Glad to be Gay

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Many thanks to those of you who have been in touch to say they are enjoying my fiction blog:

I wasn’t sure if serialising novels online would work, but am delighted to have a slowly but surely growing readership. By the way, 'Dog Roses: a gay man's rites of passage' was the first novel I ever wrote. Since no publishers showed any interest, I am especially pleased by positive feedback from my fiction blog readers:

http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/news-updates-fiction.html

People often ask if I am disappointed not to have been 'recognised' by various media sources and seem to think I should feel a 'failure' as a writer. Well, no, given that I have no real interest in success or failure in that sense, but only in the sense that I enjoy writing, and it has worked well as creative therapy for my depression for as long as I can remember. I enjoy a modest reputation as a poet worldwide and that's a welcome bonus. If anyone reads and enjoys my various forays into fiction , well, that's another.

Meanwhile...

‘Ellis and Trey’ have asked me to repeat today’s poem that last appeared on the blog in 2010 because '...being a couple of dreamers, we just love it.' Many thanks for that, both of you, also for your kind comments about my poems.  Your signed, personally inscribed copy of Tracking the Torchbearer is on its way.

As for today's poem, I remain convinced that homosexuality is in the genes. How else to account for millions of us around the world from all kinds of socio-cultural-religious backgrounds?

GLAD TO BE GAY

By chance, I met a man, 

a stranger (yet not so) was he,

with sparkling eyes

like sunlight on lonely sea;

he paused, spoke words

I longed to hear, inviting me
to swim there, he and I together
(Oh, ecstasy!)

He laughed, told me to relax

and not be afraid, this handsome

man, eyes as sharp as any

kitchen blade. He took my hand, 
suggested we walk a while,
enjoy nature at its charming best 
a smile to die for banging on drums
in my chest

In the shade of a sycamore, 

we paused and he stroked my hair, 
this stranger in whom I saw
my alter-ego, and in the sheer bliss
of being with him
and that first kiss when it came

was so like a baptism that I forgot
yo ask his name

Gently, mouth to mouth, 
he pulled me to my trembling knees,
tears like raindrops

feeding Earth's natural life forces;
lovers for a day

till time spirited him away, 
a chance encounter that left me   
glad to be gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Confessions of a Sandman' in 
Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007; it subsequently appeared on the blog under a different title that I recently revised again. Regular readers will know that I struggle with titles ...]

Win Some, Lose Some

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I suspect most if not all of us have been there, when sex is (temporarily) enough and a relationship just isn’t on the cards.

Have fun, but be careful out there…

WIN SOME, LOSE SOME 

We got raunchy in a sauna

but didn’t get very far;

others wanted in on the act

and we really weren’t up

for an orgy so we drove

into the country,

had sex among the trees,

songbirds nesting

above, indifferent and snug

as you please

Bodies kindling each other

like rolled newspapers

to a flame, plagiarizing

soap opera storylines

till dawn when we rose,

passion faded

like the moon, got real

and went home;

I didn’t ask for his number

or give mine

We both knew there wouldn’t

be a next time…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2014

[Note: An earlier version of this poem (only slightly revised here) appears in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

Ebb Tide

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Love is often a win some, lose some affair, and I suspect most if not all of us have found ourselves brooding over the latter at some time or another.

The trick is not to brood for too long, and be sure to go with the tide when it turns as invariably, in time, it will…

EBB TIDE 

Black waves

sucking the feet, tugging the soul;

distant lights pricking

the flesh, like pins in this doll man

of yours

Ours once,

moon and stars, a night like this!

Sea breeze, salty

and sensual like a first kiss before

passion takes over

We surfed

the clouds, played in moon craters

like children knowing

that soon, too soon, Someone

would call us home

Black waves

sucking the feet, tugging the soul;

same sea breeze, its promises

stripping us bare, a lifetime to share

gone, gone, gone

You, in another man's heaven;

me, on the mud banks of Eden

Copyright R. N. Taber 2000; 2014

[Note: This poem has been revised (2014) from an earlier version first published in an anthology, The Shadows of Life, Poetry Today (Forward Press) 2000 and subsequently in 1st eds. of Love and Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2001.]

Swimming with Bears

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

No bear myself, I cannot deny going with bears during the course of early sexual awakenings....and enjoying the experience immensely.

SWIMMING WITH BEARS

Stroking the hairs

on your chest, its fur engaging

with mine, hot tongue

between my lips, exploring

secret caverns within,

our senses getting the measure

of our bodies as eagerly

as children leave toys behind

for joys of another kind

Opening myself to you,

letting the doors of childhood

slam behind us

as they must, for we are grown,

days of paper chases

long gone and with them,

tears and fears

for the Great Unknown, taking

us now, breaking us in

Giving the lie to tales

about guilt and sin, swimming

passion’s timeless sea,

led by a friendly bear to a safer,

kinder shore than I

for one, had ever known

before or will again, free

to be as we are, nor lesser men

for this, our first kiss

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004; 2012

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004 and on the blog in 2010.]

