Keyword, Pride

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber  

 “What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” - Tennessee Williams

“Love demands expression. It will not stay still, stay silent, be good, be modest, be seen and not heard, no. It will break out in tongues of praise, the high note that smashes the glass and spills the liquid.” — Jeanette Winterson

 “Personally, coming out was one of the most important things I’ve ever done, lifting from my shoulders the millstone of lies that I hadn’t even realized I was carrying.” – Sir Ian McKellan

“I’m living by example by continuing on with my career and having a full, rich life, and I am incidentally gay.” - Portia de Rossi

Now, today celebrates fifty years of Pride, LGBT+ folks defying the prejudices of certain world societies and religions to demonstrate a sense of pride and spirituality in being human, nor any less so for their sexuality.

As as regular readers know, I am in my mid-seventies and, like many others around the world, having to deal with various health issues as well as those that too often accompany the process of growing old(er).  I cope ok(ish), but suspect that I could not have done so had I not eventually seen my way to turning my back on the multiple, offensive faux stereotypes that attempted to define us when I was growing up in the 1950’s. I regret waiting too long to look, the world in the eye as a gay ma, but... better late than never.

Tragically, for various socio-cultural reasons, many LGBT+ folks around the world still feel obliged to endure the appalling loneliness and pain of a closet existence.

Coming out of that closet, made me a better person, but not before it had wrought such psychological damage on me that, even now, continues to inflict such nightmares from time to time as I would not wish on anyone, anywhere.

KEYWORD, PRIDE

Drawn to a bar 
neither gay nor straight,
all-comers welcome,
a pint of beer calling me
I could not ignore,
a growing need for company
at the heart of me

Soon, engaging 
with a stranger, no strangers
for long, but chatting
like old friends, laughing
over trite anecdotes,
welcome respite after a long day,
let slip, I was gay

Misreading his look
of surprise, a sense of déjà vu,
hackles set to rise
but for friendly lips breaking
into a wry, sensual grin,
makings of a non-judgemental,
heart-and soul

“How long?” he asked
quietly, but with as casual an air
as if he'd been asking
if I’d had a good day at the office;
I felt my face turning red,
yet urged to answer the truth of it
by mind-body-spirit

“None of my business,"
it was his turn to admit, “but more
than curious if you get
my drift…?  " I merely shrugged,
ventured a shy grin;
we chatted on, twin passions inviting
mutual understanding

Lovers, exploring a braver new world, 
keyword, Pride…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This poem-post also appears on my general poetry blog today] RT

A Place in the Sun

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” –  James  Baldwin

“Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.”  – Harriet Lerner   

“Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.” – William Shakespeare                                                               

Now, in the early 1980’s, I got chatting to a young man slumped on a park bench who, with more than a little encouragement, told me he’d finally got around to telling his Catholic family he was gay; it hadn’t gone down well and he’d been thrown out. 
“I sort of died, you know…I mean to say…I honestly thought they would still love me,” he sobbed
“So where are you living now?” I asked
“With a friend,” he said, “But it’s not working out…”
“So, why not go home?” I suggested, “Your family may feel differently now.”
“As if...! He glared at me as if it was all my fault
.I shrugged and hoped it did not betray a stab of apprehension. “At least you can’t die twice,” I said with a wry grin.
“Maybe,” was all he said before he jumped up and ran off.
Years later, a guy ran across the road, dodging traffic and shouting “Oi, you with the cap on…!
I stopped, not a little panicky. “Are you talking to me?”
“Yeah,” he paused, “You haven’t a clue who I am, have you?” I shook my head.
“Regent’s Park, a good ten years ago…” I remembered.  “You were right.”
“And you risked life and limb to tell me that?” I chuckled, a little nervously, but reassured by his wide grin. 
“That, and to ask if you fancy a beer, my treat?”

I most certainly did., part of me hoping we would stay in touch afterwards, the greater part of me certain we wouldn’t. I was, after all, part of a freefalling emotional landscape he had risen above and moved on. We found a pub, enjoyed a few beers, even hugged when we said our goodbyes.

I've neither seen nor heard from him again, but wish him well, along with all LGBT+ men and women and such families, too, from all walks of life, following whatever religion, who are yet able to agree to differ, if only for the sake of those they love.  

