Today’s poem has appeared twice on the blog before; the last time in September 2010. I am posting it today by way of my reply to the reader who contacted me to ask how I could ever expect to square spiritual with sexual identity. How can I talk about having a strong sense of spirituality, he demands, when I am committing a sin against God simply by being gay? Well, as I have said before, and almost certainly will again, religion does not have a monopoly on spirituality.
Sex can be a very spiritual experience. Gay or straight, I have always believed that those for whom it is only ever a purely physical act and prefer to skip the deeper intimacy of foreplay and romance are missing out.
There are gay men and women, boys and girls from all walks of life. Various religions and cultures need to e keep that in mind when they preach their bigoted views. I am not a religious person, but remain convinced that no humanitarian God would be a homophobe. I was raised a Christian but
had disassociated myself from (any) religion by the time I was 10 years-old, long before I realised I am gay. It continues to appal me that so many Christians revert to the Old Testament when railing against gay people, when Jesus came along to change all that. Jesus was a historical figure; whatever one believes about him, he was a GOOD man.
Fortunately there are many religious people who take their cue from principles of peace and love rather than those of bigotry and hate; the latter are, of course, careful to maintain a politically correct public profile while fooling no one. Sadly, in my experience, the former appear to be a in relative minority.
Now, no one ever forgets their first lovemaking, but for gay people, especially gay men, it marks a dash for freedom from the damn closet, that prison of conscience which various offensive stereotypes have imposed on us for years.
had disassociated myself from (any) religion by the time I was 10 years-old, long before I realised I am gay. It continues to appal me that so many Christians revert to the Old Testament when railing against gay people, when Jesus came along to change all that. Jesus was a historical figure; whatever one believes about him, he was a GOOD man.
Fortunately there are many religious people who take their cue from principles of peace and love rather than those of bigotry and hate; the latter are, of course, careful to maintain a politically correct public profile while fooling no one. Sadly, in my experience, the former appear to be a in relative minority.
Now, no one ever forgets their first lovemaking, but for gay people, especially gay men, it marks a dash for freedom from the damn closet, that prison of conscience which various offensive stereotypes have imposed on us for years.
Oh, the stereotypes won’t suddenly disappear, but after that first baptism of fire, we can fight them (if only inwardly where going public can mean persecution or worse) with confidence and reassurance, no longer either scared or ashamed of our sexual identity.
G-A-Y, BAPTISM OF FIRE
Eyes closed, wishing my fear away,
warmth of your skin, taste
of your mouth, touch of your hands,
oh, so eagerly exploring my sex,
making me wonder if it is me
you really see, desire, or could it be
just anyone lying here, available
to quench the flames of a passion burning
us at its stake as we embrace...
Could it be our desperation is but a lie,
mere cover for the need to satisfy
an anxious physicality? It is you I want
crave, long to enter me, join me
to you as with a ring I would thee wed
but cannot so, instead, needs must
welcome this expression of a passion
unblessed for society’s wanton obsession
with religious dogma, tradition ...
Suddenly, we are done yet still together
drawing on each other’s breath, smell,
an intimacy as of children in the womb
listening to parents laughing, crying,
just for being together, their love-making
answer to a prayer that we’re wanted
and loved, for who we are, nor am I afraid
any more for knowing for sure you care for me
as I for you, though love take its time
Let the world take or leave us as it will,
our love will see as through good times and bad,
thus whispers your tongue at the lobe
of my ear, filling mind-body-spirit, heart
and soul far, far more than sexuality’s
response to even as glorious a a physicality
as this, acknowledging the spirituality
of love, a truism, this wetness of your tongue,
promising the moon, a baptism of fire
[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]
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