Good Heavens

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It always upsets me whenever anyone gets in touch to say they are being bullied at school or at work, hounded at home or in the street or whatever, wherever, because certain people know or suspect they are gay. Being treated for prostate cancer, it doesn’t do much for my self-confidence either when certain well-meaning people suggest I should amend my take on religion ‘in case things don’t work out.’ Even so, as regular readers may well be weary of hearing me say, I am content to put my trust in nature.

There is no excuse for homophobic behaviour unless it is sheer ignorance. So I am posting today’s entry on both my general and gay-interest blogs in the hope that the more vulnerable gay reader may take heart and the less enlightened heterosexual (regardless of sex, colour, creed, age or position in society) take note.

There are many facets to identity of which sexual identity is but one. As I have often said, it is the whole that counts.

Regardless of social, religious, cultural or, yes, sexual identity, we should be judged, (by those who set themselves up to judge) for our approach to life and people; kindness, respect, a capacity for compassion and other forces for good should not be undermined, as they often are, by our mistakes and failures. Most if not all of us make mistakes. Most if not all of us fail at something sometimes. Worse, we may fail other people, however unintentionally. We might think we have failed ourselves, and that may be true although I suspect we are often too hard on ourselves. Life is tough, and few of us survive emotionally and/or psychologically and/or physically unscathed by all it throws at us from time to time. Human nature is a complex organism; a living organism, not a machine.

The natural world, too, is a complex organism and one to which we can all relate and are related. So I have little time for people whose socio-cultural-religious bigotry insists that Earth Mother (God by any other name?) would condemn anyone for their sexuality alone. Certainly, none of the Holy Books - including the Quran - imply this is the case. Oh, ‘devout’ Christians can quote Leviticus at us, but that is Old Testament and it is the New Testament that counts if you are a follower of Christ. Besides, relatively few Jewish people are homophobic and Judaism has its roots in the Old Testament. [I will never understand why so many religious-minded people are homophobic when the Holy Books they claim to revere are not.]

Whatever a person's religion, no one will ever convince me that any God worth believing in would see a person's sexuality as any kind of a barrier to His (or Her) loving them. Religions appear to agree that God is Love. Why then should any God create any world - human or natural - where the kind of discriminatory attitudes perpetuated by certain people are encouraged by the very societies in which they live?  It makes no sense, which is precisely why I subscribe to no religion and choose instead to take the sense of spirituality that inspires me from nature, free as it is of dogma.

If nature does not have a problem with same sex relationships (there is evidence of this in the natural world) why should humankind?

GOOD HEAVENS 

Godly people have asked me

why I ‘flaunt’ my sexuality;

I say, flaunt it I never would,

but (surely?) openness has to be

a force for good

Godly people have despised me

for ‘soiling’ my identity,

asking why I feel no shame

for staining my natural integrity

with a ‘dirty’ name

I tell these godly people I’d rather

tell the truth than be a liar

to please to them and their kind,

suggest they look within themselves

for other axes to grind

Godly people have maligned me

for defending my sexuality,

as anyone with integrity would

when openly accused of resisting

a force for good

Godly people have pitied my soul,

for placing it in such peril

by a penchant for mortal sin

that would see me burn in Hell,

disowned by Heaven

I tell these godly people, I’d rather

be left to die on barbed wire

than toe this Faith's line or that

although I remain in the line of fire

for refusing to submit

Such godly people, they walk away,

despairing of anyone gay,

unable to accept the likes of me

are proud to hear Earth Mother say,

‘Child of mine, go free.'

Ah, but even godliness can deceive

(some wear it on their sleeve)

by denying sex, colour, sexuality,

much of a muchness rites of passage

defining all humanity

However and wherever the inner eye

sees God (or not) who can deny

spirituality but suffers, oh, so terribly

from leadership skills resolved to rely

on prayer and hypocrisy?

Faith takes many shapes and forms,

transcending everyday norms;

a key to open up hearts and minds,

confident in how it performs to carry on

asking the right questions

Could it be their guarded hostility,

(the godly people who tell me

I’m a poor ‘sinner’ for being gay)

derives from a repressed humanity

demanding a right of way?

Besides, no religion is fit for purpose

that would deny gay people a voice

 .

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011

O-U-T, Notes on the Psychology of Perception

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem takes me back to my (much) younger days and helps me forget I will be 70 later this year..