A PLACE IN THE SUN

There is place where the sun
always shines, sometimes watery
sometimes splendidly,
no matter the season or time of day, 
and I go there whenever a need 
to sift through such mixed feelings
as dragging me down,
find reasons to rediscover Apollo’s splendour,
re-engage with Earth Mother

Wandering dark rooms, scared
and feeling so alone, tears refusing
to fall for no other reason
than no reason at all, a robot having lost 
its data due to a malfunction,
humanity all but given up on one 
of its own, yet a heart
beating there as if to remind me I’m but human,
not a mindless machine

Human spirit, anxious to reunite
with mind and body, separation a burden
grown intolerable, life forces
driven to desperate measures, mining memories 
buried under layers of pain,
eventually bringing bare bones of hope
to the surface, looking to recharge
restore, rework a natural process of regeneration
default, ‘live’ imagination

Found, sunshine come to help mend
mind-body-spirit, insisting heart-and-soul
slowly but surely start building
a new life, within much the same frame as the old,
encouraged by Earth Mother
to let such positives back in as refuse to let us 
surrender to self-pity and despair,
but embraces the world for its kinder consciousness,
default, love-and-peace

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today.] RNT

Secrets

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"The deepest hunger in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self." – Deepak Chopra

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.” – Paul Tournier

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new". – Socrates

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." - Buddha

Few contemporary religions believe that homosexuality has a place in the community.  History, though, has a habit of suggesting otherwise. Ancient carvings worldwide have been recovered to show men and women having homosexual sex. 

Now, the homophobes among us may argue that civilization has progressed since then, but progress is a matter of opinion and, as a gay man and poet, I am inclined, in all conscience, to agree with the Buddha. 

Mind you, for many among us, our thoughts are invariably manipulated, for better or worse, by various faux stereotypes as created - either knowingly or otherwise - by such powers that be that, in turn, feel motivated to manipulate and welcome the thoughts of others into a singular narrow-mindedness that may well last a lifetime, but for...a steadily growing, enlightening relationship with nature?

SECRETS

Even a watery sun on a winter’s day
can lighten a burdened heart
inspiring even complete strangers
to exchange smiles
like secret lovers refusing kith and kin
so much as a look-in,
engaging in the sheer ecstasy 
of being alive, before the world gets to pelt us
with its spurious ideas

Summer, leafy buds of spring open
to such joie de vivre 
as only they know for their engaging
with nature and human nature
acknowledging both the best and worst
in one another, like secrets
shared and hopefully worked through
to such ends as may well cast caution to the wind
in the face of humankind

Love, whether for person, place, pet
or, better still, all three,
homing us in on a spirituality regarded
by some with suspicion
for not obviously engaging with the politics
of religion for having less trust in it
than perceived as necessary 
for any such mind-body-spirit as perceived worthy
of a common humanity

Ah, but there is a spirituality of thought
independent of historical agendas 
drawn up with the best of such intentions, 
aspiring to improve quality 
of human life, bring us peace of mind, 
within sure  boundaries expressed
by moving fingers having writ, yet not
moved on as every Here-and-Now asks and expects
of each You-Me-Us

It’s in a proven adaptability to change 
(or not, as the case may well be)
that humanity needs must acknowledge
to rise above its worst fears,
cease to take them out on those who appear
to fall short of such expectations
as moving fingers aspiring to engage us all
with mixed interpretations of nature
and human nature, invoking a common source in both
to… endure

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today.] RNT

Notes on Real Time

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and makes the present inaccessible. – Maya Angelou

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”- Nelson Mandela

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton

Now, it is great news that professional footballer, Jake Daniels, who plays for Blackpool has told the world he is gay, and at the age of 17 years. 

Wow! He makes cowards of those like me. As regular readers will know, I had realised I am gay by the time I was 14, but was not openly so until my 30’s. My family had their suspicions, of course, but I got the impression they preferred as quiet a life as possible and I wasn't about to open up without some encouragement. Oh, I had my reasons (don’t we all?) but there is no reasoning with our fears; until we at least try to get the better of them, I guess we might as well be living in caves.

Sexuality is not a lifestyle choice but a vital part of who we are, straight, gay, whomsoever; just as others must choose to love or malign us, so, too, must we, ourselves. 

