Lost and Found

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

‘The only sure way ahead is straight.’ they said, ‘No detours, no turning corners, just be straight…or suffer the consequences.’

Ah, but I made a detour, turned a corner many years ago, and have no regrets. No regrets about acknowledging my sexuality, that is, after years of teenage angst.  [Show me someone who says they have no regrets and I will show you someone who is being a shade economical with the truth...]

This poem is a villanelle.

LOST AND FOUND

Told a mad world I'm gay,
rose above native fear;
lost, now found my way

Weary of running away,
voice loud and clear,
told a mad world I’m gay

Finally, at home to stay,
seeing my way clear;
lost, now found my way

Even bland faces of clay
seen cocking an ear;
told a mad world I’m gay

No matter what some say,
it’s good to be here;
lost, now found my way

Neighbours had a field day,
(Hey, was that a cheer?)
Told a mad world I'm gay;
lost, now found my way

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2016

[An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Turning Corners' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Chain Gang OR Doing a Runner

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I published the poem below on my general blog in May 2012. As well as the abusive emails I received in response to it at the time were some from closet gay people and gay-friendly straight readers who were pleased to find a gay-interest poem on a general poetry blog; all were hoping for 'more gay-friendly societies worldwide as our heterosexual brothers and sisters learn to live and let live', as one reader from a very gay-unfriendly African country put it. Yes, more have learned to do just that although , in my experience, there remains a prevailing bad attitude towards LGBT folks just about everywhere, although I dare say exponents of political correctness will argue differently. My problem there, though, is that what people say and what they think are often poles apart as their subsequent behaviour (when not under any authoritative microscope) illustrates  Even so, hope springs eternal ...

Now, I am happily, openly gay. But it wasn’t always that way. 

As regular readers will know, I am still haunted now and then by dark, cold, closet years when I was afraid to tell anyone. Throughout my youth and early years of young manhood, gay relationships were illegal here in the UK. Yet, even after these were decriminalised, I was still more in that damn closet than out of it.

Part of the reason I hesitated to be openly gay was that I had such trouble shrugging off all the offensive stereotypes with which I had been burdened for years. Another reason was that I could rely on no support from family or friends for much the same reason. In many areas there are support groups available now; there is also a LOT of support available on the Internet that includes access to gay forums. [Always keep your wits about you when chatting to people on the web, though, as not everyone is as genuine as they may seem.]

Much has changed for the better since those dark days some 30+ years ago. Many of the stereotypes still exist but are countered these days by supportive (rather than just defensive) arguments, and in some parts of the world gay men and woman can turn to Equal Rights legislation.; in other parts of the world, though, there is none of this and gay people, especially young gay people, are suffering much as I did all those years ago.

It has to stop. Societies whose leaders support anti-gay legislation must be made to see sense by more enlightened societies; political pressure must be brought to bear and seen to be brought to bear.

All the blame for the continuing suffering of all LGBT people, often struggling with their sexual identity and in need of support and reassurance, does not always lie at society’s door. Support and understanding starts in the home. Even in the so-called liberal West, many gay boys and girls, men and women, are (still) living in a gay-unfriendly environment.

Wherever you look, and closer to home than you may think, various socio-cultural-religious anti-gay pressures are being brought to bear on gay people.

As I keep saying and will keep saying, the key to supporting gay people in home, school and workplace lies in educating, family, friends and work colleagues into just what it means to be gay; dismantle all those same stereotypes and arguments that kept me in the closet once and for all. Parents and teachers worldwide must start taking responsibility for this along with just as societies’ less enlightened leaders.

Those readers who get in touch to tell me I am being a dinosaur, things have changed and gays have never had it so good should take a closer look at what is happening in Uganda and many other African countries, for example, also in Russia where gay people amongst others must be aghast at Putin’s policies.

Homophobic hate-crime remains  an ugly stain on the human race along with all other acts of physical and verbal abuse committed by perpetrators driven by its prejudices.

CHAIN GANG or DOING A RUNNER

Shovelling lies, bundles at a time,
though wore my hair long and sang,
making out I didn’t give a damn,
breaking my back on a chain gang

Yes, thought about breaking loose,
though rarely let it tease me for long;
couldn’t face ever having to choose
between alter ego and the chain gang

For long hours, days, weeks, years,
I slogged on, never putt a foot wrong;
no one ever saw me shed any tears
for making a career of the chain gang

I knew the politics, chapter and verse,
yet still kept singing the same old song,
ringing changes, for better for worse,
and more new faces on the chain gang

One face lingered in my mind’s eye,
wry grins sure to catch me responding,
couldn’t ignore, even though I’d try
‘cause it just ain’t done on a chain gang

Too scared to come clean and get real,
told gay love ungodly so must be wrong,
but how could I argue with a smile
that lets heaven shine on a chain gang?

