Schoolboy looking for a Friend

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Regular readers will know that I had realized I am gay by the time I was 14 years-old. As a teenager and young man, I despaired of being gay. I was not ashamed, but gay relationships were a criminal offence and I saw no future in being far more attracted to my own sex than to women. It took me some years – and a nervous breakdown – to  fully understand that I was not the one at fault but the society in which I had grown up. Even so, I was in and out of that awful closet for years and it was not until my late 30's  that I came out and stayed out. 

Being openly gay was (and still is) a liberating experience although it would take a good few more years yet before same sex relationships – even marriage – would acquire legal if not (entirely) social, cultural or religious acceptance here in the UK.   Now, at 70, I can still vividly recall those early years in the proverbial closet and feel for those gay boys and girls, men and woman around the world who, by no fault of their own but the genes with which they were born, are made to feel obliged to remain there.

It will be to the 21st century’s credit if, at least by the end of it, the heterosexual majority worldwide has come to terms with the fact that all gay people deserve better than to be discriminated against simply for their sexuality. 

SCHOOLBOY LOOKING FOR A FRIEND

The world is a dark place,

its nature shows a cruel face,

neither time nor space 

(it seems) for someone like me?

Yet, the world is a huge place

and nature has a kind face 

so a time and space (surely?)

for someone like me

The world is my enemy,

its nature dead set against me,

fat chance against history

(it seems) for people like me?

Yet, somewhere, a friend

will (surely?) fight
to the end of time and space 

for people like me

Not by nature's grace 

are we come to this dark place,

but by human nature's bias
against people like us;

yet sun shines and moon,

and a time soon enough

needs must humanity open up 

to people like us

Where do we (all) go from here?
Need to do better, try harder...

Copyright R. N. Taber 1963; 2018

[Note: Written 1963 (while still at school); rediscovered and revised 2018.]

G-A-Y, Among Earth Mother's Blessings

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

At 70, I often find myself turning the pages of memory and feeling inspired by what I find there, just as I did at the time…

People, places, things we do and words we say in response to whatever or whomever…all are filed in archives in the mind. We may well have mixed feelings about browsing them from time to time, but they remind us who we were and how we became who we are now…so never a waste of time.

Never, either (always) too late to change the Here and Now where the archives may suggest we might at least try.

This poem is a villanelle.

 G-A-Y, AMONG EARTH MOTHER'S BLESSINGS

In an ochre mist

of spring twilight on a lake,

we gay lovers kissed

The bigot’s fist,

our every bone would break

in an ochre mist

Sworn to resist

all prejudice for truth’s sake,

we gay lovers kissed

Love, once missed

among fair copies, mandrake

in an ochre mist

Choices addressed,

a kinder future ours to make,

we gay lovers kissed

Feeling as blessed

as dreamers unafraid to wake,

in an ochre mist,

we gay lovers kissed

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

T-I-M-E, Seasons in a Life

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The seasons of life see us all through various ups and downs, highs and lows, while Hope remains a steadfast companion although we may lose sight of her now and then and/or she may fall short of certain expectations.

I had hoped that by the 21^st century homophobia would be all but dead in the water and the heterosexual majority a more enlightened one; sadly, offensive stereotypes continue to dog gay people just about everywhere; in some countries, more so than in others but in any gay-unfriendly environment including those that wear a mask called Political Correctness.

We can but play our part. Some readers rubbish my gay-interest poems (so why read them?) but I like to think that being openly gay on-line and in my poetry is helping just a little to help gay people stuck in a cold, dark closet to feel better about themselves and summon the inner strength to come out and stand up to their demons. (Rarely if ever easy, but always worth the effort.)

T-I-M-E, SEASONS IN A LIFE

In the springtime of my years,

I longed to run away

from this life’s trials and fears

confronting me each day

Come summer, and I grew tall

like a tree in acid rain,

and wept to watch leaves fall

though not even autumn

Come autumn, I could but wait

while nature had its say,

proud, for my own small part,

I’d told the world I’m gay

In this, the winter of my years

I rise above, won’t run away

from this life’s trials and fears

confronting me each day

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

 

Getting on with Love

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

More than once I have heard those among the less enlightened heterosexual majority sneer that gay people don’t know the meaning of love. Such stupid, ignorant comments do not merit a response except, perhaps, in a poem…

Readers may be interested to know that this villanelle was inspired by a fascinating and very uplifting conversation with two gay ex-servicemen in their 50's at London bar one evening.

