http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
Today's poem first appeared on my general poetry blog in 2013. A gay-friendly reader has asked me to repeat it here for a friend "who is a great guy, but hasn't the self-confidence to tell everyone he's gay."
Oh, but I well remember how scared I was of coming out in my late 30's after years of being made to feel homosexuality is an'abomination' and LGBT folks are 'sick' ... not least by certain world religions whose God of Love is often if not usually perceived as homophobic. I still subscribe to no religion, but have met some wonderful gay and gay-friendly heterosexuals who see no conflict with their Faith.
Now, I am no extrovert. Indeed, there was a time when I was a near nervous wreck for having to go our there and meet people. But every stranger is a potential friend, and that's a good way of thinking to get into.
There was a time, too, when I was more than a little paranoid and thought everyone was looking at me, talking about me, judging me...and not only for my sexuality, but how I look, dress...everything about me. Yet, as my dear, late mother once pointed out (but I ignored at the time)...even if that were true, all the while they are having a go at me, they are leaving someone else alone. So I (eventually) managed to substitute paranoia with a sense of stoicism which, in turn, gradually metamorphosed into a growing self-confidence.
I once commented to a young man buying drinks in a gay bar (it could have been anywhere, of course) that I admired his self-confidence, He laughed, “Me, self- confident? Don’t you believe it, mate. It’s all an act.” He winked and gave me this advice as he went to join his boyfriend, “Try it and see.” So I did, and it worked.
Oh, I never found the degree of self-confidence that young man exuded, but at least I was on track for getting a life. Besides, regarding my sexuality at least, it was the kind of life I really wanted for myself, not the one I had been made to feel for years that I should want.
Self-confidence and faith in a sense of our own personal identity is a lesson I suspect many of us would do well to learn, gay or straight, male or female, whatever our socio-cultural-religious background. Sexuality, for example, is only part of the human equation, an equation that can add up to a prize fight in more ways than one...but worth it (surely?) to establish who we are, not only to others, but more importantly to ourselves.
“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” - Measure for Measure)
“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” - ―
This poem is a kenning.
BEWARE, I PLAY DIRTY or MYSELF, MY ENEMY
I am with you in sickness
and health, especially in early hours
as you toss and turn,
fretting over a seemingly huge gulf
between early ambition
and later achievement in a mind’s eye
whose vision blurred
by lack of sleep and paying attention
to speculation and gossip
I will seize upon your senses,
throw them into chaos like martyrs
thrown to lions
and torn to pieces for the satisfaction
of a cheering audience
only, on this occasion an audience
of but one, reduced to tears
by the frustration of feeling helpless
to effect a rescue
I have all the tools of torture
required to force you to admit flaws
in judgments made,
paths of action chosen for fear
of what might happen
if no choice made at all, when perhaps
it may have been wiser
to reassign the Devil to hindmost
than imagine the worst
Call me Self-Doubt a native vulnerability
that's any aspiration's worst enemy
Copyright R. N. Taber 2010
[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog.] RNT
Today's poem first appeared on my general poetry blog in 2013. A gay-friendly reader has asked me to repeat it here for a friend "who is a great guy, but hasn't the self-confidence to tell everyone he's gay."
I suspect most people's self-confidence is being put to the test as Covid-19 continues to rage around the world. As I see it, it's important that we meet the challenge head-on while, at the same time, using our common sense when it comes to everyday risk management.
Once lost, self-confidence is hard to regain, and we all need to pull together as a common humanity to help restore it; hopefully, less divisiveness, stereotyping or rushing to judgement and more talking things through, accepting that our differences don't make us different, only human.
Oh, but I well remember how scared I was of coming out in my late 30's after years of being made to feel homosexuality is an'abomination' and LGBT folks are 'sick' ... not least by certain world religions whose God of Love is often if not usually perceived as homophobic. I still subscribe to no religion, but have met some wonderful gay and gay-friendly heterosexuals who see no conflict with their Faith.
Now, I am no extrovert. Indeed, there was a time when I was a near nervous wreck for having to go our there and meet people. But every stranger is a potential friend, and that's a good way of thinking to get into.
There was a time, too, when I was more than a little paranoid and thought everyone was looking at me, talking about me, judging me...and not only for my sexuality, but how I look, dress...everything about me. Yet, as my dear, late mother once pointed out (but I ignored at the time)...even if that were true, all the while they are having a go at me, they are leaving someone else alone. So I (eventually) managed to substitute paranoia with a sense of stoicism which, in turn, gradually metamorphosed into a growing self-confidence.
I once commented to a young man buying drinks in a gay bar (it could have been anywhere, of course) that I admired his self-confidence, He laughed, “Me, self- confident? Don’t you believe it, mate. It’s all an act.” He winked and gave me this advice as he went to join his boyfriend, “Try it and see.” So I did, and it worked.
Oh, I never found the degree of self-confidence that young man exuded, but at least I was on track for getting a life. Besides, regarding my sexuality at least, it was the kind of life I really wanted for myself, not the one I had been made to feel for years that I should want.
Self-confidence and faith in a sense of our own personal identity is a lesson I suspect many of us would do well to learn, gay or straight, male or female, whatever our socio-cultural-religious background. Sexuality, for example, is only part of the human equation, an equation that can add up to a prize fight in more ways than one...but worth it (surely?) to establish who we are, not only to others, but more importantly to ourselves.
“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” - Measure for Measure)
“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” - ―
This poem is a kenning.
BEWARE, I PLAY DIRTY or MYSELF, MY ENEMY
I am with you in sickness
and health, especially in early hours
as you toss and turn,
fretting over a seemingly huge gulf
between early ambition
and later achievement in a mind’s eye
whose vision blurred
by lack of sleep and paying attention
to speculation and gossip
I will seize upon your senses,
throw them into chaos like martyrs
thrown to lions
and torn to pieces for the satisfaction
of a cheering audience
only, on this occasion an audience
of but one, reduced to tears
by the frustration of feeling helpless
to effect a rescue
I have all the tools of torture
required to force you to admit flaws
in judgments made,
paths of action chosen for fear
of what might happen
if no choice made at all, when perhaps
it may have been wiser
to reassign the Devil to hindmost
than imagine the worst
Call me Self-Doubt a native vulnerability
that's any aspiration's worst enemy
Copyright R. N. Taber 2010
[Note: This poem also appears on my general poetry blog.] RNT
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