We got to know each other better daily,
mindsets more than merely getting along,
office gossip machine churning madly
(for our not doing right by the chain gang)

We did a runner one day, my love and I,
got a life, determined to do our own thing,
happier at work (even happier at play)
just two gay people getting on with living

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007 

Sometimes, Love asks too many Questions OR Harvest Home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem first appeared on the blog some years ago; it is repeated today at the request of several readers who have clearly followed the blog for some time, and many thanks for that.. 

Years ago, someone put it to me that we may well be asked to fight many battles in this life; against poverty, hunger, disease, loneliness, prejudice, culture, religion, and even ideas that sometimes become confused with ideals. Invariably, whatever the rights and wrongs of the matter, it is plain enough who is our enemy and where the battle lines are drawn. Only on the battlefields of love is it not only sometimes unclear just who the enemy is, but also where and when to draw a line.

Whatever, no LGBT person should let the less enlightened among us put us down simply for our sexuality. Everyone is different and it can never be said often enough that our differences don't make us different, just human.

As the COVID 19 pandemic continues to spread, we all - whatever our race, religion or sexuality - need to sat calm, positive, and think of others - especially health and other shift workers - whenever we may be tempted to buy more groceries than we need.

SOMETIMES, LOVE ASKS TOO MANY QUESTIONS or HARVEST HOME

I met a man in a gay bar,

felt his passion feed on mine,

let him take me to a place

for sex divine, and later, spent
and weary, as relaxing
in my arms he lay, confided
a dilemma in being black, closet
and gay

He hadn’t told his family,

said they wouldn’t understand,

but accuse him of betraying

their homeland;

but this is my home now,

he told my heart, and hot tears

on my skin felt like flames

licking at his fears;

his mouth on mine, we

made love again, again, again;

me, wishing we had forever;

he, dousing his pain

Why do those we love

demand we make such choices,

see us all but devoured

in a conflagration of kisses?

Years on, I often wonder

if he found the strength to say

to friends, family and workmates

‘I am gay’

He is good man (and lover)

deserving better...

Copyright R. N. Taber  2010, 2020

[Note: This poem first appears in On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010; alternative title added later.]

Cover photo: The folly at Virginia Water

Heart to Heart

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

People often tell me I should concentrate on my general poetry and ‘forget the gay stuff.’ But the ‘gay stuff’ is as much a part of me as the rest so I will press on. If some readers and critics don’t like it…well, they don’t have to read it. Besides, I can’t win; the same critics tell me that my poetry is too conventional, that rhyme and ‘form’ poetry is old hat and I’m an anachronism etc.

Let them rant. As long as people continue to read the blog and continue to email me from time to time to say they have enjoyed a poem, I'll press on. 

Now, this may not be one of my better poems but sometime after it first appeared on the blog in 2008, I received a lovely email from someone who had read it aloud to his family in the course of telling them he is gay. He didn’t say what he or they thought of the poem but it doesn’t matter; what matters is that ‘afterwards…it was hugs all round.’ It appears they are a religious family, too, plainly inspired by a spirituality that lends itself to love no less than to religion. Oh, but how wonderfully reassuring!

I should add that for every LGBT person who has emailed to say they feel rejected by family members and /or friends, others have said they have been reconciled, even if it has taken awhile for those same family members  and/ or friends to understand that our sexuality makes not a scrap of difference in the sense that we are the same person whom they have come to love, regardless. 

HEART TO HEART

I told family and friends

how, come what may,

I’ll tread a straighter path

for being gay

I remain the same person,

sharing with you still,

a universal understanding;

love conquers all

If love imposes conditions,

what does that imply,

other than the human heart

has told its spirit a lie?

Let those without a dream

to call their own

rally all life’s lonely losers

to cast the first stone

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004; 2020

Branded

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I am so fed-up with many religious minded people (not all, thank goodness since a significant minority manage to resist the usual brainwashing and reconcile their religious beliefs with open hearts and minds) telling me that same sex lovers are committing blasphemy.  For my own part, how can I blaspheme against something I don’t believe in?

Regular readers know my views only too well. Even if I were of a religious orientation, I cannot believe any God would condemn anyone for their sexuality. Moreover, my early interpretation of the New Testament (long before I was old enough to realise I am gay) is that Jesus, for one, would agree.

Besides, there are other things going on in the world that should give us all far greater concern than who sleeps with whom, not least the coronavirus pandemic.

Oh, but I so love this quote by Dr Seuss: 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'

This poem is a villanelle.

BRANDED

Branding gay lovers blasphemers,
those wolves robed in sheep’s clothing
calling for world peace at prayers

How dare they judge us for sinners,
(relishing a holier-than-thou posturing)
branding gay lovers blasphemers?

