https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
I first posted this poem on my general blog (it is still there) in response to an email from a reader asking what I have been asked so many times, which is why do I, a gay man, write up a general as well as gay-interest poetry blog. Needless to say, the reader is not gay or he would understand that our sexuality is only a part of who we are; a very significant part, of course, but still only a part. I write general poetry mostly because I enjoy reaching out to those parts of me whose responses to life, nature and human nature do not solely turn on the fact that I am gay. There is more to anyone than their sexuality, after all, the reason a gay reader gives for asking me to post it here as well. Hopefully, though, I cannot be accused of ignoring this particular home truth in any of my poems, on either blog.
Being gay during my teenage years, and feeling the need to keep it a secret because it was considered shameful in those days was a daily torment; it would be some years yet before I understood and appreciated that we are as we are, and there is no shame in that whatsoever. Some people and most religions would argue differently for reasons of their own, but I discovered allies in science and nature and eventually, too, peace of mind at being at ease with myself and my sexuality. That this took too long, I’d be the first to agree as I was in my early 30's before I finally stopped playing jack-in-the box with my feelings.
Mind you, I suspect we all play that game up to a point. Take gender, for a start, never as clear cut as some if not most people would have it. A married friend loves wearing women's clothes by way of 'getting in touch with my feminine side'; he and his wife have three children and are as happy now as when they married 30+ years ago.
For some of us, of course, a growing identity with an alternative sexuality demands that we accept it completely. (In my experience, a sense of transgender persists in many of us, not least those who voice the loudest protests against LGBT issues.)
Sadly, many gay boys and girls, men and women worldwide are still having to play those same secret mind games just as I did all those years ago; obliged to keep them secret by local, peer and family pressures as dictated by various socio-cultural-religious dogma/ conventions.
Now, to return to my reader’s question …
Not everyone likes poetry but anyone who does and also happens to be gay might well enjoy some of my poems. If not openly gay lr LGBT, however, they would not want to be caught reading any of my gay-interest poems, especially given human nature’s predilection for jumping to conclusions. Only a heterosexual poetry lover confident enough in their own sexuality to be gay-friendly or an openly gay person is unlikely to care about being seen reading a selection of my poems. I bore this in mind when compiling my first self-published volume of poems in 2000 and feedback on subsequent collections has suggested I got it right. Unfortunately, I could only afford to have relatively few
“Turn and face the strange.” ― David Bowie
Meanwhile …
MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, A FEELING FOR GENDER IDENTITY
There’s more to me than meets the eye,
There’s more to me than what you see
There’s more to me than any stereotypes
In history’s Gender Diary read all about me,
I first posted this poem on my general blog (it is still there) in response to an email from a reader asking what I have been asked so many times, which is why do I, a gay man, write up a general as well as gay-interest poetry blog. Needless to say, the reader is not gay or he would understand that our sexuality is only a part of who we are; a very significant part, of course, but still only a part. I write general poetry mostly because I enjoy reaching out to those parts of me whose responses to life, nature and human nature do not solely turn on the fact that I am gay. There is more to anyone than their sexuality, after all, the reason a gay reader gives for asking me to post it here as well. Hopefully, though, I cannot be accused of ignoring this particular home truth in any of my poems, on either blog.
Being gay during my teenage years, and feeling the need to keep it a secret because it was considered shameful in those days was a daily torment; it would be some years yet before I understood and appreciated that we are as we are, and there is no shame in that whatsoever. Some people and most religions would argue differently for reasons of their own, but I discovered allies in science and nature and eventually, too, peace of mind at being at ease with myself and my sexuality. That this took too long, I’d be the first to agree as I was in my early 30's before I finally stopped playing jack-in-the box with my feelings.
Mind you, I suspect we all play that game up to a point. Take gender, for a start, never as clear cut as some if not most people would have it. A married friend loves wearing women's clothes by way of 'getting in touch with my feminine side'; he and his wife have three children and are as happy now as when they married 30+ years ago.
For some of us, of course, a growing identity with an alternative sexuality demands that we accept it completely. (In my experience, a sense of transgender persists in many of us, not least those who voice the loudest protests against LGBT issues.)
Sadly, many gay boys and girls, men and women worldwide are still having to play those same secret mind games just as I did all those years ago; obliged to keep them secret by local, peer and family pressures as dictated by various socio-cultural-religious dogma/ conventions.
Now, to return to my reader’s question …
Not everyone likes poetry but anyone who does and also happens to be gay might well enjoy some of my poems. If not openly gay lr LGBT, however, they would not want to be caught reading any of my gay-interest poems, especially given human nature’s predilection for jumping to conclusions. Only a heterosexual poetry lover confident enough in their own sexuality to be gay-friendly or an openly gay person is unlikely to care about being seen reading a selection of my poems. I bore this in mind when compiling my first self-published volume of poems in 2000 and feedback on subsequent collections has suggested I got it right. Unfortunately, I could only afford to have relatively few
copied printed and these were only
on sale in the UK.; I hope to publish them as e-books one day.
“Turn and face the strange.” ― David Bowie
Meanwhile …
MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, A FEELING FOR GENDER IDENTITY
There’s more to me than meets the eye,
beyond race, religion, sexuality
and, yes, even age, for all it is
credited
with having reached the living end
of a learning curve we climb from
cradle
to grave (no bets on how far we
get)
still hoping for credit (decades overdue)
over prepaid rounds after a better
turn-out
at my funeral than expected
There’s more to me than what you see
at the workplace, since needs must
smiles all round if only to keep
gossips
guessing, rumour to a bare minimum,
private life not for sharing with staff rooms
and shared-office walls well-known
for having even sharper tongues than
ears,
vowing such confidences with pinches
of salt
for rubbing in any future wounds
There’s more to me than any stereotypes
often bandied about in public
houses,
first among equals on hit lists
drawn up
by clerics over time to use against
me,
entered in cultural archives by
hypocrites
needing to hedge their bets on
Heaven
and Hell being more than just
metaphors,
leaving humanity to make whatever
it will,
add more or less pinches of salt
In history’s Gender Diary read all about me,
all too human for a complex identity
Copyright R. N. Taber 2019