NOTES ON REAL TIME

I hid in a cave, scared
to come out for fear of hunters
enjoying such sport
with the likes of me as would serve
their boasts, see us
roasted on a spit, no reasoning a need
to dance away their years
with adept footwork, admired by one and all,
least access to heart-and-soul

Once, almost caught,
concrete jungle sounding its pursuit
of me with gleeful horn
and harrowing peals of expectation,
like church bells
at a wedding, feeding on as well as into
mixed feelings, under a cover
of joie-de-vivre, no one likely to spoil the fun,
be thought a killjoy by anyone

Finally, grown weary
of dark caves with only untried fears
for poor company,
I gave mind-body-spirit full access
to heart-and-soul,
listened intently to an intense exchange
of rights and wrongs, likely gains
and losses, the former winning (eventually)
for reasoning a need to be free

Who dares braves the worst in dream after dream,
has yet to discover the best of real time

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Needless to say, this post-poem also appears on my general poetry blog today for those in the LGBT+ community who cannot or will not agree that poetry is poetry just as people are people...whatever and whosoever.] RT

 

 

A Small World

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it’s a good place to start.” – Jason Collins

Hi folks, sorry, I have been unable to post this poem sooner, but my prostate cancer leaves me with little energy some days, so much so that I am unable even to look on the bright(er) side of life! While I always rally the more positive life forces to my rescue in time, how long it takes them to arrive depends on how soon various other health issues settle down.😉

The poem is based on a fairly recent conversation with a complete stranger with whom I got chatting on a bus while stuck in a traffic jam. It struck a chord with me since, as I have mentioned before on the blog, I once had a schoolboy crush on a prefect at the same school, but was too scared in those days to emerge from my life-sucking closet. It would be half a century later that he’d get in touch after reading this blog and reveal that, even at the time, he, too, was gay. 

Sadly, that was way back in the (very) homophobic 1950’s and he never ventured from the closet they shoved him into, slamming the door after him with the kind of contempt that ignorance continues to breed even in what we would expect to be a more enlightened 21st century.

A SMALL WORLD

It was broad daylight, a watery sun
shedding auras on a local park,
as if determined to resist dark clouds
closing in even as I walked,
eyes wide open, as mind-body-spirit
fought its daily battle,
albeit seemingly poorly armed,
struggling to fend off darker clouds of its own
than in any heaven

I spotted a neighbour I knew, but not well,
reading a book on a nearby seat,
paused, just to say hello, to be greeted
with a smile inviting me
to linger, if only to pass the time of day,
so I did, compelled
by an increasingly darkening mood
to lighten up, conversation invariably a good start
for any human heart

We made small talk, both of us struggling
for something to say besides
wishing potential storm clouds away, sky
taking sides with a sun,
trying to make life a sight better 
for everyone, open invitation
to look on the brighter side of life,
make it more than worth the living, no matter what,
go with mind-body-spirit

Without thinking, I said, “I’m gay, you know."
“No, I didn’t." he said absently,
without turning a hair, surprise registering
in face and voice, that’s all,
no indication his heart-and soul (or mine)
thought any worse of me for it,
but leading him to gently ask questions,
less curious than  interested, no hint of any prejudice
likely to come between us 

Even so, I waited, curious to see just how long
it would take for a storm to break,
relieved to relate how I’d been afraid to say
the words, I’d just dared say,
scarcely believing it hadn’t been as hard
as nightmares had foretold,
my mood shifting for the better, clouds too,
clearing to give the sun a kinder view of the world below,
such as lets its flowers grow

Later, as we parted after agreeing to meet again,
I found the words to thank him
For not minding I’m gay in a world where one
Meets prejudice as often as not,
Mind-body-spirit wary of putting heart-and-soul
In any potential danger,
World politics and religions sowing seeds
of doubt in a vulnerable human nature at every opportunity
to address a ‘common humanity’

“Sorry!”, he laughed, “but I honestly thought you knew,
my brother went to school with you, and he’s gay too…”

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Hi folks, from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.”  - Emily Dickinson

Hi, folks from London UK

Sorry, no poem today, but I am working on a new gay-interest poem that I will post here once completed.

Meanwhile, a friend’s work colleague recently recommended the poems of Richard Bruce Nugent, a gay American writer/painter:   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bruce_Nugent   

I love his poem 'Shadow’: https://poets.org/poem/shadow  At the time, many readers believed the poem was about race, but in a 1983 interview, Nugent explained that, “I intended it to be a soul-searching poem of another kind of lonesomeness, not the lonesomeness of being racially stigmatized, but otherwise stigmatized. You see, I am a homosexual.”