All Patched Up and Ready

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Years ago, I was ‘queer bashed’ more than once. Fortunately, homophobic attacks are less common these days. However, when I posted my poem Ode To A Homophobe on this blog some time ago, several readers emailed me who genuinely believe homophobia is a thing of the past.  

Oh, but I wish!!!

Only a few years ago it was reported on TV that a gay man was stabbed to death and his partner injured in the London area during an unprovoked homophobic attack in their own home.

Since then there have been several high profile homophobic attacks here in the UK, usually on gay men, but I suspect many more go unreported and almost certainly include women especially among ethnic minority communities whose the culture of origin is intrinsically homophobic. Imagine, for example, how tough it must be for a gay Muslim, and I am assured by those I have met that there are plenty.

We must not be scared back into the closet by these thugs (or be afraid to come out of it either) but do our best to set an example and defy such ignorance and bigotry. Oh, and as far as I am concerned, they are no better than thugs, these holier-than-thou types who prefer to use gay people for a punch bag with socio-cultural-religious rhetoric rather than physical force. 

Meanwhile…be safe and - enjoy!

ALL PATCHED UP AND READY

A leg brushed mine

and the pulse of his sexuality

passed into me,

tore through my whole body

like an express train

A hand brushed mine

and the heat of his sexuality

passed into me,

embracing my whole body

like summer sunshine

A cheek brushed mine

and silk threads of sensuality

passed into me,

patching up my whole body

where holes were

A mouth brushed mine

and the joy of his sexuality

passed into me,

wishing my whole body

a safe passage

Naked flesh against mine,

the demands of our sexuality

passing into us,

joining our whole bodies

making us complete

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]

Awakenings

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Several readers have asked me to repeat this poem, but I try to keep repeats about two years apart; this one last appeared on the blog in May 2010. I hope new readers will like it and regular readers will enjoy being reacquainted with it.

Now, I suspect that I am not alone in saying that some of my happiest memories are also among the cheekiest...

AWAKENINGS 

Lying in your bed

in the middle of the night,

I nibble an ear,
excite such passions
that make sweet dreams
come true

Riding a storm,

I ease your shorts down,

tongue in cheek

pleading penetration
even while I'm wrestling

with a condom

As our bodies

relish a so-sensuous heat,

demanding of us 

no retreat, we press on,

well up for another victory
over our critics

Wave after wave

we swim to a safer shore 

than any this world

has to offer, drenching 

the sheets with intimate

laughter...

Becalmed at last,

we Creatures of the Deep

go back to sleep
and make love again,
conceding only to Apollo 

the last word

Copyright R. N. Taber 1996; 2010

[Note; This poem is a revised version of the original as it appears in my early selection, August And Genet, Aramby Publications, 1996, and subsequently in my first major collection Love And Human Remains, Assembly Books, 2001.]

G-A-Y, Baptism of Fire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem has appeared twice on the blog before; the last time in September 2010. I am posting it today by way of my reply to the reader who contacted me to ask how I could ever expect to square spiritual with sexual identity. How can I talk about having a strong sense of spirituality, he demands, when I am committing a sin against God simply by being gay? Well, as I have said before, and almost certainly will again, religion does not have a monopoly on spirituality.

Sex can be a very spiritual experience. Gay or straight, I have always believed that those for whom it is only ever a purely physical act and prefer to skip the deeper intimacy of foreplay and romance are missing out.  

There are gay men and women, boys and girls from all walks of life. Various religions and cultures need to e keep that in mind when they preach their bigoted views. I am not a religious person, but remain convinced that no humanitarian God would be a homophobe. I was raised a Christian but
had disassociated myself from (any) religion by the time I was 10 years-old, long before I realised I am gay. It continues to appal me that so many Christians revert to the Old Testament when railing against gay people, when Jesus came along to change all that. Jesus was a historical figure; whatever one believes about him, he was a GOOD man.

Fortunately there are many religious people who take their cue from principles of peace and love rather than those of bigotry and hate; the latter are, of course, careful to maintain a politically correct public profile while fooling no one. Sadly, in my experience, the former appear to be a in relative minority.

 Now, no one ever forgets their first lovemaking, but for gay people, especially gay men, it marks a dash for freedom from the damn closet, that prison of conscience which various offensive stereotypes have imposed on us for years.

Oh, the stereotypes won’t suddenly disappear, but after that first baptism of fire, we can fight them (if only inwardly where going public can mean persecution or worse) with confidence and reassurance, no longer either scared or ashamed of our sexual identity.  

G-A-Y, BAPTISM OF FIRE

Eyes closed, wishing my fear away,

warmth of your skin, taste 

of your mouth, touch of your hands, 

oh, so eagerly exploring my sex, 

making me wonder if it is me 

you really see, desire, or could it be 

just anyone lying here, available 

to quench the flames of a passion burning 

us at its stake as we embrace...