Taking us for fools, many Believers
known to compromise on their fasting,
calling for world peace at prayers

No faith would make us its prisoners
or sacrifice us to some clerics' gathering
branding gay lovers blasphemers

Taking us for scapegoats, deceivers
failing to practise what they’re preaching,
calling for world peace at prayers

Last seen touting homemade blinkers,
courtesy of rhetoric well worth exploiting,
branding gay lovers blasphemers,
calling for world peace at prayers

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

A Poet's Shrewsbury

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The poet, Wilfred Owen, was born on this day in 1893. Owen, a homosexual (the word ‘gay’ was not used in this context in those days) is probably one of the best known of the World War 1 poets. His name appears on the Great War Memorial tablet inside Shrewsbury Abbey.

A poetry reading in 2007 took me to Shrewsbury where I engaged with a lovely audience in a local bookshop. I did not get around to including my poem in a collection until this year and have to say I feel more than a shade self-conscious about posting a poem of mine alongside mention of such a fine poet as Wilfred Owen.

Wilfred Owen (1883-1918)

Photo: Shrewsbury Abbey

‘Symmetry’ in the grounds of the abbey is sculpture, by Paul de Monchaux commissioned by the Wilfred Owen Association (Owen went to school in Shrewsbury) to commemorate the poet’s life and work; it was unveiled in June 1993. The line "I am the enemy you killed" engraved on one side is from Owen’s poem, ‘Strange Meeting’ The design is meant to convey the symmetries in Owen’s poem as well as the trenches of 1917 and the Sambre-Oise canal in 1918.

Photo: ‘Symmetry’

On 4th November 1918, the British 32nd Division crossed the Sambre-Oise canal at Ors, in the face of strong opposition. Wilfred Owen was killed on the towpath on this side of the canal about one kilometre to the north of the bridge.

Photo: Western Front Association plaque for Wilfred Owen by the Sambre Canal, Ors, France. 

Regarding my poem, I should mention that Laura's Tower is a folly built on the summit of Shrewsbury Castle motte around 1790 by Thomas Telford for Laura, the daughter of Sir William Pulteney, as a summerhouse. It is of an octagonal design in red sandstone with conical copper roof. The river Severn flows by

…Photo: Laura’s Tower

Mount House, birthplace of Charles Darwin

A POET'S SHREWSBURY

Follow the market trader’s cry

across old Shrewsbury town

where the fickle Severn flows by

Discern in history’s cloudy eye

scenes of Parliament v Crown;

follow the market trader’s cry

At Laura’s tower, dare lift high

the hem of Nature’s gown

where the fickle Severn flows by

Swans over the English Bridge fly

with dive-bombing precision,

follow the market trader’s cry

See sunset’s flames lick at the sky

as if the grand abbey burning down

where the fickle Severn flows by

Ponder a war poet casting the die,

Darwin giving heaven cause to frown;

follow the market trader’s cry

where the fickle Severn flows by

[Shrewsbury, August 2007]

[This poem appears in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012 and on my general poetry blog in October 2012 where it has been visited many times; feedback suggests it has helped foster a more gay-friendly attitude among some readers.]

Loudmouth

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem was originally written in in the 1990’s and first published on the blog in 2009, about the time I started writing it up.

At the time, I had only days earlier, been sitting behind two people on a crowded bus engaged in a conversation on the subject of contemporary society; one as loudly aggressive in his manner as the other was quietly defensive, the former receiving murmurs of agreement from other passengers.

A cleric sitting in front of me, directly behind the pair in question, kept nodding his head sagely, although it was unclear at whom or at what part of the conversation he was nodding.

While debating with myself as to whether or not I should make a positive contribution to what was, after all, meant to be a private conversation, I was pipped to the post by a guy who said (very loudly) as he left the bus, “I’m not especially proud of being gay or HIV, but I’m damned if I’ll be made to feel ashamed of it by other people’s sick ignorance.” I am pleased to say that several people clapped him (very) loudly among whom, of course, I was one.

During the time that passed before my alighting a few stops further on, no one spoke.

Some twenty years later, people keep telling me that attitudes towards gay people and those with HIV-AIDS have changed for the better and how there is even legislation (in some countries) to back it up. Have I not heard of Political Correctness, and Human Rights? So ... why don't people like me just shut up and count our blessings?

Why, indeed ...?

LOUDMOUTH

I tell you, homosexuality
is no less a blasphemy in this
twenty-first century…

Why on earth should we
accept, let alone tolerate those
committing sodomy?

As for lesbians, how dare
they argue that in love and sex,
all is fair?

It’s a poor example we set
when society lets gay people
have a say in it...

How can we ever justify
letting everyone stake a claim
for equality?

What more dreadful legacy
to bequeath future generations
than HIV?

Religion, culture, morality,
better these heed a rich rhetoric
than poor humanity

What’s that I hear you say?
Better we try and save the planet
than rail against being gay?

You may have a point, I guess;
maybe we should make love more,
and war less…?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009; 2016