Friday, 20 April 2012

O-U-T

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

There is a closet some people choose or are forced to live in. The longer we stay in that cold, dark place, the stranger it can feel at first when we find the courage (and growing self-confidence) to come out into the open.  Any sense of self-consciousness, though,  is quickly overtaken by a quiet pride, growing self-confidence and inner euphoria.

Regular readers will know I believe very strongly that the decision to be openly gay is a matter of personal choice. Sadly, some gay people live under repressive regimes and don’t have that choice. Others chose not to rock the family boat for various socio-cultural-religious reasons. However, make no mistake, coming out sets an example from which other closet gay boys and girls, men and women, can take heart, and hopefully find the inner strength to follow.

I had spent many years as a tormented youth and young man in the closet during the 1960s and early-mid 1970s before I finally emerged into daylight never to return.  It took a severe nervous breakdown to make me see I needed to be honest with myself and others if I were to get a life really worth having. A gay friend to whom I looked up, and whose self-confidence I envied, reassured me there is no stigma attached to being gay, whatever anyone from any country or culture may insist; nor is it unnatural, but the way we are born. Those who try to impose stigma upon us are twisted bigots, nothing more or less, and we should be glad we are better than that. The least we can do, my friend said, is attempt to educate the ignorant and less enlightened among the heterosexual majority about gay issues; as much for the sake of future generations of gay people, their families and friends as for ourselves.

My friend’s words are an inspiration to me even now, years on.

You can laugh, but I was further inspired by that lovely song Secret Love first sung by the legendary Doris Day in the musical Calamity Jane, and no better version since; it is a love song, and no way a gay love song in the context of the film, yet it gave me food for thought and helped me realise that, gay or straight, love could not care less. I have adored Doris Day ever since. 

It is a savage indictment on the 21st century that there is still of LOT of educating to do about what it means to be gay. Only the other day, I saw some young people taunting two men holding hands as they walked down a London street with homophobic abuse. Yes, London UK, that place where many gay people claim ‘gays have never had it so good.’ That may well be true, but it plainly is not good enough.

O-U-T

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I felt as though everyone could see
right through me

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I felt a growing affinity with my pc
everyone tapping into me

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I sensed everyone taking a good look
over this newspaper, that book

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I started haunting gay clubs and bars
like an alien from Mars

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I’d imagine every guy on every street
on his back and up for it

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
I used to wonder if it would ever be
comfortable with my sexuality

Once I’d told the world I’m gay,
it all but cajoled me to give sex a miss
till I shared my first gay kiss


Copyright R. N. Taber 1989; 2010

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