Reality Bites

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber

Gay or straight, dating is a wonderful thing - online or otherwise - especially if we don't expect too much too soon. 

Someone advised me against online dating once because I was sure to meet lots of boring people. Well, no one can be that boring if they are up for improving their social (and sex) life. Besides, all we on-line hopefuls are  in the same  boat, so what right have any of us to sneer? In my experience, a social evening is only ever doomed from the start if either or both parties approach it with a preconceived ideas of how they want it to turn out. 

In latter years - as I grow old(er) - I have been tempted sometimes to go on-line if only for some sex-related digital playtime.

Now, not everyone is turned on by sex alone. I, for one, was never interested in sex just for its own sake; there has to be at least some chemistry, a connection of sorts.  (So I'm living in cloud cuckoo land?) Whatever, I have made a few friends this way, but it hasn't happened very often; it has usually been a case of into bed and out the door.

Oh, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, we just need to be careful out there, and trust our instincts. whatever our socio-cultural-religious background. 

Religion, by the way, doesn't have a monopoly on spirituality; the human spirit  has plenty to say about the spiritual nature of close human relationships even where they may be but temporary, as in matters sexual, for example.

REALITY BITES

We chatted on-line

one miserable day (raining hard)

finally agreed to meet,

hoping to make a real connection

the way some people do

who seem to have a lot in common,

fuelling expectation

We met up in a bar,

and everything was going well;

he came back to mine…

where things went downhill fast,

the way high hopes can do,

on slippery slopes of expectation

belying anticipation

Sexually, we were no match

although we got along very well,

and I liked him a lot

for his feisty, sunny personality,

the way some people are

in whom we have a lot in common,

if not shades of sexuality

I asked to see him again

since we were getting along so well

and he seemed to agree,

feeling much the same way as me,

but I was fooling myself,

his only commitment, to anonymity

regarding sexual identity

Now, when  I chat on-line

on miserable days (getting hard)

and someone agrees to meet,

hoping to make a real connection,

the way some people do

who seem to have a lot in common,

I keep a sense of proportion

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Least Said, Soonest Mended

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

(Update May 11 2017): People with HIV are living around a decade or so longer than they did 20 years ago, according to a new report in the medical journal, The Lancet. While doctors and charities are calling the increase in life expectancy for people with the virus in Europe and the US a “tremendous medical achievement” they warn many are missing out on life-saving drugs as they have not yet been diagnosed as HIV positive . Meanwhile, HIV infection and AIDS among children continues to be a significant problem in developing countries. there is no room for complacency.] RT

It appals and upsets me whenever I (still) hear of people with the HIV virus being demonised for it. While no one can deny living with HIV is never going to be easy, medical research means that people can live with it for a good many years now with the appropriate medication. Those years would be made more bearable and far better spent by those affected if the disease were not (still) treated as a taboo subject by so many people worldwide.

Diana, Princess of Wales' commitment had an amazing effect in challenging attitudes towards people living with HIV and breaking down stigma and misconceptions.

Sexual responsibility is down to every sexually active person; male or female, straight or gay. It is pathetic - if typical of a universal ethos where everything is always someone else’s fault - that gay men are (still) expected to bear the brunt of the blame for the spread of the HIV-AIDS virus.

When I was active sexually (sadly, at 70, I am not if by medical necessity rather than choice) I would regularly get tested for HIV-AIDS and count myself fortunate that the results were always negative. It makes me angry when I hear people saying they won’t have the test because they would rather not know. Maybe they wouldn’t, but what about any partner to whom they could potentially pass it on? Nor is even using a condom a guarantee of sexual health since condoms have been known to leak; safer sex is a (very) low risk option, but there is no such thing as no-risk sex.

We are living in the 21st century! That prejudice towards people with HIV-AIDS should continue to raise its ugly head among the less enlightened in societies worldwide has to be one of the greater (of many) modern tragedies; not least because, in many cases, it goes unchallenged. 

‘Shame on the body for breaking down while the spirit perseveres.’ – John Dryden 

'Those that will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not are slaves.' Lord Byron

This poem is a villanelle.

