasted, we hungrily,
exhaustedly fed…
until such dreams worked a spell
on the two of us
as gay lovers have dared share
for centuries

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004; 2017

[Note: This poem first appears under the title 'Food for Thought' in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004.]

G-A-Y, as Written in the Stars

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem has not appeared on the blog since April 2009 and it saddens me today to post it for ‘Mark’ whose boyfriend was killed in a homophobic attack ‘...in his own country, by members of his own race and blinkered culture only a few years ago.’ I have no details. Tragically, the murder could have been committed by just about any ignorant, intolerant, homophobe anywhere in the world; there are plenty of them still, just as there plenty of gay men and women enduring pain and misery in secret for that very reason.

The poem was written for lovers everywhere whose love, for whatever reason, is frowned upon by family, friends and those in high places who have us in a stranglehold, yet could so easily change things for the better if they had any sense of human decency.

Countries like Uganda, Iran and parts of the Arab World may spring immediately to mind, but our hearts go out to gay men and women worldwide who live in fear of imprisonment and worse should their sexuality become public knowledge.Even in the so-called 'liberal' West, families are still divided by a son or daughter's declaration that they are gay. Oh, we have come a long way since I was a gay schoolboy in an era when same sex relationships were a criminal offence, but there is a long way still to go before our sexuality is universally accepted as something perfectly natural and incidental rather than a major issue.

It is high time certain people put their socio-cultural-religious bigotry aside and accepted the fact that we are all equal in a common humanity and that none of us can help with whom we fall in love. Here in the UK, for example, many immigrants bring their historical prejudices with them; the result is many scared gay boys and girls, men and women having to tread on eggshells between the world from which their families came and the one in which they are growing up.


G-A-Y, AS WRITTEN IN THE STARS

At the farthest edge of twilight,
where the sky a misty blue,
we’d haunt the shores of love
where dreams come true ...
We’d pause at its quiet places,
fall into each other’s arms,
enjoy Earth Mother’s embraces,
employ her feisty charms

Oh, kisses tasting of yesterdays
closing in on us like stars
shaping the world’s tomorrows
set aside for (all) its lovers!
Our bodies joined as day to night,
we’d surf life’s raging sea
at the farthest edge of a twilight
hinting at eternity...
Come splendid night, we’d lie
and wonder at its glories;
each star, a kiss shared by lovers
in other centuries ...
At daybreak, dreamers waking
to proceed as chisels to stone
at a love marked for the taking
once its battles won...

On a cruel sea of local dissent,
among wreaths of flowers,
we were despatched prematurely
to a place among the stars
at the farthest edge of twilight
where a misty blue sky
haunts the shores of such a love
as shared by you and I

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

Bus Stop OR Waiting for...Wow!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Just when we think things can’t get more boring and life is generally getting us down, along comes a bus (at last!) that’s going our way…

BUS STOP or WAITING FOR...WOW!

Time passes
like a double-decker bus rumbling
down the High Street
looking for the likes of us
to stick out a hand
and make it stop, the way it did
in pouring rain that day
we jostled in a smoky queue
for a 29 (running late as usual)
anxious to be home

We began to chat about
this 'n' that although I didn’t catch
everything, your sweet smile
winging me a tenderness long forgotten
(on my own, last love flown!)
Now, I’ll not stay my heart’s leaping
for keeping you company
at bars, clubs, cinemas, to ease
our pain, rediscover in each other
an alternative freedom


Copyright R. N. Taber 1997; 2011

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in 'Love And Human Remains' by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2001.]

Oscars

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Several men have been in touch who find themselves in heterosexual relationships from which they have no wish to extract themselves, but feel guilty about having sex with other men whenever the opportunity arises. This guilt is so hard to bear that their respective their marriages are under threat as a result. I offer no solutions or advice, but suggest they might consider seeing a marriage counsellor along with their respective partners. In my experience, it is much easier to discuss matters with a third party who is neither a relative nor friend but a professional who is not only detached but has also almost certainly heard it all before so is unlikely to be in the least shocked or judgemental.

Now, it is tough on a woman when she finds out her husband or boyfriend is gay or bisexual; or a man when he discovers his female partner has lesbian tendencies. Let’s face it. It is, after all, a betrayal of their relationship. It isn’t easy for either party. Whatever reasons, excuses, explanations or pretty rhetoric we care to debate, betrayal is betrayal. And betrayed people feel immeasurably hurt. It is not only the heterosexual partner who feels betrayed either; many repressed gay people are likely to feel they have betrayed everything they were brought up to believe in.

Regarding bisexual men and women, there is a train of thought I won’t follow here that most people who see themselves as bisexual do so because they are loath to examine the gay side to their sexual identity too closely; all the while they can happily swing both ways, their masculinity, or femininity as the case may be, is not under threat. Yet, among the many people who assure me bisexuality is ‘cool’ I’d say the majority are essentially gay. [I will leave transvestites and transgender people out of the equation for the purposes of this blog entry, but in no way do I underestimate either their problems or the courage many display in overcoming them.]

Whatever, it can take time to learn to believe in ourselves. Only then can we start to believe in each other. Betrayal is a raw wound that can take a long time to heal. Tragically, some such wounds never do heal properly. Even so, if the relationship between partners of the opposite sex is such that they are close friends as well as lovers, those wounds may start to heal sooner rather than later. Yet, once the die is cast, they have to find their own ways of dealing with it and we should not judge those too harshly who find themselves unable to forgive.

Many gay men and women can form a physical relationship with the opposite sex if the attraction is mutual and strong enough; some even think themselves into heterosexual mode because they can’t face up to being gay, probably having been brought up to think the worst of gay people by the less enlightened among the heterosexual majority. It isn’t easy to shake off the shackles of formative years. For most of us, sexuality will out us in the end. Tragically, some stay in the proverbial closet all their lives; those who can and do break out, in the early days at any rate, are likely to leave a trail of tears, not least their own.