As a teenager and younger man, I used to prefer sex with older men. Now, I am the older man. Oh, dear, is that not so scary? It often strikes me that time doesn’t just fly, but zooms past me as I grow old(er). [Not old, not quite, not yet...well, maybe…]

Since I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in February 2011 and began hormone therapy, I confess I have lost all interest in sex. Mind you, I don’t miss it (blame the hormones) and take great pleasure in my memories, often drawing on them for my poems. Yet, who knows ...? Maybe if I met the right person even at this late stage in my life…and there’s always Viagra. <>

This poem is a villanelle.

O-U-T, NOTES ON THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERCEPTION

Eyes of gentle grey

telling lies that are true

(seeing that I’m gay)

Lovers at play,

dark skies turning blue;

eyes of gentle grey

Some might say

I was vulnerable to you

seeing that I’m gay

Truth on its way

in a loving word or two,

eyes of gentle grey

No pressure to stay.

Oh, but how I wanted to,

seeing that I’m gay

Came out one day,

perceiving myself in you;

eyes of gentle grey

seeing that I’m gay …

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2014

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Found Out' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Making Peace with Nature

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update 27/9/2019: Aware that I do not use social media myself, readers often ask if they can post a link to any of my poems on social media or simply recommend any of my blogs by title. No, I don’t mind at all.  If you want to recommend, go ahead, and many thanks; the more readers, the more feedback. The only reason I do not use social media myself is because I am in my 70’s now and not well these days. I simply do not have the time as everything takes so much longer; working on a poem can take days anyway, and there is always shopping and housework to be done besides regular visits to my GP surgery or the Macmillan Cancer Centre (for my prostate cancer) and replying to any feedback that gives an email address. (I ignore spam emails.) While I have always enjoyed meeting up with readers who are visiting London, whether for a few drinks, a meal or just chatting over a coffee, I have mobility problems now and cannot get out and about as often as I would like, but feel free to get in touch any time even if it's just an email to say hello. I don't post comments because they take up too much space, but I will always reply to emails with 'Poetry' in the subject field; feedback is always welcome.] RNT

Meanwhile...

We spend a lifetime listening to nature, but how much do we really hear, and to how much of that do we relate and act upon…?

MAKING PEACE WITH NATURE

One evening,
I imagined birdsong asking
what I was doing,
dying of wishful thinking
of you

Come morning,
I heard grasshoppers telling
tales on my dreaming
of embracing, being kissed
by you

At mid-day,
I heard a honey bee buzzing
to just about anyone
willing to listen, I’m in love
with you

Come twilight,
catching me out still thinking
of telling you one day
that I am gay, but scared
of losing you

Darkness falling,
and I can hardly see for all
you’re telling me
through tears, in denial
for years

Midnight chiming
and declaring loud and clear
(for anyone to hear)
how you and I rediscovered
each other

Life, flying as high
as our love means to take us;
gay lovers cocking an ear
to nature’s song, and singing
along…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2014

A Timely Rescue

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

One New Year’s Eve many years ago, a friend and fellow reveller asked me if I am gay. When I answered, yes, he went on to ask why I had never mentioned it, was I ashamed…?

The truth is that, at the time, I was ashamed, having been raised to believe gay relationships were perverted.  I had discussed being gay with very few people in those dark days.

As a direct result of that long-ago conversation, I resolved to come out to the world, the only New Year resolution I have ever kept, and never regretted.

It remains one of the greater tragedies of the modern world that, yes, even in the 21^st century, many gay people worldwide live in so gay-unfriendly an environment that they remain afraid to be openly gay. We can but hope for better times and less socio-cultural-religious bigotry dating back centuries. Meanwhile, no one should ever be ashamed of their sexuality, while  those that would have us be so would do well to take a long look at their own shortcomings and get real.

This poem is a villanelle.

 A TIMELY RESCUE

Before I acknowledged my sexuality

and came out to everyone,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Scared of losing my friends and family,

I could but conceal my confusion

before I acknowledged my sexuality

Made to think I belonged to a fraternity

of some perverted  persuasion,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Dreaded succumbing to plain honesty,

heavy my footsteps, every one,

before I acknowledged my sexuality

Slow to grasp at straws in an angry sea

of heterosexual convention,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Rescued, came to understand eventually

that I am but human;

before I acknowledged my sexuality,

I was scared, frustrated and lonely

Copyright R, N. Taber 2009; 2014

Perfect Strangers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Sometimes we sense a mutual attraction but can’t be sure, past mistakes gathering like vultures to pounce on the remains of yet another disappointment or worse.

