Now, Voyager or G-A-Y, Quantum Leap

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Bad times are inclined to haunt us, but that’s not always such a bad thing if it makes us concentrate on and be thankful for the good times, inspires or even goads us to beat any unfriendly ghosts of the past at their own game if only by taking that quantum leap most likely to give us a chance to shape up for a better, kinder future…

'The untold want by life and land ne'er granted,
Now, voyager, sail thou forth, to seek and find.' (Walt Whitman)

NOW, VOYAGER or G-A-Y, QUANTUM LEAP 

The night I walked was cold
and dark, seemingly without end,
no star in the sky
to guide me on my weary way
nor Man in the Moon
pretending to watch over me,
be a friend

The road I walked was cold
and dark, seemingly without end,
my lonely world,
a sorry place, heavy heart
an everyday load
for no one to watch over me,
be a friend

I fell to my knees and cried,
bitter tears, seemingly without end,
and after a while
the night grew less cold and dark
as a sick, pale, moon
appeared, seemed badly in need
of a friend

One by one, fading stars came
to assure me a new day was near,
and sure enough
dawn blinked at the end of my tunnel,
urging me on to its end,
daring to believe I’d find in Apollo
a true friend

The world I walked was cold
and dark, no comfort in night or day
as I all but gave up
on it, scared of its discovering I’m gay,
till woken by his breath
on my face to all the light and heat
of love on Earth


Copyright R. N. Taber 2013

Winter Warmers

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It is only human nature to be curious. From time to time, people have asked me (usually in good faith) what it’s like to be gay. They might as well have asked what it’s like to be a human being.  It is our differences, after all, that make us human.

These days, the same people are more likely to ask what it’s like to be growing old! (I was 68 yesterday, the winter solstice.)

Now, some people warn against looking back and insist we should only look forward. I see where they are coming from, but as I get older, I take great pleasure in mulling over happy times. Moreover, I come through the experience feeling more ready, willing and able to take on whatever the future may have in store, including death.  No, I am not being morbid. Death is as much a part of life as life itself so where’s the harm in thinking about it sometimes? Thinking about issues can lend them a degree of familiarity in the mind’s eye; the more familiar we are with them, the less afraid we become.

I have had my fair share of ups and downs in life and had to cope with regular bouts of depression since early childhood. Even so, in the sense that I don’t have the HIV-AIDS virus, I have led a charmed life!  

While relatively few of my gay-interest poems are strictly autobiographical, there is a lot of ‘me’ in all of them as I try to recapture something of that charmed life and pass it on for others to enjoy.

  

COMFORT AND JOY

The hair is greyer

than yesterday;

one more furrow

on the brow;

sight a shade less clear

than it used to be;

hearing, yes, definitely

getting worse…

What now?

A kind heart beats

as yesterday;

no fewer dreams

to inspire…

still time enough to learn

from life’s ups

and downs, good to chat

with old friends…

By the fire

Counting blessings

in the flames;

seeing (oh, so, clearly)

my flaws, mistakes,

but at peace with myself,

and my sexuality,  

mortality, too, since even

at my worst…

I did my best

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2011

[Note: This poem has been slightly but significantly revised from an earlier version that first appeared in an anthology, Mind Games, Poetry Today (Forward Press) 2001 and subsequently in  First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

Wishing the World Love and Peace (Not just for Christmas)

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The Christmas Peace of 1914 is legendary. On Christmas Eve 1914, men of the British Expeditionary Force (B.E.F.) heard German troops in the trenches opposite singing carols, spotted lanterns and small fir trees along their trenches. They started shouting messages to each other and the following day, British and German troops met in no man’s land to exchange gifts, take photographs and even play impromptu games of football. Tragically it made no difference to four more years of the war meant to end all wars…  

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life? 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who have found both in a meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY. 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other. 

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life?

For those (gay or straight) who have found both in a lasting, meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY.

For those  (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other.

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

This poem is a villanelle.

WISHING THE WORLD LOVE AND PEACE (NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS)

One day, close to Christmas,

long, long, ago…

cock robin sang for us

Bigots had been unkind to us,

dealt a savage blow

one day, close to Christmas

Icy rain, camouflage for tears

we refused to show

cock robin sang for us

A kind snowman hid our fears

under a coat of snow;

one day, close to Christmas

In a time of gifts and promises

(prayers to follow?)

cock robin sang for us

Love, defying even wintry years
to chill us to the marrow;

one day, close to Christmas,

cock robin sang for us…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008

Angel at my Shoulder

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I first fell in love with another guy when I was a teenager back in 1962. He was killed in a motorcycle accident. Gay relationships were a criminal offence in the UK then so I had to mourn him alone. While he was not the love of my life, I still think about our relationship even now, some 50+ years later.  He was on my mind, too, when I wrote this poem some time later, originally as a song lyric with friends with whom I hoped to co-write a gay musical. The musical never saw the light of day (story of my life!) and we all went our separate ways.

Photo taken from the Internet

Later, I revised the lyric slightly as a poem and it appeared in an anthology prior to my including in in my second collection. Recently, I felt it was crying out to be (slightly, but significantly) revised again.

 ANGEL AT MY SHOULDER 

When I'm lonely,

you're the angel at my shoulder;

when the going gets rough

I take my strength from you;

you're a joy, an inspiration

in everything I do. I’ve loved you

from the start…

When you gave me change

for the telephone, I gave you back

my heart

When I'm hurting,

you’re  the angel at my shoulder;

you're the one who soothes

this savage breast. Time and again,

you ease my pain,

inspire me to try and be better man;

If I’ve screwed up many times

in life, to hell with the rest,

sweet angel at my shoulder, you're

the best

When I’m happy

you’re the angel at my shoulder,

and it’s only because

I know you're always there…

Sometimes, I cannot see

for looking where you are, panic,

and lash out in cold, dark, fear

till I hear you whisper a love poem  

in my ear, my guardian angel, my own

bright star 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2001; 2013

[Note: A slightly different version of this poem first appeared in an anthology Chasing Dreams, Poetry Today (Forward Press) 2001 and subsequently in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002]