Casual Chat in a Greasy Spoon OR Impromptu Confession

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Some heterosexuals are (still) all but obsessed with the belief they cannot possibly contract HIV-AIDS because they are not gay. Yes, it’s unbelievable, but true. When it happens to them, they haven’t a clue how to handle it. The same can be said for some bisexual gay men and women of course; a lot of gay guys, too, live in a complacent little bubble of their own making.

I have written many poems about HIV-AIDS but it was today’s poem that first appeared on both blogs in February 2010 which caught a reader’s eye. ‘Rudi’ apparently had a friend in denial about recently been diagnosed HIV + while being treated in hospital for something else. Rudi said, ‘It’s like he can’t believe it could happen to a super fit heterosexual like him even though he sleeps around and doesn’t always use a condom. It has never occurred to him that one of his casual girlfriends might have been infected by another casual male partner...as if he’s the only one into casual sex!’ Rudi added, ‘They have tried to help him at the hospital, but he won’t listen. He has convinced himself there has been a mistake, and they are a bunch of incompetents.’

Playing the blame game is always a waste of time. Rudi’s friend eventually came to his senses, saw his GP and a counsellor and got medication/advice. Just because people can live for years with the HIV-AIDS virus these days is no cause for complacency and is wholly dependent upon the right medication and a mature attitude to sexual responsibility.

Even talking to a complete stranger in a 'greasy spoon' café is as good a start as any although why so many straight guys seem to think we gay guys should be any more comfortable with the idea of HIV-AIDS than they are remains a mystery to me. Maybe they think that, because we have lived with the possibility longer and perhaps more intimately, it is ingrained in our psyche; forewarned, so to speak, is forearmed? There may even be something in that, but living with HIV+ is no easy ride for anyone.

This is an autobiographical poem and the guy who told me he was HIV+ plainly thought I’d be ‘a good guy to talk to’ because he thought I ‘looked gay’ and ‘would know about these things.’ I tried to reassure him and gave him some good advice for which he was grateful, but squirmed a lot. We shook hands when we parted, and he told me in a well-meaning if also very patronising way, ‘It’s been nice talking to you. Hey, you lot aren’t so bad, are you?’ I took it to be a rhetorical question and summoned a diplomatic smile.

By the way, Rudi didn’t say if he is gay or straight [does it matter?] but did mention that he is tested for HIV-AIDS on a regular basis, but a lot of his friends ‘can’t be bothered’ and/or ‘would rather not know anyway.’  Good for you, Rudi, and I hope you manage to knock some common sense into those idiots.

This poem is a villanelle.

CASUAL CHAT IN A GREASY SPOON or IMPROMPTU CONFESSION

I met a guy in a café one spring day

(me wearing a bright pink tee);

he blurted, "I'm HIV+ but not gay."

I’d just sat down, and chose to stay

despite his open hostility;

I met him in a café one spring day

He said he doesn’t do nice, no way,

to my ‘sort’ especially;

he blurted, “I’m HIV+ but not gay.”

I fought hard to keep my hurt at bay,

as he was upset and angry;

I met him in a café one spring day

“It’s down to you lot I’m sick today,

you’re no fit company.”;

he blurted, “I’m HIV+ but not gay.”

Sex is no game, and takes two to play.

we agreed (eventually);

I met a guy in a café one spring day;

he blurted. “I’m HIV+ but not gay.

Copyright R N. Taber 2010; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010. NB For anyone not in the know, 'Greasy Spoon' is a colloquial term for a small, cheap restaurant or diner typically specialising in fried foods.]