Being Me

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's piece is a relatively early poem, rediscovered some time ago and only slightly but significantly revised.

Now, for anyone growing up in an intrinsically homophobic environment as I did, being gay can send self-esteem over a cliff. My closet was an abyss where I hung suspended for years.

Growing up, though, brings with it an appreciation of what’s wrong with our world and how we can change it for the better. We can choose to try, each in our own big or small way, or settle for how things are…

BEING ME

I was never any good at school,

my schooldays were a sham,

I’d mess around and play the fool

because I couldn’t quite get to grips

with who I am

I had a working class education,

didn’t ever dare aim high,

couldn’t see the point of ambition,

so I’d mess around and play the fool,

content to live a lie

I had a real problem with identity,

couldn’t bear anyone to know

it was an awakening homosexuality

saw me mess around and play the fool,

put on a side-show

I’d have sex in sly, secret, places,

even fancy guys in the street,

jerk open their shut-down faces,

let, dark, penetrative looks grind me 

to dust at their feet

There came a time as I grew older,

I wearied of playing the ham,

and resolved to get real, be bolder,

look the world in the eye and dare it

deny me for who I am

I came out to just about everyone,

and it was scary, but, oh, so cool

to be free at last of secrets, have fun,

walk tall, no more putting myself down 

for a self-conscious fool

I was never any good at school,

my early years were a sham,

but if I sometimes play the fool,

it’s because I’m not just gay but human,

and happy to be who I am

Copyright R. N. Taber 1985; 2014