Now, a yet another reader has emailed to ask why “… you only seem to post poems on your general poetry blog these days?” well, sorry about that, but if you explore the blog archives, there are many gay-interest poems there that you may well enjoy; as I have explained before, I don’t enjoy good health these days and my energy levels leave much to be desired. Besides, many of the poems in my other blog have been essentially inspired by my experience of life, not least being an ‘out’ gay man unable to forget the traumatic days of living half a life in the closet.  Indeed, I feel very encouraged by the occasional email from readers who enjoy dipping into both poetry blogs.

The ‘sister of a gay man’ writes that: “My brother is a changed man since he started reading your gay poetry blog, having felt encouraged to let family and friends know he is gay. He is more confident and sociable where, before, he was very withdrawn.” What can I say but many thanks for that… and refer to the Emily Dickinson quote above.

As regular readers of either or both poetry blogs will know, growing up in 1950’s Britain. which was very homophobic and racist, made a coward of me regarding my sexuality. I did not see my way to coming out as a gay man until my early 30’s.  Sadly, both homophobia and racism persist in various communities worldwide, far less so among young people, though, in whom rest our hopes of an end to all prejudices in time.

That’s all for now, folks. I just wanted to let you know haven’t forgotten just how much I owe to being a gay man and wanting to share its positives. Male or female, we are who we are and what we make of ourselves, whether or not we are able to turn our dreams into reality. I used to think of myself as a failure because my dreams of becoming a ‘great’ poet/ novelist we clearly unfounded, but am more than content with a very modest degree of success. Whatever, as Prospero says in Shakespeare’s The Tempest: “We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”

Bye for now, folks, and here’s wishing you all a feel-good day,

Hugs,

Roger

Conversations

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Apologies to new reader, Y F, - who tells me he is bisexual - for not adding gay-specific poem-posts to my gay poetry blog as often as I add general-interest pieces to this one. (Similarly, there is both general (fantasy) and gay fiction on my fiction blog.) As I have said here before, though, I find it hard to write any poems these days, given a continuing battle against various health issues, including the kind of mental stress that years of hormone therapy for my prostate cancer has imposed in recent years; as if having to contend with the ever-present threat of Covid-19 and variants hasn’t imposed stress enough on all of us… 

Writing as well as reading poetry is not only great creative therapy, it is a welcome distraction from our own trials and tribulations as well as those dominating various world landscapes...! The same can be said for any form of creative therapy, of course, whether it be arts forms, dressmaking, gardening... whatever... and can achieve a far greater sense of well-being than any medicines.

Now, email feedback suggests, Y F, that many LGBT readers now get in touch to say they dip into both poetry blogs, so if you have an interest in poetry for its own sake, you might want to do the same as well as browsing the archives of either or both blogs? 

On the principle that a poem is a poem is a poem - regardless of content - this post-poem will appear on both poetry blogs today. Now and then, the occasional reader will complain when I do this, but it can do no harm, surely, to remind some heterosexually biased readers that a person is a person is a person too…? It is a sad indictment on the 21st century that anyone should need reminding, and good to see many straight young people, from all walks of life, opening their hearts and minds to the LGBT ethos.

Hopefully, among future generations, far fewer gay men and women, boys and girls - regardless of race or religion - will need to live a lie in order to sustain all-important family ties; the family ethos, too, should be about love and trust, should it not? Or how else can we, as civilised human beings, hope to learn from and respect one another…?

CONVERSATIONS 

People ask me if I am happy
to be gay, wouldn’t I rather be ‘normal’,
less of a curiosity…?
I ask them, “I am as I am, it’s me,
so why expect mind-body-spirit to reason
any differently…?”

People ask me why I choose
to be gay, wouldn’t I much rather win over
society than lose?
I tell them, “This or that society
has ever harboured bigots, their prejudices
pass over me…
Sexuality is no lifestyle choice,
but a way of giving such life forces as inspire
heart and soul - a voice…”

People ask me if I am happy
with a voice as likely as not to be sneered
at by so many…?
I ask them, “Is it any fault of mine
if they are ignorant of ways of personal space
other than their own…?
Why should anyone’s sexuality
matter to others, all of us sons and daughters,
a common humanity…?”

People ask me how I can justify
crossing lines set in stone by world religions,
yet dare invoke spirituality?
I tell them, “God is Love., you see,
and no love was ever set in stone, would side
with any bigotry…
Love and let love, each to our own,
and may we forgive who would judge us harshly
lash out at us or disown…”

People ask me if I am happy
to be gay, wouldn’t I rather be ‘normal’,
less of a curiosity…?
I ask them, “I am as I am, it’s me,
so why expect mind-body-spirit to reason
any differently…?”

Copyright R N Taber, 2022