LEAST SAID, SOONEST MENDED

Bigots claim we shame human history
(always, of course, knowing better)
we sinners, 'animals', for spreading HIV

Deserving no room at an inn or charity
(imagine, feeling much like a leper);
bigots claim we shame human history

First among equals, no local dignitary
above consigning us to rumour,
we sinners, 'animals', for spreading HIV

Grand Masters in the art of sanctimony,
(as but comprising the natural order)
bigots claim we shame human history

Turning a deaf ear to such hypocrisy
God forbid any get a cold shoulder,
we 'sinners', 'animals', for spreading HIV

Beware inhumanity posing as morality
where holier-than-thous join together;
bigots claim we shame human history
we sinners, 'animals', for spreading HIV

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2018

[Note: This poem was written in the early 1990’s and has been revised given that attitudes have changed (for better, for worse) since then as more  people have become better informed and less judgemental regarding anyone contracting the HIV virus; an earlier version appears under the title ‘Spelling it Out’ in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Carriers

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update, Sept 19, 2019: Today, the British Library confirmed that the link blow to the 4th plinth reading in 1999 is no longer available as the video is incompatible with an updated IT system. However, I am assured that the video still exists, and B L hope to make it available to the public again one day. Fingers crossed, and watch this space.] RNT

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T [I am always being asked for this link to my poery reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, my contribution to sculptor Antony Gormley's One and Other 'live' sculpture during the summer of 1999. For now, at least, this link needs the latest Adobe Flash Player  and works best in Firefox; the archives website cannot run Flash but changes scheduled for later this year may well mean the link will open without it. Ignore any error message and give it a minute or so to start up. The video lasts an hour. ] RT 3/18

This post is duplicated on both blogs today for obvious reasons.

Now, most feedback from readers is very positive, but every now and then someone complains. A reader has been in touch to say ‘Posting gay poetry on the Internet, to which young people have ready access, is not only inappropriate but also a corrupting influence.’ While I disagree (of course) he or she is welcome to their point of view.

Does the average heterosexual really think there are no young gay people out there, I wonder?  I was young once, even if it is more long ago than I care to remember.

What do you think? You might even want to comment on the British Library site where both blogs are listed as part of a project to archive on-line material alongside the printed word? Is it worth archiving a poetry blog, especially one that encourages gay people world-wide to feel good about their sexuality and promotes Gay Awareness?

Go to: http://www.webarchive.org.uk/ukwa/advancedsearch

and carry out a URL (or title) search for:

http://aspectsofagaymanslifeinverse.blogspot.com/ (G-A-Y in the Subject Field)]#

http://rogertab.blogspot.com// (A Poet’s Blog)

Meanwhile...

Hopefully, readers who complain that I rely too heavily on rhyme and should write more blank verse will appreciate the form of today’s poem as well as its content.

If any of you use a datebook, you might also care to click on the link below; it will take you to Scars Publications (USA) who have published a number of my blank verse poems over a period of some 10 years. They tend to only publish blank verse so keep me on my toes and lure me away from rhyme now and then.

http://scars.tv/

Click on their Scars Publications 2012 Poetry Datebook and you will see what it's all about. They have accepted the poem below for inclusion; it will appear on the entry for World AIDS Day, Dec 1st 2012. (I deliberately did not make it a gay-interest poem. It is high time people stopped thinking of HIV-AIDS as The Gay Plague!!)

OVERHEARD ON A TRAIN:

WOMAN: It takes a real man to be sexually responsible.

MAN: It takes a real woman to insist a man is sexually responsible.

ME (thinks): It takes real maturity to say ‘no’ to unprotected sex.

Oh, yes, and it takes a clear-headed person to take sexual responsibility on board so let’s not get so drunk or high we lose the plot, okay?

Now, regular readers will know I am passionate about DAMSET, an HIV-AIDS Educational Trust based in the seaside town of Bournemouth that has set a wonderful example to the rest of the world by creating a memorial mural to all those - gay and straight - who have died of AIDS across Dorset. I was unable to attend the inauguration last December, appropriately on World AIDS Day, but feel very privileged that a poem I wrote for the project has been included in the mural. [I included in my reading on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square in July 2009; see link at the top of this page.]