Photo taken from the Internet

GETTING ON WITH LOVE

Getting on with life, two gay men

(in a world living with Terror)

targeted for abuse, time and again

Nothing to lose, everything to gain

(in world that’s a weeping sore);

getting on with love, two gay men

Getting on with life, two gay men

(for knocking at freedom's door)

targeted for abuse, time and again

World, in the grip of blind religion

(floods of fear, a living nightmare);

getting on with love, two gay men

Played a part rescuing Afghanistan

from the Taliban’s hold on power,

targeted for abuse, time and again

Pray, we see its peacemakers win

on a planet left turning on Terror;

getting on with love, two gay men,

targeted for abuse, time and again

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009; 2016

G-A-Y, Epic Poetry

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In my 70’s now, I sometimes find myself thinking about death, not in a negative or despairing way but curious and generally hopeful. I have never feared death, only pain. Whenever I (frequently) commune with nature, I rediscover a huge sense of reassurance which has to do with growth beauty and renewal although I cannot quite put my finger on just what it is that fills me with a sense of well-being  especially when I am feeling low or intensely reflective for one reason or another.

I have nature to thank for a strong sense of spirituality that has seen me through some BAD times and continues to inspire me as I struggle sometimes with the various ups and downs of growing old.

One day, I will depart for the evergreen foliage of Mount Parnassus. I can but hope people may remember me not only as a poet but also as a gay man who found much inspiration in both his sexual identity and the rest, neither of which contradicting an ever-growing sense of spirituality found in nature. (Religion does not have a monopoly on spirituality.)

While I do not subscribe to any religion, who’s to say that whatever life force some call ‘God’ did not simply create nature but IS nature?

G-A-Y, EPIC POETRY

As a wind across the world
blows cold,
and in the eyes of the world
I grow old,
where is the Word that says
we are free,
but for slaves to its prejudices
like you and me? 

As the sun across the world
sinks lower,
and people across the world
blame each other,
wherever in the world will I be
on my last day
and will all they say of me
is that I was gay? 

As a wind across the world
blows cold,
and in the eyes of the world
I grow old,
wherever in the world shall I lay
my head
if all they ever know of me
is I am dead? 

As the sun across the world
disappears
in ashes and dust, sum total
of our fears,
may I yet rediscover all the love
and humanity
kind folks always lend each other
as you to me? 

As a wind across the world
blows cold,
and in the eyes of the world
we grow old,
Earth Mother waits, ever ready
to acknowledge our part 
in an epic poem most LGBT folks
learn by heart

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009, rev. 2021

 

Protest in Paradise OR G-O-D spells Love (Inclusively, in any Language)

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Many people from various socio-cultural-religious backgrounds continue to actively condemn gay/ LGBT relationships. A Christian I used to work with - a charming woman -  once told me that while she, personally, had no problem with my being gay she regretted I would go to Hell. Others - from various religious backgrounds - have been  as forthright and said there would be no place for LGBT people in paradise.

Fortunately, not everyone from (various) religious backgrounds feels the same way and sees God as an all-inclusive God of Love.

Now, regular readers will know that I am not a religious person, and this has nothing to do with my being gay. I rejected religion even as a child because I found it didactic and divisive. Yes, I like to think I have a strong sense of spirituality, but I take it from nature where religion offers me nothing to which I can even begin to relate.

Whatever, I cannot conceive of any ‘God’ that would condone any form of discrimination against anyone simply on the grounds of their sex, ethnicity, creed or sexuality; if it were so, that particular religion would make no sense if only on the grounds of its inhumanity.

So if you subscribe to a religion, aspire to its interpretation of Heaven and are gay, never let anyone tell you there is no place for you in it.

PROTEST IN PARADISE or G-O-D SPELLS LOVE (INCLUSIVELY, IN ANY LANGUAGE)

My God, these people are gay!

What on earth can we do?

Can’t we just send them away?

Looks and speech are everyday,

(easy to slip through);

My God, these people are gay!

What on earth will the hets say?

They’ll be such a to-do…

Can’t we just send them away?

A voice in the soul says, ‘pray’

but it speaks to them too;

My God, these people are gay!

Commit themselves as they may

to a love running true,

can’t we just send them away?

Same sex couples should pay

but of course it’s up to you;

My God, these people are gay!