Gay or straight, you know the feeling…that this just might be the One, but self-confidence is shaky after taking so many knocks…  

Well, what’s the worst that can happen? He (or she) is not interested. It's hardly the end of the world...

Whatever, every stranger is a potential friend if not more, so...worth finding out, surely, and letting time and tide take its course? 

Someone may not turn out to be the love of our lives, but the love of a good friend can never be overrated. 

PERFECT STRANGERS 

Shirt front hung wide open, red hairs

on his chest;

tongues of fire, leaping out at me,

licking at my nipples,

rekindling desire, teasing this cold heart

with dreams once cherished,

long forsaken;

liquid eyes spilling over, soaking my tee

like spring rain,

letting a body breathe again after years

of choking on ashes,

living on flashes of memory

I long to take this stranger in my arms,

be close to someone again,

yet dare not even ask his name,

can but look, my life

an open book if he but cares to flick a page

or two, sewn with paper thin threads

of flesh and bone, sure to snap

should he come any closer, neither of us

quite ready to give word or sign

that we’re peeping through the keyhole

of a door to a heaven

that has rarely welcomed us before

Lips parting, tongues shyly peeping,

hearts fairly leaping...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2011

[Note: revised from an earlier version that appears in 1st eds. of A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004.]

Messaging Christmas Day

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update, Nov. 2018: A mixed (general and gay-interest) selection of my best poems will be published by Austin Macauley under the title 'Addressing the Art of Being Human' within the next few months; previous titles were self-published and sold well, but were only available in the UK whereas A M have offices in London and New York so it will be widely available.] RNT

Now, whether you celebrate religious festivals like Christmas or not, alone or with family and friends…may the most important wishes on your wish list will come true.

Yes, this poem is another villanelle.  As regular readers will know, I love villanelles and have written nearly 200. Readers have asked if they are available in a collection but the answer is, no. I have approached a few poetry publishers but none were interested, partly because villanelles are considered old fashioned in poetry circles these days and partly because some are on a gay theme. 

I suspect you would be surprised how many poetry publishers and magazine editors won’t accept gay material ... yes, even in the 21st century.  Some 600+ of my poems have appeared in various poetry publications world-wide since 1993 (excluding any that have only appeared in my collections) yet barely 2% of those have been on a gay theme. 

Let’s hope next year will not only be the year the less enlightened among the heterosexual majority grow up and get real about gay boys and girls, men and women…whatever their socio-cultural-religious background...but also a few poetry publishers/editors too.

MESSAGING CHRISTMAS DAY

What else is there left to say
but to wish peace and love to all,
in messaging Christmas Day?

May lonely people find a way
out of free falling in a Black Hole;
what else is there left to say?

Listen to the homeless as they
may well be making Hope's last call
in messaging Christmas Day

May the world, its fears allay
that a War on Terror not see it fall;
what else is there left to say?

Let peace-and-love have its say,
wake the world with its rallying call
in messaging Christmas Day

May young and old ever say 'nay'
to denying Human Rights a lead role;
what else is there left to say,
in messaging Christmas Day?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009; Rev. 2018

Learning Curve

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I have lived alone for many years, but it was not always that way, and I will always feel the same warm glow I like to think made me a better person for travelling love’s learning curve. Love, of course, comes in all shapes and forms - people, pets, nature, to name but three - all deserving better than to be taken for granted.

Sexuality is a learning curve for all of us, of course. Gay, straight, bisexual or transgender, we all need to show respect for each other's sexual orientation, not least by rejecting what are invariably misguided and (only too often) offensive stereotypes. 

LEARNING CURVE 

I could not believe I am gay;

it went against everything told and taught,

yet catching sight of you every day

urged me to account for tears on my pillow

every night

I tried to refuse you entry

to my dreams with some safer distraction

than an emerging sexuality,

but you would always invade, relish centre

of attraction

One day you suggested a meal

at your house, implying others joining us,

but not long after my arrival

I understood no one else would be coming,

and grew nervous

I wanted to leave, needed to stay,

slowly relaxed, began to unwind, feel free

to let my body have its way

with the heart’s desires, for all its growing

intensity

When you kissed me, I nearly died;

you instantly withdrew, a tableau of dismay,

till my kinder senses rallied

and I finally embraced the sure knowledge

I am gay

Soon after, I told family and friends

we are partners, and you're my dream lover;
some accept us, others can't,
but that's life, and we will see ours through 

together

I could not believe I am gay;

it went against everything told and taught,

yet loving you more each day

is a learning curve, sure to dry any tears 
we share at night

Copyright R. N. Taber 2014