Could it be our desperation is but a lie, 

mere cover for the need to satisfy 

an anxious physicality? It is you I want

crave, long to enter me, join me

to you as with a ring I would thee wed 

but cannot so, instead, needs must

welcome this expression of a passion

unblessed for society’s wanton obsession 

with religious dogma, tradition ...

Suddenly, we are done yet still together

drawing on each other’s breath, smell,

an intimacy as of children in the womb

listening to parents laughing, crying, 

just for being together, their love-making

answer to a prayer that we’re wanted

and loved, for who we are, nor am I afraid

any more for knowing for sure you care for me

as I for you, though love take its time

Let the world take or leave us as it will,

our love will see as through good times and bad,

thus whispers your tongue at the lobe 

of my ear, filling mind-body-spirit, heart

and soul far, far more than sexuality’s 

response to even as glorious a a physicality 

as this, acknowledging the spirituality 

of love, a truism, this wetness of your tongue,

promising the moon, a baptism of fire

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]

Body Beautiful

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem first appeared on the blog in March 2009 and several readers have asked for it to be repeated.

Now, I am often criticised for expressing the spirituality of sex as well as love. Well, sex for me has always been a very spiritual experience. I’ve never been a wham-bam-thank-you-Sam sort of guy.

Yes, of course sex is fun and physically satisfying…but why should it be any the less a spiritual experience for that? Me, I find sex for its own sake so boring. Foreplay is not only an art worth the learning, but it can also transcend the sexual experience into another dimension altogether….if you let it.

It is always worth remembering too, of course, that beauty is very much in the eyes of the beholder, and we all see people differently.

BODY BEAUTIFUL

Beads of sweat
on a fine chest, pearly nipples
demanding to be explored,
diving instincts exposing them
to a mind intent on…
an explosion of sexual activity
between legs like jelly,
all-quivering desire making ripples
through this body, so near
yet so far from such perfection
that no erection could last
for long, but needs burst like some
joyous song, hymn to love,
lust, desire - call it what you will
but nothing quite like it,
pounding like gospel on the ears,
filling our eyes with tears
for such beauty in a world much
maligned for an absence
of sensitivity towards whatever
icons we may choose
to invest a body of feeling within,
yearning for free expression
and more, much more but even now,
dripping into oblivion - unless
we open our mouths to say exactly
what we mean, try pricking
the heart of any adversary who
will, for sure, never best
the sheer thrill of licking sweat
on your fine chest…

Copyright R N Taber 2009

[Note: This poem was centred on the page in 1st eds. of A Feeling For The Quickness Of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005 but otherwise remains unchanged.]

Intimacy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update March 18 2018: I have to confess I am not sexually active these days but the poem brings back some happy memories. I still enjoy sensual hugs and kissing with the right guy, but at 72  I suspect very few guys are interested. Now and then, though, life springs a delightful surprise. I enjoy the company of younger men (they keep me young too) and it would seem that there are some about who not only up for the company of a golden oldie like me now and then but also also a spot of platonic-sensual rather than sexual. I guess hope really does spring eternal!]

For those readers who commented when this poem appeared on the blog back in March 2009…never let it be said that a poet lives only in his imagination. Even in his or her 60s did you say? Now, that would be telling….

Ah, sexual intimacy, making love…is there anything quite like it? [Mind you, sensual intimacy comes a close second...] Gay love is no less a glorious experience whatever our socio-cultural-religious background nor gay lovers less blessed by Earth Mother than any other.

INTIMACY

You stood quietly, passively
as I undressed you;
your whole body quivered
when I kissed you;
unbuttoning your shirt, letting
the tip of my tongue
at your nipples, tickle chest hairs
rippling across my cheek
like desire gathering pace in
my veins, flooding me
with the taste, smell, closeness
of your near naked body

Adonis of my dreams, as real
as a full curve of lips
smiling at me, slightly parted,
moist, red, imploring
the audacity of another kiss
before tugging at 501s,
admiring the athletic of a tan
down to your toes,
emphasized again by Y-fronts
slowly, finally removed
by trembling hands, fumbling
with my own clothes

A heart-thumping nakedness,
embracing yours
like the heat of an iron on silk
as we lay down,
joined as one, destined to share
a giving and taking,
intimacy beyond compare
until we are spent,
nestling in each other’s arms,
content to let our hearts
speak our minds, dawn kisses
through chinks in blinds

Nature, blessing the sincerity
of  gay people everywhere,
no matter colour, creed, culture,
or home-school-work ethic
embracing  their human right
to enjoy sexual relations,
deny any inequality in a quality
of lovemaking sure to fuel
the rhetoric of bigots among us,
and get right up the noses
of all those passing judgement
in their glass houses

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004

[Note: This poem has been (slightly) revised from the original as it appears in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004]