Can’t we just send them away?

No, you say? So, why, pray…? 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

[Note: This poem first appeared on the blog a few years ago and feedback indicated that some readers were offended. No offence intended, I assure you.]

No Standard Template

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I have never made a big issue of being gay. If people ask me, I tell them, If they just want to wonder, well, I let them.

A person’s sexuality is nobody’s business but his or her own.

While I have often been told by other gay people that I should be more upfront about being gay in everyday life, why should I?   Yes, I ‘go public’ in my blog posts and poems, but that doesn’t mean I either want or need to thrust my sexuality in everyone’s face. No one has to read my blogs.

I hate it when religious-minded people shove their religion in my face all the time as if I am in the wrong for not sharing their faith. If I were straight, I certainly would not want a gay person banging on about being gay. Besides, there are plenty of other topics of conversation, and what possible interest can anyone have in another person’s sexuality…unless he or she wants to go to bed with them, of course…in which case, yes, being upfront is more than just OK.

We are all different, and everyone has his or her own way of going about their lives. We have no right to criticise simply because we would do things differently; just because someone is 'different' doesn't mean he or she is less worthy of our respect. (Oh, yes, most people would agree, but how many practise what they preach?) 

I have said before on the blogs, and will say again, our differences don't make us different, only human. As for repeating myself, well, as my old English teacher, Jock Rankin, used to say, if a thing is worth saying, it is always worth repeating.

NO STANDARD TEMPLATE 

Can I be gay, school pals debated,

when I don't strike a pose like gay folks

we see on TV who stick out a mile,
am nothing out of the ordinary at all?

Can I be gay, neighbours gossiped,

when it's plain to more or less anyone

I’m a pretty normal human being?
(Well, yes, sometimes a drama queen)

Can I be gay, work mates wondered,

although don’t fit any better-for-ratings

media script for doing my damnedest

to promote the everyday stereotypical?

I can't be gay, school pals insisted,

when I don’t dress the part or even strut

the local Gay Scene for...whatever
(but let's be clear, and never say never)

I can't be gay, neighbours decided,

as I’m rarely if ever seen camping it up,

would rather knock back real ales

than sip cocktails on a boys' night out

I can't be gay, work mates agreed,

as we’ve often chatted in the staff room,
even touched upon the latest gossip,

and never a hint of sexual persuasion

Whenever I hear on the grapevine

that my sexuality is cause for speculation, 
I reflect how small, narrow minds  

have no feeling for good conversation

Ah, but we are as we are, and that's it;
as for our being gay or not, so what...?

  

Copyright R. N. Taber 2001; rev. 2018

Exhilaration

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Sometimes love is a long time coming, but when it does…wow!

While true love will last, it is a fact of life that not all relationships - gay or straight - can withstand the test of time.

Whatever, we can enjoy what we have while we have it…and how!

EXHILARATION

I only had to see him
for a heat to rush through me
like an express train

I only had to hear him
for music to rush through me
like songbirds on wing

I only had to touch him
for desire to rush through me
like a summer wind

He only had to hold me
for passion to rush my senses
like wild honeysuckle

He only had to kiss me
for delight to rush my despair
like a birthday surprise

He only had to love me
for its sheer ecstasy to rush us
like an express train

Where life rushes at love
and would share but glimpses,
we had other ideas

Copyright R. N.Taber 2009

Love. an Agenda All its Own

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

We cannot help with whom we fall in love, but our love is not always reciprocated in the same way. Loving someone who sees us as a close friend, no more or less, can be hard sometimes. Even so, - whether we are gay or straight, male or female - friendship is a wonderful thing, and if worth having, always worth saving…whatever it takes.

LOVE, AN AGENDA ALL ITS OWN

There’s a poem I’ve often tried to write

about the way his hair blows in a breeze

and his face almost vanishes from sight

but for a wicked laughter in the eyes

There’s a poem I’ve often tried to write

about the way his voice eases my pain

like a balm to sores, moon to wintry night,

sunshine filtering through a summer rain

There’s a poem I’ve often tried to write

about the way his hugs near break my heart

and how, as his arms are holding me tight,

it aches for knowing we must quickly part

There’s a friend for whom I often begin 

poems I know he’ll wish I’d not written…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

[Note: This poem has been slightly revised from an earlier version that appears under the title 'Genesis' in Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007.]