G-A-Y, Telling It Straight

http://www.youtube.com/user/rogerNtaber

I received an email some time ago - one of many - from the parent of a gay person who feels somehow 'to blame' for their being gay. In the sense that I believe sexuality is in the genes, I suppose this may be (very) loosely true. But gay people gave a choice. Most of us could live a 'straight' life if that's what we want for ourselves, and some do. Just because a man is gay, doesn't mean he can't have sex with a woman. Similarly, lesbians might prefer intimacy with other women, but that doesn't mean they can't have sex with a man.

Society - even these days - doesn't make the choice an easy one. Gay men and women may have to give other people time to get used to the idea, especially family and friends (unaware of the struggle going on within us) who may feel hurt that you hadn't confided in them sooner.

Despite positive legislation, being 'out' in the workplace can be just as tough, especially if you work with children and young people. So many misleading, outdated and offensive stereotypes continue to attach themselves to gay people, particularly gay men. We are not perverts and, for the record, paedophilia is not - nor has ever been - synonymous with homosexuality. Most gay people get on well with children and young people (possibly because they too know - only too well - the frustration of feeling misunderstood and/or patronised). Invariably there will be a few exceptions (aren't there to every rule?) that grab the attention of the media. So it is that stereotype continues to be piled on stereotype...

Blame implies guilt. Gay people have nothing to feel guilty about. Nor have their parents.

Guilt is a destructive force. Once it strikes, you have battles royal on your hands. You win some, you lose some. The important thing is to focus on winning the war. I lost one major battle many years ago and it led to a nervous breakdown. But I survived. Moreover, in doing so, I learned a lot about human nature, including my own.

There are a LOT of GOOD people in the world ready to believe the better of people, not the worst. True, I still suffer from depression. But people had faith in me at a time when I had none in myself. I cannot let them down.

One of the reasons for my breakdown was that I had not confronted my sexuality head-on. Oh, I had gone around the mulberry bush a few times and been in and out of the closet like a jack-in-a-box. But you cannot make a choice about something unless you face up to it and explore the implications. It was a long, hard process. I like to think I have come through it a better person. Certainly, I discovered a sense of spirituality that religion never gave me. This, too, helps me rise above depression and get on with my life…not as gay person, but as a person who just happens to be gay. No excuses, and none needed. No one to blame, it's a fact of life. Gay people aren't perfect, but who is?

G-A-Y, TELLING IT STRAIGHT 

They told me being gay I would regret,

that I should take the conventional road

so family, friends, and people I met

wouldn’t be offended or get tongue-tied

The onus was on me to realize

an obligation to society,

rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s

rather than courting impropriety

Having listened to all they had to say

and seen how some straight people carry on,

I beg to differ - it’s not being gay

that’s letting, dragging society down

Among the world’s worst and saddest vices,

something said about stones and glasshouses

[From: A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]