https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
This poem was written in 1970 while I was reflecting on a brief, necessarily closet affair with a youth only a few years older than me at a time when gay relationships were still a criminal offence here in the UK. I had adored him from afar for ages. (I thought he was way out of my league.)
One rainy night in a backstreet café, we had our first in-depth conversation and a very close relationship blossomed until he was killed in a motorcycle accident. a few weeks before his 21st birthday. I happen to believe in a posthumous consciousness (or ghosts if you prefer) and I often hear him whispering in my ear, especially when I have important decisions to mak, but words of love as well.
The poem last appeared on the blog in 2008 and is repeated today especially for 'Simon' who contacted me to say his boyfriend was killed in similar circumstances; theirs, too, had been a closet relationship.
Simon wrote, '...[we] used to go surfing a lot. Reading what you said on the blog made me cry. I hadn't been able to do that. It has helped me to carry on.'
I am so sorry for your loss, Simon, but glad my words have helped you, if only just a little, to get on with your life. Grief is hard enough to bear without having to bear it on your own. I'm sure all my blog readers will join me in wishing you well. Here's sending a BIG HUG.
It was hard for young Roger all those years ago, not being able to confide in anyone how much I loved and missed that rascally, streetwise youth who was my first real love if not my first sexual relationship. Nearly fifty years later, it grieves me that I still find people in much the same position, afraid to be openly gay for all manner of socio-cultural-religious reasons of which few if any pay but lip service to the deeper meaning of humanity.
SURFING
Surely, the tide, as surely as my life
at this place where dreams must end
and all fears come. Oh, how I wished
things different, waters of the womb
taken me to another place than such waves
dragging me down! And I see your face
in a brave moon straining to catch the dawn
as would I, or I die. Surely, the tide,
as surely as dreams of fame and fortune,
someone to care. When they laughed,
you shrugged the score, taking on more
than I bargained for and I wouldn’t chance
your blushes but hung back, to let you
ride white horses with the pack – to hell
and back! Surely, our lives, as surely
as pride picking at my bones. I love you!
Yet,I only had time for this tide’s amen,
none for its daily giving and taking. You shy
like a wild thing at the world’s taunts,
refuse to be dragged into line, braving heaven
head-on. Now! A sure tide’s surfing me
where I want to be, with you...
who wore a sandman’s mask but tore it off
to show how some dreams last
Soulmates, drowning in the world’s nightmares,
Saved! On this, our first BIG wave
Copyright R. N. Taber 1970; 2011
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised from the original as it appears in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000.]
This poem was written in 1970 while I was reflecting on a brief, necessarily closet affair with a youth only a few years older than me at a time when gay relationships were still a criminal offence here in the UK. I had adored him from afar for ages. (I thought he was way out of my league.)
One rainy night in a backstreet café, we had our first in-depth conversation and a very close relationship blossomed until he was killed in a motorcycle accident. a few weeks before his 21st birthday. I happen to believe in a posthumous consciousness (or ghosts if you prefer) and I often hear him whispering in my ear, especially when I have important decisions to mak, but words of love as well.
The poem last appeared on the blog in 2008 and is repeated today especially for 'Simon' who contacted me to say his boyfriend was killed in similar circumstances; theirs, too, had been a closet relationship.
Simon wrote, '...[we] used to go surfing a lot. Reading what you said on the blog made me cry. I hadn't been able to do that. It has helped me to carry on.'
I am so sorry for your loss, Simon, but glad my words have helped you, if only just a little, to get on with your life. Grief is hard enough to bear without having to bear it on your own. I'm sure all my blog readers will join me in wishing you well. Here's sending a BIG HUG.
It was hard for young Roger all those years ago, not being able to confide in anyone how much I loved and missed that rascally, streetwise youth who was my first real love if not my first sexual relationship. Nearly fifty years later, it grieves me that I still find people in much the same position, afraid to be openly gay for all manner of socio-cultural-religious reasons of which few if any pay but lip service to the deeper meaning of humanity.
Photo: taken from the Internet
SURFING
Surely, the tide, as surely as my life
at this place where dreams must end
and all fears come. Oh, how I wished
things different, waters of the womb
taken me to another place than such waves
dragging me down! And I see your face
in a brave moon straining to catch the dawn
as would I, or I die. Surely, the tide,
as surely as dreams of fame and fortune,
someone to care. When they laughed,
you shrugged the score, taking on more
than I bargained for and I wouldn’t chance
your blushes but hung back, to let you
ride white horses with the pack – to hell
and back! Surely, our lives, as surely
as pride picking at my bones. I love you!
Yet,I only had time for this tide’s amen,
none for its daily giving and taking. You shy
like a wild thing at the world’s taunts,
refuse to be dragged into line, braving heaven
head-on. Now! A sure tide’s surfing me
where I want to be, with you...
who wore a sandman’s mask but tore it off
to show how some dreams last
Soulmates, drowning in the world’s nightmares,
Saved! On this, our first BIG wave
Copyright R. N. Taber 1970; 2011
[Note: This poem has been slightly revised from the original as it appears in Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2000.]
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