Visitors to Bournemouth for years to come will be able to see the mural for themselves near the pier entrance. It is a wonderful way to remember people and also promote Gay Awareness as well as sexual responsibility.

For more information about DAMSET see: http://damset.co.uk/

Straight or gay, many people (especially young people) seem to think HIV-AIDS is little more than a scare story and does not concern them...until it becomes the story of their life.

Have fun but...be careful out there, yeah? Play safe. Otherwise you not only risk catching the virus yourself but giving it to others. Either way, it’s plain irresponsible.

CARRIERS

I should have had the test,
never thought it could happen
to couples like us

Now we have to tell people
(who’ll think the worst of me)
we are HIV positive

I’m just an Ordinary Joe,
struggling to pay off a mortgage
and still have a life;
I love to party (who doesn’t?)
and, yes, there were a few times
I dropped my guard,
forgot low risk doesn’t mean
there’s no risk...

I even thought it was macho
to shrug off those scare stories
we all hear about

Drugs may control the virus,
but it’s down to me we’ll carry it
to our (early?) graves

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2011

[Note: This poem first appeared in print in Scars Poetry Date Book, Scars Publications (US) 2012 and in my collection, Tracking the Torchbearer by R N Taber, Assembly Books later the same year.]

Among Predators And Prey

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A UK reader has contacted me to say he does not have a computer at home and accesses the Internet at his local public library. However, the library computers do not allow access to blogs. As he has enjoyed dipping into the blog at a friend’s house, do I have any suggestions? Well, only one. Both my blogs are participating in a UK Web Archive project operated by the British Library.

Try http://www.webarchive.org.uk// and go into ‘Search the archive’ (left had panel on the screen) and enter ‘G-AY in the Subject Field’ or ‘A Poet’s Blog’ and the blog you are looking for should appear. I should add that it is very interesting just to browse the archive for other blogs and websites.

Meanwhile...

Straight people often ask if I wish I wasn’t gay. What can I say? [Do I wish I wasn’t born, for goodness sake?] They also put it to me that it’s risky, what with there being so many homophobes about and religious zealots who seem to think their God would condone the persecution (and worse) of gay people. What can I say? [Should I be afraid to be as nature made me or, in their terms, how God made me?] I am a person, not a stereotype; no more or less so than anyone else, regardless of socio-cultural-religious or, yes, sexual persuasion. Human nature comprises many parts; more often than not, it is the sum of those parts in any of us that really counts. More often than not, too, it is unfair to cherry-pick this or that part and proceed to judge a person accordingly.

Love, in all its shapes and forms has always walked among among predators and prey; there will always be those who criticise, even condemn certain human relationships from the kind of narrow perspective on life expounded by various dogma and/ or prejudices. The trick is being able to do what comes as naturally as breathing to all creatures great and small...practise the art of survival ... on our terms, not theirs. As for those arrogant, bigoted, evangelical types who seek to gain favour with their God by calling for homosexuals and other LGBT folks to be either cured, saved or eliminated ... for the sinners we are and responsible for the spread of HIV-AIDS ...well,  if it is a 'gay plague' it is human one, and we should not rush to cherry-pick responsibility for that either.

God - however we interpret the word, religion or no religion - is Love, and love has no time for homophobia or any other sick prejudices.

AMONG PREDATORS AND PREY

Walking, my love and I, down urban
streets distracted by brats playing up a parent
plainly too scared to but plead for acceptable
behaviour or risk being chased like a fox
beyond the pale, given society’s predilection
for what is just and fair, especially where
children are concerned, hopeful they will learn
a sense of responsibility, not turn out badly
in the long run

Pausing, my love and I, on country roads
to watch lambs skipping in a field
reflecting how it was when we were young
pretending we hadn’t a care in the world
to all but ourselves, looking over shoulders
when we thought someone might see us
keeping to shadows for kisses they despise
who live in houses made of playing cards
(aces high)

Hugging, my love and I, seeing how things are
in the world, glad we have each other
to help us through what may pass for morality
but (invariably) is an excuse for sucking up
to those do-gooders who mean well but see
sweeping statements as a rule of thumb,
love to interpret nature’s laws along such lines
as human ends justifying human means
in the long run

Fearing for lambs as prey to foxes as gay kisses
to human prejudices

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009