Few of us set out deliberately to hurt others, especially those we love. But sexuality is an issue that is relatively rarely debated in the home or in any public arena; never at all in some parts of the world. Oh, there are books and the Internet, but the long and the short of it is we are on our own and have to work it out for ourselves.

Once we have acknowledged to ourselves that we are gay, it becomes easier (never easy) to tell other people. Some people are receptive to our findings, others reject them and try to steer us in another direction while others choose to see us as a lost cause and give up on us. And I use the word ‘choose’ deliberately. We all have a choice. As it happens, various socio-cultural-religious get-out clauses are not in short supply, but we are each and every one of us ultimately responsible for whatever choices we make in life, no one else.

It is not only gay people who find themselves at odds with loved ones, friends and various socio-cultural-religious traditions, but we are discussing gay people so let’s not get sidetracked.

When a gay person finds that he or she cannot stay in a heterosexual relationship any longer, the closet door has to be flung wide. There is a lot of understanding out there, but there is also a lot of ignorance and bigotry. As I have said on the blog before, little or nothing will change in real terns until sexuality is openly and intelligently discussed in schools. Legislation to give gay people equal rights in society is all very well, but you cannot legislate for bad attitude.

As for me... I am in my late 60s now and have only slept with two women in my life. Technically, I may be bisexual, but I have thought of myself as a gay man for many years and always will.

I have recently (slightly) revised this poem that I wrote in 1999.

OSCARS

When I am with a woman
I am hers alone, no thoughts
of men as we make love
with a sure passion, and wherever
we walk, talk, laugh, play,
I’d never wish myself elsewhere
or some man setting out
to prettily seduce me there

It doesn't work that way

Love of a good woman
(put at a price above rubies)
is a treasure I respect,
and would never wish to abuse;
So why this naked heaven
with a man, more pleasing to me
than any earthly jewel,
does my inner eye choose?

Who knows?

Copyright R. N. Taber 1999; 2011

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Love and Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000.]

Blasphemy-Sacrilege-Redemption (Three poems)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update Jan 1st 2018]: Some readers have been in touch to ask if I would reinstate Blasphemy as they have been unable to download the Google Play copy for various reasons. I will do this asap.] RT

These poems have their roots roots in a fiction trilogy I planned.  Among other things, I wanted to suggest, via related story lines, that any bottom line (judgemental) perspective is ultimately down to human nature, not dogma. It's a long story, but the US publishers of my novel Blasphemy let me down by the time I had written Sacrilege so I went ahead and published it under my own imprint. To be honest, this was a mistake. While I recovered costs, I only sold about 200 copies because it was only available in the UK. (I could not afford the services of an overseas distributor). Moreover, the fact that I could not afford a professional proofreader at the time resulted in glaring grammatical errors, corrected later in the revised version that appears in serial form on my fiction blog:

http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/sacrilege-chapter-1.html

https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Roger_N_Taber_Blasphemy?id=mNlsDAAAQBAJ&hl=en

I shad hoped to complete Redemption eventually and serialise it on my fiction blog, especially as readers write in from time to time asking how the trilogy ends. Unfortunately, although I feel fine most of the time, hormone therapy for my prostate cancer often plays havoc with my concentration so Redemption remains on (indefinite) hold while I struggle to complete the final part (Book 2) of my fantasy novel, Mamelon. I am halfway into writing Redemption, however, so hopefully I WILL finish it one day.

Meanwhile...

Back to poetry (!) and I hope you will enjoy the trio of villanelles that I wrote in the course of planning the trilogy:

WHO SAYS, BLASPHEMY?

Where the blasphemy in any Belief
that takes its cue from humanity,
shining through like a spring leaf?

Why the pain, recriminations, grief
put down to a person’s sexuality?
Where the blasphemy in any Belief?

Earth Mother has given us our brief
for each season of our mortality,
shining through like a spring leaf

Let religious leaders make mischief,
undermining a common equality,
where the blasphemy in any Belief?

Another word pit against us is ‘if…’
confusing us, its very duplicity,
shining through like a spring leaf

While bigots use God’s handkerchief
to sneeze at our integrity…
where the blasphemy in any Belief
shining through like a spring leaf?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

WHO SAYS, SACRILEGE?

A sacrilege, I’ve heard people say
regarding something I read on a cloud
about God not minding if we’re gay

See and feel it in nature every day,
a native spirituality that makes us proud;
a sacrilege, I’ve heard people say

As we let acid rain erode our clay,
small matter to address a hostile crowd
about God not minding if we’re gay

For peace and love, gay people pray
who are as we are and shall say so aloud;
a sacrilege, I’ve heard people say

Dare religions take love’s holy way,
yet be blind to signs along the same road
about God not minding if we’re gay?

From dawn to dusk, come what may,
born to find a way in life, heads unbowed;
a sacrilege, I’ve heard people say,
about God not minding if we’re gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

THE  (three poems)BEAUTIFUL DREAM

My life, in part, I would redeem,
any promises broken, mistakes made,
nearer to live the Beautiful Dream

Stitched well enough at the seam,
for all its bright colours sure to fade,
my life, in part, I would redeem

I’d see life’s poetry shift its theme
from debts thoughtlessly left unpaid,
nearer to live the Beautiful Dream

But a jobbing actor in life’s scheme,
(some roles, a darker self has played)
my life, in part, I would redeem

See nature, our sexuality affirm,
world applauding the vows we made,
nearer to live the Beautiful Dream

Let it come, that moment supreme,
nor be fooled by misleading trails laid;
My life, in part, I'd gladly redeem,
nearer to live the Beautiful Dream

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009