Monday 14 March 2011

Love Under Siege

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update Boxing Day 2016: The news broke earlier today that George Michael has died, aged just 53. It is a great loss to the world of music and our hearts go out to his family, friends and many fans around the world at this sad time.] RT

I am often being asked about a CD of my poetry reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, summer 2009. Sorry, there isn't one available but here's the link to my contribution to Sir Antony Gormley's One and Other 'live sculpture' project during which 2400 people were randomly selected to do 'their own thing' on the plinth for one hour 24/7 over 100 days:

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T  [For now, at least, this link needs the latest Adobe Flash Player  and works best in Firefox; the archives website cannot run Flash but changes scheduled for later this year may well mean the link will open without it. Ignore any error message and give it a minute or so to start up. The video lasts an hour. ] RT 3/18

Now, I read in the press recently that singer George Michael has split from his long-time partner, Kenny Goss. While I don't believe everything the press has to say, it appears to be true. My thoughts and hopes for their making the best rather than the worst of things go to both men. It is always hard when a loving relationship deteriorates. It comes as a shock, too, as it is often a gradual process; sometimes neither partner realises it is happening or they are in denial.

Although I have not managed to sustain a serious relationship with anyone since my first and only partner in life died some years ago, after a relatively brief time together, that’s not to say there haven’t been times when I thought I could. I even persuaded myself I was in love again once. Yet, between us, we could not keep hold of whatever it was had brought us together in the first place. I dare say it wasn’t love although it was far more than mutual attraction. Ah, but his friends and work colleagues didn’t have any time for poetry and poets and he would never admit to anyone but me that he loved poetry and even wrote the occasional poem. Nor was he openly gay. He’d often express a desire to come out to family and friends but was afraid it might alienate his family and/or damage his career prospects. I doubted both, but he remained unconvinced. I dare say it was inevitable that we would drift apart, and probably for the best.

Whatever, with all due respect to William Shakespeare, I have never experienced any ‘sweet sorrow’ in parting, only hurt and regret.

LOVE UNDER SIEGE

We were friends first
then lovers, yet could not stay friends
for long after that;
mutual affection strong,
but unable to withstand the inevitable
fallout from gossip,
you being the cleverer
at tracking the various twists and turns
of malicious tongues

While I snuggled under
your duvet to enjoy the cosy comforts
of love’s embraces,
you would be fretting...
over what people might well be saying
about us;
Only, I couldn’t care less,
but you did because you wanted a career
more than ‘us’

I tried to distract you
from the trials and tribulations of this life
turning you against me...
but you would cock an ear
at this window, that door and whispering
wallpaper...
telling me you loved me
while reassuring those subtly warning you
against

I never understood
the subtler strategies of jealousy disguised
as well-meaning,
was ill-prepared for your tears
on my face, even in the course of passionate
lovemaking...
or the sad sighs on your lips
after murmuring white lies meant to save me
from hurt

Yet, I felt a parting
even when we were together, nor was it any
sweet sorrow, but sheer hell,
those windows, doors
and wallpaper people in a tug-of-war
to pull me down.
Oh, our love will remain,
but we can't reach it nor ever will again;
they won

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011

No comments: